Become Alpha is a porn game with tons of memes, kickass branching storyline, quests, RPG-like experience system, and a possibility to have sex with many partners. It's also pretty damn funny. The story is about Harry Panuchkin who's a nerd and a wannabe gangster. He has a big dick, but never actually used it. It's your job to help him get the pussy and make him a proper alpha male, that he always wanted to be.

Pinoytoons and their whole deal, right? That deliberately janky Flash aesthetic that somehow makes everything ten times hotter. This Bleach parody is basically that philosophy distilled into a single, glorious sex challenge. Yoruichi shows up in Rukongai with some new outfit for Kisuke, and the thing is basically a collection of strategically placed straps that highlight her massive tits and perfect ass. Kisuke doesn't even pretend to be subtle, just whips out his massive cock and they're fucking within seconds. The whole premise is stupidly simple: first one to cum loses and can't jerk off for a month. That's it. That's the game.

The animation is that signature style where limbs kind of slide into place and the tits bounce with their own weird physics. I spent way too long on the paizuri scene because the way her boobs completely swallow his shaft, the tip just poking out between them before she licks it. There's a moment where she's on her back, legs up, and the creampie just leaks out in thick, white globs that the artist clearly spent time on. The footjob part is quick but her toes curl around the head in a way that made me wish the whole thing was longer. Actually, the whole game is short. Like, you'll see everything in a few minutes, but you'll replay those minutes.

The facial at the end is a mess, a total thick coating that drips off her chin while she's got this smug "I won" expression. And you know she's not going to follow that no-masturbation rule anyway. The sound is basically just wet slaps and moans, no music, which adds to the raw, unpolished feel. It's not some grand epic, it's a quick, dirty scene with a nonsense plot that knows exactly what you're here for. The loser can't touch themselves for a month? As if.

The loading screen is just a black void with some text that says "pick your poison" and I'm already thinking about how the ancient Egyptians used natron to dry out bodies. Four figures stand there, a goth cat with piercings, a jackal in pharaoh headdress, a bunny with too much eyeliner, and a fox that looks like she hasn't slept since the Old Kingdom fell. The art is rough, like someone drew it on a napkin then scanned it with a potato. Lines don't connect where they should. The goth cat's left ear is just... floating.

You pick one and then the real work begins. Clicking on clothes. That's the whole foreplay mechanic. You click her top, it vanishes with a sound like a Windows 98 error. Click the skirt, gone. The strip phase feels like defusing a bomb made of bad UI decisions. The pharaoh jackal has this one animation where she covers her chest and the arm bends backwards at a angle that would require several extra joints. I couldn't stop watching it. Once naked, you get a menu of positions. Oral, anal, footjob, the usual. The cumshot lands like someone spilled white-out on the screen. The goth cat's special scene involves her tail and I won't describe it but it made me question if the developer has ever seen a tail.

The footjob option is there for all four but only the bunny seems to know what feet are for. The others just kind of rub their paws vaguely near the dick that's drawn like a pink traffic cone. Sound design is three loops total. A wet slap, a moan that cuts off mid breath, and something that might be a cat dying or might be intended as sexy. I spent twenty minutes trying to get the fox's back scene to trigger and when it finally did the camera zoomed into her shoulder blades and stayed there. No way to move it. Just shoulder blades and that same cut off moan. The pharaoh jackal's special scene has hieroglyphs in the background that I'm pretty sure just spell out "ASS" repeatedly. I respect that.

The loading bar is a lie. I sat here, staring at my screen, waiting for this nurse to show up, and the thing just crawls. You get a warning about HD graphics, and they aren't kidding. I almost closed the tab to check my work email. Almost. Then her uniform popped in, crisp and white, and I forgot about the quarterly reports.

It's a footjob game. That's it. No wandering around a hospital, no complex dialogue trees. You get a patient's POV, a very eager nurse, and her feet. The minigame part is simple, a rhythm thing where you match a moving marker. Miss the beat and she just keeps going, but with this look of mild disappointment that somehow makes it hotter. Hit it right and the animation smooths out, her toes curl just so, and the whole thing gets messier. There's a weird satisfaction in nailing the timing, like a perverted version of a music game. I wish the marker was a bit more responsive, it feels like it's sliding through molasses sometimes, but I guess that adds to the tension.

