Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

You come back from this secret magic unit thinking you’ve seen some weird shit already, then Stormside Academy just looks at you and says “hold my beer”. On the surface it’s exactly what it pretends to be: big fancy international school, uniforms that pretend to be modest, teachers who talk about “standards” while their eyes go straight to the girls’ thighs. Underneath that, there’s this whole twisted system where every girl is basically one bad grade away from being bent over a desk, and everyone acts like it’s just part of the handbook. The thing that caught me is how normal it feels for the characters. They talk about oral exams and you have to pause a second because you know they mean both kinds. Nobody’s shocked for long. They’re nervous, turned on, scared, proud, all at once. It actually feels like a place with rules, not just “click here to fuck her”. Even when you’re literally timing a spanking so it lines up with her breathing, it fits the school logic in a fucked up way.

You end up taking the role of the Magistrate, which sounds super formal, then two minutes later you’re telling a shy honor student to strip in front of the class and describing it like “corrective public instruction”. The power fantasy is not subtle at all. You say it’s about whether you protect them or use them, but the game is happiest when you’re right in the middle, pretending you’re doing this for their benefit while your cock is in their mouth. Some scenes are surprisingly sweet. I didn’t expect to care when Riley shakes and tries to keep eye contact while you slide a toy inside her to “help with focus training”, but the voice in her head, the way she bites her lip, it sells it. Then two clicks later you’re making Cassie hold a humiliating pose in the hallway so everyone can see her tits bounce each time you slap her ass. It gets even nastier when you mix in those magic talents. One girl’s power flares up when she orgasms, so you’re literally edging her as school safety procedure. Another can see ghosts, so now there’s a voyeur audience even when you’re technically “alone” with her, and the game just treats that as normal.

And yeah, I’m the weirdo who spends half the time listening. The sound work is messy in a way that actually feels good. Not Hollywood-quality stuff, but the wet noises during a titfuck have that sticky little pause that you only get when someone actually pressed skin against skin instead of using a generic loop. Some moans clip slightly when the girls ahegao hard and it weirdly fits, like they’re too loud for the mic. You get clear differences too: quiet shaky breaths when a girl is forced to masturbate in a locked classroom stall vs that sharp hitch in her throat when you suddenly switch to rougher, more dominant play and make her say she’s your slave. Oral scenes have this soft slur around the words that made me grin, because yeah, that’s how it sounds when someone’s trying to talk with a dick halfway down. There is one annoying thing where a certain toy buzz repeats too perfectly and once you notice it, you can’t unhear it, but the rest of the layering hides it most of the time. Lesbian punishment “sessions” have lighter, quicker breath patterns and more giggles, which makes it feel different from when you’re on top of them. And when you’re watching through a crack in the door, the sound is slightly muffled, like someone finally understood voyeurism isn’t just a camera angle. Really, the whole place feels alive just from the mix of footsteps in the corridor, distant cries from another “correction”, and the soft, shameful little whimpers in your own office when a girl tries not to make a sound and completely fails.

Snow outside my window, pussy apocalypse on my screen. That was kinda the mood when I started this one on my phone, half watching some dumb Netflix Christmas movie in the background. The game throws you back into this infected city that looks like it used to have normal people and now it has horny trouble with teeth and claws and way too much titty. You’re this husband trying to find your wife and the tenant, like some fucked up holiday reunion where everyone might be dead or wet or both. It’s point and click, but not that boring “click lamp, click door, click your own soul” kind. You poke around ruined apartments, bloody hallways, busted elevators, and every so often you stumble into these scenes where sex and danger mix in a way that really shouldn’t feel cozy, but it kinda does. One moment I’m checking cabinets for meds and ammo, next moment there’s a half-naked girl with big tits pressed against a cracked window, breathing heavy while she tries not to scream because something is walking outside. That tension actually works. You’re thinking “please don’t die” and at the same time “please keep playing with yourself, fuck”.

The whole thing is weirdly intimate. The animated bits are not Hollywood level or something, but when the wife finally shows up in my run, she’s got this soft romance vibe, like she still trusts him, still blushes when he touches her, even though there’s blood on the floor and moaning outside that is not sexy at all. Then the game whiplashes and suddenly she’s jerking him off by candlelight, whispering about how they might not see morning, while the tenant watches from the corner, legs tight together, trying not to show she’s turned on. That voyeur lesbian tension is my favorite part, actually. Small touches like eyes sliding away, lip biting, that moment when she “accidentally” brushes her hand over the wife’s huge ass while they squeeze past each other in a narrow corridor. Also, the incest angle sneaks in more quietly than I expected; you wander into one of the safer rooms and the way the dialogue goes, it’s pretty clear family boundaries are more infected than the city. They don’t slam it in your face at first, but when it clicks, some earlier teasing scenes feel dirtier right away. And there’s one virgin scene that actually feels like something, not just “sex tutorial”. Girl shaking, hands on his shoulders, trying to be brave while there’s distant gunshots outside. Romantic and absolutely not healthy.

