Euryale’s Gambit feels like someone took a horny myth nerd, a violent RPG fan, and that one friend obsessed with big asses, locked them in a Discord call, and told them “make a time travel porn game, no filters.” You play as Euryale, a smug little demon with huge tits and bigger attitude, dropped into 19th century drama where everyone is either bleeding, moaning, or both. The story pretends it’s about saving the future from some terrible fate, but let’s be honest, half the time you’re “saving the timeline” by shoving her face between thighs or letting her ride people until the screen is basically just skin, sweat, and some honestly ridiculous squirting effects that look like someone got a bit too excited with the particle settings. One minute you’re in a serious scene talking about destiny and ancient curses and all that, next minute you’re pinning some poor girl to a dusty couch and Euryale is grinding on her face like she’s trying to kill her with pussy. It’s chaos, but in that fun, trashy way where you keep saying “ok last scene” and then stay for five more.

What actually surprised me is how much the fighting bits and the lewd stuff like to bleed into each other. You’ll be in an RPG-style encounter, thinking it’s just stats and skills, then win, and the “reward” is Euryale basically turning the battlefield into a sex dungeon. One of the fights I had ended with the enemy on their knees, Euryale grabbing their hair, forcing deep oral until she’s moaning right into the AI voice mic, and after that she just flips around, sits on their face, and the camera goes low so all you see is her big ass smothering them while their hands are twitching. The group scenes get wild too. There’s one where it’s basically a demon myth orgy in some candlelit temple, bodies everywhere, and you end up juggling between ramming into someone from behind while Euryale rides another girl’s mouth in front of you, tits bouncing in this exaggerated 3D way that makes zero physical sense, but your brain is like “yeah ok sure I buy this.” The harem vibe creeps up slowly, first it’s one girl, then another, then family drama shows up with that “we probably shouldn’t” incest energy and suddenly Euryale’s got this little circle of lovers who all kinda want to fuck each other too. The lesbian stuff is honestly the best part, especially when she completely dominates some prim, 19th century lady, sits on her face, and doesn’t let up until she’s shaking and squirting all over her chin while the AI voice actress moans like her mic is right in her throat. The violence hits hard, then the sex hits harder, and the whole thing feels like a fever dream made by someone who likes mythology, porn, and making you feel just a tiny bit dirty for enjoying all of it this much.

You know that weird feeling when you return to a place you grew up in, everything looks the same but nothing feels the same? This game grabs exactly that vibe and then stuffs it full of horny bullshit and superpowers and way too many women looking at you like you’re their next problem. You come back to your old town trying to be “new you”, clean slate, all that, but the first week in the new school it’s already obvious that peace is not on the menu. Every hallway is a distraction. Big-breasted teachers with tight shirts pretending they don’t notice your eyes, childhood friend who somehow turned into walking porn, single moms who are way too friendly when they see you again, all that classic small-town “oh, you’ve grown up so much” energy, just with less clothes and more moaning if you play your cards right.

The thing that makes it feel funnier is how the game treats your powers like they’re almost an inconvenience. You’re trying to focus on classes, and suddenly someone’s emotions spike and your little “gift” kicks in, letting you see more than you probably should. I had one scene where I was just trying to answer a math question and got hit with a voyeur-style view of the busty homeroom teacher in the staff room bending over the desk. No tutorial, no explanation, just “here, have titties, deal with it”. It’s messy in a good way. Sometimes your powers help you dominate the mood and push a scene into rougher territory, pinning someone against a door or groping them in an empty stairwell while the bell rings and nobody notices. Sometimes it ruins things because you get too greedy, rush a choice, and she shuts you down hard and walks away. I like that it lets you be a bit of an asshole without lecturing you, but it also doesn’t hand over the harem for free like some cheap porn comic. You still have to talk, tease, flirt, screw up, reload your save on itch or Mega and pretend that never happened.

There is this one MILF route where you visit an old neighbor, and the whole build up is pure slow-burn teasing. She pretends to scold you for your “bad manners”, pushes your head against her chest like you’re still a kid, and then keeps it there a little too long. You can grab a handful and test how far she will let you go, and the game doesn’t cut the scene short. It lingers. Fingers sliding under her top, her breathing changing, her acting annoyed while her hips press back against you. The camera just stays there with that lazy voyeur feel, like you’re peeking from a corner instead of being the main guy. Same in the locker area with one of the big tit classmates: she keeps “accidentally” brushing against you, your hand rests on her waist, then on her ass, then under her skirt, and she shivers but doesn’t stop you. It’s not subtle, but it feels like how horny school idiots really behave, not like a porn script written by a robot who never saw a nipple in real life.

What cracks me up is the romance side trying to coexist with the male domination kink. One afternoon you’ll be sitting on a bench with a sweet girl talking about her dreams, soft music, awkward smiles, pretty genuine stuff. Next evening you’re pushing her up against the locker, hand around her throat, thighs spread, her panties half off while she tries not to scream. And somehow it kind of works. It’s tender and fucked up at the same time. Not all scenes hit though. A couple of dialogues feel like they were written in a hurry, like someone got too excited making the sex animations and just tossed placeholder text in. There’s a teacher route where the banter is cringe as hell but then the actual groping in her office is so hot you forget every stupid line she said two minutes earlier. Happens a lot here: horny brain forgives the writing because the payoff is very, very visual and very “hands on”.

