Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

Everyone tells you college will change your life. In this one it changes before you even unpack your damn suitcase. You’re this clueless freshman, half horny, half anxious, dragged into a house party hosted by Devin, the kind of guy who somehow knows everyone on campus by day two. The place is the usual student chaos: solo cups everywhere, some shitty playlist on loop, people grinding in the kitchen for no reason. And right in the middle of it, someone pulls out a bottle and suddenly the whole night turns into one long “how far will you go if everyone’s watching” test. Nothing hardcore at first, just little dares, stupid teasing, that slow, annoying build where you keep thinking “ok now someone is finally going to take something off” and then they chicken out. Or you accidentally click the “wuss” option because your finger slipped on the phone screen and now the whole room is laughing and you kind of deserve it.

The game feels like you’re poking around a messy Instagram story you can actually control. It’s point and click, yeah, but it’s more like reading horny chat logs that suddenly turn into choices you’re not ready for. You creep through rooms, find people alone on balconies, half-dressed in bathrooms, making out in dark corners, and you get that voyeur vibe going strong. Like that moment you walk in on two girls arguing over a dare and one of them is already topless, arms crossed over these huge tits that the artist clearly loved way too much, and you’re just standing there pretending you were totally looking for the fridge. The game lets you lean into that creeping, makes you peek around doors, hover your mouse where you shouldn’t, check a mirror to catch reflections of someone stripping in the other room. It’s a “no actual sex yet” kind of ride, but they push groping and grinding and clothes coming off so close to the edge that you’re basically begging the story to misbehave. There’s romance too, in that messy party way: you flirt with one girl, tease another, accidentally walk in on some interracial couple making out on the couch, and the game just shrugs like “you want to join or what.” And then suddenly it’s asking you to choose who you really want to impress, even though you kinda want them all, because harem brain hits fast when you’re a horny freshman with zero real-life experience and too many options.

What I like is how the text keeps clowning on you. You choose the “smooth” line and the narration throws shade like “wow, you really said that.” The humor is dumb, self-aware, a bit trashy, and the AI CG girls somehow look both cute and a little uncanny at the same time, which accidentally fits the whole awkward college vibe. Big asses in tight jeans, short skirts that are just waiting for some drunken exhibitionism dare, that one shy girl who turns into total chaos when someone suggests stripping for “equality,” and the way the game slowly corrupts your choices. At first you play nice, you’re empathetic, you worry if someone is uncomfortable. Later you’re clicking on options like “keep staring” and “touch her ‘by accident’” and pretending you’re still a good guy. You’re not. You’re the dude who learns the timing of the bottle spins to aim it at the girl you want to undress, the dude who checks the patio window just to catch someone grinding in the dark. It’s messy, horny, text heavy, more teasing than payoff, like one very long party that never quite ends in a bedroom, but you stay anyway because every new spin of the bottle might finally cross that line you want it to cross. Or maybe you just want to see who drops their clothes next. Same thing.

Emma and Chloe feel like the kind of girls you follow on Instagram for “coffee content” and then suddenly you are zoomed into their nipples on your phone in the office bathroom and asking yourself where exactly things went sideways. The game starts super chill: two roommates, small apartment, tiny follower count, doing cute selfies and basic thirst traps. Very low stakes. You click around, check DMs, answer some messages, pick outfits, that sort of point and click wandering that looks innocent until the follower counter starts creeping up and you realise every choice is quietly pushing them toward, well, whoring themselves for numbers. Soft whoring at first. Then less soft. The erotic stuff doesn’t hit you like a truck at the start, it more crawls into your lap while you are just trying to see if the latte art mini game matters. And it kind of does, which annoys me in a good way. I wanted to skip to the porn, then found myself trying to get a perfect coffee shift so I could unlock a slightly sluttier outfit that only shows underboob in one pose. Absolutely stupid. I loved it. I also kind of hated wasting time grinding followers with outfit tweaks that barely change anything, but that’s the point. You feel the same frustration as Emma when she flashes more skin, gets a tiny spike in likes, and the game basically looks at you like “you know what you need to do next, right?”

