Grand Butt-Sex Hotel feels like the kind of game teenage me always dreamed about finding on some shady Flash site, except now it actually runs smooth on my phone and doesn’t crash when the good part starts. You play this kinda hapless dude who walks into this fancy hotel thinking “oh cool, job, money, normal life maybe” and instead you get thrown into a place where the managers and guests are mostly tall smug futa ladies with thick thighs, huge tits and way too much money, who look at you like you’re a walking stress toy. The whole vibe is luxury mixed with porn parody, like someone mashed a five-star resort with one of those cursed hentai doujins you pretend you “found by accident”. You’re basically staff and chew-toy at the same time. One second you’re talking politely at the front desk, the next a classy futa businesswoman is pushing you against the counter and making you suck her cock while the elevator dings in the background. The game treats that as completely normal, which is honestly kinda funny and hot at same time.

What really hit my nostalgia brain is how the humor and horny stuff are glued together. The dialogue is full of dumb jokes, weird “rich people fetish” lines, and that slightly awkward English that somehow makes the dirty talk work better. There’s this scene where a petite “trap” guest shows up looking cute and shy, then calmly pulls out a suitcase full of toys and asks if you’re “hotel-certified” for anal service, like it’s spa menu item. You get the dating sim vibe, picking how polite or thirsty your responses are, and it actually changes how hard they ride you later. One futa with a giant ass teases you for being “vanilla” if you only go for oral, then drags you to her room, bends you over the bed and you feel like you’re signing a contract with your asshole. Some of the animations are nicely timed with the moans, especially the oral shots where your head is bobbing and her balls tap your chin, but then sometimes a loop will reset at a weird moment and my brain just goes “why did her hips teleport”. And the loading between scenes on mobile Chrome lagged right during a blowjob payoff, which annoyed me more than it should, but I still kept playing, because of course I did.

The hotel setting lets them throw in all kinds of guests: tall dark-skinned futa with big tits who treats you like a room amenity, some smug white CEO type who wants you on your knees under the table during “business calls”, a nerdy girl with glasses who secretly has the thickest cock and uses a vibrating toy in your ass while she scrolls on her phone, barely looking at you. There are races mixed, body types, a lot of big asses pressing you into fancy sheets. Sometimes the female domination goes pretty hard, like humiliating dirty talk while they make you lick their shaft clean after anal, and other times it’s oddly sweet, like a futa patting your head after using you and tipping you like a good bellboy. It’s funny, because the game pretends to be this outrageous fetish buffet, but the thing that stuck with me most was one quiet moment in a hallway, where you’re exhausted, cum probably still dripping somewhere, and a guest just smirks, adjusts her bulge, and tells you she booked you for “wake-up service” tomorrow. That tiny little line hit way harder in my head than half the loud scenes. Also, the hotel lobby music slaps in the weirdest way. I caught myself humming it while opening TikTok, which is completely wrong for this kind of game and now my brain is cursed forever.

You’re playing this tired small-town detective who looks like he hasn’t slept in about ten years, and honestly, fair. His sister vanished, his brother’s dead, the whole city feels like it’s rotting quietly under cheap neon, and every time he starts to focus on the case, some absurdly hot woman with big tits and a tragic backstory leans over his desk and distracts him with cleavage and weirdly personal questions. It’s half investigation, half “how is everyone in this shitty town model-level attractive,” and the game just goes, “yeah, that’s normal, don’t worry about it.” You click through leads, interrogations, late-night visits, and suddenly the conversation that started with “where were you that night” is turning into her licking her lips, him pressing her against a wall, her panties around her ankle, and a nice POV angle of her taking him deep. This is not subtle noir, it’s horny noir that forgot what HR is.

The story likes to pretend it’s serious, and actually sometimes it works. You’re chasing clues about your missing sister, and then the game throws you into a date scene with a tattooed bartender with a huge ass who keeps “accidentally” brushing her tits against your arm while pouring a drink. You’re trying to ask about some shady guy, she just laughs, puts your hand on her thigh, then you’re in a back room with her on her knees, blowjob framed from his point of view, spit building on his shaft, her gagging a little while still trying to talk dirty, which is sort of funny and hot at same time. A few choices later she’s bent over a crate, ass out, you pushing in raw, and the game doesn’t shy away from the creampie shot. There’s a lot of that, by the way. The MC is allergic to condoms, apparently. You say the right things, girls open up emotionally, then open their legs, it’s that kind of energy. One shy “good girl” virgin who acts like she’s never kissed a guy before goes from blushing mess to riding you in your office chair, tits bouncing in your face, begging you not to pull out. And yeah, you don’t. Of course you don’t.

What I liked is how scenes don’t all play the same. Sometimes it’s slow teasing, like a handjob in a car while you’re “staking out” a suspect, her jerking you off under the steering wheel while pretending to listen to the radio, whispering in your ear and grinding her ass against your side. Sometimes it explodes into full group sex chaos, like the harem setup you stumble into if you don’t piss off the wrong girls. There’s one route where two of them show up at your place “to help with the case” and five minutes later you’re flat on your back, one riding your face while the other is bouncing on your cock, and then a third joins just to wrap her tits around you for a slick titfuck between thrusts. They make jokes while doing it too, which is weirdly charming. The MC leans pretty hard into male domination, pressing them into furniture, hand on their throat, telling them to keep eye contact while he fucks them, and they clearly love it. Anal pops up like it’s just another checkpoint in the investigation, with a girl who says she’s not ready for “normal” sex yet but then relaxes completely once you’re inside her ass, clutching the bedsheet and asking for it harder. There’s romance and sweet moments buried under all the cum and dirty talk, but the game never lets you forget this is about a detective who tries to solve a family tragedy and somehow ends up with a house full of women who all want his cock in every hole they have. Honestly, priorities.

