College spits you back out, you drag your suitcase up the old familiar stairs, and the first thing that hits you is that weird mix of nostalgia and horny frustration. You’re supposed to be the “grown up” version of yourself now, but the house still smells like coffee, furniture polish and that floral perfume your grandma’s friend wears. She’s the one waiting inside. Not some generic landlady with rented room rules, but this older woman who clearly remembers you as “such a cute kid” and now can’t stop staring at the outline in your jeans when you stretch. The game leans hard into that shift, that strange moment where polite family-adjacent small talk slowly, painfully tilts into something that should probably be illegal in five different ways. It does not rush. It pokes at you. Constantly. Morning wood scenes, shower doors that never really close, “accidental” brushing of her tits against your back when she squeezes behind you in the tiny kitchen. You’re not being told “this is a porn game, go click sex.” You’re stuck in that half-realistic, half-fantasy zone where you creep around the hallway at night, phone screen low, pretending you’re going to the bathroom while you secretly hope to catch her bent over the washing machine again.

What hits hardest is how much of the actual play is just you existing in this cramped domestic space with people who all want something from you. Some want comfort, some want cock, some pretend they don’t want either. You spend a lot of time in small interactions: a hand on your thigh lingering just a bit too long during a movie, toes sliding up your calf under the table, a “help me with this zipper” that clearly doesn’t need help. One scene that stuck with me was when you’re on the couch with her, late, both tipsy, and she falls asleep half on your lap. Your hand ends up resting on her ass almost by accident. You can pull away like a good little boy, or you can let your fingers sink in a bit, feel that heavy warmth, smell her skin. If you push your luck she doesn’t jump, she sighs, like she’s been waiting for this exact mistake. It’s slow burn, but when it finally snaps, the game is not shy. You go from stolen glances to her on her knees, spit on your cock, mumbling how long she waited to taste you. There’s worship here, a lot of it. Your body is treated like a toy and a shrine at the same time: cock kissing, balls cradled, her laughing while she edges you with lazy strokes and then scolding you for almost cumming on her face without permission. At some point you realize half the house has their own angle on you, from the sweet virgin type who just wants cuddles and suddenly finds herself riding you until she squirts on your stomach, to the pushy one who uses your face like a seat and then pretends it never happened at breakfast. There is some goofy stuff too, like a cosplay night that starts as a silly joke and ends with you in handcuffs, her in a way-too-tight outfit, using a toy on herself while you’re forced to watch until she lets you join. The writing swings between affectionate and filthy in a way that feels messy, a bit clumsy, but honest. Sometimes the pacing drags and you’ll click through way too many “good morning” scenes for one butt squeeze, and a couple of side characters feel like they exist only to feed your dick without much personality. But then there is this tiny quiet moment where one of them curls up against your chest after a crazy group scene, tracing circles on your skin, whispering that she hopes you don’t leave again, and you realize the game is not only about fucking every hole in reach. It pretends to be just cheap smut, then throws in pregnancy talks, jealousy, cheating, a weirdly wholesome cuddle after you have her bent over the sink for anal. It’s messy, horny, a bit wrong, and strangely cozy in a way that will probably say something about your brain you didn’t want to know.

Main guy drags his ass back from college, broke, horny, thinking life is gonna be boring again, and instead he walks into this super weird domestic porn fantasy that feels half like a sitcom and half like that one filthy subreddit you only open in incognito. The whole setup is normal on paper: small house, quiet neighborhood, "behave yourself, dear," all that soft grandma energy. Then her friend shows up. And she is problem. Not in a "oops my towel slipped" way, more like she knows exactly what his cock is doing under the table and she enjoys watching him panic about it. She plays it sweet, offering cookies and cuddles, then five minutes later she has him hard as fuck from just tracing a finger on his knee while granny is in the next room talking about knitting. It starts slow, like wholesome teasing, almost cute, and then suddenly the same woman is making him lick her fingers clean after she stuffs his face in her pussy and calls it "practice."