The corruption is where this thing really has teeth. Not just “oh, now she wears less clothes”, but the way the game turns basic voyeurism into a routine. First it is a playful stream in leggings, then you are adjusting the camera so chat can catch a better view of her ass against her will, or with her full consent, depending how evil you go. There is a brutal little moment where you send Chloe to “test” a more risky stream category and she tries to cover her tits with her arms while the chat spams tips to make her move them, and you see her expression shift frame by frame from shy to turned on to something a bit broken. It is still hot. It is hot in a “I should not enjoy this much” way. And then the game slaps romance on top, like “by the way, are you flirting with her, or with that dude in the DMs who wants to own her?” so suddenly you are juggling female domination and male domination routes without the game stopping to tell you which is which. There is this one path where Emma starts using Chloe as the “more slutty one” on camera, bossing her around, holding her by the chin, and you get to choose how far she pushes: teasing, masturbation, full-on fucking on stream. Another path flips it, where some faceless guy basically trains Emma and treats her like a sex toy for content, and she is the one masturbating on command in the kitchen while Chloe pretends not to hear from the next room. Weird detail: the boobs feel like they are from two different games. Sometimes you get this big tits scene, perfect cleavage, and the next CG suddenly gives her smaller chest and a huge ass focus, like the AI forgot what model it used. It sounds bad, but it actually fits the whole “constructed online persona” vibe. Bodies become costumes. Some players will hate that inconsistency, though, same as they will hate that the game makes you repeat similar “tease for more likes” loops again and again just to push one more boundary. I got stuck on one dumb evening routine where I kept choosing slightly different exhibitionist shots from the balcony and the payoff was tiny, but then a random creep captured the footage and used it later in a blackmail event and I forgave everything. The real hook is that the leveling is not for you, it is for their morals. Followers are the XP that eats them alive, and every time the counter jumps after a blowjob POV or a risky outdoor flash, you feel your own brain lighting up like “yeah, do it again, more”, and that is where the porn and the design line up a little too well.

Elf MC, horny ancient ruins, and a world that looks suspiciously like someone mashed Google Maps with hentai brainrot. That’s kinda the vibe here. You’re this pretty boy elf guy wandering around a fantasy land that clearly wants you to get distracted by tits more than by history. One second you’re poking around some old kingdom mystery, clicking weird stone symbols, trying to solve what looks like a bootleg mobile puzzle from the Play Store, and the next second some monster girl is in your face asking for “help” that very clearly means “put it in me.” And yeah, the game doesn’t pretend to be shy about it. You talk, you point & click, you figure out what shiny thing goes into what hole, then usually something else goes into someone else’s hole. Clean loop.

The animations are actually decent for a first chapter, you get that 3D feel when the elf is buried between thighs or when he’s getting his cock stroked with slow handjob motions that don’t look like someone shaking a broom handle. Oral scenes go from gentle teasing to full deep throat pretty fast, which is nice, though the sound is sometimes weirdly quiet and then suddenly wet as fuck. Vaginal stuff has a nice rhythm when he’s pounding, especially when you finally push to creampie and you see everything pulse inside. They really like finishing inside. Like, really. Pulling out is apparently against elf culture or something. The romance angle is hit or miss; sometimes the dialogue tries to be sweet and it works, other times it feels like a pornhub comment thread translated through Google. But that kinda adds to the charm for me. It’s messy. The girls are a mix of “I will help you on your noble journey” and “take your pants off, traveler,” and the monster girl design is good enough I actually forgot about the treasure room behind her at one point. I still don’t forgive the game for making me replay the same little puzzle 3 times just because I misclicked once. That shit annoyed me and then I immediately forgot because there was an elf getting his cock sucked by a girl with fangs.

The point & click exploration has a nice “I’m lost but also kinda turned on” mood. Sometimes you’ll click something expecting lore and you get a blowjob offer instead. Other times you’re sure it’s sex time and it’s like “solve this pattern first, idiot.” The game loves teasing progress, edging you with small scenes before the bigger payoffs. There’s a part where you help a girl in danger, think it’s gonna be a quick thank you and goodbye, and then it just turns into this slow, almost romantic fuck with kissing, soft moans, and then a rough finish where she begs for you to cum inside her. I liked that. I also hated that the inventory icon is tiny as hell and my dumb eyes kept missing it. Never fixed that, just kept squinting like an old man. Whatever. If you wanna enjoy it, don’t rush. Click around, poke every corner, talk to characters twice, sometimes a normal line suddenly turns into flirting, and flirting turns into a hand under the belt. Let the elf be a little slutty scholar. Solve a puzzle, earn a blowjob. Fail a puzzle, reload and go again. That’s pretty much the religion of this game.