Shawn’s story feels like watching that nerdy guy from the phone shop finally snap and decide “ok, I want pussy and romance, not just anime and cable management.” You start as this awkward clerk who spends more time staring at big asses and big tits than actually selling shit, and slowly you figure out how to turn all that hopelessness into actual dates, groping, and a messy harem situation if you want. It’s a point and click thing, mostly, but wrapped like a mobile game where you’re always checking stats, schedules, moods, messages, and thinking “ok, who do I text for a blowjob tonight and who do I take to the park so she doesn’t hate me.” It feels a bit like Tinder combined with doing chores. Sexy chores with footjobs and titfucks at the end if you play it right.

The three main women all poke at you in different ways. Palla is this lazy moocher roommate who walks around the apartment half dressed, constantly teasing, like she knows exactly how hard your dick is when she bends over the couch. First time I got to grope her “by accident,” in the kitchen, I actually had to put the phone down for a second. She complains, pretends to be offended, but you see the romance flags going up and suddenly you’re on the bed with her giving you oral, and you’re like, yeah ok, that escalated fast. Audrey is the one who roasts you non-stop, the kind of girl that calls you a nerd in public, then lets you finger her in the cinema if you picked the right dialogue two days before. I had one scene where I messed up a choice and she just walked away, no sex, nothing, and I had to grind work again like a clown just to afford a stupid gift to fix things. Amy is even worse. Co-worker who treats you like trash, and when you finally flip the script, you can go sweet romance or full scumbag. My first run I tried to be nice, gave her presents, asked her out to cute dating spots. Second run I just went horny goblin and rushed for a bathroom blowjob at the store. Both paths feel wrong and fun in different ways.

The sandbox structure is where shit gets interesting and also a bit annoying. You wander around different locations, click stuff, run into random events, try to keep everyone happy without blowing your cover. One day you’re having tender vaginal sex with one girl on a date after building up affection, the next day you accidentally line up a booty call with another and suddenly your whole “faithful guy” image is dead. I liked how you can be a sweet romantic nerd who sends flirty texts and brings flowers, or a manipulative seducer stacking a harem where everyone is sharing your dick, or at least pretending not to care. Sometimes it feels like you’re juggling too much. Money, clothes, phones, schedules, affection, lust, jealousy. I got lost once just trying to remember who liked which gift on which day, cursed at the screen, then kept going anyway because I wanted to see that one scene where she sits on your face after a long teasing build-up. That’s the thing here. You end up doing little boring actions for the chance of a hot event where you get a footjob on the couch, or she wraps her massive tits around your shaft and you forget all the min-maxing for a minute. It’s messy, horny, sometimes romantic, sometimes just straight up scummy, and it feels exactly like a nerd’s brain trying to manage porn fantasies and actual relationships at the same time.

High School Hobby Harlots feels like someone mashed together a horny comic, an old-school hentai dating sim and a messy sandbox life sim, then laughed and said “good enough” and hit upload. You play Amara, this spoiled rich troublemaker dumped into a “reform school” that is about as holy as a Pornhub comment section. The whole vibe is super tongue in cheek: nuns with dirty thoughts, students who look like they’re one bad decision away from starting an OnlyFans, and teachers that definitely should not be left alone with anyone. The art is 2D comic panels, kind of fanzine style, sometimes clean, sometimes rough, but it fits the “I’m not supposed to be doing this” mood perfectly. It feels like reading a dirty webcomic where you keep clicking for the next punchline and suddenly you’re knee deep in anal, voyeurism, and girls showing way too much skin in the chapel.

The fun part for me was how the game quietly turns you into a little sex manager. You’re not just clicking through scenes. You’re juggling stats like Fun, Energy, Allure, Sexperience and Money, and they actually matter. You wanna drag a classmate into your corruption spiral, you better have enough Allure and the right timing, because some events only trigger when Amara is in a certain mood or you pushed a girl just far enough. One moment I was in the dorm teasing a shy girl with a toy, just casual masturbation training, and a bit later she’s sucking dick on camera for Amara’s iFap channel like it’s no big deal. The pacing of that fall is nice and dirty. Corruption here isn’t just a label. You can feel it when a girl that refused to flash her tits earlier suddenly agrees to public exhibition in the showers while other students “pretend” they’re not watching. The camming storyline is hilarious and sleazy at the same time: you push them into doing oral, playing with themselves, trying anal plugs on stream, and the game keeps throwing in those quips that make you grin like an idiot. Then you level them up even more and suddenly escorting on iFuq is on the table, with group sex events and weird little interracial scenes that pop up like “oh ok, we’re doing this now.” Some of the sandbox routine gets a bit grindy, like you’re repeating similar actions hoping for the next random sexy event, and sometimes the timing feels like Ren’Py rolled a nat 1 on your libido. But then you get a new event with Amara taking two girls to a “study session” that somehow turns into lesbian foreplay, a spanking lesson and finally everyone stuffed and covered, and you kinda forgive the jank. It’s messy, it’s horny, it’s funny in a dumb way, and the game doesn’t pretend to be classy. It just hands you a reform school full of difficult girls and asks, very politely, how filthy you feel like making them today.