What I liked is how the game leans into that whole "standard landlady porn plot but crooked." It has the expected peeping in the shower, sneaky hand under the blanket while someone "sleeps," those early morning scenes where he wakes up with a tent and somebody just happens to walk in and stare a bit too long. Only here the main target is this older friend who looks all classy on the outside, but the more affection points you stack, the filthier she gets. First she just gives him a soft handjob while shushing him, then she starts using toys on herself and making him watch like some obedient slave, then she flips and rides his face, talking about how long she waited for a young cock in this house. It jumps from sweet cuddling on the couch to "open your mouth and take my squirt" so fast that my brain had whiplash and my dick said thank you. There is some light romance sprinkled in there, like she actually cares, then ten seconds later she orders him to cum inside and says they’ll deal with a baby if it happens. Totally normal conversation topic over tea.

At some point the game just stops pretending anyone in that house is innocent. You get lesbian tension in the bathroom when grandma’s friend "helps" with washing, a random footjob under the table while the old lady complains about her back, a secret cosplay outfit hidden in the wardrobe that turns into this ridiculous scene where she pretends to be a strict dom teacher but keeps breaking character to laugh. There is groping everywhere, ass slaps that sound like someone dropping raw meat, titjobs that last way too long in a good way, even this weirdly tender moment where they cuddle after a brutal anal session and she talks about loneliness like it is nothing while he is still leaking cum. Sometimes she goes full femdom, sometimes she just melts and lets him take control, choking her lightly while she begs for creampie and calls him "my good boy" like that’s not the most twisted wholesome thing ever. I wish the game stopped fading to black on a couple specific kinks it clearly teases, but it never will, it just smiles at you and closes the door every time. Also there is one mug in the kitchen that keeps changing color between scenes and it pissed me off more than it should, but anyway, if you push her route hard enough and flirt like a total homewrecker, the house turns into a kind of slow-burn harem disaster where every "innocent" movie night feels like foreplay and you start wondering who is going to climb into his bed next.

MC comes back from college, thinks he is just going to crash in his old room, jerk off in peace and pretend to look for a job. Then Grandma pops in with this "old friend" of hers who looks like somebody took every milf / gilf fantasy tag from a porn site and put it into one thirsty woman. She is polite at first, all tea and cookies and "how is your studying", but the game is not subtle. The camera lingers on her tits too long, the way she sits on the couch shows too much thigh, she bends just a little too slow when she picks up something in front of MC. There is this really nice build up where she keeps "accidentally" touching him, brushing his leg, hugging him from behind in the kitchen. You can pretend to be innocent, but the game knows you are watching for that first shower peeping moment, and it delivers that early. You see her soaped up body in the foggy glass, big ass pushed back, tits heavy, and MC arguing with himself if he should keep watching or pull out his dick right there. Of course you do. The masturbation scenes feel kind of clumsy in a good way, like an actual horny college guy back in his childhood room, trying to be quiet while fapping to the sound of water and her humming.

The whole thing leans hard into this "forbidden but somehow wholesome" vibe. She tucks him into bed, strokes his hair, then next scene you are basically doing sleepy groping under the blanket while she pretends to be half-asleep. Some choices push you toward romance, cuddling and soft kissing, and then suddenly there is rimming, anal teasing and her guiding his hand over her soaked panties like she waited years for some real dick. One of my favorite bits is the morning wood scene, she walks in, freezes, but instead of screaming she just sits on the edge of the bed. The whole conversation is about "boys your age" and "you must be so frustrated" while her eyes are locked on his cock. If you play your answers right she ends up wrapping her fingers around it and giving this slow, almost shy handjob, saying dirty things in a calm grandma-friend voice. That mix between caretaker and total slut is messed up in exactly the way you expect from a landlady-style game, just older and kinkier. It goes from oral in the living room while some religious show plays in the background, to full-on groping in public, anal on the couch with a pillow over her face so the neighbors do not hear her, squirting on the bedspread Grandma picked. There is also some light maledom where MC starts taking control, spanking that thick ass, making her kiss his feet and worship his cock like it is the second coming. The game flirts a bit with the whole cheating angle if you read between the lines, she talks about her "late husband" and some hints about past lovers, but it never turns into drama, it stays in this horny bubble where everyone is just very eager to fuck MC.

