Become Alpha is a porn game with tons of memes, kickass branching storyline, quests, RPG-like experience system, and a possibility to have sex with many partners. It's also pretty damn funny. The story is about Harry Panuchkin who's a nerd and a wannabe gangster. He has a big dick, but never actually used it. It's your job to help him get the pussy and make him a proper alpha male, that he always wanted to be.

the number 69 appears and i miss it by a mile because my hand decides now is the time to develop parkinsons. tsunade's massive tits are just sitting there, pixel perfect, and i'm fumbling around like naruto trying to talk to girls. the whole premise is you trace these numbered circles with your cursor while the scene plays out, and each number you hit unlocks more of the action. simple concept. execution that makes me want to throw my mouse through a window.

whoever designed the hitboxes on the later stages was definitely edging themselves. the circles shrink down to like 3 pixels and tsunade's blonde hair is flowing and naruto's stupid whiskered face is right there and i'm supposed to be precise? the game knows what it's doing. it's psychological warfare wrapped in a naruto parody. the art style is that specific flavor of drawn hentai where everyone looks slightly off model but somehow hotter for it. tsunade's chest defies physics in the way only a milf character in a parody game can. there's a blowjob sequence around the middle that had me genuinely forgetting to breathe, not because it was that explicit but because i was so focused on not missing circle 47.

the tab key cheat is the funniest thing. they just put it in the description like "yeah if you suck at our minigame just press tab lol." no shame. i respect that energy. reminds me of old flash games where the developer knew half the players were just gonna spam buttons anyway. the humor lands somewhere between intentional parody and accidental comedy, like when naruto's expression doesn't change at all during what should be a life altering experience. dead inside. relatable king.

the whole thing feels like something you'd find on a forgotten corner of newgrounds at 2am, complete with janky transitions and audio that cuts out randomly. not complaining. that's the vibe. it's not trying to be polished. it's trying to make you fail at clicking circles while tsunade judges you silently. and honestly? she should.

Got the gallery code from a Discord where they post nothing but broken links and desperate pleas for MHA parody games. heroicgameplay. That actually works. The rest of it though... holy shit.

This thing is barely held together with tape and horniness. It's a visual novel that looks like someone drew it on a bus ride after watching two episodes of the anime and then immediately whacking off. The schoolgirl uniforms are there I guess, but the proportions make no sense. One girl's chest is bigger than her entire head and I'm not complaining exactly but it's jarring when she's supposed to be doing superhero training. The dialogue reads like google translate had a stroke. "You've got to do your best to continue studying while also battling the bad guys" is an actual line delivered with the emotional range of a microwave.

But here's the thing. Midoriya's mom isn't in this but some girl who looks vaguely like a bootleg Uraraka keeps showing up with increasingly ridiculous scenarios. There's a scene where you're supposed to be learning about your quirk and suddenly you're balls deep in the locker room. No buildup. Just BAM. Congratulations hero, here's some pussy for studying hard. The humor is completely unintentional which makes it better. I laughed out loud when a villain attack interrupted a sex scene and the character model just... stayed there. Frozen mid-thrust while the text described an explosion.

The evildoers lurking in shadows thing they mention in the description? Barely matters. You fight maybe twice and both times it's resolved by clicking through text boxes. I wish there was an actual combat system where you could, I don't know, shoot cum like Sero shoots tape. That would be something. But no. Just clicking. Always clicking. The gallery unlockable images are the only real payoff and half of them are just cropped versions of scenes you already saw. Except one with what I think is supposed to be Toga but she's got fangs that look like they were added in MS Paint. That one's staying in my folder.

I keep clicking the tall grass like a degenerate. There's a whole convention center to explore, a maid cafe with new cosplayers, some kind of date system they patched in, but no. I'm rubbing my cursor on the same pixel bush for twenty minutes because the patch notes said it forces shiny encounters. My brain knows this is stupid. My hand won't stop. The Jolteon cosplayer in the cafe is probably wondering where I went. I was supposed to save her or something. Instead I'm here, edging the RNG.

The combat is basically Pokemon if Pokemon were horny and the "trainers" were women in increasingly damaged costumes. You don't catch them with balls. You tear their clothes off. That's the mechanic. Hit them hard enough and the fabric gives way, which feels like a metaphor I should unpack with my therapist but honestly I'm too busy grinding for the Gardevoir girl. She's in the maid cafe too. Both of them are savable, the compendium says. The compendium is actually useful now, it replaced the sticker book and shows you all the tear states. You can just look at the art without fighting. But where's the accomplishment in that.

The writing has this weird self-aware humor that almost makes me forget I'm playing what is essentially a strip battle simulator. Carmen stopped drinking poison to show the jabronies how it's done. Mara was stealing 100% of MP and promised to use it for "efficiency and entertainment value." Sure, Mara. Sure. The Ivy date questline actually has an ending now, which is good because loading an old save just to get blueballed by a missing reward image was a special kind of frustration. The animated reward is there. It's fine. It's more than fine. I should probably go trigger it instead of hunting shinies in the tall grass but the clicking, the rubbing, the tiny dopamine hit when the screen flashes. This is why I can't have nice things.

