Ok so you know that feeling when you open a game and the art style hits you like a truck, but not in a good way? Like someone traced over a flash animation from 2006 and then just... gave up on the faces halfway through. That's the vibe here. Princess Amalia, the blonde one from Wakfu, is just lying in bed like a lump, and her servant Evangelyne decides the best alarm clock is some hardcore cunnilingus. Fair enough, I've had worse mornings.

The tongue work starts off decent, got that wet sound and everything, but then Amalia loses control of her nature powers or whatever and summons these big green tentacles. And I mean, they just appear. No buildup, no sexy shimmer, just *bloop* there they are. One second it's a soft yuri wake-up call, the next it's a double penetration gangbang with plant monsters. The pacing is like a microwave dinner, frozen in the middle and lava on the edges. Evangelyne gets tossed around, her blonde ponytail clipping through her own shoulder the whole time, which I complained about to my cat and he didn't care either.

The cumshot at the end is ridiculous. Like a fire hydrant of goo that covers both girls completely. A facial so massive it looks like they lost a fight with a ghost. The pussy and anal action is explicit, no fade to black, which I respect. But the animation loops are so stiff. Amalia's masturbation scene before the tentacles is just the same three frames of her hand moving. I've seen more fluid motion in a flipbook drawn on a sticky note pad. Still, if you're here for lesbian cartoon debauchery with zero pretense, it delivers the sticky mess it promises. Just don't expect the characters to look like they do in the actual show. Evangelyne's face during the anal part is... a choice. A haunted choice.

I knew this was going to be a mess when Cyborg’s dick made that mechanical whirring sound. Not a joke. There’s an actual audio cue like a garage door opener engaging before he gets down to business, and honestly, that’s the level of craftsmanship we’re dealing with here. The whole thing feels like someone drew it on a bus ride then spilled coffee on the sketchbook. Jinx’s face during the first scene is... I don’t know what emotion that’s supposed to be. Surprise? Mild indigestion? She’s bent over some console that’s just a grey rectangle with blinking dots, and Cyborg’s hand is somewhere that might be her hip or might be a rendering error. The fingering animation loops three times then just stops, like the game got bored of itself.

Starfire’s route is where things get genuinely unhinged. Her eyes are looking in two different directions during the blowjob scene, which adds this unintentional horror element I couldn’t stop laughing at. The cumshot lands on her cheek but the texture is just a flat white circle that doesn’t follow the contours of her face, so it floats there like a tiny ghost. Raven’s scene has her levitating, which is canon I guess, but the artist clearly gave up on perspective because her legs are the same length as her torso. The lesbian content between Jinx and Starfire is the most competently animated part, which tells you exactly where the priorities were. Their fingering scene actually has, like, three whole frames of movement before it cycles.

I spent way too long staring at Cyborg’s metal arm clipping through Raven’s thigh. The fin on his head keeps changing size between scenes. Sometimes it’s a shark fin, sometimes it’s a sad little nub. Nobody tested this. Nobody cared. And yet I kept clicking through every route because there’s something hypnotic about watching someone’s barely functional porn parody collapse under its own ambition. The sound effects are stock library groans mixed with what I swear is a microwave beep. I wish Beast Boy was here. He’d probably be a green smear with googly eyes and I would’ve loved every broken frame of it.

The sailor uniform stays on. Sometimes. Other times it’s just a crumpled blue heap in the corner of a classroom that looks like it was drawn by someone who’s never seen a real desk but has definitely thought a lot about what happens on top of one. Yoshino Momji, that’s the girl, has this blank angel face that makes the whole thing feel like finding a cursed image on an old phone. You just click through the gallery, no real game here, just a series of unlocked scenes that get progressively more unhinged. A teacher with a chalkboard eraser. Then a female teacher, which is a nice touch of yuri that feels almost sweet for half a second before it’s not. The art style is that specific kind of hentai where the lines are too clean and the fluids are rendered with more care than the backgrounds.

I spent way too long on the dog scene. Not because it was good, but because the dog’s expression is just… it’s a png of a shiba inu pasted into a situation it clearly doesn’t understand. The contrast between the detailed anatomy of the girl and the clip-art quality of the animal is something that will pop into my head while I’m trying to use the Duolingo app later. Completely unrelated thought, but the creampie animations here have a weird physics to them, like the viscosity is all wrong. A minor detail that somehow matters more than the actual act.

There’s an alien. Forgot to mention that. A whole tentacle thing that feels obligatory, like the creator was checking boxes on a list of depravities. The best parts are actually the smaller, meaner scenes with the “bad guys” because they lean into the *** tag with a casual cruelty that’s more effective than the monster stuff. The schoolgirl with small tits aesthetic is consistent, I’ll give it that. A mock award for “Most Unsettling Use of a Canine PNG” is firmly in the bag. Wish the facial cumshots had better placement, they always land just off the mark, like a sneeze you aimed wrong. Won’t be fixed. Just click through, don’t expect a story, and maybe clear your browser history after. The whole thing feels like a corrupted memory of a sailor moon episode that never existed.

