Thief of Hearts feels like someone mashed a crime thriller with a horny family soap and then forgot to take out any of the messy bits. You play this young guy who is supposed to be a smooth criminal, sneaking around a city full of cameras, cops and idiots, but somehow most of your “heists” end with a naked ass pressed against something expensive. One second you’re planning a break in at a fancy apartment complex, studying guard routes on a shitty tablet UI, the next second you’re peeking through a door and catching your voluptuous “relative” bent over the couch, skirt around her waist, boobs swinging while she fingers herself to some cheap porn audio. Game just lets you stand there and watch, zoom in on her big tits, listen to all those needy little moans, while a small timer in the corner is like “leave before she notices”. Of course you don’t. You stay, you get caught, you get called a pervert, and then five dialogue lines later she’s pressing your hand between her thighs and asking if you’re “as hard as you look”. Morals die very fast here.

The pacing is weird in a nice way. You’re supposed to be building a crew, doing jobs, choosing who to trust, but the real choices feel more like “do you grope her on the bus or wait until she’s in the shower” and somehow both paths end in a blowjob anyway. There is a whole school arc where you pretend to be a normal student, but half the time you’re staring at thick asses in too-tight uniforms, helping some innocent looking girl “practice stripping” for a party that obviously turns into a private dance for you. Clothes slide off, bra hits the floor, she tries to act shy while her nipples are already hard and your hand is under her skirt. The animations are not perfect, sometimes the hips move like they forgot basic physics, but when she’s on her knees and you see that slow, wet handjob morph into sloppy oral, with drool on her chin and this lazy eye contact, it suddenly doesn’t matter. You get a lot of teasing too, women grinding on your lap during group meetings, lips brushing your ear while they talk about “targets” and really mean your cock. There is milf content all over the place, thick moms with heavy tits who pretend they’re oh so worried about your criminal life and two scenes later they’re riding you in the kitchen, tits bouncing, calling you their “bad boy” like that excuses the incest vibes at all. Vaginal, oral, mutual masturbation, some voyeur stuff when you spy on more than one person at once, it all stacks up until the actual robbery feels like a polite excuse to get everyone naked in the same room. I kinda hate how one of the best animated scenes is just a small thing in a stairwell where you pin her against the wall, yank her panties aside and slide in while she tries not to be loud because the rest of the crew is right below you. Also the save menu icon is ugly as fuck and I think about it every time I climax and then forget what I was mad about.

This thing starts with the most majestic form of suicide I’ve ever seen in a porn game: the dude literally beats himself to death trying to set a jerk-off record. Not “dies in battle”, not “hit by truck-kun”. No. He just goes for 100 handjobs in a row and his heart taps out. Peak gamer grind. I respect the hustle. Then boom, he wakes up in another world with a special power that basically turns his cum into party buffs. The game even calls it something cute like “Baby Seeds” but let’s be honest, it’s magical power jizz. You fuck girls, they get stronger. Classic isekai logic. Zero shame, full commitment to the bit.

The whole world feels like somebody mashed together hentai tropes, fantasy JRPG, and horny Reddit threads, then gave up on subtlety. You got monster girls that want to eat you and ride you, elves who look like they walked out of a hentai search filter, big tit milfs who act like they’re doing you a favor while they suck your soul out through your dick, and then tiny flat-chested troublemakers who pretend they hate you while still ending up bent over a table. And they’re not just decoration, they all want a piece of that “power up” sauce. You walk into a village and suddenly elf warrior girl wants to “test your abilities” by making you choke on her thighs while you finger her, then some furry mage is like “for magic research” while she’s grinding on your lap. I had one run where I tried to play it safe and focus on just one girl, and ten minutes later I’m balls deep in a monster girl with tentacle hair that won’t let me go until she’s drained like five rounds. The game pretends there is choice, but your dick is the main questline.

It calls itself sandbox and it actually leans into that. You wander around, poke random places, suddenly you’re groping a drunk warrior milf in a tavern corner and she’s laughing while she pushes your hand harder onto her ass. You go to some forest to “train” and instead end up getting your cock cleaned by an eager wolf girl who thinks oral is a greeting. Sometimes you’re trying to be the cool dominant hero, shoving a proud elf onto her knees and making her swallow every drop while she glares up at you, and then next scene you’re flat on your back with a crazy strong amazon warrior riding your dick like it’s a siege weapon and you’re just holding on and praying your character doesn’t get another heart attack. The sex is not shy about angles either. Anal scenes where you grab hips and just slam into them while their tits bounce all over the screen, messy throating where her eyes go watery and she keeps going anyway, stupidly long cumshots that feel like the dev really needed to make a point. And in the middle of all this horny chaos, you still end up laughing because the protagonist is a complete idiot who somehow turned jerking off too much into the most broken fantasy power in the world. Honestly, the game is kind of trashy, kind of janky, kind of perfect.

