Right, so this one is called Kitty something. I forgot the full name already, but it's another one of those judge the stripper games. You sit there, you click, girls take off clothes. The whole gimmick this time is they're all dressed as cats. Like, cat ears, tails, sometimes a collar, that whole thing. Some look like your neighbor, some look like they just walked off a runway, some look confused to be there. The real model tag is doing heavy lifting here because the faces are actual photos, and it creates this uncanny valley effect where the head is super crisp but the body is... well, let's just say the seams are showing. The animation is stiff, like a robot learning to be sexy for the first time. It's not polished at all, and I think that's the point? Or maybe it's just jank. Hard to tell.

The competition part is you picking a winner each round. I kept choosing the one with the most ridiculous outfit because why not. There's this one girl with neon pink fur leg warmers and a tail that looks like it's attacking her. I was mesmerized. The striptease itself is basically a slideshow. Click, top off. Click, skirt gone. The pacing is like waiting for a microwave meal that's still frozen in the middle. You know what's coming, it's just taking forever and the result is lukewarm. But then, out of nowhere, one of them did this little shimmy that was so awkward I actually laughed out loud. Not with her, at her. But it was a feeling, you know? Better than nothing.

The whole thing feels like a fever dream you'd have after scrolling through a costume shop website and then falling asleep. The music is a loop that will burrow into your skull. I muted it after two minutes and put on a podcast about true crime, which weirdly fit the vibe better. It's not a good game. The erotic part is about as effective as a wet sock. But I kept clicking. I wanted to see all the kitties. I wanted to see if the next one would be even more bizarre. And she was. She had a literal ball of yarn. I don't know why I'm still thinking about the yarn.