Right, so the whole thing is a Simpsons parody where you're some distant cousin of Mr. Burns, and he's broke. Not like, can't afford a third yacht broke, but his whole empire is crumbling. Your job is to be an unpaid intern and fix it. The setup is just an excuse to bounce around Springfield as a male protag and get into the pants of Marge and Lisa. Yeah, Lisa. If that makes you feel weird, this isn't for you. The game doesn't give a single fuck.

The art is 2DCG, deliberately wonky, like a flash animation from Newgrounds that got left in the sun. Marge's ass is comically huge, like a beanbag chair with a skirt, and the sex scenes lean into the absurdity. There's a point and click sandbox thing going on, you just wander into places, click on a character, and the plot happens. I spent way too long trying to find a specific item in the Kwik-E-Mart, clicking the same shelf like an idiot, and the game's hint system is basically non-existent. The humor is hit or miss, mostly references that feel like they're from season 12. There's a joke about Burns's teddy bear Bobo that made me snort, then immediately a scene with Lisa that made me want to clear my browser history and think about my life choices.

Replayability is a weird word for this. It's not like you're min-maxing a build. You're just... seeing all the depraved corners of the sandbox. I wish the Marge route had more of her signature nervous mumble, you know? "Mmrrmm." Missed opportunity. The whole thing runs in a browser, so it's not like you're committing to a download. You just open a tab, do some degenerate stuff with yellow-skinned milfs, and close it. It's the kind of game you play when your brain is fried and you want something that feels like a fever dream you had after watching too much adult swim. The Burns inheritance plot is just window dressing for a series of increasingly unhinged sexual encounters. It's not good, but it's exactly what it says on the tin, and sometimes that's a weird kind of comfort food.

The loading screen is just a pixelated phone with a cracked screen. Already you know this isn't going to be one of those polished ren'py things with orchestral music and a million branching paths. It's crude, almost deliberately ugly, and that's the whole vibe. Your girlfriend is out with some other guy, a detail delivered with the emotional weight of a weather report, and your mutual friend shows up. She's got that look. The one that says she knows exactly what's happening and she's brought snacks for the show.

The minigame is a rhythm thing, tapping along to a heartbeat that gets faster as she talks. She's not even being cruel, not really. It's worse. She's being... friendly. "Oh, she mentioned he's got really big hands." Tap. Tap. "I wonder if that means..." Tap tap tap. You miss a beat and her smile widens just a fraction. The small penis humiliation tag is there but it's not shouted, it's implied in the way she glances at your lap and then quickly away, like she's embarrassed for you. The cuckolding angle is all off-screen, happening in some other window of reality you can't access, which is somehow more effective than if they showed it. You're stuck in this room with your own imagination and a girl who's having way too much fun watching you squirm.

The humor lands in weird places. There's a moment where she offers you a tissue and the game gives you a dialogue option that's just "...for what?" and her response made me snort out loud. But then the NTR stuff kicks in and it's like, wait, am I supposed to be laughing or feeling hollow inside? The game can't decide either. The reunion at the end, when your girlfriend comes back with her hair slightly messed up and a story that doesn't quite add up, is where the whole thing either clicks or falls apart. For me it was both. The friend's final line is a whisper, almost lost in the static of that cracked phone screen, and I'm still not sure if it was a threat or a promise. The art is janky, the writing is uneven, and I've played it four times.

Vallabelle’s ass bounces different when she’s casting a heal versus when she’s bent over a goblin’s lap getting spanked for mouthing off. I noticed that somewhere around the third corruption path, the one where you let the forest spirit “examine” her magical aptitude while you watch from behind a tree like some kind of cuckolded squirrel. The animation’s crude, sure, but the way her tits squish against the mossy altar. That stuck with me more than any polished triple A nonsense.

The king sends you into this cursed forest for a plague cure, classic fantasy setup, but the real sickness is whatever’s rotting your elf wife’s loyalty meter. Or maybe it’s not rotting. Maybe it’s ripening. The game’s got this teasing rhythm where you’ll be fighting slimes and she’ll complain about the goo in her hair, then five minutes later she’s negotiating passage with a troll by offering a handjob while you stand there holding her staff. The humor is mean, the kind that makes you snort and then feel weird about snorting. Multiple endings branch off how much you lean into the NTR, and the spanking scenes. God. There’s one where she gets bent over a fallen log and the sound effect is just a wet slap repeated twelve times. I counted.

