MC comes back from college, thinks he is just going to crash in his old room, jerk off in peace and pretend to look for a job. Then Grandma pops in with this "old friend" of hers who looks like somebody took every milf / gilf fantasy tag from a porn site and put it into one thirsty woman. She is polite at first, all tea and cookies and "how is your studying", but the game is not subtle. The camera lingers on her tits too long, the way she sits on the couch shows too much thigh, she bends just a little too slow when she picks up something in front of MC. There is this really nice build up where she keeps "accidentally" touching him, brushing his leg, hugging him from behind in the kitchen. You can pretend to be innocent, but the game knows you are watching for that first shower peeping moment, and it delivers that early. You see her soaped up body in the foggy glass, big ass pushed back, tits heavy, and MC arguing with himself if he should keep watching or pull out his dick right there. Of course you do. The masturbation scenes feel kind of clumsy in a good way, like an actual horny college guy back in his childhood room, trying to be quiet while fapping to the sound of water and her humming.

The whole thing leans hard into this "forbidden but somehow wholesome" vibe. She tucks him into bed, strokes his hair, then next scene you are basically doing sleepy groping under the blanket while she pretends to be half-asleep. Some choices push you toward romance, cuddling and soft kissing, and then suddenly there is rimming, anal teasing and her guiding his hand over her soaked panties like she waited years for some real dick. One of my favorite bits is the morning wood scene, she walks in, freezes, but instead of screaming she just sits on the edge of the bed. The whole conversation is about "boys your age" and "you must be so frustrated" while her eyes are locked on his cock. If you play your answers right she ends up wrapping her fingers around it and giving this slow, almost shy handjob, saying dirty things in a calm grandma-friend voice. That mix between caretaker and total slut is messed up in exactly the way you expect from a landlady-style game, just older and kinkier. It goes from oral in the living room while some religious show plays in the background, to full-on groping in public, anal on the couch with a pillow over her face so the neighbors do not hear her, squirting on the bedspread Grandma picked. There is also some light maledom where MC starts taking control, spanking that thick ass, making her kiss his feet and worship his cock like it is the second coming. The game flirts a bit with the whole cheating angle if you read between the lines, she talks about her "late husband" and some hints about past lovers, but it never turns into drama, it stays in this horny bubble where everyone is just very eager to fuck MC.

You have all the usual corruption steps. At first she is shy about showing her nipples, later she is riding him reverse in the kitchen, big tits bouncing while she moans his name and begs for a creampie. There is a pretty hot foot scene where she makes him sit on the sofa, strips slow, then strokes him with her soles, pressing his shaft between her soft feet, licking her thumb and rubbing the tip until he almost loses it. She calls herself a "dirty old woman" and asks him to fill her up, and yeah, you can knock her up if you stick to raw sex and do not pull out. The pregnancy twist actually fits the story because she starts talking about feeling young again, about having "twins" as this crazy fantasy, like her body is trying to fight time using his seed. Some scenes get wild with toys too, like using a vibrator on her clit while she kneels between his legs, mouth full of cock, drool all over. The deepthroat art is a bit uneven here and there, and one lesbian side scene with another older woman is kind of rushed and not as hot as it could be, but it still gives that harem hint, like MC could slowly collect horny mature women from Grandma’s circle. There is light bdsm, collars, a bit of slave play where she kneels and calls him "sir", though it stays on the soft side, more teasing than hardcore. The writing swings between genuinely sweet romance and pure filth, sometimes in the same line. One moment she is cuddling him, stroking his chest hair and saying she is proud of him, next moment she is begging for anal, asking him to spit in her mouth and slap her big ass red. It feels messy, wrong, over the top and way too hot for how silly the basic premise is. You finish a scene with her covered in cum, smiling like a saint who just discovered a new religion, and you kind of hate yourself, then click "next day" anyway.

Main guy drags his ass back from college, broke, horny, thinking life is gonna be boring again, and instead he walks into this super weird domestic porn fantasy that feels half like a sitcom and half like that one filthy subreddit you only open in incognito. The whole setup is normal on paper: small house, quiet neighborhood, "behave yourself, dear," all that soft grandma energy. Then her friend shows up. And she is problem. Not in a "oops my towel slipped" way, more like she knows exactly what his cock is doing under the table and she enjoys watching him panic about it. She plays it sweet, offering cookies and cuddles, then five minutes later she has him hard as fuck from just tracing a finger on his knee while granny is in the next room talking about knitting. It starts slow, like wholesome teasing, almost cute, and then suddenly the same woman is making him lick her fingers clean after she stuffs his face in her pussy and calls it "practice."