The first thing that hit me with this Pussymon episode 30 is how it feels like someone mashed horny fanfic with a corrupted Pokédex written by a cultist who forgot how shame works. You wander from map to map, chasing quests that pretend to be noble, but in the end it always circles back to the same sacred mission: find new monster girls, beat them up a bit, then fuck them senseless until they become part of your weird traveling harem. The mix of cute, absurd and pretty filthy is strong here. One minute you are clicking through goofy jokes and a badly spelled line about some “legendary” creature, the next you are balls-deep in a fluffy demon girl whose moans repeat in a loop like some hypnotic chant. I actually like that feeling. It is like Lovecraft, if instead of staring into the cosmic void and losing your sanity, you stare into a wet animated pussy and lose your dignity. Very similar effect on the soul, just more lube.

The new girls in this episode really lean into that twisted-parody thing. You see something that clearly riffs on a familiar monster type and your brain goes “aha, I know this species”, and then you notice the huge tits, the dripping slit, the expression that is half predatory and half “use me again”, and it becomes this uneasy blend of cute mascot and succubus. The so-called boss Pussymon has this presence that almost feels like a mini eldritch deity: it shows up, story text tries to hype it, then you slam through its HP bar and straight into an explicit scene that lasts longer than the actual fight. Some of the positions look borderline physically impossible, like the spine is made of tentacles that never finished loading, but honestly that just made me like it more. Reality bends a little and suddenly this shy forest creature is riding you in a way that would turn a real spine into soup. That is exactly the kind of unnatural geometry I expect from good cosmic smut. I do wish the sound effects didn’t cut in and out at random, because nothing kills the mood faster than going from sloppy wet noises to complete silence in the middle of a climax and then back to squelching like nothing happened. I kept thinking it was my browser or my shitty Bluetooth earbuds, but no, it is just the game being stubborn.

Story wise, it pretends to have a big quest line, with companions chatting and some “serious” moments, yet everything is really just connective tissue between the new scenes. I actually appreciate how shameless that is. You get a few lines about traveling to a new area, maybe a joke about some holiday or a bad pun that made me roll my eyes so hard I saw my own brain, then boom, another Pussymon spread open in front of you, begging for “training”. There is a kind of clumsy charm to the writing. English slips here and there, phrases hit a bit wrong, but that just makes it feel more raw to me, like reading a horny SCP entry translated three times through Google. I used the cheat manager after a while, because grinding the same battles for items got annoying, and with that thing on, the game turns into pure monster-girl sex tour. No shame. Just “okay, new map, who am I fucking here”. If I could beg for one improvement, I would ask for more truly monstrous designs, like give me a Pussymon whose mouth opens sideways or whose eyes multiply when she comes. The series keeps flirting with that eldritch line and then backs off into safe anime curves. Still, when that “legendary” bonus scene finally unlocked and the screen filled with this overpowered, dripping, half-divine creature staring at me like I was her next sacrifice, I forgot all my complaints for a moment and just let myself be taken into the warm, sticky void.

You know what gets me? The way that old guy in the manor just hands over a baby photo and expects you to find his adult daughter. Like, sure buddy, I'll just wander into Springfield and ask every 20-year-old if they used to drool on this picture. The whole setup is so stupid it circles back to being funny, and honestly I was more invested in the detective premise than I should've been.

The investigation part is just clicking around talking to people, and then suddenly you're playing this milk minigame with a maid who has absolutely massive tits. I spent way too long trying to figure out the rhythm on that one, it's weirdly specific about timing. You have to like, pump in a pattern or something, and I kept messing it up because I was distracted by the paizuri animation. The art is that kind of rough hentai style where everyone's proportions are completely insane, which I actually prefer to the overly polished stuff sometimes. That redhead at the manor though, her design is just confusing, her boobs are bigger than her entire torso and I couldn't stop staring at how the artist clearly gave up on anatomy halfway through.

The deepthroat scenes are actually pretty good, there's this one with the brunette where she gags and it's more detailed than anything else in the game. But then the anal stuff feels tacked on, like they remembered at the last minute that people want that too. The detective angle completely falls apart after the first few scenes and it just becomes a standard meet n fuck where you're cycling through positions, doggystyle, titfuck, creampie, the usual lineup. I kept forgetting I was supposed to be looking for someone's daughter, which I guess is the point but also maybe not? The cumshot facials are way too abundant, every single encounter ends with one and it starts feeling less like a reward and more like the artist just really, really likes drawing that one thing. The humor lands sometimes, there's this bit with the old man that made me snort, but then other jokes are just "haha boobs" which, I mean, fair enough for what this is.

Vanilla is absolutely losing her shit over some stolen cash and honestly, the whole thing feels like a fever dream I had after eating too much cheese. One minute you're on this actually kinda sweet date with Ivy, the next you're chasing a Meowth cosplayer through what I can only describe as a horny convention center. The new second floor area doesn't even show up on the map, which is either a bug or the most immersive "you are lost in a sea of cleavage" feature ever coded.

