Grand Butt-Sex Hotel feels like the kind of game teenage me always dreamed about finding on some shady Flash site, except now it actually runs smooth on my phone and doesn’t crash when the good part starts. You play this kinda hapless dude who walks into this fancy hotel thinking “oh cool, job, money, normal life maybe” and instead you get thrown into a place where the managers and guests are mostly tall smug futa ladies with thick thighs, huge tits and way too much money, who look at you like you’re a walking stress toy. The whole vibe is luxury mixed with porn parody, like someone mashed a five-star resort with one of those cursed hentai doujins you pretend you “found by accident”. You’re basically staff and chew-toy at the same time. One second you’re talking politely at the front desk, the next a classy futa businesswoman is pushing you against the counter and making you suck her cock while the elevator dings in the background. The game treats that as completely normal, which is honestly kinda funny and hot at same time.

What really hit my nostalgia brain is how the humor and horny stuff are glued together. The dialogue is full of dumb jokes, weird “rich people fetish” lines, and that slightly awkward English that somehow makes the dirty talk work better. There’s this scene where a petite “trap” guest shows up looking cute and shy, then calmly pulls out a suitcase full of toys and asks if you’re “hotel-certified” for anal service, like it’s spa menu item. You get the dating sim vibe, picking how polite or thirsty your responses are, and it actually changes how hard they ride you later. One futa with a giant ass teases you for being “vanilla” if you only go for oral, then drags you to her room, bends you over the bed and you feel like you’re signing a contract with your asshole. Some of the animations are nicely timed with the moans, especially the oral shots where your head is bobbing and her balls tap your chin, but then sometimes a loop will reset at a weird moment and my brain just goes “why did her hips teleport”. And the loading between scenes on mobile Chrome lagged right during a blowjob payoff, which annoyed me more than it should, but I still kept playing, because of course I did.

The hotel setting lets them throw in all kinds of guests: tall dark-skinned futa with big tits who treats you like a room amenity, some smug white CEO type who wants you on your knees under the table during “business calls”, a nerdy girl with glasses who secretly has the thickest cock and uses a vibrating toy in your ass while she scrolls on her phone, barely looking at you. There are races mixed, body types, a lot of big asses pressing you into fancy sheets. Sometimes the female domination goes pretty hard, like humiliating dirty talk while they make you lick their shaft clean after anal, and other times it’s oddly sweet, like a futa patting your head after using you and tipping you like a good bellboy. It’s funny, because the game pretends to be this outrageous fetish buffet, but the thing that stuck with me most was one quiet moment in a hallway, where you’re exhausted, cum probably still dripping somewhere, and a guest just smirks, adjusts her bulge, and tells you she booked you for “wake-up service” tomorrow. That tiny little line hit way harder in my head than half the loud scenes. Also, the hotel lobby music slaps in the weirdest way. I caught myself humming it while opening TikTok, which is completely wrong for this kind of game and now my brain is cursed forever.

You’re playing this tired small-town detective who looks like he hasn’t slept in about ten years, and honestly, fair. His sister vanished, his brother’s dead, the whole city feels like it’s rotting quietly under cheap neon, and every time he starts to focus on the case, some absurdly hot woman with big tits and a tragic backstory leans over his desk and distracts him with cleavage and weirdly personal questions. It’s half investigation, half “how is everyone in this shitty town model-level attractive,” and the game just goes, “yeah, that’s normal, don’t worry about it.” You click through leads, interrogations, late-night visits, and suddenly the conversation that started with “where were you that night” is turning into her licking her lips, him pressing her against a wall, her panties around her ankle, and a nice POV angle of her taking him deep. This is not subtle noir, it’s horny noir that forgot what HR is.

The story likes to pretend it’s serious, and actually sometimes it works. You’re chasing clues about your missing sister, and then the game throws you into a date scene with a tattooed bartender with a huge ass who keeps “accidentally” brushing her tits against your arm while pouring a drink. You’re trying to ask about some shady guy, she just laughs, puts your hand on her thigh, then you’re in a back room with her on her knees, blowjob framed from his point of view, spit building on his shaft, her gagging a little while still trying to talk dirty, which is sort of funny and hot at same time. A few choices later she’s bent over a crate, ass out, you pushing in raw, and the game doesn’t shy away from the creampie shot. There’s a lot of that, by the way. The MC is allergic to condoms, apparently. You say the right things, girls open up emotionally, then open their legs, it’s that kind of energy. One shy “good girl” virgin who acts like she’s never kissed a guy before goes from blushing mess to riding you in your office chair, tits bouncing in your face, begging you not to pull out. And yeah, you don’t. Of course you don’t.