What I liked is how the game leans into that whole "standard landlady porn plot but crooked." It has the expected peeping in the shower, sneaky hand under the blanket while someone "sleeps," those early morning scenes where he wakes up with a tent and somebody just happens to walk in and stare a bit too long. Only here the main target is this older friend who looks all classy on the outside, but the more affection points you stack, the filthier she gets. First she just gives him a soft handjob while shushing him, then she starts using toys on herself and making him watch like some obedient slave, then she flips and rides his face, talking about how long she waited for a young cock in this house. It jumps from sweet cuddling on the couch to "open your mouth and take my squirt" so fast that my brain had whiplash and my dick said thank you. There is some light romance sprinkled in there, like she actually cares, then ten seconds later she orders him to cum inside and says they’ll deal with a baby if it happens. Totally normal conversation topic over tea.

At some point the game just stops pretending anyone in that house is innocent. You get lesbian tension in the bathroom when grandma’s friend "helps" with washing, a random footjob under the table while the old lady complains about her back, a secret cosplay outfit hidden in the wardrobe that turns into this ridiculous scene where she pretends to be a strict dom teacher but keeps breaking character to laugh. There is groping everywhere, ass slaps that sound like someone dropping raw meat, titjobs that last way too long in a good way, even this weirdly tender moment where they cuddle after a brutal anal session and she talks about loneliness like it is nothing while he is still leaking cum. Sometimes she goes full femdom, sometimes she just melts and lets him take control, choking her lightly while she begs for creampie and calls him "my good boy" like that’s not the most twisted wholesome thing ever. I wish the game stopped fading to black on a couple specific kinks it clearly teases, but it never will, it just smiles at you and closes the door every time. Also there is one mug in the kitchen that keeps changing color between scenes and it pissed me off more than it should, but anyway, if you push her route hard enough and flirt like a total homewrecker, the house turns into a kind of slow-burn harem disaster where every "innocent" movie night feels like foreplay and you start wondering who is going to climb into his bed next.

The whole thing starts pretty low-key: burned-out dev guy, stolen app, goes back to his hometown because everything in the city went to shit. On paper it sounds like one of those sad grindy life sims, but in practice it turns into this messy, horny sandbox where every “normal” place from childhood suddenly has someone with ridiculous curves and questionable boundaries hanging around. It feels like the engine was made for a mid-tier mobile RPG first, then the dev just kept stacking lewd interactions on top of it until the dialogue system started creaking. Sometimes the text queues lag half a second on my phone and the girl is already moaning in the animation before the line pops up, which accidentally makes it dirtier, like you’re catching her mid-thought. On PC browser it’s smoother, Chrome handled most scenes better than Firefox for me, especially the animated stuff with group action and multiple camera moves, but you can feel the budget when several bodies and particles fill the screen and the fps briefly dies while a creampie finishes.

What really sells it is how unclean the pacing is. You might be chatting about your stolen app one moment, then you click the “wrong” response and suddenly you’re groping a stacked aunt-type character in the hallway while she half-heartedly pretends to say no, and you can either stop or double down into full-on blackmail path. The incest angle is never subtle. The game just leans into it with those “we shouldn’t do this” lines while her tits are basically trying to escape her top. There’s this backyard punishment scene where you can choose between spanking, making her suck you off under the porch light, or going straight to anal if you played your cards right earlier. The animation there is surprisingly explicit: ass jiggle, ahegao, drool, the whole porn hub starter pack, but the lighting bugs out if you rotate the camera too fast and her shadow looks like some kind of cursed mannequin. I sort of love that it’s not polished, though. Same with the footjob scene in the living room, her toes clipping slightly through the cock, but the expression on her face sells it anyway and the sound design is filthy in the best way. On my Android phone the UI buttons overlap during those closer shots, so the “back” button floats awkwardly next to her open mouth and I keep almost clicking it when I just want to watch the throat bulge during oral.