The dialogue system got this whole revamp where character portraits now have emotions and slide around during conversations. Sometimes they slide in at the wrong time though and you'll just be staring at an empty textbox while someone's moaning off-screen. It's like the game itself is edging you. The text speed is cranked to one character per frame now which means if you're trying to read the plot, good luck, but also who's here for the plot when there's a Flygon cosplayer to rescue and an animated reward with four stages waiting at the end of the Meowth quest line. Four stages. I won't spoil what happens but let's just say the cosplayer compendium is filling up nicely with Mia and Nia added and my sticker book is becoming a problem.

I wish the status screen wasn't so outdated. It's like looking at a relic from a previous civilization while everything else got this glossy coat of "we learned how to code better." The code optimization supposedly improved performance but my brain still lags every time Vanilla threatens to have someone killed over pocket change. The maid cafe poster works now after saving the Flygon cosplayer, which is great, except I spent twenty minutes clicking on it before the patch like an idiot. The fan guide exists somewhere out there on a Google Doc, probably written by people who've mapped every pixel of this chaos. I haven't looked at it. Some mysteries should stay mysterious, like why the boss music by EternalSushi goes that hard during what's essentially a Pokémon parody where everyone forgot to wear pants.

The whole setup is basically "what if isekai but the fantasy world is just as broken as the one you left." You're some dude who can do magic, which is apparently a huge deal because men don't exist in this realm. They literally have no concept of what you are. That part is genuinely funny, the cultural confusion. But the academy is a dump. One teacher, a nurse, a director. No students. The grand magic school is a fixer upper project and nobody in this world even cares about magic anymore.

Which makes the sex scenes feel weirdly transactional. Like, you're there to help rebuild, but also every female character is discovering what a dick is for the first time. The nurse scene caught me off guard. She's doing a "physical examination" and it escalates fast, her curiosity getting the better of her. The writing doesn't pretend it's anything but porn logic. She's fascinated by your anatomy, wants to study it, and then she's on her knees. The art is rough though. Deliberately unpolished, sure, but sometimes it just looks like a sketch that got colored in without cleanup. The linework on the director character during her scene is all over the place. Her proportions shift between panels. I wish someone had spent another pass on the facial expressions because they go from "mildly interested" to "ahegao" with no in between and it's jarring.

Top 3 moments you'll want to screenshot? The nurse's "examination" where she's holding your cock like a lab specimen. The teacher trying to give a lecture while clearly distracted by the bulge in your robes. And the scene where the director explains the academy's decline while sitting on a throne that's literally falling apart, and you can see her panties because the chair cushion is gone. That one's peak comedy.

The translation is doing that thing where it can't decide if it wants to be a proper localization or a direct translation. Sometimes characters speak like they're in a fantasy novel, other times they drop modern slang. "This magic shit is whack" coming from a centuries old witch. Okay. The humor lands more often than not though. There's a running gag about your buddy from the human world who also came along but nobody pays attention to him because he can't do magic. He's just... there. Being useless. Relatable.

The game forgets it's supposed to be about rebuilding an academy halfway through and just becomes a series of encounters. Which is fine, I guess. Nobody's here for the renovation mechanics. But they set up this whole thing about restoring magic's glory and then it's just "and then you fuck the nurse again." The witch tag is doing heavy lifting for the aesthetic but the actual magic system is barely there. You cast like two spells total.

My kid was looking at this on his phone and I saw the maid, you know, the classic outfit, black and white, frilly little headband. I thought maybe it's one of those anime puzzle games he plays. But then her mouth, it was doing something that made me grab the phone. The whole screen was just her face, eyes looking up, and this thick white stuff, it was like someone squeezed a tube of toothpaste all over her chin and tongue. She looked so happy about it, like she just won a prize. I didn't understand the rules at all, something about a duel master card game but the cards had pictures of her in different states of undress. You pick a card and she does a thing. That's it.

The room in the background is a disaster, clothes everywhere, pizza boxes. The joke is she's supposed to clean but she never does. She just stands there and the mess gets worse while you click on her. The animation is so stiff, like a paper doll being moved by a toddler. Her hand goes to her mouth and it just loops, same three frames, back and forth. I couldn't stop watching because it was so strange. The sound is just a wet, sloppy noise on repeat. It reminded me of when my old washing machine was broken and made that slapping sound.

The whole thing is called a game but you don't really do anything. You click, she does the act, a little meter fills up, and then the screen gets covered in the white stuff. That's the whole loop. The art is scratchy, like someone drew it in a notebook during math class. The humor is just that she's a maid who doesn't clean and does this instead. I kept waiting for a real game to start, like maybe you'd clean the room yourself, but no. It's just that one thing, over and over. I don't know why it's called a duel master, there's no duel, just her and the mess and that same loop. My phone screen got sticky somehow.