What I liked is how scenes don’t all play the same. Sometimes it’s slow teasing, like a handjob in a car while you’re “staking out” a suspect, her jerking you off under the steering wheel while pretending to listen to the radio, whispering in your ear and grinding her ass against your side. Sometimes it explodes into full group sex chaos, like the harem setup you stumble into if you don’t piss off the wrong girls. There’s one route where two of them show up at your place “to help with the case” and five minutes later you’re flat on your back, one riding your face while the other is bouncing on your cock, and then a third joins just to wrap her tits around you for a slick titfuck between thrusts. They make jokes while doing it too, which is weirdly charming. The MC leans pretty hard into male domination, pressing them into furniture, hand on their throat, telling them to keep eye contact while he fucks them, and they clearly love it. Anal pops up like it’s just another checkpoint in the investigation, with a girl who says she’s not ready for “normal” sex yet but then relaxes completely once you’re inside her ass, clutching the bedsheet and asking for it harder. There’s romance and sweet moments buried under all the cum and dirty talk, but the game never lets you forget this is about a detective who tries to solve a family tragedy and somehow ends up with a house full of women who all want his cock in every hole they have. Honestly, priorities.

Guy wakes up every morning, brain full of holes, surrounded by women who clearly know way more about him than he knows about himself, and somehow it all turns into a slow-burn porn novel instead of a mental breakdown. That’s pretty much the vibe here. This is not the usual “click two times, tits appear, everyone moans like a broken Pornhub loop” thing. The game just sits you down and goes, “Sit, read, feel things,” then quietly slips a hand in your pants half an hour later. You start as the male MC before all the happy family stuff, still trying to remember who he was and what kind of man he wants to be. Which in practice means: you walk around, talk a lot, flirt by accident, flirt on purpose, say the wrong thing, reload, pretend you didn’t say the wrong thing, and somehow this path leads to multiple women wanting to ride you raw like it’s a full time job with benefits. The romance creeps in first, then the clothes start disappearing much later, and that delay is exactly what makes the first handjob scene hit like a truck.

There is this slightly evil pleasure watching the MC pretend he is just being “nice” while every woman around him is stacked like someone lost control of the breast slider. Nothing subtle. Big tits pressing into him during a “totally innocent hug”, thighs wrapping around his waist while she pretends it was just a joke, that one slow thighjob scene that goes on a bit too long, to the point where you start noticing tiny details like vein textures you didn’t plan to think about on a Monday. Animations are actually there and not some awkward two-frame shuffle, which helps a lot when she’s riding him and you can see her whole body bounce, stomach, chest, the way her ass hits his lap, then he finishes inside and you get that creamy overflow that makes you go “yeah, that’s not a safe day.” Virgin stuff is handled nicer than expected too; instead of the usual “oops I tripped and landed on your cock” circus, you actually get buildup, nervous fingers, shy kisses that turn messy, and her clinging to him while he slowly pushes in. It still ends with creampie of course, this is not a church simulator, but it feels like the game at least pretended to care about her feelings first.

Weird thing, for a harem game it really leans hard into that “caring husband, protective dad material” angle. You can see the MC gradually shifting from clueless guy getting accidental boob contact to someone who genuinely wants to protect these women, even while he is absolutely stuffing them full of cum. Milf content fits that perfectly: older women looking at him like he is their second shot at happiness, then five minutes later they are on their back with legs shaking and nails in his shoulders while he pounds them and whispers romantic crap that would be cheesy if it wasn’t paired with actual vaginal sex that looks sweaty and needy instead of plastic. The only small thing that annoyed me is sometimes the pacing trips over itself: one minute you are knee-deep in emotional monologue, next moment there is a blowjob starting in the same scene like someone hit a hidden flag. But then she is stroking him slow with her hand, watching his face, teasing the tip, sliding her thumb over that little sensitive spot, and when he finally unloads, it spills on her fingers and she just lazily licks them clean. After that, you forgive the pacing. Or you pretend to, while you click “next” with one hand.

