The animation on the paizuri loop. That's where I got stuck. Not because it's good, it's janky as hell, her spine looks like it's made of wet cardboard. But the way those massive tits, and I mean MASSIVE, Kanu Unchou proportions dialed to eleven, just swallow the cock whole. There's a smear frame where her tongue lolls out and her eyes roll back and it's the most expressive thing in the entire minigame collection. The rest is just... functional. A series of loops you click through. Blowjob, deepthroat, doggystyle, the usual Ikkitousen hentai checklist. The facial abuse finale is less a reward and more a punctuation mark, a load of pixels that land with all the weight of a sneeze on a screen.

I wish the pussy grinding had any sense of impact. It's just two sprites rubbing together with a wet sound effect that sounds like someone stepping in mud. The uniform stays on for most of it, which, fine, school girl fetish and all, but the fabric doesn't even crease. It's painted on. The active tag is a lie, you're just picking the next position from a row of icons. She's the one doing all the work, that brunette battle vixen, and you're just a spectator with a fast forward button. The big cock model is the only thing with any real physics, flopping around with a weird, hypnotic weight. Spent way too long just watching it slap against her cheek in the facefuck scene. The sound design is a crime. Same three squelching loops, a moan that cuts off mid breath like a broken record.

Kanu Unchou, martial arts specialist, reduced to a set of orifices with boob physics. And yet. That one titfuck loop. The way her hands press them together, the slight jiggle when the tip emerges from the top. It's a broken, unpolished mess of a game, a quick fap for fans of the source material who don't care about things like "gameplay" or "anatomy". The doggystyle view is from an angle that makes her ass look like a beanbag chair. I clicked through it twice. Don't expect a game. It's a flipbook with cumshots. And that one titfuck loop. I'm still thinking about it.

Rei Ayanami in a santa hat, tits out, getting railed by a translucent purple dildo. That's the whole pitch. No mecha, no angel fights, just the quiet pilot with the blue bob staring at you while her uniform slowly disappears. The game doesn't pretend to be anything else.

Loading it up feels like finding a dusty folder on an old hard drive. The interface is clunky in that specific way where buttons don't quite line up and you gotta click twice sometimes. You pick an outfit. Soubrette, bikini, the santa thing. Then you click to remove pieces. One by one. There's no rhythm game, no dialogue tree, no currency to grind. Just clicking and watching fabric vanish. Her breasts get bigger when you take the bra off. I mean noticeably bigger. Like someone slid a breast expansion slider to 70% and called it a day. The animation is stiff, maybe four frames per action, but there's something weirdly hypnotic about the repetition.

The dildo appears eventually. It's always the same one, that semi transparent purple job with the suction cup base nobody ever uses. You position it. Click. Rei's expression barely changes. That's the part that sticks with me actually. In the show she's this emotionally blank canvas, and here she's got the same thousand yard stare while getting fucked. Is it hot? I don't know. It's certainly something. The wetness effect on her pussy is overdone, like someone discovered a gloss layer and went absolutely ham.

I wish there was a way to make her blink. She never blinks. Just stares at you with those red eyes while the dildo does its looped thrusting animation. The sound design is what you'd expect, wet slaps and quiet moans that sound like they were recorded in a bathroom. No music. Just the sounds. And that stare. For a game about undressing and fucking Rei Ayanami, it's surprisingly lonely. The breast expansion thing keeps throwing me off too. One minute she's canonically proportioned, next minute she's sporting honkers that would require a different Eva plug suit entirely. Nobody asked for that but here we are. Flying Tree Frog made choices and I respect the audacity even when I don't understand the vision.

The unlock path for the first robot is just punch punch punch, then it falls over and you get a little flash of static. I kept pressing A and J at the same time because I thought maybe there was a combo, but no, it's just one button for punch. The school uniform physics are there, the skirt flips up when you kick, and the robots have these weird tube arms that grab at your chest if you stand still too long. I spent way too long on the second screen trying to figure out if the X button did anything besides the obvious. It does. It's a stamina drain and the robots keep walking toward you while you're doing it, which is either funny or annoying depending on how many times you've died.

The arcade feel is real. You move left to right, there's a score counter in the corner that I still don't understand, and every third robot has a different color scheme like a palette swap from an old fighting game. The kick has more range than the punch but leaves you open, so you end up spamming punch and then backing off. One robot grabbed me from behind and the animation looped for like four seconds before I could break free. That was the first time I actually laughed at the game instead of just clicking through.

The preview ends after three screens and a boss that's just a bigger robot with more health. No save, no continue, you just restart from the beginning. The masturbation button feels tacked on, like they forgot this was supposed to be an adult game and added it last minute. The robots don't react to it, they just keep walking. I wish the full version would add a block or a dodge, because right now the only defense is walking backwards and hoping the robot's grab animation doesn't trigger. The hentai tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting for what's basically a Shinobi Girl clone with worse hit detection. I'll probably check the full version when it drops, but only because I want to see if the robots ever get more creative than "walk forward and grab."

