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Captain, this thing feels like somebody took Mass Effect, ripped out the morality system, stuffed a horny brain into the Normandy, and said: “Ok, now every decision is about who you’re fucking first.” You start as this human dude basically holding the last shreds of humanity in his pants, I mean, hands, surrounded by four alien girls who all look like someone saw Tali and Liara on Pinterest and went “yeah, but horny.” The vibe is half sci fi rescue mission, half “HR would have an aneurysm if this was real.” One minute you’re checking ship status, the next you’re getting a face full of blue alien tits and pretending it’s part of the mission briefing. Feels professional, in a very unprofessional way.

What I liked is how the game pretends to be a real RPG for like five seconds before you remember you just clicked that exploration node because you wanted to see if the busty insect girl would sit on your face after the fight. There are little battles, simple as hell, not Dark Souls, more like “tap here, watch numbers go brrr, ok good boy, here’s a porno reward.” The best part is when you’re talking to the crew and the “serious” sci fi dialogue suddenly slides into “by the way, captain, I need a ‘physical’ check-up” and you know damn well this is going to end in some animated oral scene where she’s on her knees in the engine room, giving you a blowjob next to a reactor that’s probably not OSHA compliant. Tali-like girl? Total nervous wreck with big tits spilling out of her suit the second you get a private moment. Liara-like one? Brainy, soft-spoken, then you unlock a group scene and she’s getting titfucked while still trying to explain some alien artifact lore like that’s important.

It gets stupid in the best way when the game just throws multiple penetration at you like “yeah, captain, the fate of the species depends on you fucking all of them at once, no pressure.” One scene you’re pinning some monster girl to the captain’s chair, groping all over her, she’s riding you, and another alien slides in to sit on your face and you’re like “this is what Starfleet dreams are made of.” Vaginal, oral, creampie, group sex, it’s all there, and half the time you’re finishing inside them while some quest log in the corner quietly updates like “objective complete.” I wish the sandbox part let you wander the ship more freely and just harass everyone, but whatever, it still lets you poke around, talk, fuck, do a tiny mission, fuck again. Also, one dialogue choice early on is worded in such a scuffed way I had to read it three times, and now I keep thinking about that instead of the plot, which is hilarious because the plot is literally “save humanity with your dick.” Anyway. It’s a very serious heroic sci fi game where you accidentally end up with alien girls dripping cum on the bridge chair and nobody cleans it up.