The remake adds some quest mechanics I ignored completely because I was too busy seeing if the magic corruption would turn her nipples a different shade. It does. The 2DCG art isnt winning awards but it knows exactly what it’s doing with the jiggle physics on those big tits during the vaginal scenes. The male protagonist is a blank slate, which works because you’re not here for him. You’re here for Vallabelle’s slow descent from priestess to forest toy, and the game delivers that with a straight face while a plague ravages kingdoms in the background. Priorities.

That locked door gimmick. Right. You're in a convenience store, heatwave outside, and suddenly you're not in a convenience store anymore. Some goth chick with a stare that could curdle milk has you trapped in her weird pocket dimension. And she just... talks. For the entire game. No sex. None. The tags say "no sexual content" and they fucking mean it, which is almost cruel when she's drawn with tits that defy physics and a mouth that keeps saying things that make your brain itch.

The mind control isn't what you think. She's not making you bark like a dog. It's worse. She's in your head, picking apart your memories, and you just sit there clicking through dialogue while she explains exactly why you're pathetic. Female domination through conversation. I kept waiting for a scene where she'd at least touch herself or something, but no. Just her voice, her eyes, that slight smirk. The voyeurism tag is a lie, by the way. You're not watching anyone. You're being watched. She's the one doing the looking, and you're the specimen under glass.

The art is 2D, deliberately rough, like sketches someone did during a boring lecture. The goth girl, she's all sharp angles and dark hair, simple clothes but the way her hips tilt when she leans against the counter. There's this one moment where she crosses her legs and the jeans pull tight and I actually held my breath. Then she started talking about my childhood fears and the boner died instantly. Wish there was a toggle to just make her shut up and pose. But that's not this game. This is a kinetic novel that edges you with words and never lets you finish. The humor is accidental, I think. Some lines are so over the top gothic that I snorted. "Your soul is a convenience store and I am the shoplifter." What does that even mean? The translation is probably to blame. Or maybe that's exactly what she said. With her, who knows.

Mike Oxmaul. Yeah, the name already tells you what kind of dumb horny energy this whole thing is on. He’s a uni kid who’s short in all the ways that hurt a guy’s ego, stuck in a campus full of walking sex symbols and thirsty weirdos, and the whole game just kind of laughs at him while also giving him way too many chances to fuck his way into trouble. On the surface it looks like a chill dating sim sandbox, you wander around, bump into people, poke your nose where it shouldn’t go, but it keeps swerving between “wholesome romance” and “oh wow this is actually kind of filthy” so fast that at some point I just stopped pretending I’d pick the pure routes. One scene you’re trying to hold a semi-normal conversation with a shy virgin classmate, next scene you’re hiding in a locker watching a milf prof get pounded and arguing with yourself if voyeurism counts as studying. It absolutely doesn’t, but Mike will call it research anyway.

What actually sells it is how every choice feels like you’re digging your own grave while laughing. Take the whole cheating and netorare side of it. It starts small, just flirty texts with someone who’s “totally single, promise”, then suddenly you’re the side guy, getting your dick sucked in a campus bathroom while her actual boyfriend is sending her wholesome goodnight messages. Then later, you stumble into a scene where she’s getting used like a toy by some bigger guy and Mike is just there, humiliated, half turned on, half destroyed. The game doesn’t break into a speech about morals, it just sits there like, “yeah, you clicked those options, buddy.” Same with the humiliation and sissification bits: one minute he’s posturing as the big man, next he’s on his knees with a collar on, getting teased by a smug futa or a cruel domme who reads him like a therapist with a strap-on. And the teasing never stops at just “handjob and done”, it loves to drag it out, edging, groping, footjobs that last way too long while he’s trying to focus on some fake “group project” nobody is actually doing. There’s this dumb but brilliant running gag where he keeps telling himself he’s not into being dominated, right after he just licked someone’s toes while they call him “good little toy”. Completely believable, honestly.

