I don’t even know what I expected when I clicked on *that* thumbnail, but this game’s hotel isn’t a place you walk into - it’s something that kind of swallows you. The first girl greets you with that half-dead sparkle, like she just crawled out of a morgue and straight into your lap, and somehow it works? Her skin’s got that faint blue tint, but when she starts talking dirty, you forget the “zombie” part real quick. There’s this weird rhythm to how the rooms unlock - like the game is teasing you, always dangling another girl behind some invisible counter. You think you’re done after the scientist chick who keeps calling you “specimen,” but then bam, the door slides open and there’s Luna Snow looking like she wandered out of a Marvel crossover fanfic gone horny.

What messes with me is how inconsistent everything feels in the best way. Sometimes it’s tender, sometimes it’s like watching a fever dream where Velma Dinkley is teaching you anatomy lessons you definitely didn’t get in school. The moaning animation syncs up too well with the clicking sound - tiny thing, but once you notice, you can’t unhear it. And don’t get me started on the hotel lobby music, which sounds like someone mixed elevator jazz with funeral bells; somehow it fits when a zombie nurse is giving you a handjob that looks way too professional. The cum-as-currency idea? Ridiculous, yet satisfying. It’s like capitalism finally found its true form. I kinda hate how much I laughed at myself keeping score like a finance bro.

There’s one glitch that drives me nuts: sometimes the girls’ eyes freeze mid-blowjob, like you’ve offended them spiritually, but maybe that’s the point? Half the charm is that it doesn’t apologize for being messy. The writing swings from cheesy one-liners to genuinely filthy pillow talk that catches you off guard. You’ll finish one scene thinking, “Okay, that’s enough,” and five minutes later you’re unlocking Katara doing something that’d make Nickelodeon lawyers cry. It’s a trainwreck in a silk robe, and I mean that as a compliment.

Crossunder Academy looks at you and goes, “yeah, you’re the new kid, you don’t know shit, but here, have power anyway.” You roll in thinking it’s just another school VN with some tits glued on, and then they throw you into the Student Council and suddenly you’re the class president, fake tie, fake responsibilities, and very real chances to fuck half the campus if you don’t screw it up. It starts tame, like a dating sim pretending to be serious: club budgets, school events, that kind of filler. Then you figure out every boring “proposal” conversation is basically foreplay. The shy club rep who wants more money for “equipment” leans over your desk a bit too far, blouse a little too tight, and you’ve got the classic choice pop-up: act professional, tease her, or slide right into horny territory and test how far she’s willing to go to get that funding. You know which one you click. Don’t lie.

The fun part is how it mixes the puzzle feeling with porn without turning into some clicker trash. You’re not matching gems or anything stupid like that, you’re juggling scenes. Say the wrong thing to one girl and she gets jealous when you’re alone with her teacher later, and suddenly that nice slow blowjob under the desk becomes “sorry, I can’t, people will talk.” Say the right thing and the same teacher is on her knees, glasses fogged up, working your cock like she’s grading on a curve. Some routes feel like you’re solving a horny jigsaw puzzle with horny pieces. You’re planning event schedules while secretly thinking, “ok, if Hermione-clone student nerd and that thick aunt-looking lunch lady are both there, can I push them into some exhibitionist shit?” and sometimes the game actually lets you pull it off. There are moments where the camera settles into POV and it’s just you, her big tits pressed right into the frame, your cock between them for a messy titfuck, and the sound design goes from cartoony to “oh, someone actually cared here.” Then next scene a different girl is doing this ahegao face like she’s auditioning for a meme compilation and it almost kills the mood, but you keep clicking because, well, creampie counter is not going to fill itself.

It leans hard into the fantasy faculty and campus girls archetypes. You’ve got the prim bookworm who clearly wants to be ruined in the library after hours, the fake innocent student council girl who’s absolutely into groping behind closed doors, the curvy “tradwife” type who talks about cooking and chores while riding you raw, and that one busty older woman that might as well have “MILF” written on her forehead. Half the time you’re trying to act like a respectable president in meetings, half the time you’re lining up which corridor to “inspect” so you can corner someone and see how far she’ll go if the hallway cameras are “mysteriously” off. There’s teasing everywhere, a little too much sometimes: she’s in your lap, skirt hiked up, grinding on you, moaning in your ear about how wrong it is in a school setting, and the scene still stalls until you pick the right dialog line before it lets you finally push inside. When it does click though, the game doesn’t flinch: deep throat, sloppy oral, thick ass bouncing in your lap, cum inside, cum outside, cum on her face while she’s making that stupid cross-eyed expression. It’s messy, a bit goofy, sometimes hot as hell, sometimes clunky as fuck, but it feels like an actual degenerate school fantasy where your choices matter just enough to make you paranoid you missed one more filthy route.

It’s kind of ridiculous how fast I went from “what the hell is this?” to “okay, never mind, I’m into this.” The game throws you into Camp Pinewood like it expects you to already know everyone - Jessica’s smirking at you like she’s seen your browser history, Starfire can’t decide if she’s shy or secretly running the place, and then there’s Daphne, who acts like she’s above it all but still ends up bent over a desk two scenes later. Everything feels like someone mashed together every Saturday morning cartoon crush and said, *fine, they all live here now.* Nothing makes sense, but that’s part of the charm. It’s messy, horny, and self-aware enough to laugh at itself right before things get too heated.

The pacing’s weird - in one moment you’re helping Gwen carry boxes, next thing you’re getting cornered behind a cabin while she whispers something that’d make a sailor blush. You sort of drift between voyeur moments and full-on chaos; I kept expecting a real plot twist, but then Lola Bunny shows up in a crop top and that thought just evaporated. There’s something funny about the characters pretending they don’t notice you staring, like the game knows exactly what it’s doing with the teasing. The animations aren’t perfect, yet somehow those imperfections make it hotter, like catching someone mid-movement instead of posing. The sound design? Half the time it’s moans mixed with cicadas - which shouldn’t work but totally fits the camp vibe.

If I had to pick highlights: that scene where Raven finally drops the sarcasm and switches roles - it’s almost too slow, like she’s daring you to blink; the group shower moment that turns into an argument over shampoo but ends way dirtier than expected; and one random night sequence where nothing even happens, just silhouettes through windows, but yeah, I didn’t skip that either. It’s dumb, it’s filthy, and it doesn’t pretend otherwise. Maybe that’s why I can’t stop loading it up again.

I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.