Story tries to pretend it cares about romance routes and “healing your roots”, then an hour later you’re in what is basically a small-town BDSM circuit, sharing toys between girls and acting like it’s normal neighbor stuff. One girl you meet through the app subplot starts out as a shy virgin, then you unlock a masturbation scene where you spy on her with the very tech that was stolen from you, so it has this nice voyeuristic loop: you were wronged, now you’re the creep. Later on, if you push her, she goes from handjob in your room to titfuck in the office and finally this messy vaginal scene on a desk that’s clearly not built for physics, because items vibrate slightly while you pound her. I had one group sex event in a cramped bedroom where the camera had to choose which big ass to focus on and the AI decided to zoom right into a side angle of a toy slipping in and out, ignoring the girl sucking you off at the same time. It’s chaotic and oddly hot. The RPG bits keep poking their head in too: stats gates for anal, “obedience” checks before you can cum inside for a creampie ending, little text notes about whether she stays a good girl or starts begging for more. Romance flags exist, but the game never punishes you for juggling several women, it just quietly tracks who you’ve tied up, who you’ve watched through cameras, who you’ve turned into your personal cum dump. Sometimes I wish they’d smooth the UI scaling for smaller screens or fix that annoying delay when switching from map to bedroom scenes, but also, if it ever became super clean and corporate, it would lose half of this dirty, slightly wrong charm that makes the whole hometown full of sex toys, spanking, and bad decisions feel like a broken app you keep opening anyway.

You start as this quiet security guy who is clearly paid way too little for how dirty his nights get. Camera feeds, dark corridors, bored scrolling on your phone, that constant low buzz of cheap lights above your head. The whole place feels like it wants to keep secrets, and everybody around you already has one. The mafia angle actually works here, not just as excuse for guns and tattoos, but as this weird family you get sucked into, with people who smile at you while planning how to break someone’s fingers in the next room. It’s the kind of world where “loyalty” means a lot until someone prettier walks in with a better offer or shorter skirt.

The boss’s daughter is where everything breaks open. She walks like she owns not only the club, but your dick too, long before she even touches you. At first she flirts in front of the cameras, knowing exactly which angles you see from the control room. Short skirt, no bra, leaning over desks when she clearly doesn’t need to. She treats the surveillance system like her own private stage. There is a scene where she’s talking to her father in the office, pretending to be this innocent girl, and the second he leaves, she sits on the desk facing the camera, spreads her legs a bit and just stares into the lens like she knows you are about to undo your belt. That slow burn voyeur stuff works better than all the usual instant porn clicks. You feel like a creep. A very happy creep. And then later she acts offended you watched. Of course she knew. Of course she likes it. It’s a mafia world, everyone likes a bit of control, even when they pretend they hate it.

What I didn’t expect is how the game makes “security work” into foreplay. Checking blind spots, timing patrols, figuring out which camera to switch off right before your “meeting” with her in the storage room. One time she drags you into this dim back corridor, hand pressed over your mouth, telling you to be quiet while she jerks you off against a wall, and at the same time you keep one eye on the tiny monitor behind her to make sure no one sees. There is this mixture of panic and arousal that feels very honest, like being hard at the worst possible moment. Then things get heavier. Her idea of fun slides from teasing to choking, collar play, you on your knees between her thighs while her father is literally in the next room talking business. She will suck you off under a desk and then five minutes later act like you are her new bodyguard, ordering you to keep other girls “safe”, when everyone knows you are just checking them out on camera and imagining who will end up on their knees next. There is anal in places where nobody should realistically try anal, facials on floors that never get cleaned, a closed door scene where you hear two women moaning and only see them through a dusty monitor, their legs tangled together while you stroke yourself, too nervous to walk in. Corruption creeps up slowly, one favor at a time, until you realize you are no longer the quiet guard, but the guy coordinating who goes where, who gets tied up, who gets shared. And if you are smart, you’ll take it slow, let the teasing scenes breathe, stay a little longer on each camera, watch how their faces change when they think nobody is looking, then walk in at the worst possible moment and ruin their fake innocence properly.