I like that you can just wander instead of being shoved along a straight line, but sometimes the sandbox stuff makes it annoying. I got stuck tapping the same fucking door icon three times because it looked like it should open and it’s just… background. And then when I did find a route, the reward was a monster encounter that ends in graphic violence before the sexy payoff even starts, which kinda killed my boner for a bit. There’s this one scene where a monster drags a side character away and the camera does not shy away, it’s messy and nasty and feels like the game reminding you “yeah, this world actually sucks”. Then five minutes later you’re watching the tenant masturbate quietly on a dirty mattress, whispering the wife’s name, and that contrast makes it hit harder. Or maybe I’m just a perv, whatever. The mobile layout is actually nice, plays fine on Chrome, thumb-friendly for one-handed use, which… matters here. Some animations loop a bit awkward, like hips moving while faces freeze, but the tits and asses are big and bouncy in all the right places, and that covers a lot. I wish some of the romance paths were less strict, like I wanted more slow-burn lesbian stuff between girl and girl instead of rushing back to cock every time, but that’s not gonna change and I’ll still reload saves like a clown to chase different scenes. Oh, and the teasing is surprisingly good: little handjobs interrupted by noises in the hallway, half-finished blowjobs because the husband suddenly remembers he was supposed to be “protecting loved ones”, sure man, put your dick away then. I kinda forgot what my point was. The game feels like Christmas lights hanging in a warzone: it shouldn’t be erotic, but when the wife leans in for a soft kiss right after bashing a creature’s skull, you almost believe this fucked city is worth saving just so she can ride you again.

Tifa in a dirty Asgar back alley is honestly one of those ideas that sounds like a shitpost you see on Twitter, then you actually click and suddenly you are sitting there, pants half down, thinking about ethics. The game throws you into this narrow, trashy street corner where Tifa’s “chance encounter” is not really chance at all, it feels more like the city itself is horny and bored and wants to see what happens if you poke her morality with a stick. You move around with simple point & click stuff, nothing fancy, but the way it uses that simplicity is what stuck with me. Clicking a trash can to see if there is something useful in there, then realizing the thing you find is not an item, but a decision that will push her closer to being a public slut or staying that slightly sad “good girl who knows better” is weirdly heavy. At one moment I was carefully choosing polite dialogue, trying to keep her dignity, and five minutes later I was letting her bend over near a flickering neon sign while some random nobody jerked off watching her and the game treated it like a natural escalation, not a sudden “corruption level 100” jump. It creeps up on you. You think you still control the line, and then a new option appears like “maybe flash your tits, nobody will notice,” and of course the whole alley notices.

What really messes with your head is how it uses those AI CG images. Most AI porn games feel like a Frankenstein of mismatched faces and extra fingers, but here the Tifa knockoff is close enough to tick the nostalgia brain, and different enough you start reading her like an alternate universe version. Her boobs are weaponized, obviously, but not only in the “big tits for clickbait” way. You get a scene where she is cornered near a broken streetlight, and two dudes are arguing over who gets to “check if she is really as soft as she looks,” and the camera shifts between her embarrassed face and that tight top about to give up on physics. It feels wrong and hot at the same time, like you are participating in a stupid social experiment about how many times you will click “let them touch a bit more” before you feel like trash. Then the game throws Aerith into the mix and suddenly there is this weird soft romance flavor sliding under all the sleaze. One path has you focusing on Tifa’s spiral into exhibitionism, letting her discover she actually likes being watched, like properly likes it, moaning louder on purpose because she knows there might be someone behind the window. Another bit switches you over to a male POV, looking at her and Aerith almost like collectibles, and I hated how efficient that perspective is. It makes you treat them as reward screens, then suddenly there is a little tender gesture between them, a kiss that is not just porn logic, and your brain has to adjust: oh, shit, maybe they feel something too. The romance is clumsy but honest, like two thirsty people in a city that only respects power and skin. I wish the UI wasn’t so stiff and some of the dialogue didn’t sound like Google Translate drunk on cheap wine, but in a funny way it fits the whole “morals falling apart in a forgotten alley” vibe. It feels broken in the same way the characters are broken. And yeah, that text choice that moves half a pixel when you hover? I’m still irrationally angry about that.