The cumshot is the payoff, obviously, and it's rendered with a kind of dedication that the rest of the game's slightly unpolished edges don't prepare you for. It lands on her uniform, her stockings, and she doesn't flinch. Just a professional. The full screen mode is a nice touch, makes the whole thing feel less like a browser tab and more like a private screening. I kept thinking about how my boss would react if he saw this instead of the spreadsheet I'm supposed to be updating. Probably not well. The whole thing is heavy, a bit clunky, and completely single-minded. It knows what you're here for and doesn't waste time with a plot. Just a nurse, her feet, and your patience with a loading screen.

Ok so the browser tab crashed again right when Elise started doing that thing with her legs. Not the game's fault, my laptop is basically a potato with a screen. Summoners Quest, episode whatever, the one in the cave. You know how in LoL Elise is all "I sense a web" and then rappels away? This is the version where she doesn't rappel away. She stays. Very close.

The fight system is just clicking spiders until they pop, nothing fancy. I died twice because I was distracted by the way her thorax... moves. Is it a thorax on a spider lady? Whatever, the abdomen part. It pulses. I'm trying to kill these little spiderlings and she's just standing there, one leg tapping, making these comments about how useless I am. The dialogue is broken english but honestly that makes it hotter? Like she says "you will be my foot toy now" and I just. Yeah. Ok. Yes.

The footjob scene. Look. I've seen things on certain websites. This one has a weird jank to it, the animation loops like a gif from 2007 where the toes don't quite align with the... target. But the sound design. Who recorded that squelch? It's too wet. It's uncomfortably wet. I had to lower my volume and I live alone. The cumshot at the end is just a white flash that covers half the screen, like someone threw a blanket over the monitor. Very artistic. 10/10 for effort.

There's supposed to be a choice system but I clicked everything and it all leads to the same sticky conclusion. The game forgot to load a background in one scene so she was just floating in the void, which is actually scarier than the spiders. I think I'll play it again. For research. The void part, not the foot part. Definitely not the foot part.

Ibuki's mask is the first thing that has to go. I mean it's right there in the options, undress her face, and suddenly you're looking at the actual character from Street Fighter and not some generic ninja cosplayer. The whole thing runs in browser, no bullshit, just click and the scene loads. Forest setting, she's leaning against a tree, that weird POV angle where you're looking up at her while she's doing the thing.

The footjob animation itself. Look. I've seen enough of these to know when someone actually understands the appeal and when they're just moving polygons around. Her toes curl around the shaft in this way that made me forget I was supposed to be checking for hidden endings. Which I never found by the way. Are there even multiple endings? The description hints at choices but I kept clicking the same spots and getting the same result. Maybe that's the point, maybe the choice is just whether she keeps the mask on or not, and that's your "route". Kind of genius if you think about it, kind of lazy if you don't.

The cumshot lands on her feet obviously, that's the whole point, but then there's this moment where she just. Holds the pose. Doesn't wipe it off immediately like most games make characters do. Ibuki from Street Fighter, a trained ninja who could kill you seventeen ways, just sits there with the evidence on her skin. That specific detail did more for me than the entire undress toggle, and I love the undress toggle. Her chest is out, the ninja outfit is bunched around her waist, and she's still technically in the forest on some mission probably. What was the mission. Who cares. The sound design is whatever, turn it off and play your own music, I was listening to a podcast about mushroom foraging while playing and honestly it enhanced the experience. Something about the contrast. Don't think about that too hard.

I wish there was more foot focus before the main event. Like just a minute of her taking off the sandals slowly. That's not in here. You get what you get and then it's over and you reload the page.

Woke up thinking about that stupid hat. Not the sex, not the animation, the hat. Kisuke's striped bucket hat stays on the whole time and it's just... why? This is what my data brain latches onto at 7am, not the genuinely fluid titjob physics.

Right so Pinoytoons does Bleach again, Yoruichi shows up in Rukongai with some new outfit and Kisuke immediately goes for the grab. Classic. The animation has this raw quality, deliberately unpolished like a sketch that got out of hand. Her tits bounce with that specific jiggle physics that makes you wonder if someone spent three days just tweaking the elasticity curves. Probably did. The footjob segment is surprisingly detailed, toes curling and everything, and then there's this endurance test angle that honestly I forgot about until just now because the creampie finish is what sticks. Something about the way the cumshot lands, that slight overshoot on the facial, feels more honest than the hyper-polished stuff flooding itch.io lately.

