Right, so this one is called Kitty something. I forgot the full name already, but it's another one of those judge the stripper games. You sit there, you click, girls take off clothes. The whole gimmick this time is they're all dressed as cats. Like, cat ears, tails, sometimes a collar, that whole thing. Some look like your neighbor, some look like they just walked off a runway, some look confused to be there. The real model tag is doing heavy lifting here because the faces are actual photos, and it creates this uncanny valley effect where the head is super crisp but the body is... well, let's just say the seams are showing. The animation is stiff, like a robot learning to be sexy for the first time. It's not polished at all, and I think that's the point? Or maybe it's just jank. Hard to tell.

The competition part is you picking a winner each round. I kept choosing the one with the most ridiculous outfit because why not. There's this one girl with neon pink fur leg warmers and a tail that looks like it's attacking her. I was mesmerized. The striptease itself is basically a slideshow. Click, top off. Click, skirt gone. The pacing is like waiting for a microwave meal that's still frozen in the middle. You know what's coming, it's just taking forever and the result is lukewarm. But then, out of nowhere, one of them did this little shimmy that was so awkward I actually laughed out loud. Not with her, at her. But it was a feeling, you know? Better than nothing.

The whole thing feels like a fever dream you'd have after scrolling through a costume shop website and then falling asleep. The music is a loop that will burrow into your skull. I muted it after two minutes and put on a podcast about true crime, which weirdly fit the vibe better. It's not a good game. The erotic part is about as effective as a wet sock. But I kept clicking. I wanted to see all the kitties. I wanted to see if the next one would be even more bizarre. And she was. She had a literal ball of yarn. I don't know why I'm still thinking about the yarn.

So my kid is playing this thing, Rebels of the College, and I walk in and there's this detective girl with glasses and her shirt is, well, not buttoned. At all. I'm standing there with laundry basket thinking is this what passes for a campus rebellion now? The plot, if you can call it that, is about some rich bastard running the university into the ground and your guy has to stop him because his sister worked hard or something. Noble cause. Very inspiring. Meanwhile I'm watching animated tits bounce while someone explains clues about corruption.

The detective character, she's supposed to be investigating the bad guy but half the time she's bent over a desk with her skirt hiked up. There's this one scene where you have to choose between confronting the dean or sneaking into his office and I swear the game spent more time rendering the sweat drops on her chest than the actual evidence you're supposed to find. The competition tag makes sense I guess because you're competing against the rich kid but also competing to see how many positions you can unlock with the teacher character who has this thing for staying after class. You know, for extra credit.

The art is that cg hentai style where everything is too shiny. Like everyone's skin is made of plastic wrap. There's a moment where the student council president, who's supposed to be intimidating, is giving a speech about justice and the camera just slowly pans down to her panties. I don't know what the message is here. Fight the power but also here's a closeup of a wet crotch. My son says it's about strategy and choices but I saw the save file names and they're all just different sex scenes. The intrigue tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting.

I keep coming back to this one for the tits. Not the gameplay, the tits. Jordan 500 has that Lesson of Passion jank where every menu click feels like it was coded by someone who just discovered Flash, but the character models? The blonde escort with the massive rack, the way the shirt physics barely hold on, it works for what I need. I was sketching out a cosplay idea for a club scene and needed reference for how certain tops fail under pressure, and this delivered. The whole setup is Jordan and her mate Brooke at a club trying to land rich guys for an after party. Standard sex tape competition energy.

The dialogue is so dumb it circles back to being funny. At one point Jordan says something like "I need a man with a wallet as big as my ambitions" and I genuinely laughed. Then the scene shifts and you're doing this weird minigame where you pick dialogue options to impress some dude, and if you win, you get the sex tape scene. That's it. That's the loop. The animations are stiff, the sound design is whatever, and the faces look like they've seen god. But the boob jiggle? Chef's kiss. I wish there was more variety in the outfits, but I know there won't be. This is a one trick pony and the trick is big tits in a small dress.

Honestly the best part is how unintentionally funny the whole thing is. The competition angle with Brooke never really goes anywhere, and every guy looks like a GTA NPC from 2009. If you're looking for actual escort fantasy material, this is thin. If you need visual reference for how a dress can simultaneously be too small and perfect, you could do worse. The titty physics alone justify the tab being open.

The first thing I noticed is the mouse drawing. It has that shaky, amateur line work like someone traced a photo with their left hand while drunk. But somehow it fits. This whole game feels like a horny teenager's notebook doodles came alive and started drag racing.

You grind old tracks for cash because the difficulty spikes like a brick wall every new region. Buy mods, lose races, repeat. The racing itself is simple enough, hold the line, shift at the right moment, but the AI rubber bands so hard you'll swear the game cheats. Which it does. And I respect that.

The sex scenes unlock when you bet your car. Lose and she takes it, win and she takes something else. There are four positions per girl and two auto play modes hidden behind very specific conditions. Gold mode requires giving back her car first, then making her cum in every position. Platinum is worse, beat every single track in adult mode, then finish the game and select it at the ending screen. I still haven't unlocked platinum. Maybe I never will.

What stays with me is the Navaho Screaming Chicken. Stage one car, ridiculous name, handles like a shopping cart with a rocket strapped to it. The cheat code bitchincamaro unlocks it early and honestly the game becomes more fun when you stop caring about progression and just floor it through corners.

The art is bad. The writing is worse. The difficulty is unfair. But I keep coming back to grind one more race, one more mod, one more scene. Something about earning the filth through frustration makes it hit different than just clicking through a gallery. Or maybe I'm just a masochist with a thing for badly drawn tits.