You come back from this secret magic unit thinking you’ve seen some weird shit already, then Stormside Academy just looks at you and says “hold my beer”. On the surface it’s exactly what it pretends to be: big fancy international school, uniforms that pretend to be modest, teachers who talk about “standards” while their eyes go straight to the girls’ thighs. Underneath that, there’s this whole twisted system where every girl is basically one bad grade away from being bent over a desk, and everyone acts like it’s just part of the handbook. The thing that caught me is how normal it feels for the characters. They talk about oral exams and you have to pause a second because you know they mean both kinds. Nobody’s shocked for long. They’re nervous, turned on, scared, proud, all at once. It actually feels like a place with rules, not just “click here to fuck her”. Even when you’re literally timing a spanking so it lines up with her breathing, it fits the school logic in a fucked up way.

You end up taking the role of the Magistrate, which sounds super formal, then two minutes later you’re telling a shy honor student to strip in front of the class and describing it like “corrective public instruction”. The power fantasy is not subtle at all. You say it’s about whether you protect them or use them, but the game is happiest when you’re right in the middle, pretending you’re doing this for their benefit while your cock is in their mouth. Some scenes are surprisingly sweet. I didn’t expect to care when Riley shakes and tries to keep eye contact while you slide a toy inside her to “help with focus training”, but the voice in her head, the way she bites her lip, it sells it. Then two clicks later you’re making Cassie hold a humiliating pose in the hallway so everyone can see her tits bounce each time you slap her ass. It gets even nastier when you mix in those magic talents. One girl’s power flares up when she orgasms, so you’re literally edging her as school safety procedure. Another can see ghosts, so now there’s a voyeur audience even when you’re technically “alone” with her, and the game just treats that as normal.

And yeah, I’m the weirdo who spends half the time listening. The sound work is messy in a way that actually feels good. Not Hollywood-quality stuff, but the wet noises during a titfuck have that sticky little pause that you only get when someone actually pressed skin against skin instead of using a generic loop. Some moans clip slightly when the girls ahegao hard and it weirdly fits, like they’re too loud for the mic. You get clear differences too: quiet shaky breaths when a girl is forced to masturbate in a locked classroom stall vs that sharp hitch in her throat when you suddenly switch to rougher, more dominant play and make her say she’s your slave. Oral scenes have this soft slur around the words that made me grin, because yeah, that’s how it sounds when someone’s trying to talk with a dick halfway down. There is one annoying thing where a certain toy buzz repeats too perfectly and once you notice it, you can’t unhear it, but the rest of the layering hides it most of the time. Lesbian punishment “sessions” have lighter, quicker breath patterns and more giggles, which makes it feel different from when you’re on top of them. And when you’re watching through a crack in the door, the sound is slightly muffled, like someone finally understood voyeurism isn’t just a camera angle. Really, the whole place feels alive just from the mix of footsteps in the corridor, distant cries from another “correction”, and the soft, shameful little whimpers in your own office when a girl tries not to make a sound and completely fails.

Zack shows up at college thinking life will be normal, chill, maybe a bit boring, and then he gets Braden as a roommate and everything just goes sideways in the slowest, quietest, most fucked up emotional way possible. The whole thing feels like someone sat in Discord VC for months listening to two shy guys talk about nothing and then turned it into a game. Most of the time you’re not even jerking off, you’re just reading these long conversations where they circle around what they actually feel, trip over their own words, throw stupid jokes to hide how scared they are. And somehow that’s hotter than half the straight-up porn games out there. There’s a scene where Zack is sitting on his bed, overthinking, screen light on his face, and Braden is brushing his teeth in the tiny dorm bathroom with the door half open. Nothing explicit happens, but you know exactly where both their brains are going, and it honestly made me more tense than some hardcore gangbang VN I played last week with 20 tags and zero soul.

