My phone buzzes. Another spreadsheet notification. I minimize the quarterly report and pull up this thing instead, some browser game about elf brothels. The art is rough, like someone drew it during their own office meeting. One elf has eyes pointing in slightly different directions. But the blowjob animation loops with this weird hypnotic quality and I've been staring at it for like four minutes now.

The economy is what gets me though. You start with one girl, some sad looking wood elf with a dead stare, and you send her out to earn copper. Then you reinvest in "upgrades" which is just a menu with sliders. I don't know why watching numbers go up while a poorly drawn elf services clients in the background is so compelling. Maybe it's the contrast. My real job has spreadsheets too but nobody's getting railed on a fur rug in accounting. At least not that I know of. The management layer is thin, just clicking buttons to buy new girls and assign them to streets with fantasy names like "Silvervein Alley." There's no real strategy beyond spend money to make money. But the loop works.

I wish the RPG elements went deeper. You get these elf girls but they don't have stats or personalities or anything. Just different hair colors and slightly different moans. The hentai scenes unlock as you upgrade the brothel but there's no narrative thread, no reason to care about any of them. One girl just stares at the ceiling during her scene and I felt weirdly judged. Still clicked through three more upgrades though. The fantasy setting is barely there, just window dressing for the simulator bones underneath. Could've been orcs or humans or sentient furniture and it wouldn't change anything. That's probably the point. I should get back to my actual spreadsheet now.