The first thing that hits you is how janky the whole thing feels, like someone slapped it together in a weekend after too much blue milk. And honestly? That's part of the charm. Star Moans doesn't pretend to be anything other than a quick, dirty parody where Rey gets absolutely railed by Kylo Ren's massive cock. The cumshot at the end is less a reward and more a punctuation mark, a messy period at the end of a very short sentence.

The pacing is like a microwave burrito, hot on the outside, frozen in the middle, but you eat it anyway because you're hungry. You click through a few dialogue boxes, the art shifts from passable to "did they trace this from a bootleg action figure?", and then suddenly there's a big cock filling the screen. No foreplay, no buildup. Just straight to the point. I kept waiting for some kind of minigame or at least a button to change positions, but no. You're just along for the ride, watching Rey's face contort in ways that would make Daisy Ridley's agent weep.

There's a moment where Kylo Ren says something about the Force and then immediately goes back to pounding her, and I laughed out loud. Not because it was funny, but because it was so absurdly committed to its own stupidity. The localization choices are wild too. Some lines read like they were run through three different translators and then typed with one hand. "Your resistance ends here" indeed.

Who gets the most out of this? Probably someone who's already seen every Rule 34 image of these two and just wants a moving version with sound effects that sound like a wet handshake. If you're looking for story or character development, you're in the wrong galaxy. But if you want to see a big cock, a cumshot, and a parody that doesn't give a single fuck about canon, this delivers exactly that and nothing more. The lack of any real interaction still bugs me though. You just watch. Like a pervert at a keyhole.