The sexual stuff comes in like it does in real life when you’re confused as hell: bit by bit, super awkward, not clean at all. First time Zack gets caught masturbating, it’s not sexy porn-style, it’s pathetic and kind of funny and also really intimate. He’s under the blanket, clearly thinking about something he shouldn’t, and Braden walks in earlier than expected. There’s this awful pause, nobody says anything, then a stupid joke, and the game just lets you sit in that mess. No magic fadeout, no “well that escalated quickly” straight to blowjob. Later, when oral finally happens, it’s not some porn-pro move, it’s two inexperienced guys figuring out where to put their hands and if they’re breathing too loud. I liked that they don’t pretend a guy who thought he was straight yesterday suddenly sucks dick like he’s on OnlyFans. There’s anal too, obviously, but it takes forever to get there, and by the time it happens you already know their fears, their hangups, who skips leg day, all that. It’s more like “oh fuck, they actually trust each other enough now” than “yay, new CG unlocked”. I kinda hate how real it feels at times, because I just wanted to chill, not think about my own shit while watching two idiots slowly corrupt each other emotionally and sexually. And I still wish the MC would stop repeating the same self-doubt line every time he looks at Braden’s body, but whatever, he won’t. The game’s rough at the edges, you can tell the dev learned by doing, some scenes drag too long, some choices feel fake, but then there’s this one quiet moment where Zack stares at Braden’s sleeping face, clearly turned on and terrified at the same time, and it hits like a truck. Way too much of my Pornhub history is just brainless stuff, so having a horny college story that actually makes me pause the auto-scroll and just sit there staring at the screen was… annoying. In a good, stupid way. I kept skipping the explicit options sometimes because I just wanted to see if they finally admit anything during a late night talk, which is kinda backwards for an adult game, but that’s how this one works. It seduces you with emotional edging, then hits you with a blowjob that feels earned and messed up and human.

Second year at Wentford is supposed to be about skipping lectures, half‑assed lab reports and maybe getting laid at some drunk dorm party if you’re lucky. Instead, you blow up one after‑class experiment, wake up with a dick, tits, curves and a body that can’t decide if it wants to be the heroine of a romance VN or the main attraction of Pornhub’s weirdest search page. The game throws you right into that “oh shit” feeling: you’re still you, same memories, same best friend from childhood, same crushes, but now every shower, every locker room, every crowded hallway in campus hits different. People you knew look at you in a new way. Some stare. Some pretend they don’t, then you catch them in the mirror. The whole vibe is “I’m not supposed to be turned on by this” while you’re very obviously turned on by this. It’s funny too, in that stupid meme way. The script has dumb jokes about bad chemistry puns, Dragon Ball references that are slightly wrong on purpose, and horny banter that actually sounds like Discord chat, not like some old dude trying to write “modern youth”. One moment you’re trying to figure out your schedule, next moment your professor bends over the desk and your new dick has its own plans. There is this scene in the lab, where you try to hide a raging futa boner behind a clipboard while your best friend talks about reaction yields, and the animation focuses on her lips way more than on the glassware. It’s not subtle. At all.

Sex stuff ramps up slowly if you want, then suddenly you’re juggling a horny roommate with big tits who “accidentally” walks around in a crop top, a milf neighbor who brings you homemade cookies and checks your “recovery”, and a bunch of girls at campus who think you’re the coolest freak accident ever. Sometimes it’s soft and romantic, kissing in the rain near the dorms, slow handjob in the dark, quiet little I‑love‑you that feels too real. Then next route it’s you buried between a thick ass and a pillow, watching your own cock slide into someone while another girl sits on your face, and you’re like, yeah ok, this escalated. There is lesbian stuff, there is full futa on girl pounding, there is anal that starts with teasing and ends with a messy creampie where you didn’t expect it, there is even that one scene where you get a footjob on the couch while another girl pretends to watch Netflix on her phone. Animations are short loops but they hit the right spots: hips rolling, cum spurts, tongue on clit, subtle ass jiggle. I like that they show the body transformation not just as “haha now you’re hot” but as corruption too. Your choices push you toward being caring and romantic, or a voyeur creep spying through doors, or a jealous cheater who fucks someone raw then still goes home to cuddle another girl like nothing happened. The interracial stuff slips in like it’s no big deal, which I personally like, but some people might want more build‑up there. I kinda wish the school parts had more actual studying, more chemistry puzzles or something, but who am I kidding, nobody loads an eroge for balanced academia. I opened it “just to check it out” on my phone, next thing I know I’m doing route math in a Google Keep note and replaying that scene where your best friend slowly goes from shy curiosity to grinding on your lap in the dorm chair. And there was something I wanted to say about titfucking in the bathroom stall, but now I’m thinking about the corrupted version of that same girl later, when she offers herself to a whole group like it’s totally natural, and I forgot what my point was. Anyway, the game is one long, horny identity crisis with big asses, big choices and that special kind of campus chaos where every door you open might have someone masturbating behind it, including you.

