The first time I made a girl ahegao in this game I was folding laundry. Not kidding. GoonGram puts you in this weird little cubicle where you sort videos into NSFW, SFW, and AI categories, and the faster you swipe the more fake internet money you get. The whole thing feels like someone crossed a data entry job with a porn site and honestly that’s the appeal. You’re just clicking, clicking, clicking, and then suddenly you’ve got enough cash to call over one of the sluts from the menu. The animations are 3D and kind of janky, like they used real model scans but the physics engine gave up halfway through. Big tits, big ass, the usual. But the handjob scenes have this weirdly satisfying rhythm to them, almost like the minigame itself.

The management part is where it gets strange. You’re balancing your “work” speed with how much you spend on girls, and there’s group sex options that unlock if you grind enough. I spent way too long optimizing my clicking pattern just to see the anal scene. The puzzle aspect isn’t really a puzzle, more like a timing thing, but it scratches the same itch as those mobile games where you merge numbers. Except here you’re merging your attention span with ahegao faces. The stripping is gradual, which I appreciate, but sometimes the AI videos you’re supposed to filter look more realistic than the actual game models. That’s probably the point? I don’t know.

There’s this one moment where you’re clicking through a batch of videos and a real explicit one pops up, and for a second you forget you’re supposed to be sorting it and just stare. That’s the game in a nutshell. It’s a sandbox where the sand is just more porn. The teasing loop of earn, spend, repeat works better than it should, especially when you’re stealing five minutes between chores. My back hurts from hunching over my phone but the group sex animation had this one angle that made me forget about the laundry entirely. The clothes are still in the dryer. Whatever.

This game is like when you're at a party and someone keeps refilling your drink but you're not sure if you actually like the taste. Desmond's summer vacation setup is basically a penthouse letter come to life, staying at his friend's place surrounded by women who seem to have misplaced all their inhibitions along with most of their clothing. The text descriptions during that first encounter with the older woman, I mean, they really linger on the way her hands move. Like, really linger. But then sometimes you just want to get to the good stuff and it's still describing the curtains or whatever.

The voyeur elements caught me off guard actually. There's this scene where you're watching from the hallway and the writing suddenly gets... attentive. You can almost hear the wet sounds through the screen. Which is hot. Except when the dialogue kicks in and it sounds like someone ran a porn script through a translator twice. "Oh yes Desmond your college vigor pleases my mature form" or something equally ridiculous. My brain checked out. My other brain stayed interested though, so maybe that's the point.

Wish there was more variety in how the scenes branch. Once you've seen one titfuck sequence you've kind of seen them all, and the cheating subplot with the married neighbor feels undercooked. Like, she shows up, things happen, nobody seems that bothered. Real missed opportunity for some actual tension. The footjob scene in the pool area though, that one surprised me. Didn't expect to be into that but here we are. The real model photos they use are clearly just stock images with different names slapped on, which breaks the immersion every single time you notice the same woman playing three different characters. My kingdom for some consistency. Anyway the creampie scenes have decent buildup even if the cleanup conversations are hilariously unrealistic. Nobody talks like that after. Nobody.

My hand was already halfway down my pants before Alex even finished his first beer. That's the power of New Tenants, I guess. The whole setup with this couple fleeing to Eastern Europe because of war, it's a proper grown up stress simulator. They need a flat, jobs, the whole miserable immigrant routine. But the real housing crisis is in Alex's head, isn't it? Because Ana, his wife, she's built like a goddamn fantasy. Those big tits, that ass you could park a bike on. The game uses real model scans or something, and it's uncanny in the best way. Her body just looks... edible. The AI CG is rough around the edges, yeah, deliberately unpolished like a scuffed phone camera, but it makes the groping scenes feel dirtier somehow. More real.

I spent an embarrassing amount of time on the first scene where she's just teasing him in their new, empty apartment. The build up. Her clothes are this flimsy barrier and you're just clicking through the dialogue, waiting for the moment the hand moves. When the oral sex finally happened, the texture on her lips, the slight gap. Fuck. The anal sex path is a whole other beast, a mission of patience and persuasion that made me feel like a proper manipulative bastard. Which I am. In the game, I mean.

The male protagonist perspective is your main jam, but then it flips. You get to be Ana. See what she thinks when some slimy local offers help with the paperwork. This is where the game gets under your skin. I was trying to keep them together, really I was, but then I saw her thoughts during a groping scene with the landlord and I just... leaned into it. The NTR is avoidable, they say. For cowards, maybe. Watching her give in while I, as her, felt this twisted thrill. Forgot to mention the vaginal sex scenes have this one animation in the kitchen that's so stiff it loops like a broken GIF. Drove me crazy. Not in the good way. I wish they'd fix the sync but they won't. That's it, that's the game. A beautiful, horny mess where decisions about rent and infidelity feel equally weighty.

Fucking hell, another tycoon game. That was my first thought, clicking in while pretending to read quarterly reports. You know the drill, some cookie clicker with tits pasted on. But Neon Vault gets under your skin, not in the usual way. It's this grimy little resource management sim where you're a basement dweller upgrading a rig to crack data cores. Starts with a pathetic USB stick and a dream, basically. The whole thing looks deliberately raw, like it was coded in a weekend fueled by bad coffee and worse decisions.

The loop is stupidly simple. Earn energy, buy storage, decrypt fragments. But the fragments, that's where the filth lives. You're not just unlocking a jpeg of some big tits real model. You're piecing together these voyeuristic scenes. One minute it's a grainy clip of a bored housewife's first anal sex attempt, the next you've stumbled onto what looks like a full blown interracial group sex party with a creampie finale that'd make a sailor blush. There's this one set with a chick who's clearly into exhibitionism, getting railed in a server room, and another that's pure bdsm fantasy with a footjob that goes places. The cheating theme runs deep, lots of hidden camera vibes. The titfuck animations are janky as shit though, like two water balloons fighting, but somehow that makes the whole sleazy package feel more authentic. Less polished, more perverted.

Storage management is a bitch. I spent twenty minutes just deleting old lesbian voyeur clips to make room for a new bukkake fragment, only to realize I needed a better GPU to even view it. The upgrade path is a mess, no real explanation. You'll be grinding handjob loops for credits and suddenly unlock a scene of pure, unhinged masturbation that makes the grind worth it. Don't expect a story. It's just pure, uncut collection. The audio crackles, the UI is an eyesore, and I still can't figure out why one of the datacores is just called "MILF_GLITCH_07". But I kept clicking. Kept upgrading. Kept peeling back layers of digital depravity. It's a broken, horny puzzle box and I hate that I need to see what fragment unlocks next. The whole thing feels like finding a sticky hard drive in a dumpster, and I mean that as the highest compliment.