HeartProblems looks like one of those games you open just to “check it for five minutes” and then suddenly you’re clicking through scenes like a horny raccoon searching in the trash. On the surface it’s the usual porn VN setup: young guy, dead parents, moves in with uncle, house full of women that absolutely should not be as hot as they are. Milf energy in the kitchen, stacked bodies, tight clothes, that kind of slow-burn teasing where nothing “really” happens at first but your brain is already writing fanfic. Feels a bit like when you open X and see one “harmless” clip, then the algorithm decides you’re never seeing normal content again.

What sells it for me is how dirty it gets while pretending to be wholesome. You start as this awkward dude just walking around the house, talking, doing little choices that look innocent: help with the laundry, watch TV together on the couch, massage a sore back. The game loves to put you in those “accidental” skin contact situations. Hand brushing over that thick ass when you squeeze past in the hallway. Waking up with her on the sofa, your face basically in her tits, and she acts annoyed but does not move away. Corruption here is not some instant switch, it’s death by a thousand horny cuts. One day she slaps your hand for groping, later she just sighs, later she pretends not to notice, and then suddenly her leg is opening a bit more when you sit down. I caught myself saving before every dialogue just to try the slightly more perverted line and see if I can push one step further without getting shut down.

The 3D style is a bit uneven, which somehow fits. Some scenes look like they belong in a premium Patreon post, others feel like they were rendered while the dev was alt-tabbing to Telegram. Tits are huge, unapologetically so, bouncing and squeezed into outfits that clearly lost the fight with gravity. Asses too, like, “there is no way this character can find jeans in her size” big. Sometimes the proportions feel almost too much, but that might be exactly why it works. It reminds me of those cursed TikToks where the filter stretches everything and yet people in comments still type “link?” The humiliation angle hits when the MC gets caught peeking, or when one of them talks to him like he’s still a kid while his dick is obviously reacting in the shot. There’s a really fun scene where you get caught staring at her cleavage at breakfast, and the way she leans forward, half mocking you, half secretly enjoying your discomfort, is actually hotter than the later explicit stuff. And the mobile build is nice; playing this in bed with brightness low like some shameful little goblin feels exactly right. It’s weird, messy, sometimes clunky, and that’s kind of perfect for what it is.

First thing you notice is how tall she is. Not just tall, but that kind of unfair, “I could crush your skull between my thighs and you’d say thank you” tall. The castle feels built for her, not for you. Doors are too big, ceilings too high, shadows too long. You start as this regular guy who somehow walks into the worst possible horny nightmare: a fucked up old mansion twisted into a playground for a giant vampire lady who looks a lot like a certain tall queen from that zombie game, but here she’s even more cruel, more smug, and yeah, way more horny. The whole place is like a maze of wet whispers and creaking floors. You move from corridor to corridor, waiting for that click of heels behind you, knowing that when she catches you, it’s not a game over. It’s a different kind of punishment.

What surprised me is how the game mixes horny and horror without trying to be subtle. One moment you’re creeping through some dark library, watching dust in the beam of a flickering lamp, and the next she’s got you pinned against a stone pillar with one massive hand around your throat, nails at your chin, staring down with that “you’re nothing but a toy” look. She teases the fact you’ve got these weird powers, like the world is broken and you’re some glitch that can slow her, shove things with your mind, twist reality a bit. Sometimes you use them to push a wardrobe in front of a door while she’s hunting you. Sometimes you fail and she catches you, drags you off, and then it turns into this obscene little trial where she decides if you get milked with her tits, jerked off lazily while she yawns, or just taken straight, hard, with your legs shaking and her laughing when you cum too fast. She treats creampies like trophies. There’s one scene in a ruined chapel where she rides you in a broken pew, stained glass behind her, and after you explode inside her, she stands up and you literally see it drip down her thighs while she calls you “useful.” I hated how much I liked that. I also hated that the inventory menu sound is too loud and it annoyed me every single time, and the game never fixes it.

The best part is that it often feels like you’re playing some fucked up dating sim from hell, where romance is twisted into this toxic, possessive thing. She’ll act gentle for ten seconds, stroking your hair, almost soft, then flip and use you like a living stress toy. You can try to play smart, pick dialogue that pushes back, use your powers to resist, but honestly, half the fun is failing and seeing her switch into full female domination mode. There’s a section in the dungeon where a monster girl variant of her shows up, more feral, claws scraping the floor, and if she catches you, she doesn’t bother pretending to be classy. She just tears open your pants and uses you. It’s rough, messy, and still weirdly romantic in this fucked up way, like you’re the one sane person stuck in a dystopian porn dream and the universe keeps asking if you’re sure you want to say no. The whole thing feels like a parody of that survival horror game everyone knows, but it leans hard into the “you’re prey and you kind of like it” angle. It’s ugly in some places, awkward in others, but when she bends over, tits spilling out of that dress, smirking because you can’t stop staring at her ass while ghosts whisper in the walls, all the weird edges suddenly make sense.

Westview Academy looks like one of those nice, clean elite schools at first glance, the kind you’d see in some boring brochure, but this thing is more like a horny sandbox with uniforms and homework as optional decoration. You drop in as this talented “golden boy” type, but honestly you feel more like the only sane guy in a place where every corridor hides a new way to get distracted from studying. Music rooms that turn into impromptu seduction stages, locker rooms where you’re trying to be a gentleman and your camera angle obviously isn’t, teachers with tight blouses pretending they don’t notice you staring at their tits, or they notice and like it way too much. The game just hands you all this and goes “ok, don’t fuck it up” while giving you a million ways to fuck it up.

