The usual community dude rambling through his city decided to buy himself new glasses. Because now it is not fashionable to wear junk. And the new glasses are a bonus that would entice a chick. Going to the store, this ordinary neighborhood dude buys glasses. Goes out and dresses them... and just look what happens. He got special glasses - they possess the role of X-rays. And today this local dude may look at any person for clothes. From this type of purchase, the dude loses his head and starts to test people passing by. Well, what has been longer to find out for yourself!

You know what's fucked up about King of Porn City? The menu buttons are literally just default Unity rectangles with Arial font slapped on them. Like someone built this in a weekend and said fuck it, ship it. But I kept clicking anyway.

The new update added this one girl with absolutely ridiculous proportions, the kind where you wonder if the dev has ever seen an actual human body. Her tits clip through her arms in the cowgirl animation and I sat there watching it loop like six times. The cum physics are completely broken too. Sometimes it just floats there in midair, this ghostly white blob that forgot gravity exists. I almost respect how little they care.

The money grind is stupid. You click through the same three jobs, buy a slightly better apartment, unlock a new position that's basically the old position but mirrored. There's this one stage where the lighting makes everyone look like they're made of wax. I think the whole thing runs on Flash or something equally ancient, the way it chugs when too many UI elements pop up at once. The sound design is just royalty free moaning that cuts off mid-loop, that weird silence between audio clips that makes you aware you're sitting alone in your room playing a broken porn game at... whenever. I don't know what I expected from something called King of Porn City. Maybe exactly this. The creampie scenes at least commit to the bit, no fade to black bullshit, just the mess and the awkward pause after where nobody moves and you're supposed to feel accomplished. I wish the big cock slider actually changed anything visible. It doesn't. Never will. Anyway the new models are slightly less terrifying than the old ones so that's progress I guess.

The hitboxes are fixed. That's the first thing you notice, because the last quiz had you clicking slightly to the left of a nipple and getting a wrong answer about the Treaty of Versailles. Now when you click a tit, it registers as a tit. Progress.

This is a history quiz where correct answers remove clothing from a woman on screen. Wrong answers do nothing, or maybe a buzzer sound. I got stuck on a question about the Ottoman Empire because I was distracted by the fact that her left breast was now fully visible and the right one was still covered by what looked like a poorly drawn toga. The game calls itself a porn game but it's more like a trivia game with a striptease reward system. The women look less manly this time, which the developer mentions in the description, and honestly that's a low bar but they cleared it. Barely.

There's a variable ending screen now, which means if you get all questions right you see a different image than if you fail halfway. I failed halfway on purpose once just to see what happens. She keeps her underwear on. It's not a punishment, it's just less nudity. The funny thing is the quiz itself is actually decent. Real historical facts, not just "what year was the war" filler. I wish the text didn't slide off screen anymore, and it doesn't, but now the font is too small on my phone. I won't complain about that because the developer asked for constructive reviews and I'm not trying to be an attention whore about it.

The WW1 quiz idea sounds fine. A platformer though? After two porn quizzes, a platformer feels like a threat.

Right, so the whole thing is basically one scene. You're this blonde, fresh off some gig, and your biggest fan is there. Not a creepy fan, just a dude who's really, really into you. The hotel room is... there. It's a flash game, so the background is this static, kinda blurry beige wall that honestly looks like a default texture someone forgot to replace. I spent an embarrassing amount of time just staring at that wall, wondering if it was supposed to be wallpaper or just... nothing. The sound design is exactly one loop of what I can only describe as royalty free elevator jazz. It's so aggressively unsexy it circles back around to being hilarious. Like, you're trying to get into the rhythm and then *doo-doo-doo-doot* a little saxophone riff kicks in and completely takes you out of it.

The action itself is very point and click. You get a menu of options, stuff like "play with his balls" or "give blowjob." The animations are these short, looping cycles. The blowjob one is actually pretty decent, there's a good sense of motion. But then you switch to cowgirl and it's like her spine is made of a rusty hinge. The whole thing has this unpolished, almost collage like feel. The cumshot, and they ain't lying when they say he cums like Peter North, is this absurd, physics defying geyser. It's so over the top you can't help but laugh. It's not "hot" in a traditional sense, it's more like watching a weird, horny glitch art project.

For a pure romance seeker like me, who usually skips the explicit routes in bigger games, this is a fascinating artifact. It's so direct. No pretense of story, just a menu of acts. The "probing both doors" bit is there, but it's handled with the same clumsy, almost innocent directness as everything else. The whole thing feels like a time capsule from a very specific corner of the early internet. It's not good, but I couldn't stop clicking through the options. There's one frame in the doggy style animation where her expression just flatlines completely and it's the funniest thing I've seen all week. I think you'd get the most out of this if you're the type of player who finds jank inherently charming, or if you just want to see a cartoon man produce a frankly concerning volume of pixelated fluid.

The poker hand plays out on screen, a simple texas holdem setup with a blonde real model whose tits are already threatening to escape her tiny top. You can practically see the pixels fighting for their life against those things. I was watching a burlesque dancer last week, right, and she did this whole number with a silk robe that kept slipping off one shoulder, this agonizingly slow reveal. This game gets that same accidental peek energy, but then it just... stops. The whole thing hinges on a card game to see who gets naked first on some balcony in the Alps. Alps. With a breeze that's supposedly erotic only if you're lying on a specific table. Sure, the logic is as sturdy as a wet napkin.

The girl, the daughter of the B&B owners, catches you watching and instead of screaming, she giggles and points at your trouser bulge. A photo of her smirking face pops up, and I swear the low res quality makes it dirtier somehow. It's like finding a sticky magazine in a bush, all faded and wrong but somehow hotter for it. You have to win at poker to see her strip. And when you lose, you're the one peeling your clothes off while she just watches with that same goofy, longing smile. It's a power trip, but a clumsy one. The card game itself is so basic it's almost meditative. Click, fold, check, repeat. My phone's calculator app has more strategic depth.

