Power, tits and dragons, in that order. Whores of Thrones takes the whole Seven Kingdoms mess and asks a very simple question: what if everyone stopped pretending they have honor and just started fucking for it instead. You’re dropped into this twisted court drama where every “deal” is half politics, half who is on their knees, and it leans hard into that. One scene you’re whispering dirty orders in a candlelit sept, next scene you’re watching a proud knight get milked by a monster he tried to stab. The story does that slow corruption thing: characters start with some fake moral line, then a bit of blackmail here, a “do this or I ruin your house” there, and suddenly they are naked in public, on their knees, kissing boots, begging for more. It doesn’t rush it, which I kinda loved and also kinda hated when I wanted to just go straight to hardcore. Sometimes you’ll pick a choice and think “ok soft scene now” and the game responds with anal, a collar, and a smug priest watching. Not complaining, just surprised. Often.

Fan service is insane. Sansa, Arya, Daenerys, Cersei, all twisted versions of themselves, each pushed into their own flavor of kink. There is this one path where your male character gets to break the noble “ice princess” step by step, starting with just making her show her feet, then kissing them, then using them on your cock like it’s nothing, until she goes from disgusted to needy. Long scene, very slow, and honestly the footjob animation and expressions are way better than they should be for a porn parody. Then you flip to another route and you’re playing a girl instead, suddenly on the other side of the leash, teasing another woman, riding her face and using toys on her while you promise to protect her family if she just obeys. Lesbian stuff hits different here, because they make it half affection, half “I own you now”. You can feel the writers grinning when they script a holy woman forced into exhibitionism in front of her own followers, or when a dragon queen ends up bent over a balcony, pretending she cares about the city while you’re just pounding her and talking about who she has to marry next. There’s vanilla pussy grinding right next to anal punishment, incest whispers in the background mixed with religious guilt, some brutal female domination scenes, gay side paths that go from awkward to “oh shit this is rough” in two clicks. It goes from funny parody to “damn, that’s filthy” really fast. And yeah, you can play it on your phone, which is a blessing until you realize you just opened a scene with a chained noble girl licking a boot and a dildo in the middle of your train ride, and now you can’t look anyone in the eye.

The outfit choices in this coffee shop visual novel are honestly pretty basic - Phil/Hazel rocks the standard barista apron look throughout most scenes, which feels like a missed opportunity when you're dealing with someone who's clearly meant to be your typical feminine trap character. The whole aesthetic screams "indie coffee culture meets yaoi manga" but the costume design doesn't really commit to either vibe fully.

What caught me off guard was how the game handles the gender reveal mechanics. You're flirting with this cute barista thinking you're in for some straightforward romance, then boom - surprise package under that apron. The animated sequences when things get heated are surprisingly well done for something this rough around the edges. There's actual effort put into the anal scenes, and the oral animations don't look like someone's head is just bobbing up and down like a dashboard ornament. Phil's expressions during the more intense moments actually sell the whole "innocent barista discovers their kinky side" transformation pretty convincingly. The creampie scenes get properly messy too, which I appreciate - none of that clean, sanitized porn game nonsense.

But here's where it gets weird - the romance elements feel completely disconnected from the sexual content. One minute you're having this sweet conversation about coffee preferences and life goals, the next you're balls deep in what's essentially a trap doujin come to life. The mobile interface makes navigating between choices clunky as hell, especially during the teasing sequences where timing actually matters. The cosplay elements they throw in later feel random too, like someone just remembered they had that tag to fulfill. Still, there's something oddly charming about how unpolished it all is. Phil's character development from shy coffee shop worker to eager bottom happens way too fast to be believable, but the masturbation scenes where they're thinking about you hit different when the writing actually tries.

Eyvind is not your usual soft twink hero, he is a chunky wolf bastard with scars, attitude and a cock that gets him into trouble faster than his spear. The whole thing starts in this small tavern that looks harmless at first, like one of those generic quest hubs you ignore in other games, and then suddenly it is the most important horny place in your life. Guys come in covered in dust and blood, order a drink, talk about monsters outside the village, and five minutes later they are grinding on each other in the back room, cursing into each other's mouths. The game really leans into that feeling that everyone here is two bad decisions away from sucking someone off behind a barrel. It is very fantasy, but not “serious lore” fantasy, more like “this orc just beat you in a drinking game, now you are on your knees choking on him and neither of you complains.”

