Shinji stuck on a broken piece of planet, naked except for some sad leftover clothes, gambling his dignity away with Asuka while Rei watches with that deadpan face and threatens both of them with more humiliation if they stall too much. That’s basically the energy here. It’s blackjack, yeah, but it feels more like a really horny arguments compilation than a card game half the time. You hit, you stay, you pray you don’t bust, because every fucked up hand is one more bit of clothing gone and one more excuse for Asuka to scream at Shinji about what a useless perv he is. And also she’s right, but she’s also slowly stripping, so who’s actually winning here? Quiet part out loud: the best moments are when she’s raging, cheeks red, tits out, still pretending this is all about pride and not about the fact that she’s been trapped alone with him for years and obviously horny as hell.

I liked how the blackjack itself isn’t trying to be clever. Cards pop, you slam “hit” like an idiot, you go over 21, Asuka calls you a dumbass and loses her skirt anyway because Rei is tweaking the rules just to watch them squirm. You get that weird mix of Evangelion angst and dumb sex-comedy, like someone took the original show, cut out all the robots, and said “ok, now they just play horny casino on a rock in space.” Incorrectly, I kept expecting Gendo to walk in or some Angel to show up, but nope, it’s just this awkward threesome energy where Rei’s the referee with god powers and zero patience. There are small things that kept bugging me, like how one particular voice line repeats a bit too much right when you’re trying to focus on the next hand, but then you’re suddenly staring at Asuka’s bare ass and forgot what you wanted to complain about in the first place. Also I still don’t understand why Shinji sometimes looks like he might cry even when he wins a hand, though honestly, feels in character. The humor swings from cringe to actually funny without any warning. One second it’s a cheap boob joke, next second Rei just casually calls out their entire trauma in one line. It’s messy, horny, kinda trashy, and somehow that fits these three way better than it should.

The buttons just sit there, a grid of grey nothing, all promise and no payoff. Slutty McSlut: dating sim, my ass. More like a quiz game wearing a cheap wig and perfume you can smell through the monitor, that specific musk of a flash game from a time when tits were measured in pixels. You click a question, something like "what does a real man do" and then you guess which path leads to the one jpeg with actual effort behind it. No voice, obviously, because that's the whole sick hook for me, right? I'm popping my headphones on, adjusting my audio interface for what? Silent reading. The performances are all in my head, and let me tell you, my inner actress for Slutty is absolutely phoning it in. Couldn't find the right tone. Sounded a bit like an AI reading a terms of service contract.

Scrolling through, it's a carnival of dead links. That big "UPDATE 2010" note is the whole game, really. A strange time capsule promising "hot high quality hentai swfs" on some file host that's probably been a dead domain for a decade. You're not playing a game, you're doing digital archeology, a real 'click the broken image and sigh' simulator. The quiz part is so bare, just a question, then click, then a static reward screen that looks like it was smeared on the canvas with a butter knife. The art's not even trying to be smooth, that raw friend's CG pack energy. Unpolished is the tag, they fucking mean it.

And honestly, it's liberating. No grinding for affection points, just pure 'do you wanna see a harem girl or not' energy. The quiz is stupid. The dates are a punchline. The humor tag is there because the whole experience is a joke you're playing on yourself for clicking. The only emotion Slutty could simulate is the brief, horny confusion of finding an unlabeled VHS tape, and then the video player eats it. I kept clicking, though, swept up in the desperate, hopeful, "maybe the next gray button will be the one" loop. It never is. The joke's on me.

Wait, you fix the font and call it a day? The pixel cow still looks at me like I owe it money. This whole thing runs on dream logic and I respect that. You pull weeds, which somehow becomes grass, which is somehow how you milk her. Got it. Makes perfect sense if you’ve never been on a farm. Or outside.

The milking animation is frankly better than it has any right to be for a game that seems held together with tape. Her udders are massive, the stream is thick, and the sound is… wet. Then you figure out the beer pipeline. Wheat seeds turn into beer. Duh. You get her drunk to boost her mood and production. She gets this dopey, blissed out look, and the milk just, like, triples. It taps directly into that furry breeding kink where a happy, full animal is the goal. The whole hump the air gesture she does when her mood is maxed out is a nice touch. Felt my brain chemistry alter a bit.

The new mating scene they added is a jumpscare if you’re not ready for it. No subtle lead in. You hit a button and suddenly the screen is full of bull. Just absolutely railing her. It’s rough, explicitly animated, and her tits are swinging with a weight that feels physically impossible. Pure, unfiltered breeding press content. It’s hot in a “what am I doing with my life” way. My only real gripe is the weed pulling hitbox. Why is it so stingy? I’m clicking right on a dandelion and getting nothing while my cow stares at me, sober and annoyed. Fix the weed pulling, you cowards.

Huh. Skipped the first game entirely. Didn't even know there was a first game until the loading screen popped up, and by then... well, you're already waist deep in neon fur and bad decisions, why backtrack?

The dazed wake up setup is about as coherent as the rest of it. Our guy, some sort of random hero type with the spatial awareness of a concussed Labradoodle, stumbles from one improbable, clothes-optional crisis to the next. There's a quest structure supposedly, but honestly it's more of a loose suggestion, an excuse to bounce between the kind of aggressively flirtatious encounters that'd get you slapped silly in reality. The humor lands somewhere between a pun-filled greeting card and a late-night cable show you'd never admit to watching. Self-aware silliness saves it, mostly. The writing has this weird, unpolished charm, like someone translated a fever dream through Babelfish. It knows it's dumb. It's not trying to be the opera, it's just a fizzy, sticky-sweet soda that's been left open overnight.

