I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

Friday night, cheap beer, sticky pub floor, and this girl walks in like she accidentally spawned from a different game. Proper 10/10, the kind of face that makes you close whatever you’re doing on your phone, even Pornhub, which is already a big sacrifice. She talks about modeling, and your horny little brain goes, yeah, sure, “art.” Next thing, you invite her for a “private photoshoot” at your studio. And the game is basically what happens after that, but with way more close-up shots of skin than any camera sensor actually needs. You’re in control of this dude who is half photographer, half dumbass, and all his charm is basically you picking lines that are either smooth or cringe. Sometimes you pick the flirty answer and she melts a bit, sometimes you pick it and she looks at you like you just farted into her handbag. Those tiny reactions are the fun part. Like, one second she’s teasing, biting her lip, letting you adjust her pose, and the next you say something slightly too thirsty and her whole vibe tightens up. It’s awkward, in a real way, which is hot as hell when the game lets you fix it and slide back into that soft, slow build, where she starts trusting you with riskier poses, less clothing, more touching that is “just for the photo,” sure.

The sex doesn’t drop on you out of nowhere. You kinda grind your way there, choice by choice, all the way from her standing shy in jeans and a top to you convincing her to try lingerie, then topless, then sitting in your lap while you “check the lighting.” There’s that nice escalation where simple things feel dirty. Like when you tilt her chin up to find the right angle and the game just lingers a bit too long on her lips. When she finally drops the act and starts grinding on you, that’s where the game says, ok, we’re doing this, and you get the full menu: her on her knees, wet messy blowjob with spit that actually looks like spit, not some weird clear slime. You can push it to titfuck, and the dev clearly likes boobs, because the camera just sits there and worships them. You get her on the couch, panties hooked off to the side, you eating her out slowly while she pulls your hair and legs shake. Sometimes the animations are almost too smooth, like TikTok filters had sex with a fleshlight, but they do hit that “I should probably mute my speakers” level. Vaginal, anal, the game lets you switch positions, and when you finally go for her ass it actually feels like a moment, not just “extra hole unlocked.” She tenses, you talk her through it if you didn’t screw up your choices earlier, and when she relaxes and starts pushing back, yeah, that part stayed in my head longer than I want to admit. The romance bit is weirdly sweet and also kinda fake, like Tinder chat that went way better than it should, but it works enough that when you cum all over her belly or inside her, it doesn’t feel random. My only real complaint, and this will annoy me forever, is there’s this one line she repeats about “trusting your artistic vision” that pops up twice in different scenes, and every time I see it I stop thinking about sex and start thinking about copy-paste. Anyway, if you’ve ever pretended your phone camera makes you a photographer just to see more skin, this feels like someone made a horny little simulator of that exact fantasy and turned the dial all the way past “wholesome romance” into “I’m absolutely jerking to this.”

There’s this messed up thing that happens when a horror game is actually horny. Your brain keeps trying to decide if it should be scared or turned on, and this thing leans hard into that confusion. You’re stuck in this old college building that feels like that one abandoned wing every campus has, the one people swear is locked “for renovation” since forever. Lights flicker, the hallways go on way too long, doors loop you back around, all that classic paranormal bullshit. Except here, in the middle of all the creepy silence and bloody scribbles on the walls, you’re also constantly running into this ghost woman who looks like she crawled out of a nightmare and a porn shoot at the same time. Long hair, eyes that look like she wants to eat your soul, tits that absolutely do not follow physics, and an ass that makes you forget there’s literal gore on the floor. Half the game you’re thinking “I should run,” and the other half you’re lowkey hoping she catches you again.

The weirdest part is how the “saving yourself” thing sorta becomes optional in your head. You wander the campus trying doors, checking classrooms, hiding, finding notes that make the story darker every time, with little splashes of graphic violence that are just blunt, not artistic. No fancy cutaways, just “oh shit, yeah, that guy is very dead.” Then, in the next scene, you’re pushed into some supernatural sex encounter that feels way too intimate for how monstrous she is. One moment she’s pinning the male protagonist to a desk, grinding on him with those big soft tits bouncing in your face while she rides him like she wants to break his hips, the next moment the lights cut and you hear something wet and not at all sexy somewhere down the corridor. The game keeps letting you think with your dick and punishing you for it, but also rewarding you, which makes zero sense and somehow works. There are scenes where she phases through the wall in front of you, body half transparent, nipples fully not, walks in that slow, predatory way, and you can literally feel your brain going “this is a bad idea” while your hand is already on the mouse or, well, not on the mouse anymore. You get those paranormal moments where she twists her neck at a wrong angle, or her mouth stretches too wide, and then right after she’s riding you slow, whispering shit in your ear you don’t understand, squeezing you inside her like she’s trying to keep you there forever. By the time you realize the campus itself feels alive and fucked up, and maybe you actually do have some weird powers going on, you’ve already decided that if you’re trapped in an endless loop, there are worse ways to spend it than being hunted, scared, and nailed senseless by one obsessive monster girl ghost with a perfect ass and a death problem.

Luke's got this whole university thing figured out - or at least he thinks he does. This isn't your typical college romance where some awkward freshman stumbles through dating mishaps. Nah, Luke's been through this rodeo before, literally. Time loops, resets, whatever you want to call it - he's lived his first year over and over until he's basically gaming the system. Now he's ready for what he calls "Phase Two," which sounds way more strategic than it probably should be for a guy just trying to get laid.

The whole premise is pretty wild when you think about it. Luke's essentially become a relationship speedrunner, knowing exactly which buttons to push with each girl. There's this maid cafe setup that becomes central to everything - because of course there is. The game throws you into managing relationships with different girls who each have their own specific kinks and fetishes. One minute you're dealing with some vanilla romance situation, next thing you know you're deep in BDSM territory or watching some serious NTR unfold. The variety is honestly overwhelming sometimes. You've got your classic anime parody characters mixed in too - I spotted what looked like Nico Robin and Boa Hancock variants, which feels both nostalgic and weird at the same time.

What gets me is how the game handles the whole "perfect base" concept Luke keeps talking about. It's like he's treating relationships like some kind of RPG stat management, which... honestly isn't that far from reality if we're being real here. The turn-based combat elements feel randomly thrown in, but somehow work with the overall simulator vibe. There's phone interactions, dating mechanics, and this whole corruption progression system that gets pretty intense. The multiple endings thing means you're constantly second-guessing your choices, wondering if you're optimizing for the right fetish path or missing out on some kinky scenario. Luke might have his advantage, but navigating all these relationship dynamics still feels like controlled chaos.