You move around that tavern a lot, chatting with rough mercs, mysterious mages, random horny travelers, and every chat can slide into sex if you push it a little. Or if you lose a bet. Or if you lose a fight. Actually losing is pretty hot here, which is kind of evil, because sometimes you realize you wanted to lose from the start. One time I picked a fight with this big lizard guy in the corner, just testing the combat, and the dumb wolf got wrecked in like four turns. Next screen, Eyvind is bent over the table, tail up, getting his ass pounded until you can practically feel his legs shaking, and the lizard keeps talking shit while he pumps him full, creampie dripping down those thick cheeks. And the game is not shy about showing that mess. Same with oral scenes, you get proper sloppy blowjobs, spit strings, tongues, the works. The art is simple but direct, like, it does not pretend to be safe for work, it just wants to make you stare and think “ok, I would absolutely let that bull barbarian use my throat too.”

Outside the tavern you get the adventure side, going into the woods, fighting monsters, doing quests that always somehow end with cock. You pick skills, choose moves in fights, manage your health, but in the back of your mind you know that losing that turn based battle might unlock another filthy scene with a horny beastman pinning Eyvind to the ground. Sometimes I was actually annoyed when I won, because then I only got gold instead of a hot scene with some big brute stuffing him full. And yeah, I know, that is not “correct” way to play, but come on. There is something very fun about watching a proud warrior slowly turn into the tavern’s favorite cum dump, acting tough during the day and then kneeling between the thighs of some muscle bear at night, licking him clean and asking for more. The only thing that pissed me off was this tiny detail with how the tavern counter is drawn, like the angle is weird and it made me crazy every time, but then a horny fox adventurer would drag Eyvind upstairs and I forgot about it. The whole thing feels like someone mashed a classic fantasy RPG with a furry porn comic, spilled some ale on the script, and said “yeah, that is enough, let them fuck.”

Guy lives a comfy boring life, then one really bad day turns into his best mistake. He dies. Game just grabs him, throws him into a world full of monsters with curves and claws and cocks and way too much eye contact, and suddenly he is supposed to be some kind of future Monster Lord. No normal dating stuff here, it’s all messy and horny and kind of sweet in a trashy way. You hop between scenes like a point & click cartoon, poking at things you probably shouldn’t, and half the time that means someone ends up naked or at least leaking pre. There is a lot of soft moments hidden under all the filth though, like when a big scary beast girl leans in for a kiss and then just asks if he’s actually ok with all this, right before she pushes his face between her tits and uses them on his dick while her tail plays with his ass. That mix of “I might eat you” and “I might cuddle you after I creampie you twice” hits weirdly nice.

What took me by surprise is how the game doesn’t pretend to be straight only. You get the classic big tits, big ass, sloppy oral, titfuck, pussy dripping on his cock until she milks him dry, all of that, but also the MC getting shy and flustered around pretty boys that don’t even try to look “manly”. One of the traps is drawn insanely cute, like anime idol cute, and the moment he drops his pants and that hard cock pops out, MC just stares too long and you realize “ok, they’re not no-homo-ing this, they actually let him be into it”. That scene where you wake up in a tent, hear noises, and peek out to see him jerking off in the moonlight, cock shining with lube, ears twitching, tail swaying, and you get a voyeurism choice to watch or go help him with your hand or mouth, that felt like something written by someone who actually watches guys, not a token “for the gays” checkbox. At the same time, sometimes it feels like the dude’s attraction flips a bit too fast, like one minute he’s all “I’m not into guys”, next minute he has monster jizz on his tongue and acts like he’s always loved it, but honestly that’s kind of realistic disaster bi energy, I’ve seen worse on Grindr.

Sex pacing jumps all over the place. One chapter teases you forever, lots of groping, slow handjobs, MC teasing nipples on a monster girl with four boobs while she rubs her fat ass on his lap and just makes him beg before he finally shoves into her and fills her pussy, cum dripping down her thighs in a long animated loop. Next chapter, you blink and suddenly he is on his knees with a beastman’s cock in his throat, eyes watering, then getting pinned and fucked until he takes a sloppy creampie and you barely had time to process the setup. I kind of love that chaos and also hate it. Same with the romance. Some routes feel like actual relationships, with cute little talks after masturbation scenes where they just sit around half dressed and awkward, others are more like porn hub clips stitched together. The furry designs swing from adorable to “ok this one looks like a plush toy that learned what choking is” and sometimes the proportions are crazy, like asses so huge they look like they’d break a chair, but that’s half the fun. It’s pretty obvious the dev is just shoving all their kinks in: voyeur stuff, traps, monster girls, oral, tits, asses, lots of messy cum and a male protagonist who slowly stops pretending he isn’t enjoying every second of it. Could have more actual gay romance arcs instead of just sex flags, but I already know they won’t change that and I still keep clicking on every new chapter like an idiot.