You have all the usual corruption steps. At first she is shy about showing her nipples, later she is riding him reverse in the kitchen, big tits bouncing while she moans his name and begs for a creampie. There is a pretty hot foot scene where she makes him sit on the sofa, strips slow, then strokes him with her soles, pressing his shaft between her soft feet, licking her thumb and rubbing the tip until he almost loses it. She calls herself a "dirty old woman" and asks him to fill her up, and yeah, you can knock her up if you stick to raw sex and do not pull out. The pregnancy twist actually fits the story because she starts talking about feeling young again, about having "twins" as this crazy fantasy, like her body is trying to fight time using his seed. Some scenes get wild with toys too, like using a vibrator on her clit while she kneels between his legs, mouth full of cock, drool all over. The deepthroat art is a bit uneven here and there, and one lesbian side scene with another older woman is kind of rushed and not as hot as it could be, but it still gives that harem hint, like MC could slowly collect horny mature women from Grandma’s circle. There is light bdsm, collars, a bit of slave play where she kneels and calls him "sir", though it stays on the soft side, more teasing than hardcore. The writing swings between genuinely sweet romance and pure filth, sometimes in the same line. One moment she is cuddling him, stroking his chest hair and saying she is proud of him, next moment she is begging for anal, asking him to spit in her mouth and slap her big ass red. It feels messy, wrong, over the top and way too hot for how silly the basic premise is. You finish a scene with her covered in cum, smiling like a saint who just discovered a new religion, and you kind of hate yourself, then click "next day" anyway.

Ashe feels like that coworker you barely notice at the office, the one who always wears the same hoodie and keeps staring at her phone like it owes her rent money. Except she’s packing a ridiculous cock under those jeans, huge tits barely contained, and somehow every woman in her orbit is either a walking temptation or a walking trauma. The game drops you into her life right when everything starts cracking: old crush coming back into town, secrets that should have stayed buried, and Ashe trying not to jerk off in the shower every morning thinking about the girls she never had the guts to touch in school. It’s very lesbian and futa focused, nothing “no homo bro” here, just shameless girl on girl and futa on girl, plus the occasional futa on futa “ok now who’s actually going inside who” situation. The writing leans a lot on teasing, like long scenes where hands linger on thighs, where someone’s face is way too close to Ashe’s bulge, where a tongue almost touches but doesn’t, and you’re screaming at your screen “just put it in already” while pretending you’re totally fine. Then suddenly the game goes from slow build to “oh, there’s a futa pounding a virgin against the kitchen counter and a MILF watching from the hallway rubbing herself under her robe.”

It has that voyeur vibe that makes you feel like a creep in the best way. You get scenes where Ashe accidentally walks in on two girls making out, one of them with a strap on already glistening, and she freezes in the doorway, and instead of closing it like a normal human she keeps watching, grabbing her own shaft under the pants until they notice her and things turn into messy group action. I ended up collecting screenshots like a degenerate archivist, with my folder full of half censor-barred nipples from my Android gallery app and Google Photos deciding one day to “create a memory” from my collection of Ashe giving handjobs in a parked car. There is actual anal too, not just mentioned once and forgotten. The kind where the camera lingers too long on a tight asshole being opened slowly, fingers first, then Ashe pushing in while the girl claws at the sheets, biting the pillow, muttering she can’t take it and then very clearly taking all of it. Interracial comes up casually, like it should, you get brown thighs, pale thighs, thick asses of all shades grinding on Ashe’s lap while she’s trying to pretend she’s in control. One scene with a gym locker room, wet skin, dripping hair, and Ashe loses it and ends up on her knees between a tall dark skinned futa’s legs, throat fucked until her eyes water while another girl squeezes Ashe’s tits from behind.

There is a bit of NTR flavor in one route that made me pause, but it’s more like emotional cuckquean drama than cheap shock. Ashe watching a girl she clearly wants getting touched by someone else, hand involuntarily sliding inside her panties while she “totally just happens to be there.” You can avoid that, but even when I did, the game still slaps you with messy feelings layered over filthy sex. One moment you’re laughing at a dumb joke about lube and coffee, next moment you’re watching Ashe masturbate alone in her dark apartment, phone in one hand, cock in the other, scrolling through old photos of a girl she can’t forget. The pacing sometimes drags, like the dev got lost in their own feelings and forgot we’re here to see Ashe fuck the insecurity out of women, but then you get this crazy exhibition scene in a public place where she’s getting her dick sucked behind a half closed door while people walk past, and it pulls you right back. Boobs are big, asses bigger, there is more oral than a pornhub compilation, and some of the groping scenes in tight clothes honestly turned me on more than the full nude stuff. It’s messy, horny, awkward, sometimes way too real if you ever had that “I want her so bad but I’m a coward” phase, and I kept clicking forward just to see how far Ashe can spiral before she either fucks everyone or breaks completely. I still haven’t decided which outcome is hotter.

