You know that feeling when a game looks like it was thrown together in someone’s horny fever dream, but somehow it still works on you way harder than the “polished” stuff? This one is exactly that, like an accidental ASMR session where the mic is clipping a bit and you hear the creator breathing too close, yet your brain goes, yeah, keep going. It’s a Ren’Py visual novel that dumps you into an isekai version of Attack on Titan, only instead of getting eaten by giants, you basically get eaten alive by the girls. The whole cast is here in their Koikatsu-style 3D look, slightly uncanny and shiny in all the wrong places, but that actually helps the vibe. They feel like adult dolls someone posed for you, not perfect anime waifus, and that’s kinda hot in a trashy way. First scene I got, I ended up alone with Mikasa in a quiet barracks room, and the sound of the little ambient loop in the background plus those slow text lines dripping in felt almost like whispering in your ear. It’s not amazing sound design or anything, just basic loops and light clicks, but if you’re into ASMR, that soft repetitive tap of Ren’Py text advance starts to feel like a metronome for your horny brain.

The game leans very hard into the male protagonist fantasy, no pretending it’s anything else. You’re the guy, you’re dropped into their world, and pretty fast it turns into harem territory with Sasha, Annie, Historia, Hange, and Zoe orbiting around your dick like it’s the new Wall Maria. First time Sasha drops to her knees and starts an eager blowjob, the camera angle is slightly weird, like her face is too close and the background is dead empty, but you can hear the faint menu click you made just before the scene and it accidentally amps the tension. Then later there’s a titjob scene with Mikasa where nothing really moves except her model shifting position and the text describing her squeezing you between her breasts, and the stillness makes you focus on every little line. It’s like reading smut while someone plays a low YouTube rain sound in another tab. Then the next moment the game swings to Historia giving a shy handjob, her eyes not quite tracking right because of the model, and that tiny jank suddenly feels intimate, like you caught a bootleg recording. There’s a footjob with Annie that goes on way too long text-wise, and I kind of hated it and loved it. The dev really milks every toe curl and heel press on your shaft, to the point where you’re clicking, clicking, clicking, thinking, ok I get it, she’s rubbing, and then one line hits you: “You can feel her sole slide slowly along your vein,” and your whole body reacts. Then you go right back to being annoyed that the textbox covers the best part of the screen and you can’t move it. Classic Ren’Py pain.

Romance here is not subtle, but it tries. There are choice branches where you can act more caring with Historia or tease Sasha or be weirdly gentle with Hange, and those tiny variations actually shift the energy of later scenes. One time I picked the softer answer with Historia early on, and her later blowjob had different lines, more about “wanting to take care of you,” and the way it was written had this soft ASMR energy, like verbal aftercare while she’s still sucking. Then I restarted and went full asshole route and she was colder, more detached, same animation, completely different feeling. The game plays like a first date where you know you’re going to fuck, but you’re still pretending there’s some sweetness involved. Then after a couple routes, it starts feeling like a long term thing with these girls, where you know exactly how Sasha moans when she goes too deep, or how Mikasa’s “hnn” lines always appear right before she speeds up. You kind of memorize the rhythm of their scenes. There’s romance, sure, but it’s romance written by someone who clearly loves the characters and also wants to see them swallow. The UI is clunky, some backgrounds feel like random Koikatsu screenshots, and sometimes the pacing just dies in the middle of a hot scene, but when the text, the slow click, the janky 3D pose and your own breathing sync up for a second, it hits like low budget porn that somehow turns into a brain massage. It should not work as well as it does. It really, really should not.

Become Alpha is a porn game with tons of memes, kickass branching storyline, quests, RPG-like experience system, and a possibility to have sex with many partners. It's also pretty damn funny. The story is about Harry Panuchkin who's a nerd and a wannabe gangster. He has a big dick, but never actually used it. It's your job to help him get the pussy and make him a proper alpha male, that he always wanted to be.

You wake up and it’s just… wrong. Not hell, not heaven, more like the horny waiting room nobody told you about. This smug bitch in heels, Miss Fortune, sits there with that “I own your soul and your dick” vibe, talking to you like she already read your browser history twice. She explains you’re dead way too casually, then basically offers you this cursed-sex-tour through a fantasy world where goblins are everywhere and somehow everyone has ridiculous boobs and zero shame. It feels like someone mixed hentai logic with a fucked-up fairy tale and then said “yeah, that’s enough plot, now go fuck things.” The writing leans into it too. Miss Fortune teases you every time you think you’re in control, like she’s watching from some upper menu, laughing when you pick the degenerate option… which is all of them, honestly.

The actual wandering around is more fun than it should be. You walk into a tavern expecting the usual boring NPC talk and instead there’s this big-titted goblin girl leaning over the counter like she’s about to fall out of her clothes on purpose. I picked the “play it cool” dialogue, and five clicks later I’m balls deep in her, she’s riding me on a dirty table, boobs bouncing everywhere, and the game throws in a titfuck scene just because it can. No fade to black, no “are you sure”, just “you touched her, now deal with it.” Some scenes are rough in that kinky way, with ropes and collars and that bastard feeling of “I probably deserve this.” One goblin dom literally drags your character around by the leash and talks shit like she’s streaming on Twitch. It’s funny and hot and a bit stupid, but in a good way. Then sometimes the pacing is weird, like you go from filthy BDSM dungeon to awkward small-talk with some random NPC with no transition, and the horny mood falls flat for a minute. Also there was one chest in a cave I clicked three times and nothing happened and now I hate that chest forever. But then you run into some new character who calls you a “useless dead meat toy” and grinds on your face and you forget you were annoyed. It’s that kinda experience. Messy, horny as fuck, not pretending to be deep, just constantly tossing you into new goblin sex trouble while Miss Fortune smirks like she planned it from the start.

This Zelda parody hits different than your typical fan game bullshit. Love in Hyrule throws you into some alternate timeline where Princess Zelda's got three other girls hanging around and everyone's horny as hell. The whole isekai angle works surprisingly well here - you're not Link, you're just some random dude who ended up in Hyrule and now these four women want to jump your bones. Zelda's still got that royal attitude but she's way more forward about what she wants. Ribo and Zaphie feel like original characters that actually belong in this world instead of feeling tacked on, and Kiya... well, she's got her own thing going on that I won't spoil.

The RenPy engine does its job fine, though the interface feels a bit clunky sometimes when you're trying to navigate between scenes. LewdSama's artwork carries this whole thing - the character designs stay true to the Zelda aesthetic while being sexy as fuck. Each girl has distinct personality quirks that come through in both dialogue and sex scenes. The harem setup doesn't feel forced either, which is rare for these kinds of games. You're not collecting waifus like Pokemon cards, there's actual relationship building happening between the steamy bits. Some of the dialogue gets cheesy but in that good way where you're laughing with it instead of at it.

What really surprised me was how much effort went into making Hyrule feel lived-in. You're not just clicking through sex scenes, there's actual exploration and world-building happening. The romance progression feels natural too - these aren't just fuck dolls waiting for you to show up, they've got their own motivations and desires. The hot scenes are well-written and varied enough that each character feels unique in bed. Fair warning though, this definitely leans into the fantasy fulfillment side of things rather than trying to be some deep narrative experience. But honestly? Sometimes that's exactly what you want from a Zelda porn game.