You know that feeling when life kicks you in the dick, then laughs and orders another round? That is pretty much the vibe of this game’s start. You play as this guy who had his old life blown to hell and ends up in some nowhere town, broke, horny, and trying to pretend he’s got his shit together. He finds this small bar that looks normal at first, like the kind of place old dudes drink cheap beer and complain about sports. Then you actually start working there and realize the bar is basically a horny anthill. Everyone’s got history, everyone’s got secrets, and everyone is way too hot for this dump. It feels less like “new job” and more like you’ve been dropped in the middle of a messy porn VN where nobody knows they’re in a porn VN. Or maybe they do, the way some of those MILFs lean over the counter and make sure you see that ridiculous cleavage every time they ask for a refill. Subtle is not the word here.

What I liked is how your choices about money and small shit end up changing the mood in the bar. You decide whether you work extra, flirt more, keep your head down, or slowly corrupt the whole place while pretending you’re still a decent guy. One night I was supposed to close up, but instead I let one of the regulars talk me into a “private drink” in the back room. That turned into her grinding on my lap, my hand under her skirt, her whispering how long it’s been since anyone really fucked her. Next day, she acts like it was nothing in front of her husband, who also comes to the bar, and the game just lets that sit there like a little landmine in the story. Optional cheating stuff is handled like that a lot. Sometimes it’s hot as hell, sometimes it makes you feel like absolute trash, and the writing doesn’t always hold your hand about it. Could use tighter dialogue here and there, some lines feel like they were run through Google Translate twice, but at least it has some rawness. Sex scenes actually build up from little moments: your hand “accidentally” on a fat ass too long, a drunk blowjob in the bathroom when she pulls your dick out mid-argument, a MILF pressing your head into her tits while her kid is literally upstairs. It’s messy, a bit uneven, and kind of perfect for this kind of corrupt bar fantasy. If you play it, don’t rush. Linger on the stupid small choices, push one conversation a bit too far, and see who cracks first.

Ash and Mila look all sweet at first glance, that couple you’d scroll past on Instagram and think “ok, too wholesome, next”, but the game just keeps poking holes in that image until you’re watching this nice engaged pair doing things in their apartment that should probably void the rental contract. You jump between the two, which I really liked, since seeing both sides of a relationship while they’re horny, stressed, and kinda dumb is way better than just watching some dude bang everything that moves. One minute Ash is trying to focus on work with one hand on the mouse and the other already creeping into his pants, staring at some AI-generated porn that looks a little too close to a girl he actually knows, and the next you’re Mila, half bored, half turned on, sitting on the couch in a loose shirt, phone in hand, thinking, “Do I tease him right now or make him beg later?” The game really leans into that quiet domestic sex vibe: she “accidentally” bends over for way too long while doing laundry, his eyes are stuck to her ass, you feel your own mouse drifting with his gaze, and yeah, of course you grab and grope because why the hell wouldn’t you.

When they finally lock the door to the bedroom, it’s not just a quick fade to black stuff. You get the slow build, the kind where Mila pushes Ash back on the bed and climbs on top, tits hanging right in his face while she grinds on him through his boxers, just to watch him squirm. She’s not shy about it either, grabbing his head and stuffing his face in her chest, soft skin and heavy breasts making it hard for him to breathe but he’s clearly not complaining. There’s a great little moment where she’s going down on him, spit and precum glistening, her fingers lazily stroking his balls while she looks up with this smug “I own you” expression, and you’re given the choice: let him cum on her tongue or force him to wait so she can feel it deep inside instead. When you pick the creampie option and watch her sink down on him, her ass bouncing in his lap, her pussy swallowing him in slow strokes until he finally gives in and fills her up, it actually feels earned, because the whole build-up was teasing, edging, little touches and looks across the room. And yeah, sometimes the faces look a bit too AI-smooth and perfect, and one of Mila’s idle poses keeps clipping her hand in a weird way that annoyed me way more than it should, but then you catch that shot of her lying on her back after sex, cum slowly leaking out of her, thighs shiny, fingers lightly rubbing herself again because she’s not quite done, and suddenly you don’t care about that tiny bug at all.