Los Angeles 2042 in this game feels like someone took Blade Runner, poured cheap whiskey on it and then asked “ok but where is the pussy.” Neon everywhere, holo ads with bouncing tits, high-tech toys, and then you walking around as this burned out corporate merc who is way too good at hurting people and way too bad at staying out of other people’s beds. You’re supposed to find this girl who suddenly matters to literally everyone in the city, but of course it never stays just “find and deliver.” One moment you’re sneaking through some high-rise owned by a corp that treats human lives like printer ink, next moment you’re balls deep in a milf who’s been playing power games longer than you’ve been alive. And the game doesn’t even pretend it’s classy about it. There’s face fucking, anal, tits riding your cock, cum all over everything. Animated scenes, not those lazy slideshow things. You actually watch her ass bounce while you rail her against some cold futuristic window with the skyline behind her. Very tasteful. And by tasteful I mean zero taste, just pure filth.

What I liked is how it mixes that heavy sci-fi mood with straight up horny trash. You’ve got corporate wars, merc squads, people getting shot in the head at close range with blood painting the walls. Then, ten minutes later, you’re pinning some virgin hacker girl against a desk, pushing her legs open while she’s still pretending she only needs you for “protection.” She says she’s never done it, your character basically goes “yeah sure” and then you see how tight she grabs you, how her body shakes when you slide in slowly the first time, and you kinda realize she really was a virgin and you just wrecked her. There are moments where the domination vibe is heavy too. Hand on throat, ass up, spanking her till her cheeks are red, then slipping a thumb inside to watch her squirm, then full on anal with her face buried in the pillow. Sometimes it’s romantic, you actually get those quiet scenes after the chaos, naked bodies tangled in a shitty apartment with neon bleeding through the blinds, soft kisses, slow vaginal creampie where she pulls you deeper with her legs wrapped around your waist. Next scene you’re watching two people fuck from the shadows, full voyeur creep mode, zooming in on her big ass bouncing on top of a futa whose cock is way too big to be legal, and you just stand there like “yeah, this is fine.” I still hate how one character constantly takes her clothes off by stripping super slowly like she’s on some cheap cam site, while another girl will just dump her top in half a second and shove your face in her huge tits, but maybe that’s part of the charm, this messy mix of romance, brutality and absolute porn brain, all wrapped in neon and broken dreams.

Star Periphery feels like someone smashed a lewd dating sim into a busted space freighter and just left the whole mess running. You’re this skinny space nobody with more hormones than sense, tossed into a universe where every second woman has a thick cock, big tits, a mean streak, or all three, and half the time you’re just trying not to stare while your eyes are glued to their asses anyway. It starts pretty simple, wandering around this rusty station full of flickering neon and suspicious stains, but it sneaks up on you. One moment you’re just checking a cargo manifest, next moment a smug futa customs officer has you pressed to a wall, one gloved hand casually groping your ass while she pretends to be “searching for contraband.” That scene sold me, honestly. The way she keeps her voice calm and bored while you’re clearly leaking through your panties, teasing you with slow strokes over the fabric, then just walks away like nothing happened. Loved it. Actually I hated it because I had to reload after choosing the coward dialog and missing half the scene, but that’s another thing.

The voyeur stuff is weirdly strong here. There’s this bit where you end up stuck in a crappy hostel pod, thin bulkhead, cheap audio insulation, and you can hear a monster girl mechanic in the next room railing some poor femboy trainee. You only see flashes through a broken panel and some flickering HUD readout, but you hear everything. Wet slaps, his breathy little whines, her low voice telling him to “push back more, toy” while she spanks his ass red. No explicit camera angle, no heroic close-up of internal cumshots, just your imagination and some nasty audio. It feels more filthy than most straight up porn scenes. Then later the game turns around and throws full-on internal views at you, showing a massive futa shaft stretching your virgin ass open while some clinical scanner overlays data on muscle tension and depth. It’s kind of hot, kind of medical, kind of fucked. In a good way. Maybe. I’m still not sure. Anyway, the point is, it does both subtle and really not subtle, and sometimes in the same arc, which is confusing and nice.

