Alright so I'm streaming this game The Guardian and chat is going wild because I keep guessing plot twists before they happen. I'm like okay, ex-wife and her kids need protection, you're a made man in the Delucci Family, but the kids don't know you're mobbed up. Classic setup. I'm calling it right now, the ex-wife still wants you. Five minutes later, bam, she's giving you that look. I'm a prophet.

The CG hentai scenes are where this thing shines though. That one milf neighbor who keeps showing up unannounced, I swear to god. The artist knew exactly what they were doing with her proportions. And there's this moment where you have to decide whether to let the older kid catch you doing family business or keep the secret. I picked the wrong option on purpose just to see what happens and the tension was actually insane. The game doesn't punish you for being a degenerate, it rewards it. Which is honestly refreshing.

But can we talk about the dialogue choices for a second? Some of them feel like they were translated through three different languages and then back to English. I'm reading lines out loud on stream and chat is dying because it sounds like a mobster wrote a Hallmark card. "I will guard your heart as I guard your safety" or whatever. Who talks like that? A guy who's about to whack someone in the next scene, apparently. The tonal whiplash is real. Still, the criminal family politics mixed with the whole stepfamily dynamic, it's trashy in the best way. I just wish there was more branching with the gangster side. You're supposed to be this respected feared guy but half the time you're just doing chores around the house. Where's the extortion minigame? Missed opportunity.

Her name is Sofia. At least that's what the intro screen tells me, this big titted mafia queen sitting there with a smirk that says she's already counted my money as hers. The whole setup is basically a bedroom with mood lighting and her across the table, deck of cards ready. Blackjack rules, nothing fancy. Beat her hand, she loses clothes. She beats mine, my virtual wallet gets lighter.

First few hands I'm getting destroyed. Not even close. 23, 25, bust after bust while she's sitting pretty on 19 and 20 like she's got the deck rigged. Which honestly, maybe she does? The game never explains if there's actual cheating mechanics or if I just suck. Probably both. But then something clicks. I start hitting on 16 when I shouldn't, standing on 12 like a degenerate, and suddenly her jacket's off. Then the blouse. The strip animations are deliberately clunky in a way that loops back around to charming, her tits practically defying physics when they're finally free. The whole thing has this unpolished Flash game energy from fifteen years ago that I'm weirdly nostalgic for.

The sex scene at the end when you've stripped her completely. It's there. It happens. The game promised "make love with this criminal world's chick" and technically delivered, though the positioning is awkward and there's this one frame where her expression looks more confused than aroused. I kept playing anyway. Three times actually. Not because it's good exactly, but because losing to a pixelated mob boss lady activated something competitive in my lizard brain. The money system is pointless since there's no real stakes, but I still got annoyed every time my total dropped. Wish there was more variety in her reactions when you win. She just kind of accepts defeat with the same expression whether she's fully clothed or down to her underwear, which feels like a missed opportunity for a game about power dynamics and humiliation. The gangster theme is barely there beyond the opening text, no dialogue, no threats, no "I'll have my men break your legs" energy. Just cards and tits. Which, fine. That's what I clicked for.

Chicago in this game feels dirty in a good way. Not just “oh look, old cars and hats”, but the kind of dirty where you can almost smell cheap whiskey and sex sweat behind a club’s red curtain. You start as this young guy trying to crawl into the local mafia mess, and the story keeps asking you who you really want to be. A smooth talker that smiles while putting a bullet in someone’s back, or a straight up psycho that lets his cock and his gun make the decisions. Half the time I was clicking thinking “ok, this choice is just flavor”, and then suddenly a character hates you forever or opens her legs for you in a later scene because of one thing you said three scenes before. It feels like the game remembers that time you chose to keep your dick in your pants when you could have forced yourself on a drunk hostess, and later she’s the one on her knees, voluntarily, sucking you off in the back room while the band is playing upstairs and her husband is literally guarding the door for you like an idiot.

The older women here are the real treasure. There is a married milf running one of the speakeasies who acts all classy, pearls and perfect hair, but if you play your choices right, you can drag her into her tiny office, sit in her chair like you own the place, and make her kneel between your legs. The animation where she hesitates for half a second, then opens her mouth and you just push her head down, that one got me. She gags on your cock, mascara a bit messy, and you can decide if you treat her like a secret lover or like a convenient whore. It is not some soft romantic blowjob either. Teeth almost scraping, drool on your balls, your hand in her hair while you talk calmly about business with her gangster husband outside the door, planning a robbery. And the game actually lets you be a cold bastard and then go home and jerk off thinking about it, or feel a bit guilty and try to protect her from the mess you pulled her into. There is one path where she calls you in the middle of a big crime deal, crying that her kid might have seen something, and you have to choose between handling the cops or handling your horny conscience. Funny thing, I wanted to be the big bad mobster, but I still found myself sitting there, dick in hand, actually thinking about consequences like some moral philosopher with cum on his fingers.