Campus life here is like porn Twitter and a bad hentai subreddit crashed into a school setting and no one cleaned up the mess. You’ve got big tit milfs leaking through their shirts, students flashing panties out of nowhere, exhibitionism that’s basically a sport, and then in the middle of that, a random furry girl trying to act like this is a normal dating sim route. Oh, and the lactation and pregnancy stuff? It creeps in slowly. First it’s just “wow, big tits, they bounce”, then there’s a titfuck scene, then some milky blowjob, and Mike’s POV camera is way too close, like the game itself is horny and can’t hold the phone steady. The group sex bits go from clumsy fantasy to full-on bukkake piles, where you’re half lost in bodies and lube and some trans/futa character is absolutely stealing the whole show. The writing will crack a joke, you laugh, and then three seconds later your dick is out again, like, how did we get from banter to anal creampie and sex toys in the ass this fast. Honestly, the only thing that annoyed me was this one looping animation I saw in like three different scenes; every time it popped up again I got irrationally angry and still didn’t skip, which kind of says a lot. It all feels messy, horny, slightly mean, sometimes unexpectedly sweet, and always just a little bit too real about how a guy who’s “coming up short” somehow keeps ending knee-deep in prostitution side gigs, interracial threesomes, and being used as a fuckable stress ball by people way more confident than him. I kept telling myself I’d go for the romance routes and then found myself watching from the closet while someone else made the girl ahegao. Perfectly terrible decisions all the way down.

Malcolm is one of those guys you instantly recognize from real life: early twenties, living with mom and two sisters, convinced the universe is bullying him personally. The game drops you right into that house where every room feels like a porn setup just waiting for an excuse, but it still pretends to be “normal” family life. You wake up, jerk off, sneak around, spy on people, get caught, reload a save, try again, typical loop. The funny part is how the story keeps calling him a loser to his face while also letting him be surrounded by women with asses and tits that just ignore gravity and genetics. It’s like an average Texas suburb, if your average suburb had a milf mom who bends over in front of the fridge like it’s a casting couch and sisters who forget what clothes are for.

What hooked me was the voyeur angle. You’re not instantly fucking everything that moves. You’re peeking through doors, “accidentally” barging in on showers, catching someone late at night, panties halfway down, phone in one hand, vibrator in the other, and you’re just stuck there watching, mouse frozen, like: do I click or do I stare. The game actually lets those moments breathe. There’s this scene where Malcolm scrolls porn on his phone while listening to his sister in the bathroom, hearing that soft wet sound through the wall, and the art hits you with her reflection in the mirror just out of reach. You’re the guy who wants to be an alpha, but you’re still jerking off alone to your own house. That feels way more honest than half the “chad simulator” porn games out there. And then, of course, you end up railing the same girl later on the couch, pussy fully shown, her ass bouncing in time with the little text jokes on screen, so… progress?

The futa / trans path is actually handled smarter than I expected. The game practically waves a flag before anything shows up, like: “hey, this route is packing extra meat, enter at your own risk.” If you don’t want it, you skip it and nothing breaks. If you do, you suddenly get these scenes where Malcolm realizes the “cute girl” he’s been staring at has more under the belt than him, and that whole “alpha male” dream kind of melts for a second. It’s awkward and horny at the same time. There’s this one moment where he’s spying again, thinking he’s going to see a normal dildo session, and instead you see her stroking herself, long, thick, absolutely not plastic. The text freezes just a bit, like the dev is waiting for your brain to catch up, and then Malcolm just keeps watching anyway. That whole “I’m straight, I swear” energy is written in a very human messy way that fits the rest of the humor. Not every joke lands, some lines feel like they were written after too much cheap beer, but the mix of humiliation, dumb memes, family tension, and then straight up vaginal pounding on the bed you saw in the first five minutes… it kind of works precisely because it stays a little trashy.

In this world, the food chain is completely fucked up and you’re the little snack tossed into it with a smile. You wake up in a place where every woman looks like she could bench press a truck, and every guy looks like he escaped from a femboi fashion TikTok compilation. You’re the weird one here: a reincarnated dude from a more “normal” world, suddenly dropped into a horny amazon society where women chase cock like it’s a rare NFT and the local males are delicate toxic brats who act like sex is a scam. The gender balance is collapsing, fertility is wrecked, and the solution apparently is “grab the cute new boy and see how far we can twist his brain and stretch his holes.” Your adopted “family” takes you in, all smiles and soft voices, and immediately starts looking at you like you’re both a pet and a science project. Mom’s a hot milf with that “I bake cookies but also ruin backs” energy, the sisters flirt way too hard for any normal household, and everyone talks about “helping you adjust” while their hands keep slipping lower. The game leans into that whole corruption vibe where they slowly train you, tease you, edge you, but at the same time you start corrupting them right back, teaching them that you’re not just some disposable femboy, you’re a walking problem.

