Luke's got this whole university thing figured out - or at least he thinks he does. This isn't your typical college romance where some awkward freshman stumbles through dating mishaps. Nah, Luke's been through this rodeo before, literally. Time loops, resets, whatever you want to call it - he's lived his first year over and over until he's basically gaming the system. Now he's ready for what he calls "Phase Two," which sounds way more strategic than it probably should be for a guy just trying to get laid.

The whole premise is pretty wild when you think about it. Luke's essentially become a relationship speedrunner, knowing exactly which buttons to push with each girl. There's this maid cafe setup that becomes central to everything - because of course there is. The game throws you into managing relationships with different girls who each have their own specific kinks and fetishes. One minute you're dealing with some vanilla romance situation, next thing you know you're deep in BDSM territory or watching some serious NTR unfold. The variety is honestly overwhelming sometimes. You've got your classic anime parody characters mixed in too - I spotted what looked like Nico Robin and Boa Hancock variants, which feels both nostalgic and weird at the same time.

What gets me is how the game handles the whole "perfect base" concept Luke keeps talking about. It's like he's treating relationships like some kind of RPG stat management, which... honestly isn't that far from reality if we're being real here. The turn-based combat elements feel randomly thrown in, but somehow work with the overall simulator vibe. There's phone interactions, dating mechanics, and this whole corruption progression system that gets pretty intense. The multiple endings thing means you're constantly second-guessing your choices, wondering if you're optimizing for the right fetish path or missing out on some kinky scenario. Luke might have his advantage, but navigating all these relationship dynamics still feels like controlled chaos.

I didn’t expect to laugh this much during what’s basically a porn game about rebuilding civilization with your dick, but here we are. “Dickcare” doesn’t even pretend to have subtlety, which somehow makes it better. It’s like the dev looked at every crossover hentai fantasy - Velma squinting behind foggy glasses, Raven pretending she’s not into it, Tatsumaki rolling her eyes while secretly moaning - and said, yeah, let’s just throw them all in one ruined world and call it salvation. The writing’s half self-aware and half deranged sincerity; the voice lines swing between awkwardly horny and genuinely funny. There’s one scene with Frankie in a busted gym locker room that made me pause, not because it was hot (though it is), but because she calls you “hero” in this weird soft tone right before things get messy. It stays in your head longer than expected.

What’s wild is how much *sound* adds to everything. You can tell someone cared about the way a zipper slides down or the slap echoing off concrete walls. The sandbox part? Looser than it sounds. You wander, talk, get distracted by some zombie side plot that doesn’t matter, and suddenly Velma’s stuck halfway through a ventilation shaft. It’s ridiculous, yeah, but also... kind of perfect. There’s no grind, no fake moral choice. Just dirty, absurd freedom. Though, I swear one moaning loop cuts off too early - it’s such a small glitch but now I obsess over it. Maybe that’s the point: perfection would ruin the charm.

It’s funny how a game full of cum jokes and cartoon parodies ends up feeling more alive than most serious stuff. Maybe because it doesn’t care if you take it seriously. One minute you’re saving humanity, next you’re wiping something off Raven’s cape while she pretends not to blush. If there were awards for “Most Unnecessarily Emotional Cum Scene,” this one wins without competition.

This Resident Evil parody throws you straight into Lady Dimitrescu's castle, and honestly? The devs knew exactly what they were doing. You're playing some poor bastard who's gotta survive Alcina's "trial" - which basically means getting dominated by a nine-foot vampire mommy and her equally stacked daughters. The turn-based combat system feels clunky at first, like they copy-pasted it from some RPG maker tutorial, but once you realize the real gameplay is about managing your stamina while getting your face buried in supernatural cleavage, it starts making sense. There's this one scene where Dimitrescu pins you against the wall and the camera angle is just... chef's kiss. The 3DCG models look decent enough, though Lady D's proportions are so exaggerated she looks like she'd topple over in real life.

Combat encounters blend into these weird BDSM scenarios where losing actually feels like winning. You'll find yourself deliberately failing just to see what creative punishment awaits. The spanking animations have more effort put into them than the actual sword fighting mechanics, which tells you where the priorities were. Sandbox elements let you explore the castle freely, groping your way through dark corridors while avoiding or seeking out the various monster girls lurking around. Some of the dialogue during sex scenes made me laugh out loud - not sure if that was intentional. The ahegao faces during climax moments are over-the-top ridiculous but somehow work within this campy horror-porn aesthetic.

What really caught me off guard was how they handled the size difference fetish stuff. Tall vs short dynamics play out in every interaction, from handjobs where your character can barely reach to titfuck scenes that look physically impossible. The harem aspect kicks in later when you're juggling multiple supernatural ladies, each with their own domination preferences. Voice acting ranges from surprisingly good to hilariously bad, but the moaning sounds authentic enough. Fair warning though - the grinding gets repetitive and some animations loop awkwardly.

Kislev looks normal at first glance. Streetlights, cheap shops, that one park bench where everyone pretends not to stare at each other. Then you notice how empty it feels, like the city is holding its breath. Officials keep saying “just a weird cold, nothing serious,” while half the people you meet have this strange tired look in their eyes and the other half are just horny as fuck and pretending nothing is wrong. You play this dude who goes “yeah, I’m out, I’m leaving the city until shit calms down,” but of course he’s late, like every protagonist with a big ego and a bigger cock. And somehow running away turns into drifting deeper into this mess of sex, money, and that quiet fear that maybe tomorrow you won’t wake up at all. Or worse, you will.

The whole thing feels like a fantasy about the end of the world where everyone deals with panic by getting freaky. You’re out there sweet talking thick women with soft bellies and massive tits spilling out of bras that never quite fit. There’s something really nice about how the chubby girls are treated, actually. They’re not a joke, not “before the glow up,” they’re just hot. Big asses, big boobs, big everything, and the camera really takes its time. You’re flirting, buying them shiny crap like cars and jewelry, acting like some budget sugar daddy, and half the time you know it’s stupid but it works, so you keep doing it. One milf leans over your new car, huge tits pressed against the window while she asks you if the seats are comfy enough to “test suspension.” And yeah, you say something smooth. Or you try. I misclicked the dialogue, told her something lame, and she still ended up palming my dick through my pants, super slow, teasing like she has all the time in the world even though the city might be dying around us. That scene actually made me pause Spotify because I wanted to hear every tiny sound. Then I put Spotify back, because I’m an idiot.

I like how the MC’s cock is treated like an actual presence. When a thick girl wraps her soft fingers around it for a lazy handjob, the visual really sells the weight, the size, the way her cheeks flush like “fuck, I didn’t expect it this big.” There’s a moment where a bbw presses your shaft between her heavy tits, and you can practically feel the warmth off the screen. It’s detailed, but sometimes weirdly clumsy, like the dev spent 3 days on the curve of a nipple and 3 minutes on the background. Also whoever designed the jewelry shop UI clearly hates humans, I swear one button is half a pixel off and it still annoys me. The game likes to tease too much sometimes: lots of grinding, lots of “almost” scenes before you finally get release, but when you do, it’s thick, messy, and right in her face or over her giant chest, and she looks proud like she just survived the apocalypse by taking your load. The virus, the panic, the lies from the authorities, it all just becomes this excuse for everyone to live harder, fuck louder, and pretend choices still matter. They probably don’t, but you keep clicking like they do.