The school setting is used pretty shamelessly, too. Empty classroom after club hours, blinds half closed, you lock the door and pull a stacked classmate onto your lap, fondling her tits while she pretends she’s worried about someone walking in. Staircase landing where a girl kneels between your legs, still in uniform, giving you a sloppy blowjob while people talk on the floor above. It all feels like the fantasy version of those rumors everyone heard in high school about “what happened behind the gym”. Just here, the rumors are real and you’re the center of them. At some point you realize you’re basically building a harem without meaning to, girls from different parts of your old life orbiting you, bumping into each other, getting jealous, sometimes teaming up in your bed instead of arguing. It’s chaotic, horny, a bit dumb, and exactly the kind of furry-adjacent, oversexed school power trip I end up opening again on my phone while pretending to check emails on Gmail.

Guy wakes up every morning, brain full of holes, surrounded by women who clearly know way more about him than he knows about himself, and somehow it all turns into a slow-burn porn novel instead of a mental breakdown. That’s pretty much the vibe here. This is not the usual “click two times, tits appear, everyone moans like a broken Pornhub loop” thing. The game just sits you down and goes, “Sit, read, feel things,” then quietly slips a hand in your pants half an hour later. You start as the male MC before all the happy family stuff, still trying to remember who he was and what kind of man he wants to be. Which in practice means: you walk around, talk a lot, flirt by accident, flirt on purpose, say the wrong thing, reload, pretend you didn’t say the wrong thing, and somehow this path leads to multiple women wanting to ride you raw like it’s a full time job with benefits. The romance creeps in first, then the clothes start disappearing much later, and that delay is exactly what makes the first handjob scene hit like a truck.

There is this slightly evil pleasure watching the MC pretend he is just being “nice” while every woman around him is stacked like someone lost control of the breast slider. Nothing subtle. Big tits pressing into him during a “totally innocent hug”, thighs wrapping around his waist while she pretends it was just a joke, that one slow thighjob scene that goes on a bit too long, to the point where you start noticing tiny details like vein textures you didn’t plan to think about on a Monday. Animations are actually there and not some awkward two-frame shuffle, which helps a lot when she’s riding him and you can see her whole body bounce, stomach, chest, the way her ass hits his lap, then he finishes inside and you get that creamy overflow that makes you go “yeah, that’s not a safe day.” Virgin stuff is handled nicer than expected too; instead of the usual “oops I tripped and landed on your cock” circus, you actually get buildup, nervous fingers, shy kisses that turn messy, and her clinging to him while he slowly pushes in. It still ends with creampie of course, this is not a church simulator, but it feels like the game at least pretended to care about her feelings first.

Weird thing, for a harem game it really leans hard into that “caring husband, protective dad material” angle. You can see the MC gradually shifting from clueless guy getting accidental boob contact to someone who genuinely wants to protect these women, even while he is absolutely stuffing them full of cum. Milf content fits that perfectly: older women looking at him like he is their second shot at happiness, then five minutes later they are on their back with legs shaking and nails in his shoulders while he pounds them and whispers romantic crap that would be cheesy if it wasn’t paired with actual vaginal sex that looks sweaty and needy instead of plastic. The only small thing that annoyed me is sometimes the pacing trips over itself: one minute you are knee-deep in emotional monologue, next moment there is a blowjob starting in the same scene like someone hit a hidden flag. But then she is stroking him slow with her hand, watching his face, teasing the tip, sliding her thumb over that little sensitive spot, and when he finally unloads, it spills on her fingers and she just lazily licks them clean. After that, you forgive the pacing. Or you pretend to, while you click “next” with one hand.

Imagine Stardew Valley went on Pornhub, got corrupted by horny aliens, then forgot what crops are and only remembered tits and ranch fences. That’s Starlewd Ranch in the brain. You roll in as this clueless dude who’s supposed to “help on the ranch,” but every single girl looks like she escaped from a gacha game where the only stats are boob size and how hard she moans when you touch her. The first time the blonde ranch girl bends over to pick something and her huge ass just fills the screen, I literally forgot there were menus. She talks about feeding animals and all I’m thinking is “yeah I got something to feed right here,” and then the game actually lets you go there. Not right away, but you see the road. And that’s worse. Or better. Depends how lonely you are.

There’s this moment early on where you end up alone in a barn with one of the “helpers,” she’s got that innocent virgin vibe but also wearing shorts that might as well be a suggestion, not clothing. She’s trying to act shy, eyes all big, then your hand “accidentally” grabs her tit and the game slows down just to show that squeeze. Nipples pushing against your palm, the model actually reacts, and she does this half ahegao face like she’s not ready but also absolutely ready. You finger her against the stall door, hay sticking to her back, she’s biting her lip trying not to scream because people might hear outside. Of course you keep going. You feel her get wetter, she starts grinding on your hand, and the camera angle goes lower, almost between her thighs. That little tremble when she cums on your fingers, with her legs shaking and tits bouncing… yeah, that scene lives rent free. Then five minutes later the same girl is calmly talking about chores like you didn’t just make her soak the entire barn floor, and honestly that mood whiplash is kind of hilarious.

What got me is how the game pretends to be this chill sandbox thing where you just wander around the ranch, talk to people, do simple tasks, but it’s lying to your face. Every route leads to you surrounded by a harem of big tit ranch girls, each one with her own “please sexually harass me a little more” energy. You go from brushing a horse to accidentally pressing your dick against someone’s ass, from “can you help me with this” to her on her knees giving you a sloppy blowjob in a storage shed, drool dripping, eyes rolled up like a full ahegao meme. There’s titfucks where those ridiculous boobs wrap around you, animated enough that you actually see the slide, and oral scenes where you can almost feel the warmth through the screen. Strip scenes are nice too, like when one of them awkwardly strips out of her overalls in your room, trying to act confident, failing, then finally standing there naked and blushing while you just stare. I wish the day-to-day stuff on the ranch mattered more, but it won’t, because the game clearly knows everyone came for that moment when three girls crowd you in a bedroom, arguing who gets the cock first, and you just sit there like some hentai protagonist who tripped and fell into the best ranch in the universe.