Thanksgiving in this game feels like somebody spiked the gravy with lust potion and forgot to tell the hostess. You’re dropped in as this cocky asshole of an adventurer who’s supposed to help with a “magical feast,” but honestly you spend more time buried between thighs than near an oven. One moment you’re picking herbs in a sparkly forest, next moment a fairy with tits bigger than her head is straddling your face, teasing you with her wings and rubbing against your nose while she pretends you’re “just helping with pollen.” Yeah, sure. The point and click stuff is actually kinda nice on mobile, just tapping around, poking things, accidentally triggering voyeur scenes because you clicked the wrong bush and now you’re spying on a milf witch masturbating with a glowing wand that hums louder the closer she gets. She keeps moaning about needing “ingredients” while she’s grinding that wand over her clit, and your dude just hides like some pervy little goblin, rock hard, not even pretending he’s there for noble reasons.

The crazy part is how they mix silly humor with really filthy content. You’re chatting with a demon girl about stuffing turkeys, and two clicks later she’s talking about stuffing your ass instead, then shoving you onto a stone table and riding you like she’s trying to break your spine. She has these slight monster girl vibes, horns and tail, curling that tail around your throat while she bounces on your cock, big ass slapping against your hips. She calls it “ritual bonding,” but it’s just her making you cum three times while you beg her to slow down. Sometimes the sandbox exploration feels a little too open and I got lost in some enchanted village, wandering around tapping random doors until I ended up peeking through a window and seeing an aunt-like milf bent over the table, giant tits hanging, getting throat-fucked by some faceless spirit. You can choose to walk away, but of course I stayed, watching, hand slowly stroking under my clothes like some horny loser. I liked that the game just lets you be that creep without judging. The turn based combat is almost a joke, half the enemies are sexy ninjas or demon maids, and half of their attacks are teasing moves. One dark ninja girl pins you down as a “stun,” sits on your chest and makes you lick her through her tight outfit until your stamina drops, then you finish the fight by using some ridiculous superpower that blasts her clothes off and leaves her kneeling, panting, begging for your “mercy.” You can deny her or pull her hair and use her mouth, and the animation when she chokes on your cock, tears in her eyes, is surprisingly hot for something that also has slapstick moments with talking turkey legs. It feels like a horny fever dream cooked by a Disney fan who watched way too much hentai, and I kind of hate how much it worked on me.

Fashion Business looks like something I’d scroll past on Nutaku when I’m bored in bed, then somehow I’m still poking at my phone an hour later, half annoyed, half turned on. You play as Monica, this walking definition of “rich bitch” who treats everyone like trash and thinks her tits and money are gravity. At start she’s all queen of the office, barking orders, humiliating staff for fun, flashing legs in stupidly expensive outfits. For cosplay ideas she’s actually perfect: those tight pencil skirts, open blouses with no bra, insane heels you can’t even stand in, plus that smug facial expression. I literally paused once just to screenshot her stockings so I could match the seam line later. And then the game just slowly rips all that power away. One moment she’s firing people, next she’s on the other side of the desk, listening to some greasy manager talk about “new conditions” while your dialogue options are basically blowjob or lose everything.

The voyeur stuff hits early too. There’s this scene where she’s in a changing room, trying on lingerie that looks like it costs more than my rent, and the camera angle is way too interested in her ass while some perv spies through a hole. It starts as “haha, he’s jerking off” and by the end you’re watching her masturbate to her own reflection, like she’s still in love with herself even when you know what’s coming. Later, when her life really starts to crumble, that same body and ego get used for everything: titfucks in ugly backrooms, sloppy oral to skip some debt, getting spanked just because a guy can. There’s a lesbian route that’s half tender, half twisted, like one girl pretending to “help” her while pushing toys in her and then forcing her to watch in a mirror, which felt equal parts hot and pathetic. The sandbox stuff sometimes makes it drag, you just tap around on your phone hoping for a scene that isn’t another jerk teasing her with blackmail pics, but then out of nowhere you hit this moment where she gives a footjob in a cheap motel because she’s too proud to admit she’ll fuck for cash now, and it kind of sticks in your head longer than it should. I wish I could say the corruption path is subtle, but it’s really not, it’s just this slow, mean slide from “I own this city” to “I’m the entertainment,” with a lot of stripping, creampies in places that are absolutely not hygienic, and these tiny, quiet masturbation scenes where she pretends it’s still her choice. And I still hate that one pair of heels she wears in the office, the toe shape is ugly as hell, but anyway.