The whole thing has this weird, sticky feeling, like the air in a room where the windows haven't been opened in a decade. You got this redhead in a maid uniform that's basically just a suggestion of fabric, and her black haired friend, and they're both orbiting this old guy like he's the last source of gravity in town. The animation loops are what you'd expect from a hentai browser game that never bothered with a proper art budget, the kind of jittery motion where a blowjob scene looks like someone's fast forwarding through a flipbook. But somehow that roughness works for it? Like watching a worn out VHS you found under someone's bed.

The domination angle isn't subtle at all. The boss character has this permanent smirk that makes you want to punch through the screen, and the power imbalance is the whole menu, not just a side dish. I keep thinking about the background details they threw in, this throwaway line about the whole town being full of sick motherfuckers, which feels less like worldbuilding and more like a warning label they forgot to hide properly. There's a moment where the maid's uniform finally comes off and the animation stutters for a second, just hangs there, and I swear it's the most honest thing in the entire experience. Not that you're here for honesty.

Wish the sound design existed at all, but that's like wishing a gas station hot dog was wagyu beef. The rich old young dynamic gets hammered so hard you'll be finding splinters in your brain later. What was I even talking about? Right, the friend character with the black hair, she's almost an afterthought in some scenes, like the developer remembered halfway through that they promised two girls and had to cram her in. The whole thing feels like a fever dream you'd have after scrolling some forgotten hentai forum at 4AM, the kind where you wake up and can't tell if you're disturbed or just... curious.

The pickup minigame is basically a rhythm thing but not really. You got this blue haired nurse, right, and she's got that uniform on, the proper hospital one, not some cheap costume. The whole setup is you're a patient, probably faking sick or maybe just a little sick, doesn't matter. You're trying to get into her pants by saying the right things at the right time. The dialogue options pop up and you gotta click fast, like you're swiping on an app but with more consequences. Miss a beat and she gets all professional on you, which is frustrating because the game doesn't explain the timing well at all.

The art style is deliberately rough, like someone drew it with their non-dominant hand while watching porn on a second monitor. The blue hair thing extends down there, which they make sure you notice. It's a whole thing. The mini games are simple, just click and hope, but there's this one moment where she leans over to check your temperature and the angle is just... chef's kiss. You can see the exact moment the game stops caring about the hospital setting and just wants to show you her tits.

Achievement hunting in this is weird because the unlock paths aren't clear. Sometimes you fail the pickup and still get a scene, sometimes you nail it and nothing happens. I spent twenty minutes trying to trigger the examination room scene and it just wouldn't pop. The ensured tag is misleading, nothing is ensured here. You're basically gambling with your clicks. The Mrs tag makes me think there's supposed to be some marriage angle but it never comes up, maybe it's cut content or maybe I just didn't find the right dialogue tree. The whole thing feels like a flash game from 2006 that somehow ended up on a modern adult site, complete with sound effects that are just stock grunts layered over each other.

My kid found this. Or maybe my kid is this. Hard to tell with the browser history wiped clean and just that weird URL sitting there. It’s a sex position test, basically. A teacher character, drawn in that glossy anime style, asks you questions. Not math questions. Stuff about how you like to fuck, what angles feel best, do you prefer to be on top or bent over a desk. The whole thing is framed as a psychology evaluation, which is a laugh. The uniform she wears is the classic schoolgirl thing, short skirt, tight shirt, but then sometimes there’s a furry tail poking out? I don’t get that part. The tags said furry but it’s not a full animal person, just this one picture where she has ears and a tail and you’re supposed to answer if that makes your dick harder. I spent way too long staring at the grading rubric, which is just a progress bar that fills with a sticky white fluid. Subtle.

The pictures unlock as you go. They’re explicit, no mosaics or anything, just straight up hentai shots of this teacher in different positions matching the test answers. You pick “missionary with eye contact” and you get a picture of that, her face all flushed. You pick “doggy style, pulling hair” and you get a rougher image. The test is the whole game. There’s no walking around, no dialogue trees. Just click, see porn, click again. The psychology tag is a joke, it’s just a kink checklist disguised as a quiz. I guess the bonus at the end is a gallery of all the pictures, but I closed the tab before finishing. The art is clean, I’ll give it that, the lines are sharp and the coloring is that bright, wet look that’s popular now. But the teacher’s expression never changes from this blank, helpful smile while she’s getting railed in the picture. It’s a bit creepy. Like a sex doll that’s grading your performance. A player who just wants a quick fap to some decent art without any story getting in the way, that’s who this is for. No, wait, someone who likes the idea of being tested, of having their perversions clinically approved. That’s a better fit. The whole thing feels like a very elaborate, very sticky personality quiz you’d find on a forgotten corner of Newgrounds.