The "sex kitten" isn't a metaphor.

That's not a complaint. The neko stuff is front and center, all purring and tail swishes, but then the furry tag elbow-drops in without warning. One minute you're dealing with a cat-eared cutie, the next a full-on anthropomorphic vixen is propositioning you with the deadpan seriousness of a tax auditor. Completely unpolished visuals don't hurt it. They add this gritty texture where every new character reveal feels like a bizarre, horny piñata. Remember the part with the fishbowl? No context. Just... fishbowl. And a very specific, very damp choice. My brain is still buffering that one. Google Maps once rerouted me through a goat farm; this game feels like that, but everyone wants to touch your pixelated wizard staff. Still don't know what the "daze" was about. Probably tainted sake.

Squeaking. Squeaking.

I dropped like forty bucks on the gacha for this one because the succubus on the banner had that look, you know the one. Got her on the third pity pull and honestly the sprite is fine but the animation loops are kinda stiff. Whatever. The story is about this magician dude who ends up in hell and has to solve puzzles for two girls. One is a succubus with a debt problem or something, the other is an adventurer who got lost. The writing is actually funny in places, like the demon bureaucracy jokes landed better than I expected.

The puzzle sections are weirdly easy until they aren't. There's this one quest where you have to match runes to open a gate and I swear the solution was just random. I clicked shit for ten minutes and then it worked. No logic. But the reward scene after was worth it, full penetration with the adventurer girl and she's got this embarrassed face the whole time. Good stuff. The succubus scene is locked behind a second quest chain that requires you to replay the whole first act because you missed a dialogue option. I'm not doing that. Maybe later.

The humor is hit or miss. Some jokes feel like they were written by someone who just discovered puns. But then there's a moment where the magician tries to bribe a hellhound with a bone and the dog just stares at him. That got me. I wish the game had more of that and less of the fetch quest filler. The art style is clean but the backgrounds are super empty. Hell looks like a red void with some rocks. For the price of the gacha pulls I expected more environment detail. Anyway the second girl's tits are huge and the jiggle physics are actually decent. That's what matters.

The slime girl in the second zone has this little animation where she sort of wobbles before the turn based battle starts and I kept resetting just to see it again. Not because it's hot, though it is, but because the wobble has this weird charm like a dog that knows it's about to get a treat. Monster Ambassador is rough. The text skip with Z is a blessing because some dialogue drags like a minotaur with a pulled hamstring. But then you meet a tentacle creature in a cave and the whole screen gets this purple filter and suddenly the jank feels intentional, like a fever dream you don't want to wake from.

The battle system is basic. Attack, defend, maybe use an item if you remembered to buy one from the weird merchant who only appears on Tuesdays in game time. I forgot what I was talking about. The creature designs carry the whole thing. A slime girl who drips more than she should, a minotaur with a chest wider than my car, tentacles that don't even pretend to be subtle. The humor lands sometimes, other times it's like a dad joke at a funeral. But the fantasy setting means nobody questions why you're befriending monsters instead of killing them, which is refreshing.

One thing that bugs me. The sound effect when you level up is way too loud compared to everything else. Scared my cat off the couch twice. No option to adjust it separately. Anyway, the adventure structure is loose, more like a series of encounters than a real story, but the promise of new monster scenes keeps me clicking. The turn based fights get repetitive after a while, but then a new creature shows up and I forget the grind. It's not polished, it's not deep, but it knows exactly what it is. A weird little monster fucker sandbox with heart. And slime. So much slime.

The loading screen alone tells you everything. That little spinning icon sits there for what feels like forever, and you start wondering if your browser's about to crash. Then bam, Erza's right there looking at you with that expression that says she knows exactly why you're playing this. Not the real Erza obviously, but the sprite work captures something genuine about her, that mix of terrifying and... well. You know.

The writing's rough in places, like the creator just typed whatever horny thought crossed their mind at 2am and never looked back. Some dialogue choices made me snort coffee through my nose, and I'm still not sure if the humor's intentional or just a happy accident of someone whose English isn't quite there yet. There's this one scene with a magic circle that's supposed to be dramatic but the text describes it with such weird enthusiasm you can't help but laugh. The pixel art has that deliberately messy quality, like a doujin scanned from a convention floor. Character proportions shift between scenes in ways that would make an art teacher weep, but honestly? That jank adds something. Makes it feel more personal, less sterile than those polished VNs where every tit is perfectly symmetrical.

The hentai scenes don't hold back, and thank fuck for that. When things get explicit, the game commits fully, none of that fade-to-black cowardice. The Erza content specifically hits that sweet spot between fantasy and the character's actual personality from the series. Though the CGs sometimes look like they were drawn by someone who learned anatomy from other hentai rather than actual humans. Which is probably exactly what happened. The patreon exclusive scene is mentioned in the menu but grayed out, just sitting there taunting you. Classic move. I respect the hustle even while being annoyed by it. For a browser game that takes an eternity to load, it delivers exactly what the tags promise. Nothing more, nothing less, and sometimes that's all you need when you're scrolling through a certain kind of site at a certain kind of hour.

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Become Alpha is a porn game with tons of memes, kickass branching storyline, quests, RPG-like experience system, and a possibility to have sex with many partners. It's also pretty damn funny. The story is about Harry Panuchkin who's a nerd and a wannabe gangster. He has a big dick, but never actually used it. It's your job to help him get the pussy and make him a proper alpha male, that he always wanted to be.