It calls itself a dating sim, but half the time it feels like you’re just poking at the world to see who gets horny first. Point and click, yeah, but not the boring type where you’re hunting pixels for 10 minutes. Here you’re clicking on the shower door in the girls’ locker room, knowing damn well the MC “didn’t mean to peek”, sure, and then the camera lingers on wet skin, big asses and bigger tits pressed against foggy glass. There’s this one scene where you’re supposed to be helping a classmate rehearse a music piece, and she keeps “accidentally” dropping her pick, leaning over the desk so her shirt gapes open, and you can either play it cool or lean into the teasing and watch her go from shy virgin to full-on blowjob under the piano in like three choices. I liked that it pretends to be a romance and then suddenly you’re balls deep in the auditorium after hours. Very classy. Completely not classy at all.

The harem side is kinda sneaky. You don’t immediately realize you can juggle multiple paths until you find yourself promising a study date to the cute nerd, a “private lesson” to the stacked music teacher, and a gym session with the thick track girl on the same afternoon. Somehow the game lets it work, at least if you’re not a complete idiot with your choices. It feels good when they all start reacting to each other: a milf teacher gets a bit too touchy and the jealous classmate is peeking through the window, and suddenly it turns into voyeurism from both sides, with you deciding if you want to show off or stay subtle. I had one scene where the black PE coach catches you “stretching” with a girl who’s very naked except for her socks, and instead of a game over he joins the fun with this casual “you two need proper guidance”, and boom, interracial threesome that came out of nowhere. The humor is also kinda dumb, in a good way. One moment you’re laughing at some meme-tier joke scribbled on a classroom whiteboard, next moment you’re clicking through a strip tease in the music room, watching the MC pretend he’s interested in “technique” while her bra hits the floor. It’s horny, clumsy, romantic, trashy and sweet, sometimes in the same scene, and I still can’t forgive that one stupid minigame where I misclicked and missed an obvious blowjob route in the bathroom, but whatever, I’m still going back to see who else I can add to the bed before the semester ends.

In my spreadsheets this thing looks like a total outlier. Every month I track genre tags from F95 and itch with some janky Python, and you can literally see this spike where “teasing + sci‑fi + humiliation + milf” starts overlapping with “investigation adventure”. That cluster used to be basically zero. Now there’s this weird nebula of games where the main mechanic is “solve the case with your tits”. This one sits right in the center of that mess. You play a young investigator dumped into a grim, gothic far future city, but nobody gave her proper gear, so her skill tree is basically: tongue, fingers, thighs, and a very low shame stat. First screen I walked into the church district, clicked a random suspicious guard, and suddenly the dialogue tree shifted from normal questions to “offer him a better view”. Chose it, camera framed her ass while she leans forward, pretending to search him, and his suspicion bar actually dropped because he was too busy staring. It’s stupid and hot at the same time, which is kind of the whole game.

The loop feels like someone glued together a point and click detective game with a slow corruption porn comic. You poke around the city map, find traces of the missing officials, and every clue is guarded by people who want something from her body. Not always full-on sex. Sometimes it’s just “take off your armor plates one by one” or “sit on his lap while he explains cult symbols”. The stripping scenes are animated just enough that you can see her hesitate, then keep going, robe slipping, boobs bouncing a little too much for anything standard issue. In one quest I had to get fingerprints from a suspected cultist nun. Expected the usual interrogation, got a “body search” mini-event where she lets the nun grope under her clothes “for contraband”. There’s this nice little moment where the protagonist pretends to complain, cheeks red, but you can tell she’s pressing closer instead of pulling away. The game keeps doing that: pretending it is about duty, while camera focuses on how wet her panties are when she has to “prove her devotion” to some monster-shaped relic. Also the interface is slightly annoying, tiny icons for inventory that you keep misclicking, but then you drag a relic on her body by accident and trigger a possession scene where tentacle shadows slip into her and make her masturbate on the altar while she’s still trying to ask questions about the case. So bug or feature, no idea, I just logged it mentally as “unexpected KPI of hand movement per minute”.

From data side, the funniest part is how many archetypes they cram into one woman. Statistically, games pick one: either cute rookie investigator or heavy milf with giant tits. Here she starts like a normal rookie, then the way the art exaggerates her body in each new outfit, by midpoint she basically turned into the office milf of the Inquisition. Big ass wrapped in pseudo‑holy straps, huge boobs squeezed into uniforms two sizes too small, and every lesbian encounter leans into that. There is one alley segment where a female cultist corners her, forces her to strip under threat of “summoning the beast”, but instead just spreads her on some cold machinery and eats her out while mocking how quickly she’s moaning for a woman she just met. It is half romance, half humiliation, and the dialogue is cheesy as hell, like fanfic written on a phone during commute, which somehow works better in porn than in normal games. You get combat segments too, but they are almost like foreplay that failed: lose a fight, and she gets pinned, fondled, maybe turned into a puppet for a while so the thing inside her can make her flash crowds in the market square. Win the fight, she still ends up rubbing herself off alone in a dark corridor, frustrated, fingers buried deep while she mumbles about “staying focused on the mission” and clearly does not. I actually wanted one clean, non-sexual interrogation, just to see how it feels, but the game keeps pushing her into situations where using her brain is the last resort, and her body has a much faster cooldown. Honestly, my notes are a mess, but the trend line is simple: every choice slowly turns her investigation into a public kink show, and the city reacts, stares, grabs, worships, laughs. Not very subtle, not very polite, but my charts say people are clearly into this filthy mix right now.