Thief of Hearts feels like some horny Ocean’s Eleven fanfic written by a guy who got distracted by tits halfway through the script, and I mean that in a good way and also not. You play this sneaky little bastard, young dude running around a city that looks expensive but somehow everyone forgets to close their curtains, so voyeur stuff keeps falling into your lap. One moment you plan a heist, next moment you’re peeking through a window watching a milf in tight yoga pants bend over the couch, and the game just lets you sit there and masturbate instead of doing your job. It really fits if you’re poly like me, because the story never pretends you should “pick one girl” and be all loyal. You flirt with the team, you fuck around at school, you get handjobs in cars, then go home and end up groping someone in the hallway who absolutely should not be that into you. And yeah, the incest angle is there, not even trying to be subtle. Those scenes hit harder because the models have these big soft asses and boobs that bounce just enough during animated stripping and oral scenes that you kind of forget the plot for a bit. Or for a lot.

The heist part surprised me, even if it’s not super deep. You actually stop fapping for a second to plan small jobs with your crew, picking which girl comes with you. One time I chose the big tit hacker chick only because I wanted to stare at her ass in the alley, and the game punished me by giving a longer stealth scene where she keeps whispering in my ear and teasing like “don’t get caught, or I’ll have to punish you later” while she presses against you. Of course later “punish” means she pushes you into a dark room, drops to her knees and gives sloppy oral while you try not to alert the guards. Completely unrealistic, I loved it. Another run I went more “team leader” style, tried to be nice to everyone, and suddenly I was in a group sex scene on a stolen penthouse balcony, with two girls fighting over who gets the load, one jerking me while the other rides my face, and somewhere in the background the city lights are flickering like they’re watching too. The 3dcg is uneven sometimes, some faces look a bit weird from certain angles, but then you get a shot of a milf leaning over a desk in a school office, blouse open, bra half off, your hand sliding up under her skirt, and it just works. The animation during groping and teasing is slow and mean, lots of close-ups of fingers pressing into soft skin. Only thing that annoyed me was this tiny thing with the phone interface inside the game, you can scroll messages but there’s this stupid little delay that drives me crazy and I keep thinking it will be fixed, but it never is and I still check it every time like an idiot.

What I liked is that the game never really punishes you for being greedy with affection. You can hook up with the dangerous gang girl, then go back to your school club and let the shy one give you a handjob under the table, then later in the shower at home you replay the whole day in your head and jerk off again while the camera lingers on your cum sliding down her chin from the earlier blowjob. There are voyeur bits where you “accidentally” see two women in the same family making out and stripping for each other, touching big asses, fingers between thighs, while your character is hiding and breathing heavy, and you decide if you just watch or jump in. Sometimes the writing tries to be all serious about crime and morals, but five minutes later you’re balls deep in someone on the sofa, her tits bouncing all over, and any talk about “right and wrong” just disappears. It’s messy, horny, a bit fucked up, and honestly perfect for people like me who don’t want to choose one romance route and pretend we’re pure. The game lets you be a charming poly slut thief with a weakness for big tits and bad decisions, and then pretends it’s all about “character development” while you are busy pressing every teasing, stripping and sex option you see.