What surprised me is how often masturbation itself is part of the story instead of just a “you failed, go jerk off alone” scene. Your protagonist can end up back in his shitty room, covered in street dust, replaying the way a club singer licked her lips around her cigarette, and you get this little animated loop of him stroking his cock while the city noises drift in from the window. Or he sneaks into the office early and finds a hidden photo of the boss’s wife, legs half open, and you can choose to jerk off right there on the wood desk, risk getting caught, or keep it in your pocket as blackmail. Maybe I am weird, but that felt more real than some of the actual sex. Also, the crime stuff is not just background. One wrong choice, you blow a deal with the mafia, and suddenly that milf that used to suck you off is pretending she doesn’t know you while you sit in the bar alone, horny and kind of humiliated. The game is horny but also a bit cruel like that. I liked it. I hated it. I kept clicking.

Bang City doesn't care about your redemption arc. Babyface knows this. He's got that baby face, yeah, the kind that makes the milfs in the neighborhood worry about him even while he's planning how to put a rival gangster in the ground. It's a strange contrast that sticks with you, like finding a perfectly drawn hentai CG of a crying woman in a detective's case file. The art has this rough quality that feels exactly like the story it's telling. Not bad rough. More like the lines are angry. The big tits are there, obviously, rendered with a kind of desperate horniness that fits the setting, but something about the faces is what you remember. A detective's tired eyes. The hard stare of a woman who runs a crime family from her kitchen.

The gameplay itself is a bit of a corpse flower. It stinks but you keep leaning in. As a visual novel, you click through grim choices in an RPG-lite framework that barely hides its adventure game skeleton. One minute you're talking to a corrupt politician's wife who has a proposition that involves both her lingerie and a betrayal, the next you're in a turn-based moment that feels imported from a different, older machine. The criminal tag is no joke. Things get bloody. There was a scene with a garage door that I rewound twice, not because it was hot, but because it felt definitive. A line cut through a life. then a sex scene starts with a completely different emotional texture, and the game just moves on.

I wish the detective elements were, like, actual detecting. It's more about being told you found a clue and then a milf with a waist that defies basic anatomy appears to reward you for your observational skills. But that's the whole thing, isn't? It's not pretending to be elegant. It's a raw, ugly, occasionally thrillingly direct story about revenge in a city that eats men like Babyface for breakfast. My app store history is a mess of stuff like this and I never know what that says about me. What does it say? The game has a CG gallery and honestly, some of the single images tell the story better than the text between them. I think that was the point.

Beef In The City. Right. Downloaded it because the thumbnail had a chick with tits bigger than my head and a guy holding a gun, which is basically my entire personality summarized in one jpeg. The whole thing runs on photos of real models, or pornstars, whatever, and it's got that janky early 2000s flash game energy where the text boxes don't quite line up and a picture of some dude named Tony will just be staring at you with dead eyes while you decide whether to sell coke or fuck his wife. The city is called Grand Vena, which sounds like a discount venereal disease, and honestly that tracks.

The humor is completely accidental half the time. You'll be in a serious "criminal underworld" meeting and then a text option pops up like "Show her your gun" and the next screen is just a cumshot photo with zero context. No buildup, no animation, just splooge. I laughed so hard I choked on my own spit. The RPG mechanics are there, I guess, you make choices and climb some ladder, but who cares. There's this one scene where you have to pick a dialogue option with a rival gangster and I chose the one that said "Respect the code" and it immediately cut to a hardcore video clip. What code? The bro code? The genetic code? I don't know. I wish the text wasn't so broken, like sometimes it's clearly translated through three different languages and back, but then again if it was well written it would lose the charm of feeling like you found a cursed USB stick in a parking lot.

The erotic part is just... there. It's a simulator where you click and then see a photo or a short video loop. The real model tag means you get actual pornstars, which is a plus if you recognize them, I saw one that I'm pretty sure was in a Bang Bus video from 2006. The adventure is just a thin string between sex scenes. You're a gangster, you do gangster stuff, a woman with enormous fake breasts appears, you click, you see a cumshot. Repeat. The whole thing feels like a fever dream where the plot of GTA got replaced by a Brazzers compilation. I kept playing because I wanted to see how much more unhinged the photo choices would get. The final boss of this game isn't a rival gang, it's the complete lack of polish, and I respect that.