This thing. This goddamn thing. I spent twenty minutes trying to get the camera angle right during the first real scene, not because I was admiring the 3dcg, but because her tit kept clipping through the car door. The aunt character, I mean. You’re stuck at this old family estate because of a wreck on the highway, no phone service, the whole horror setup. And she’s got these massive, physics-defying breasts that the game clearly wants you to focus on, but the collision detection is so busted that half the time her nipple is just phasing into the seatbelt. I was more frustrated than turned on, which is saying something for a title that throws you into a handjob tutorial before you’ve even figured out why the lights are flickering.

The writing is this weird mix of trying to be spooky and then just giving up and letting the monster girl show up. She’s got the big ass, the tentacles, the whole deal. One minute you’re reading about some dusty old photograph, the next your aunt is pulling out a sex toy she found in a drawer and the game just… moves on. No build up. Like, oh, a ghost is moaning, better use this vibrator. The oral sex scenes are janky, the male protagonist’s face is dead-eyed in a way that’s supposed to be horror but just looks like he’s thinking about his taxes. I wish the paranormal bits were actually scary instead of just a backdrop for the next masturbation segment. The incest tag is there, obviously, but it’s handled with all the subtlety of a brick. You just sort of fall into vaginal sex with her because the plot says so.

There’s a part where you’re supposed to be taking photos for the sale, and the exhibitionism tag kicks in, but the camera minigame is so busted I couldn’t tell if I was zooming in on a ghost or a smudge on the lens. The humor is accidental, I think. A door slams, and your character’s reaction is to get a boner. Top 3 moments you’ll want to screenshot? The aunt’s model T-posing during a supposedly erotic reveal, the monster girl’s texture stretching across the entire hallway, and the one time the dialogue box just said “ERROR: ROMANCE NOT FOUND” before crashing my browser tab. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?