What I liked most is how the romance sneaks into all the filth. There’s this MILF captain, big ass, heavy tits, looks like she bench presses starship engines for fun. At first she treats you like a disposable cabin boy, orders you to your knees for a “stress relief” handjob after a bad run, uses your mouth while checking navigation on her tablet like you’re just another system. The first time she titfucks you, she doesn’t even look down, just talks about fuel prices while your cock is sliding between her slick cleavage and you try not to cum too fast or she’ll mock you. Then hours later she quietly asks if you want to sleep in her bunk instead of the cold cargo bay, spoons you from behind, hard cock pressed between your cheeks, no sex at all, just this heavy warmth and her arm over your waist. It feels almost wholesome, then she wakes you up in the morning by grinding against your ass and whispering “open up for your captain” and you remember this is still a dirty game about turning a shy guy into a proper slutty trap. Or not, depending on choices. Sometimes you can dodge the sissification paths completely and stay a more standard sub guy, and sometimes you walk straight into a shop that sells sex toys and walk out in a thong, collar, stockings and a remote vibrator inside you because a smug futa tech-girl convinced you it improves your “crew performance.” I swear I was trying to play it cool and avoid that content, then I clicked one flirt option in a bar and suddenly I’m kneeling while she adjusts my stockings and spanks me for fidgeting. It’s messy, half-polite, half-degrading, and I kept clicking anyway.

Coming back to this house feels dirty in all the wrong and right ways. Your parents are both gone and yeah, the game throws that at you with a kind of “sorry, shit happens” energy, then casually pushes you toward the front door of the woman who basically helped raise you. Monica opens the door and it hits you at once that this isn’t the “auntie” from your memories. This is a walking porn category: tight dress, heavy curves, ass that probably has its own gravity field, and a smile that clearly isn’t parental. She still calls you “sweetie” like you’re twelve, while her tits are almost falling out. It’s grossly comforting and also horny in a way that makes you feel like you need a priest and a cold shower, but you still click the flirty dialogue because of course you do.

The really fun, fucked up part is how the game plays with who gets a say in all this. You’ve got Monica and her two daughters, who grew up with you like sisters, and now every route is teasing where the line is. One moment you’re having this normal reunion chat in the living room, the next you notice the younger girl bending over in shorts that barely count as clothing, camera angle planted right on her ass, and the game nudges you: stare or look away? You don’t “ask” for consent here, you poke at the system and see how far you can push things without them snapping. It feels like watching your own brain on Pornhub addiction. You get these choices that pretend to respect boundaries, then reward you hard when you quietly ignore them. Peek through the slightly open bathroom door? Of course, the game gives you a juicy CG of her naked and wet, then later acts like the universe forgot you did that. As someone who actually thinks about consent stuff in games, it’s both interesting and a bit fucked, because the story keeps telling you “this is wrong” while the mechanics go “nice job, here’s another panty shot.”

The side characters twist the knife more. There’s this smug neighbor who clearly wants Monica’s attention and talks about her like she’s a prize to win, and the game lets you either out-creep him or play the “good guy” while still spying through windows at night. You get scenes where you “accidentally” walk in on two girls making out, or end up sandwiched between a group of drunk friends grinding on you during a party, and nobody in the story ever really gives a full, clear “yes” in a real-world sense. They’re flustered, embarrassed, teased, humiliated a bit, but somehow always positioned in a way that their bodies say yes even if their mouths say “stop being a perv” for formality. That’s the core kink here: the fantasy that people secretly want you to push them, to nudge past their comfort if you’re just charming enough. Ethically, it sucks. As porn, it’s hot. Those two truths sit together the whole time, like watching a messy relationship on Instagram that you know is unhealthy but you still stalk every story update. Sometimes the game pretends it’s about “romance” and “healing old wounds” and you almost believe it, then it throws you a choice like “grope her in public or stay polite” and, yeah, it knows exactly what site it’s being played on.

Holly’s Summer is that kind of horny mess where you open it “just to check the art” and then suddenly you’re way too invested in two girls making every bad decision possible on a private island. You’ve got Holly, the cute “good girl” who clearly thinks she’s in control of her own story, and Brooke, who has big “I say I’m your best friend but I also kinda want to see you ruin yourself” energy. The setup looks like classic rich-boyfriend summer vacation, private house, quiet beach, you know the fantasy. And then the thieves show up, and the whole vibe just slides straight into dirty, twisted crime porn without even pretending to be subtle. One minute it’s bikini and sunscreen, next minute it’s ropes, hands where they shouldn’t be, and a house full of men who see them as toys, not people.