The whole thing feels like a spreadsheet with tits, which is maybe the point. You got this blonde, Lena or whatever, and you push her through scenes, upgrade her skills, watch numbers go up. The pickup line mechanic is stupid fun though. You get these dialogue options before a shoot, like you're speed dating but the goal is to get her to do anal on camera. Half the lines are so bad they'd get you slapped in a real bar, but here they work if your charisma stat is high enough. I kept picking the sleaziest ones just to see the reactions. She rolled her eyes once and still did the scene, so realism isn't exactly the priority.

The manager sim part is grindy as hell. Click this, wait for energy, click that. But then you unlock a lesbian scene with the other blonde and suddenly you forget the boring UI. Big tits everywhere, physics that don't make sense but who cares. The 3D models look like they were made by someone who learned Blender from a YouTube tutorial in 2016, but the animations during sex are decent enough. Not that I was paying attention to the faces.

Wish there was more variety in the quests. It's always "do three photoshoots, then a blowjob scene, then repeat." The RPG elements are shallow, like the skill tree has maybe four branches and one of them is literally just "bigger cumshots." I don't know why I expected depth from a game called Rise of the Pornstar. The blonde gets famous, you get money, you buy her a boob job, repeat. It's fine. Not great, not terrible. Just fine.

One thing that bugged me, the camera angles during the simulator parts are fixed. You can't rotate, can't zoom, nothing. For a porn game that's a weird choice. Anyway, the sound effects are stock as hell. Same wet noise every time.

The fifth one already and the intern still doesn't know how to lock the door. I clicked through the dialogue with Ivan's girlfriend, some side quest about meeting her, and then the massage table appears. The real model thing is weird because her face stays the same while the body does things that don't match the lighting. But the lesbian scene with the client, the one they call most valuable, that part works. Two women on the table, oil, the camera stays close. The video loops are short but the audio, just wet sounds and breathing, no music, that got me.

The pickup mechanic is basically click the right body part at the right time. I failed twice because the cursor icon didn't change and I thought I was supposed to wait. Then the group sex scene unlocked and I realized the quest was just a gate. Not complaining. The intern's idea to meet Ivan's girlfriend leads to a threesome that feels rushed, like they cut a scene in the middle. One moment she's shy, next moment her face is buried between legs. The transition is a black screen with a text box. Classic.

I wish the massage institute setting mattered more. You see the sign, the reception desk, then it's just rooms. No walking around, no picking which client. The erotic tag is doing heavy lifting because the sex scenes are explicit but the buildup is thin. Still, for a browser game, the video quality is decent. The lesbian scene with the client, the one where she uses both hands, I replayed that three times. The intern's face during the group scene looks bored, which is funny because the audio says otherwise. Maybe that's the real model problem. Anyway, if you like massage games with real footage and don't mind clicking through text, this one's fine. The fifth episode means they know what they're doing, even if the door locking thing never gets fixed.

Pussymon Episode 17 has the energy of a sticky sketchbook found under a mattress, and I mean that as a twisted compliment. The whole thing is a furry adventure quest where you don't catch monsters, you tame them through these weird little minigames. The creator says they made them easy, and yeah, they're so simple it's almost insulting, like a rhythm game for someone with one finger. But then you fail one because you got distracted by the absurdly detailed pussmon design and suddenly you're locked out of a scene. That friction, the sloppy UI fighting against genuine curiosity, is the real gameplay.

The story this time goes hard into some myth about Hydragodon, but honestly I spent more time replaying the Lizardish and Lepllanny "battle" than following the lore. It's the fight everyone apparently wanted, and it delivers in the most literal pussymon way possible, all slapping flesh and bizarre anatomy. There are 23 new animations, and they range from surprisingly fluid to looking like two gummy worms having a domestic dispute. The new character Dara shows up, and there's a choice system now with five different endings, two of which tease some upcoming Master Forms. The branching paths are a nice touch, even if the writing sometimes reads like it was translated through three different languages and a hangover.

What sticks with me is the sheer handmade horniness of it all. The fisting tag isn't a joke, it's a promise, and the game delivers with a kind of earnest, unpolished glee. I wish the minigames had a bit more bite, maybe a fail state that was more interesting than just a locked door. The humor is accidental half the time, like a character's deadpan expression during a supposedly intense reveal. It's a mess, a furry fever dream coded in a basement, and the bugs are features if you squint hard enough. The whole thing feels like it could corrupt your save file at any moment, and that danger is part of the charm.