The explicit stuff is a series of photos of this real woman, a blonde with absolutely massive, soft looking breasts. They're just there, in these static shots, and the game's description yaps on about cultural differences and trust being a thing in her country. I don't buy the setup for a second. You apologize for being a creep, she gets fake offended, then you're playing cards because "when in the Alps." The entire erotic tension relies on these awkward photos of her half undressed, and honestly, that low budget, deliberately unpolished look works. It feels less like a product and more like a weird, horny daydream you'd sketch on a napkin. The visual design is crap but it’s honest crap, the kind that makes the whole "real model" tag actually feel, well, real. Just wish they'd let me see the damn breeze in action without a royal flush being involved. The music is a looping ten second nightmare.

Another tile swap game with big tits. We all know the drill by now. Six pictures, you click two pieces next to each other and they trade places until the photo looks right. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. My dumb ass spent fifteen minutes on puzzle number four because I kept mixing up the left nipple with a piece of background curtain. The shading threw me. Curtains don’t usually have areola tone but here we are.

The art is that classic adult flash game style, super exaggerated but not ugly. Chunky lines, wet looking skin, all the tits look like they’d float in water. Some are cartoons, some look like a bad photoshop trace. Weirdly enough that inconsistency is kind of charming. Like somebody dumped a folder of old hentai jpgs into a blender and this was what came out. The difficulty is basically zero unless you are colorblind or distracted by one of the pictures having a weird shadow under the chin. The chin shadow bugged me. Why is the chin shadow so harsh? Maybe it’s not a shadow. Maybe it’s a beard. A boob lady with a goatee, groundbreaking stuff.

If you want a quick wank without downloading fifty gigs of vampire mommy RPG, this works. But the interface fights you sometimes. My mouse kept missing the second tile because the hitbox is tight. Whatever. Not like I need to explain myself to a physics engine. Also forgot to mention there is no timer or score, so you can just vibe with the nipple curtain forever.

The whole thing is just juggling balls while some hentai girl with ridiculous tits watches from the corner of the screen. That's it. No story, no buildup, just you and your mouse trying to keep three or four spheres from hitting the ground. And honestly? The challenge part is real. My wrist started cramping around level six because the balls speed up in a way that feels personal, like the game knows you're about to fail and wants to laugh at you.

The reward for finishing is... a static image. Maybe she winks. Maybe her top comes off. I won't spoil it but let's just say I've seen more explicit stuff on a bus stop bench. The real draw is the frustration loop, that itch to beat your own score while some big-boobed anime lady judges your every miss. It's like Flappy Bird but with worse physics and better cleavage.

One thing that bugs me, the hitbox on the paddle is slightly off. You'll swear you touched the ball but nope, it clips through and you're back to the start. Never getting fixed, obviously. This is one of those flash relics from the golden era of Newgrounds where the porn was just a carrot on a stick and the stick was covered in sweat and broken dreams.

If you're into hentai girls and self-hatred, this is your jam. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

I got stuck on 7x8 for like five minutes. Not because I don't know it's 56, but because the girl on screen had these absolutely ridiculous proportions and I kept losing focus. The whole thing is basically a flash game from 2007 that somehow survived the internet apocalypse, complete with that slightly crunchy art style where everything looks like it was drawn with a mouse. You know the one.

The math is insultingly simple. Like, 2+2 level stuff at first, then it slowly ramps up to stuff you'd see in middle school. What's weird is how the difficulty curve doesn't match the reward curve at all. The hottest pictures unlock on the easiest questions sometimes, and then you'll solve some bullshit like 144÷12 and get a picture where the girl is barely showing anything. It makes no sense. I spent way too long trying to figure out if there was a pattern before realizing I was literally analyzing a porn game's reward structure at 1 AM on a Tuesday. The sound effects are just... there's this little chime when you get an answer right that sounds exactly like the notification sound from some messaging app I used in 2012. Every time it plays I reach for my phone.

The whole "educational" angle is genuinely funny though. Like someone's mom caught them looking at hentai and they panicked and said "no mom it's for MATH" and then actually had to commit to the bit. The girls cycle through the same three or four poses with minor variations and one of them has an expression that I swear is just slightly off, like she's looking at something just past your left shoulder. It's been bothering me for days. I keep going back to check if I imagined it. I didn't.

found this thing on a random forum at like 4am, some old flash game where you just click on a blonde chick's jacket to get her naked. that's literally it. no story, no dialogue, no nothing. just a picture of this woman with massive tits and you poke around with your mouse until you hit the right spot.

the whole gimmick is supposed to be finding the "right place" to click but honestly it's not exactly a puzzle. her jacket is barely covering anything and the hitbox is generous. one click and bam, tits out. they swing for a second which i guess is the big payoff. the animation is janky as hell, like someone made it in 2003 and forgot about it. but here's the thing, i kept clicking. not because it was good but because my brain just went numb and i wanted to see if there was more. there isn't. it's one click, one reveal, game over. you can reload and do it again i suppose but why would you.

the art is whatever. blonde, big boobs, that specific early 2000s airbrushed look that reminds me of those old newgrounds games before everything got polished and boring. she's got this blank expression like she's waiting for a bus. no sound either, which is almost creepy. just silence and clicking. i don't know what i expected from a game called something like "click the boobs" but part of me wishes there was at least a second scene or maybe she'd say something. anything. but no, just tits and silence and the void.

honestly i respect how little it tries. no microtransactions, no login, no "rate us five stars." just a blonde with her rack out and a single mouse click. it's almost meditative if you're drunk enough.