What I liked is how fast it stops playing nice. There’s no fake heroic rescue tone. The guys are criminals, straight-up, and the game leans into that: groping that ignores consent, “searching” their bodies like they’re looking for stolen goods inside their panties, that kind of thing. It feels like a porn comic turned into a visual story, and yeah, if you know Fernando’s stuff, this is right in that lane: lots of humiliation, the girls forced to pose, kneel, open, suck, obey, with their faces doing that mix of shame and arousal the whole time. There’s one scene where Holly ends up on her knees in front of a guy she absolutely hates, with Brooke watching from the couch, hand tied behind her back, some big dude’s fingers digging into her thigh while he tells her to “act encouraging.” I paused the game there, opened Twitter, typed a whole rant, deleted it, went back and… clicked the filthiest option anyway. The choices mostly push you between “bad” and “worse,” like, do you want Holly to resist and get punished harder, or cooperate and get praised like a good little toy. There’s a bit of femdom flavor too, but twisted: some of the female-led stuff is them being forced into a “dom” role that’s still under male control. Holly made to dominate Brooke, slap her, ride her face while guys watch and jerk off, and you can feel she’s not really on top, she’s just another tool.

The sissy content sneaks up on you. It’s not like, boom, here’s a crossdressing dude from the start. It grows out of the humiliation vibe. One of the guys clearly enjoys breaking people, and you get this path where a softer male character gets dragged into it, forced into panties, made to serve with the girls. They talk to him like he’s just another slut, shove him next to Holly and Brooke, compare their asses, treat him as “the sissy” from then on. It’s mean, it’s hot, and sometimes weirdly funny in a dark way, like when Brooke mocks him but her voice cracks because she’s still choking on cum. Interracial stuff is sprinkled in pretty casually: the game doesn’t do speeches, it just puts Holly between a white thug and a huge black guy and makes her work both, or has the girls humiliated by a mixed group that clearly enjoys turning rich island princesses into shared meat. There’s a lot of focus on female orgasm, not in some romantic way but in that cruel “we’re gonna make you come so you can’t pretend you didn’t like it” style. They edge the girls, deny them, then suddenly push them over the line at the worst possible moment, like Holly screaming in pleasure while she’s being slapped and called a whore in front of everyone. If you’re into soft, cuddly romance, this is the wrong page of the internet. If you want a dirty, criminal-feeling island nightmare where pretty girls get broken, used in groups, forced to dominate and be dominated, and a “sissy” joins the meat parade, this one just crawls into your brain and refuses to leave.

It’s weird how this game feels both filthy and kinda wholesome at the same time. Like, you’re just a farmer, right? Doing your chores, minding your crops, and suddenly there’s this pig-girl princess showing up in your barn acting like she owns the place. She’s spoiled as hell but somehow adorable, rolling her eyes while asking you to “show her how humans do it.” The writing doesn’t even pretend to be subtle - one second you’re talking about feeding pigs, next thing you’re milking something that definitely isn’t a cow. The transitions are janky in a funny way, like the devs knew exactly what they were doing and didn’t care if it made sense. Honestly, I respect that kind of chaos.

The humor hits that perfect spot between dumb and clever. There’s a scene where the royal advisor tries to lecture you about “proper conduct with livestock” while you’re literally hiding behind hay bales with the princess moaning your name. It’s stupidly hot and stupidly funny. And the futa twist? Didn’t see that coming (pun totally intended). The first time it happens, you just stare for a second like - wait, did that just grow? But it works because the tone never shifts into serious mode; it stays playful, teasing, constantly flirting with absurdity. There’s even a lactation gag that somehow turns into a group scene, and by then you’ve stopped questioning logic entirely. You just go with it.

I kinda wish the farmer had more dialogue options though; sometimes he just grunts or blushes when you want him to say something dirtier. But maybe that’s part of the charm - you project your own filth onto him. The art style’s got that soft, round look that makes everything feel warm even when it’s absolute debauchery. And yeah, I laughed out loud when the princess called herself “royal pork” mid-handjob. Who writes that? Whoever they are, they get it. It’s horny, messy, self-aware, and doesn’t apologize for any of it.