To this day I don't understand why the women in these races look like that. Like someone took a regular bikini model and just kept pumping air into them until the seams were screaming. Especially Maria, good lord, the pressure must be incredible. Her whole deal is she bets her body on the race which, fine, standard stuff. But the driving comes first here believe it or not, and honestly?

It handles like a shopping cart full of bricks on an oil slick.

The first curve on the coastal highway map, I spun out six times. Six. Real Vin Diesel would've thrown me out of the crew. But I guess my "charm" stat was high enough because after I finally sc*** past third place, Maria's top just sort of... evaporated. The animation has zero transitional frames. One second it's there, strained to the molecular level, then poof. Nothing. Just big tits suddenly occupying the whole screen while the race continues in this tiny window in the corner. Almost crashed again because I couldn't see the track.

Muscle car selection is actually okay though. There's a navy blue thing that sounds angry and good and you can tune the nos to just ruin everything. That's fun even when the rest of the game is throwing softcore at you like it's paying a debt. Which it might be.

Speaking of debt, the parody elements are weird. Nobody talks about family. Not once. What is the point then? A bald guy shows up in the second area looking very familiar from the back but he never turns around and just gives you a timed race through the docks. I kept waiting. Nothing. At least the sex scenes load fast. Sometimes too fast. One minute you're picking a dialogue option about exhaust manifolds, next minute Maria is performing what I can only describe as a gravity-defying act of contortion inside the car while the physics engine outside continues to gently bounce the vehicle against a guardrail. I didn't even win that race.