What makes it kind of funny is how shamelessly it mixes horny and humor. One minute you’re in a “serious” story scene about society’s collapse, next minute you’re getting pinned to the couch by a ripped amazon arguing whether your ass or your mouth should be “civil duty” first. There’s monster girls slipping into the cast, paranormal shit that just appears like it’s no big deal, futa and traps dropping in like surprise DLC, and the game just shrugs like “yeah, of course the ghost wants to watch you masturbate, why not.” The POV scenes hit hard because the camera sits right in your shame, especially during those exhibitionism moments when your so-called caring family pushes you out in front of others and you realize you’re getting way too turned on by being treated like a toy. It’s all animated enough to sell the thrusts and the tongue work, and when the romance parts kick in, it’s weirdly sweet, then immediately ruined by someone grabbing your dick mid-confession. You’ll go from laughing at some meme-tier dialogue to suddenly being rock hard while a muscle milf rides you like a stolen bike. There’s this tiny thing with the way the text box keeps popping slightly off-center that drove me insane and I never got used to it, but anyway, the real charm is how the game lets you grow from shy reincarnated dude into someone who can actually fuck back, break these amazons mentally and physically, and still blush like an idiot when a monster girl calls you “good boy” in your ear.

Fable time. There once was a guy who chased the ultimate nut like it was a world record speedrun category. Beat his meat so hard he literally died on attempt number 100. Cardiac arrest by self pleasure. Legend says the human limit is 99, but this madlad pushed through. And what’s his reward for terminal gooning? Isekai, baby. Truck kun never showed up, just a fatal handjob. The gods saw that dedication and said yeah, give this degenerate a cheat skill.

So you get Baby Seeds. Sounds innocent. It’s not. It’s this weird buff mechanic where you splash your essence on warrior ladies and they suddenly unlock new power tiers. The whole sandbox setup lets you roam around bothering elves, monster girls, furries, a stacked milf who definitely knows what she’s doing. The 3DCG animations have that janky unpolished feel where limbs sometimes clip through bodies during anal scenes, but honestly it adds to the charm. Like watching a Source Filmmaker project made by someone really horny. Groping minigames pop up whenever you find a new character, and the humor actually lands sometimes. The protagonist is a certified idiot with male domination fantasies, and the writing doesn’t pretend otherwise.

Wish the small tits option had more screen time, the harem skews heavily toward big tits. Also the magic system barely matters, it’s just a backdrop for oral sex scenes. The furry character questline bugged out on me once and I had to reload, which nobody on the patchnotes thread mentioned. But seeing the isekai setup tied to a literal death by masturbation record? That’s the kind of stupid funny most adult games are too scared to commit to. No epic destiny, just post nut clarity... literally eternal.

The elf girl Lana has tits that bounce with this weird, jerky animation that somehow makes it hotter, like someone drew it frame by frame on a napkin during lunch break. That’s the whole vibe of Old Profession, really. It’s set in a city where magic and monsters bleed into our boring world, and Lana needs cash. She’s what you’d call a highly intelligent dumb girl, the kind who can explain ley lines but walks into a glory hole booth thinking it’s a prayer chamber. I laughed out loud at that part, then immediately got hard. The game doesn’t apologize for itself.

The prostitution system is basically a job board with extra steps. You pick shifts, meet clients, and things escalate. One minute you’re giving a handjob to a nervous virgin with a tiny dick, the next you’re bent over an altar while some tentacled thing from the other realm fills you with glowing goo. The interracial scenes with the orcish types are particularly nasty, the size difference makes the creampies look absurd. I wish the voyeurism tag was more than just a couple of peeping tom moments though, felt tacked on. The incest stuff is there if you squint, some dialogue hints with a cousin character, but it’s not a full route, which is a crime honestly. Why tease that?

The magic spells you learn aren’t just for combat, you can use them during sex to enhance sensitivity or make your ass bounce on its own. There’s this one anal scene with a monster that has two cocks where the animation loops so perfectly I left it running while I made tea. The oral scenes have this sloppy sound design that’s just wet enough. Big ass elves, groping in alleyways, a surprisingly funny script that references old hentai OVAs. Don’t skip the optional scenes, that’s where the weirdest shit hides. The virginity loss moment is handled with zero ceremony, which feels right for this grimy little gem.