The loading screen is just a jpeg of a lightsaber that looks like it was drawn in MS Paint and I already know I'm in for something special. Sexy Charlie. That's the name. Charlie Skyfawker. Not even trying to hide it. The whole thing runs on this engine that feels like a PowerPoint presentation where someone accidentally discovered the hyperlink button and went absolutely mental with it. You click a dialogue option and the screen just... jumps. No transition. Like the game is as surprised as you are that you picked "use the force-skin."

The plot, if you can call it that, is Star Wars but everyone is horny and the names are crimes against copyright. Scroda. Oyawan. Blowme. I actually snorted when Blowme appeared. He's this blue ghost guy who gives advice but his robe keeps falling open. There's a scene where you have to choose between joining Pimp Master Shaft (who has a cane and a purple hat, obviously) or "getting to know" princess Petme Analia. I chose Petme because her character model has these absolutely ridiculous physics on her chest. Like someone attached water balloons to a mannequin and then shook it. The threesome option unlocks if you pick the right dialogue choices earlier but I missed it because I clicked something sarcastic and Oyawan got mad and left. Classic.

The writing is genuinely funny in that way where you can't tell if it's intentional or just translated through seventeen languages. "The dark side of the force-skin" is a phrase that will live in my head forever. There's a moment where Charlie has to seduce a stormtrooper and the dialogue option is just "hey." Just "hey." And it works. The blonde hair on every female character is the exact same shade of yellow, like they all share one bottle of dye. I wish there was more variety in the scenes, maybe some actual animation instead of static images that swap when you click, but honestly the jank is part of the charm. Or maybe I'm just saying that because I laughed at the part where Shaft's hat falls off mid-scene and the next image still has it floating in the air above his head. Nobody fixed that. Beautiful.