The whole thing feels like someone took a late night Cinemax softcore scene from 2003 and turned it into a pop quiz. You get these two models, a blonde and a brunette, staring at you like you just asked them the square root of something. The premise is you answer trivia to prove you're some kind of porn connoisseur, and if you're right, clothes start coming off. The video quality has that specific compressed, slightly desaturated look that makes me crave a cigarette I've never smoked. It's not polished. It's not trying to be. It's got the energy of a forgotten Flash game your weird uncle would have bookmarked.

The logic puzzles are where it gets absurd. One minute you're identifying a star from a blurry elbow shot, the next it's a basic math question that feels like it wandered in from a different website. The striptease is the only real mechanic that matters, and it's a slow burn. The brunette has this way of looking directly into the camera while unbuttoning her top that's more effective than any 4K render I've seen lately. She gets it. The blonde seems a bit distracted, like she's mentally going over her grocery list, but honestly that just adds to the charm. It's a videoquest where the quest is just... her jeans.

I wish there was more interaction with the models beyond the binary right/wrong. A DLC where you could pick the music, or maybe a mode where the questions get progressively more unhinged and personal. Something like, "What's her tattoo say?" while the camera is definitely not on her tattoo. The lesbian tag is there but it's more of a vibe than an event, just two women being close while you fail a question about filmography. The whole experience is like a house party where someone spilled a drink on the DVD remote and now you're just stuck on the menu screen, but the menu screen is kind of hot.

The whole thing feels like someone left a camcorder running in a room where a poker night went feral. The models are real, or at least real enough that you start wondering about their lives between hands, which is a weird headspace to be in when you're also trying to calculate pot odds. The striptease isn't some smooth, choreographed thing. It's awkward in a way that loops back around to being hot, like watching someone fumble with a bra strap through a slightly smudged lens. The lesbian tag isn't just window dressing either. There's a specific moment where a losing hand leads to a kiss that lingers just a beat too long, and the camera doesn't know where to look. Neither did I.

The shooter part is where my brain short-circuited. You're not just playing cards. You're literally defending your hand by blasting away at the opponent's cards as they fly across the screen. Imagine trying to concentrate on a pair of queens while pixelated hearts and spades are getting gunned down by a cursor that feels like it's been dipped in lube. I missed a straight flush because I was too busy staring at a garter belt. No regrets. The arcade chaos means the erotic beats hit harder because they feel like a reward for your shitty aim, not a cutscene you just sit through.

The soundtrack is this sleazy, low-bit synth that sounds like a forgotten B-side from a 90s adult film. It doesn't try to be sexy, it just is, in a grimy, unpolished way. I wish the poker AI was a little less suicidal, but then again, if it played smart, I'd never see the full strip. There's a glitch where a model's shirt phases through her shoulder during a shuffle and honestly, it adds to the charm. It's a mess. A sticky, confusing, surprisingly honest mess.

Strip billiards. Not a phrase I thought I'd ever type but here we are. JackPool takes the basic idea of blackjack and welds it onto a pool table, then wraps the whole thing in a lesbian peep show starring actual models. The math is simple, you're trying to hit 21 by sinking balls, but the table physics feel like they were coded by someone who learned friction from a porno. Balls slide, bounce weird, sometimes just stop dead like they got bored. It's janky as hell and honestly that's half the charm.

The real models are the draw obviously. Two women, one a sultry brunette with a resting smirk, the other a blonde who looks like she's already planning her grocery list while slowly unbuttoning her shirt. The video quality is what you'd expect from a late night cable access show that got lost on its way to the internet. Grainy, slightly washed out, but the awkwardness is genuine. There's a moment where the brunette is supposed to do this sexy lean over the table and she nearly knocks the cue ball off, catches herself, and just laughs. That unpolished moment is hotter than any perfectly choreographed strip sequence. The blackjack mechanic is just a delivery system for the striptease, and nobody's pretending otherwise. Win a hand, a piece of clothing comes off. Lose, and you get a pouty look that's almost worth the failure.

The arcade tag is doing some heavy lifting here. It's more of a patience tester than a skill game. The aiming line wiggles like a nervous chihuahua and the power meter is about as precise as a drunk throwing darts. I spent a solid minute trying to line up a shot that would give me exactly 21, only to watch the ball ricochet off three bumpers and sink into a pocket that gave me 23. Bust. The blonde rolled her eyes so hard I felt it through the screen. There's no real strategy beyond praying to the RNG gods, but again, you're not here for the billiards. The lesbian content is softcore at best, lots of lingering touches and meaningful eye contact while bras hit the floor. It's the kind of thing that would've been scandalous in 1998 and now just feels like a Tuesday on certain subreddits. The blackjack twist is clever enough to keep you clicking, even when the physics engine betrays you for the fifth time in a row. I wish the models had more interaction with each other instead of just taking turns stripping, but that's probably asking too much from a game that can't even render a proper bank shot.