I keep clicking the skip button and the game just... doesn't care. That's something, I guess. Most of these Holio things have a rhythm to them, you know? Click, wait, click, wait, get annoyed at the translation. This one's got a nurse. Blonde, big tits, the whole Joy cosplay thing without ever saying the name. The uniform is more of a suggestion, really, a white rag that gives up around the chest area. Legs go on for days, which is nice if you're into that, which I am, so I'm not complaining.

The setup is you're the patient and she asks these trivia questions. Get them right, clothes come off. The questions are stupid easy, like something you'd find on a popsicle stick. What's the capital of France? That level. I got one wrong on purpose just to see if there was a fail state, a different animation, anything. Nope. Just a little buzz sound and you try again. That's the whole loop. There's no friction at all. It's like the game is afraid you'll leave if it challenges you for even a second. So the dildo comes out. A big, translucent thing she just... produces. The animation for it is janky in a way that loops weirdly, her hand and the toy phasing through her ass for a frame before resetting. It's hypnotic in the worst way. I stared at it for a solid minute, not even horny, just trying to figure out the keyframe.

The interface is a nightmare if you need any sort of accessibility. No keyboard shortcuts, tiny hitboxes for the answer buttons, and the color contrast is just white text on a pale pink background. I had to squint. For an adult game that's literally just clicking buttons, making the buttons hard to click is a choice. The audio is one single loop of what I think is supposed to be a heart monitor but it sounds more like a leaky faucet. It drilled into my skull until I muted the tab. That's a pro-tip for you.

It's so bare it almost circles back to being an art piece about the futility of interactivity. You don't play it, you just... advance it. Like flipping through a flipbook. I don't know who this is for. Someone who wants a nurse to peg herself with zero effort? That's a specific market. I guess I'm part of it now because I finished it twice. The second time I was just checking if the anal dildo scene had a different angle. It doesn't. Don't bother.

The whole thing is just clicking spots until a bar fills up. That's it. You got this schoolgirl with pigtails and a uniform, and she's on her knees. You click her head, she bobs. Click her tits, she reacts. Click your own crotch area, stuff happens. The pleasure meter goes from zero to a hundred and then it's over. Maybe two minutes of content if you're slow.

But here's the thing. The art is rough. Like someone drew it in MS Paint after a breakup. The lines are wobbly, the proportions are off, her face looks like a doll that got left in the sun. And yet. And yet I kept clicking. There's something about how unpolished it is that makes it feel dirtier. Like finding a crumpled drawing in a school desk. You know you shouldn't look, but you unfold it anyway.

The undress mechanic is weird. You can pull her shirt up, but only after certain clicks. Her skirt comes off in stages. The pigtails bounce when you click her head fast enough. I don't know why that detail got me. Maybe because nothing else in the game has physics, but the pigtails do. Someone spent time on those pigtails.

The blowjob itself is just a loop. Same animation, same sound if you have sound on. I didn't. My neighbors already think I'm strange. The active points glow slightly, so you're never lost. Click, click, click. The meter fills. She moans. You click more.

I wish there was a way to fail. Like if you click wrong, she gets bored and leaves. But no. You can't lose. You just click until the number hits one hundred and then the screen fades. No ending screen. No "you win." Just fades to black and you're back at the menu.

For what it is, it's fine. I've played worse. I've played better. But I keep thinking about those pigtails.

I was alt tabbing between this and a spreadsheet when the sister character Reika said something that made me actually snort. Not laugh, snort. Like a pig. My boss looked over. Whatever.

The whole thing is a Quickie game so you know what you're getting into, no long buildup just straight to the weird tension. You visit your sister and then there's this party invite and suddenly you're picking dialogue options that feel like those terrible pickup lines guys try at speed dating events. I went to one once in Shinjuku, this girl told me my face was symmetrical and then asked if I was a robot. The choices in this game have that same energy, awkward but you can't stop clicking. The uniform tag is there because she's wearing one in some scenes, schoolgirl thing, and the oppai are... present. Very present. Physics that don't make sense but who cares.

The voice acting or lack of it, I don't remember if there was any. I think there were moans? Maybe I imagined them. Soundtrack was some looping thing that after five minutes I muted and put on a podcast about true crime instead. Felt appropriate somehow. The hentai scenes unlock fast, like really fast, and there's this one choice where you can either be a total creep or a slightly less total creep and both lead to the same place just with different text. That's the illusion of choice baby. Party scene had me laughing again because the background characters look like they were drawn by someone who's never been to a party, just standing there. Staring. Judging your life choices while you try to bang your fictional sister. I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke.