Hermione bent over the library table whispering about "extra credit" while her skirt rode up. That was the moment I realized this game doesn't give a shit about J.K. Rowling's lawyers. The animation is deliberately janky, like someone drew it on a napkin and scanned it in, but somehow that makes the whole thing funnier when Tonks is shapeshifting her tits mid-blowjob.

The main quest is basically vanilla dating sim stuff. You're 18, magic university, pick a girl, buy her gifts, say the right things. But then there's a side door in the potions classroom that leads to Luna getting tentacled by the giant squid. Nobody forces you to click that door. It's just there. Waiting. The game has this weird thing where it remembers if you're being a creep or not, and Astoria Greengrass will straight up call you out if you try to romance her after impregnating Ginny. I respect that.

I spent way too long trying to figure out why the mind control spell only works on Tuesdays. Something about the moon cycle? The UI is a mess on mobile, buttons overlapping, text cutting off. But I kept playing because somewhere in the code there's a threesome scene with Hermione and Luna that requires very specific dialogue choices and I was determined. The NTR stuff is avoidable but the game doesn't judge you for seeking it out. Which is... something. The transgender character route surprised me. Not because it exists but because it's written with more care than the main story. Make of that what you will. The big cock tag isn't lying. Neither is the pregnancy tag. I accidentally knocked up Tonks and she kept shapeshifting into different pregnant bellies. That's commitment to a bit.