You run this tiny magic shop crammed between two other buildings that look like they’re about to fall apart, and honestly the place feels more like a porn stash with shelves than some noble wizard workshop. Bottles with glowing liquids, cursed trinkets, scrolls that clearly no one reads, and then these four big walking trouble magnets keep drifting in and out like they half live there. They kinda do. Wolf mercenary who smells like sweat and steel, tiger knight polishing his armor like he’s posing for a calendar, bear wizard that looks soft but has that slow, dirty smile, and a dragon shaman who talks like everything is “spiritual” while his eyes crawl over your body. You’re supposed to be the owner, the “normal” guy, but the game doesn’t even pretend you’re normal. From the first time you catch the wolf in the back room, paw halfway down his pants while he’s pretending to check crossbow bolts, you know where this is going. It plays like a dating sim that got drunk, stumbled into a fantasy RPG, then forgot to finish the combat system because it was too busy staring at big asses and bulges under armor. You open the shop, click through customers, do the usual buy low sell high stuff, but half the fun is ignoring all that and watching which of your four walking fetishes decides to hang around that day.

The voyeur stuff sneaks in so naturally that it feels like you’re the perv, not the dev. Tiny things. Tiger knight comes back from a “patrol”, goes to the side room to take off his plate armor. You get a little notification that the door is “slightly open”. You don’t have to peek. The game does not force you. Of course you peek. Inside, it switches to 2D CG and he’s facing away, that striped tail flicking while he bends down, fat ass framed by that tight undershirt that’s rolled up just enough to show lower back fur and a hint of crack. You can stay there, just watching him peel off layers, muscles moving under the fur, the outline in his underwear getting heavier. There’s even a moment he pauses, tilts his head like he hears something, and if you stay too long he turns, stares right at “the camera” and his smirk changes depending on how far you pushed your relationship earlier. I got the version where he steps closer, grabs his junk and gives this lazy squeeze, like “since you’re spying anyway, don’t pretend you’re shy”. I swear I was sitting with my phone like I got caught in real life. And the game knows you’re jerking it on the other side of the screen. It gives you these short, sharp h scenes, not huge walls of text, but focused: heavy breathing, rustle of cloth, low growls, little bits of dirty talk that feel like they were written by someone who actually masturbates, not some PG-13 writer. The dragon shaman one where he’s “purifying” a charm with his hand under his robe is just filthy. You see the robe move, his throat bobbing, claws tensing, and if you tap at the wrong time he stops and whispers that you’re “disturbing the ritual” which is just rude because he’s the one stroking himself behind the shop shelves.

It’s kinda fun that travel still matters. You pack up with whichever guy you want, head to some ruin or forest or weird temple, do a bit of simple adventure stuff, then at camp it becomes pure thirst. There was this night run I did with the wolf merc where we took a job too far out just so I could trigger his tent event. We clear some bandit nonsense, collect loot, nothing fancy. At camp, he says he’ll “keep watch”. Game gives you the option to sleep or “check the perimeter”. Of course I mess with the perimeter. You walk just far enough to see him sitting on a rock, pants open, stroking that thick cock while looking at the stars like it’s some romantic gesture. No music, just chirping insects, his low panting and a wet sound that made me fumble the phone. I liked that it lets you either stay hidden and just watch him finish, cum dripping on his abs while he grunts and relaxes, or go up to him, which turns it into a direct scene with more teasing and some mutual touching. Both feel different enough that I actually reloaded like a degenerate to see them. The only thing that annoyed me was the mobile UI being a bit fiddly at the bottom of the screen, my stupid thumb kept hitting the wrong response when things got spicy, like the game knows when I’m one-handed. Also I’m still mad that the bear wizard’s big ass always gets framed beautifully in the bath CG but never quite fully nude from the angle I want, like he’s doing this on purpose to torture me. But the way each guy has their own pace, from the knight pretending to be noble while clearly turned on by being watched, to the dragon calling your masturbation “another form of trance”, makes the whole thing feel like you’re running a sex-charged little back alley den where everyone acts holy until someone bends over to pick up a potion and suddenly all the air is gone.