The sound design though. Or lack of it. There's this wet slap rhythm that loops and about two minutes in you notice the pattern and then you can't un-notice it. Like hearing the compressor kick in on a poorly mixed track. Still fapped though.

Yoruichi's proportions are ridiculous in that specific Pinoytoons way, big tits big cock energy throughout, and the whole thing moves at this frantic pace that matches the source material's fight scenes more than its... other scenes. Not complaining. Just observing. For science. The data shows footjob tags are up 23% this quarter and this is exactly why.

So I picked up this Fairy Tail parody thing called Lusty Tail expecting some basic fan service stuff, but honestly? It's messier than I thought it would be. You're playing this dude who's living with Erza and Mirajane as step-sisters, which already feels weird if you know the source material, but whatever. The whole premise is starting your own guild and collecting all these anime girls like they're Pokemon cards or something.

The art's decent enough - typical AI-generated stuff that looks fine until you stare too long at the hands. Lucy's tits are absolutely massive here, way bigger than in the show, and Levy looks way too young even for anime standards which made me uncomfortable. There's this whole guild management thing going on but it's mostly just clicking through dialogue to get to the sex scenes. Speaking of which, the BDSM stuff with Erza is pretty hot, lots of domination play that actually fits her character. But then you've got these random footjob scenes with characters who barely get any buildup? Like why is Sherry even here, she had like three episodes in the actual series.

The writing's all over the place though. One minute you're having this sweet romantic moment with Juvia, next thing you know you're balls deep in some exhibitionism scene with Cana that came out of nowhere. The sleep sex content is questionable as hell but I guess that's what some people are into. Mobile version runs like shit on my phone, keeps crashing during the longer scenes. Also why does every girl make that stupid ahegao face? It's 2024, we can do better than that. The creampie animations are solid though, and there's enough variety in positions to keep things interesting. Jenny's scenes hit different, probably because she's not from the main cast so there's less baggage. Still wish they'd fix that bug where Wendy's dialogue shows up as Minerva's sometimes.

The pixel art in Bolsdip is deliberately crusty, like someone smeared vaseline on a Gameboy screen, and honestly that's half the charm. You're this detective, right, back in your hometown, and the first time you corner Ava the college professor in her office, the whole thing feels wrong in the best way. She's got these glasses and this tight pencil skirt, and the animation when she finally drops to her knees is so janky it loops like a broken GIF. Her mouth opens in these three frames, over and over, and the sound design is just... wet clicks. It's not smooth. It's hypnotic. Like watching a flipbook of a very specific, very sloppy blowjob where the artist spent all their time on the saliva strings and none on making her jaw move naturally.

The game calls itself a mystery but I spent twenty minutes clicking on a potted plant because the point and click logic is insane. You find a wild baocat after finishing an event. A baocat. It's this pixelated gremlin that gives you a "special gift" which turned out to be a gallery unlock of the professor in a cosplay outfit that made her tits look like they were trying to escape her blouse via dimensional rift. The growth tags are no joke. One scene she's normal, next scene her ass is threatening to knock over her own desk lamp. The corruption path with the MILF neighbor is even more unhinged, she starts off baking you cookies and three conversations later she's introducing you to a drawer full of sex toys that vibrate with the intensity of a dying phone on silent mode.

Wish the supernatural elements were more than just window dressing. You get hints of something mystical with the succubus tag but it never really commits, just teases you with a flash of purple smoke and then it's back to another handjob scene that drags on for twelve clicks. The footjob animation with the journalist character is genuinely creative though, her toes curl in a way that suggests the artist has a very specific, very dedicated Patreon somewhere. The game runs in browser and crashed my Chrome twice during the twins scene, which involves a lot of synchronized titfuck loops that my laptop fan did not appreciate. The slow burn is more like a microwave on defrost, uneven and leaving cold spots, but when it hits, it's the kind of pixelated filth that makes you close your curtains even though you live alone.