The whole thing feels like someone tried to mash “How I Met Your Mother” together with a Pornhub search history and then pretended that was a normal idea. You start as this lanky, clueless virgin guy who keeps telling himself life is supposed to be “vanilla”, but absolutely nobody around him got that memo. One moment he’s playing the shy nice dude, overthinking every text on his phone, the next he’s in a cramped bathroom with a girl who wears a dress two sizes too tight, asking in a whisper if he’s “really never had a handjob before”. The game lives in that cringe line between comedy and pure horny chaos. There’s this weird honesty to it when he stares at some girl’s big tits for too long and then mentally insults himself for it, only to do it again five seconds later. It’s like the narrator read too much bad Reddit advice and then used it as a sexual life guide. And yeah, the first time he finally gets a handjob, it’s not some perfect porn rhythm, it’s messy, too fast, she laughs, he apologizes, then she tells him to shut up and just come. Nice touch that it doesn’t treat him like a sex god. He’s awkward, he nuts quick, and the game is kind of proud of that.

Humor hits often, but sometimes it keeps talking when it should just let the tits talk. There is this party scene where he’s high on something he absolutely should not mix with alcohol, and the pacing goes all over the place. One second he’s hallucinating his ex in the kitchen asking why he never made a move, next second he’s pressed into a balcony railing, some girl teasing him with slow grinding, pulling his zipper down so lazy it’s torture. She just keeps dragging her hand along his shaft through the jeans, saying she wants to “hear him beg properly” before she even starts a real stroke. That scene is like a slow-cooked stew that somebody keeps lifting the lid on: smells amazing, but you wait forever before actually eating. But when she finally kneels and unbuttons everything, the writing snaps back into focus. Her lips wrap around him, he tries to stay quiet so nobody inside hears, and the text actually captures that panicky brain chatter while getting a blowjob in public. She spits on his cock, strokes him with that slick sound that you can basically hear with your eyes, then looks up and says, “If you cum on my face out here, you’re the only one cleaning it up.” That line felt so stupidly real I had to pause and laugh. Then I clicked again instantly, obviously.

And then it slides from dumb comedy into “oh shit, this is messy” without warning. The cheating routes hit like cheap shots. One girl with a big ass you already watched strip down in a slow, teasing way in a previous scene suddenly shows up later with a boyfriend on her arm. Except she’s still DM’ing you at night, sending half-nude pics, panties half off, legs spread, asking “you miss this?” While you’re deciding if you wanna be the asshole, the game just shoves you into a bathroom stall with her at some bar. She bends over, pulls her skirt up, no panties this time, and you’re raw inside her within two lines of dialogue. She tells you to fill her, explicitly, and there’s this blunt “creampie” description that doesn’t pull back at all. Then afterwards, while she’s fixing her dress, she casually mentions she loves how her boyfriend is “so trusting”. It’s dirty in a way that isn’t heroic or romantic, just grimy and hot and kind of wrong. The group sex bits are even more chaotic, like the writers just kept adding bodies because they could, and somehow it works. You end up in rooms where you’re getting your dick sucked while another girl rides your face, everybody half high, half drunk, someone recording with a phone, and it never stops to preach about morals. There’s exhibition stuff too, short skirt, no bra under a loose top, nipple almost out in public, her daring you to touch under the table. It all hangs together with this clumsy charm, like a horny diary that accidentally turned into a game. There are moments that feel like they were ripped straight from old chat logs you don’t want anyone to see, and others that feel too porn-perfect, but the mix is what gives it flavor. Vanilla my ass.