Vault 69 feels like somebody took a Fallout parody, spilled a full Pornhub search history on it, and then said “yeah ok, this is the plot now”. You play as the only useful dick in an underground vault that ran out of common sense and condoms at the same time. The Overseer basically pats you on the shoulder and says “go breed, champ”, while the whole place is full of desperate, half-broken, half-horny people that somehow still find time to argue about rations and power supply. It’s not subtle. It’s not trying to be smart. It just throws you into a post-apoc mess where your cock is both resource and weapon. You walk around the vault, talk to girls who are clearly one bad day from snapping, and every choice is like a weird mix of dating sim and HR management, if HR was about who gets to swallow and who only gets it up the ass.

What I liked is that the game doesn’t pretend sex is soft or romantic. It’s rough, dirty, and sometimes a little fucked up in the head. You’ve got big-titted slaves, “volunteers” that are clearly not okay, raiders topside who think “negotiation” means forcing the protagonist to prove his value by breaking in new captives. One scene had me trying a pickup line like “Let’s save humanity together” and the girl actually laughed at me before forcing me to go down on her as “practice” for future breeding candidates. Another time I tried a more aggressive line, something like “Bend over the desk, I’m tired of talking”, and she just locked the door and went full dom on me instead, using my face on the chair and calling it “evaluation”. The game loves flipping your expectations like that. Sometimes your cheesy line works and opens a new hardcore scene, sometimes it gets you punched, sometimes it triggers a weird management event about population stress where you’re suddenly filling forms after filling holes. And yeah, those stupid little stat prompts that pop up on screen, they feel like Excel sheet made horny. I hated it. I also kind of liked it. I don’t know.

Outside the vault it gets nastier and funnier at the same time. You meet wasteland chicks who are way more dangerous than the gun they’re holding, and somehow the dialogue still makes room for cringe pickup attempts. Had a moment where I tried to be smooth with a raider girl, something like “You look like trouble, I like trouble”, and she just put a boot on my chest and told me I’ll “earn the pussy” by bringing her slaves to trade. Next thing I know, I’m back in the vault doing this awkward loop of cold resource management and hot, brutal sex, trying to decide who gets treated like a person and who gets used like equipment. The violence can be a bit much sometimes, honestly, but the world is so broken it weirdly fits. I wish there were more soft scenes where characters just fuck for fun, not duty, but this setting is not really about cozy cuddling anyway. It’s about mouths full, asses sore, power plays everywhere, and you stuck in the middle pretending your shitty pickup lines are actually saving civilization. At least when I alt-tabbed to check Discord after a particularly harsh anal scene, my brain needed a second to remember that in real life, people don’t usually ask “What’s your breeding quota today?” so I guess the immersion works a little too well.

Guy gets dumped by his own dad, basically. Father packs his shit, goes to new family, and you’re stuck with mom and sister, in that house that smells like old memories and drama. Then very fast you’re in the car, boxes in the back, driving to this “new start” that already feels like a porn setup, and of course it is. It starts kind of sad, like a family drama VN on Steam, and then slowly your brain goes, “wait, why is my mom looking that hot in that tight top?” and “why my sis bend over like that, is that really needed?” and from there it just keeps pushing that line. The thing I liked is how normal the early scenes feel: breakfast table, awkward silence, stupid small talk about nothing, phone buzzing with dad sending weird half-guilty messages. And then the camera angle goes lower, suddenly mom’s tits are doing 90% of the emotional acting, and my mouse hand is like, ok, guess we go this way now.

Sex-wise, it hits almost everything people in comments always beg for. Big asses that actually look soft, not like plastic balloons, boobs that bounce when she’s on top, long slow blowjobs with too much spit, the kind where you literally forget what the dialogue was about. The lesbian bits really surprised me, because they’re not just “oh look, two girls tongue each other for the male gaze.” There is this one scene where your sister is trying to “cheer mom up” after a fight on the phone with dad, and it starts innocent, like hugging on the couch, then suddenly there’s a hand under the shirt, nipple tease, and mom is half resisting, half grinding. I had to pause and sit there like, “ok, this is messed up” while still clicking forward like a horny idiot. And later, when the MC walks in at the wrong timing and just stands there, rock hard, they pretend not to see him for a couple seconds too long. That kind of slow, mean tease is all over the game. The adventure part is more like wandering around, checking rooms at slightly wrong times, listening at doors, picking small choices that change if mom ends the night with a glass of wine or with your dick in her mouth. Also there is this one dumb little thing: the footjob UI prompt is super tiny, like this little icon that I keep missing, and every time I want toes around my cock I click the wrong spot and open the phone menu instead. Super annoying. I will still do it again.

When it really heats up, it doesn’t shy away at all. There are proper anal scenes where you actually see her relax, then tense, then start to enjoy it, not just a quick cut and suddenly everything fits. Creampies are sticky and obvious, not “blink and you miss it.” Handjobs are not throwaway either, they go on, with slow stroking, thumb teasing the tip, her talking softly or dirty, depending on who it is. Mom’s scenes have that MILF energy, like she is trying to be strong but her body just loves the attention, especially when you sneak in with toys. There is one masturbation scene where she thinks she is alone, lying on the bed using a vibrator, biting her lip, and she keeps whispering your dad’s name at first, then it slips and she moans yours instead. I swear I had to reread the text, like, did she just do that? And yeah, she did. The group sex stuff appears later, when everybody pretends the “we are still a normal family” game is over. You get tangle of limbs, tongues, hands everywhere, a blowjob while you finger someone else, maybe a sister riding you while mom sits on your face, that kind of full chaos that feels wrong in all the right ways. I kinda wish the dad showed up physically instead of just being a voice on the phone, but at same time, his absence is what makes all this heat up, so whatever. In the end you’re just there, mouse in hand, juggling choices like “be a good son” or “cum inside mom again” while the horizon of “better life” gets very, very wet.