Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

This thing looks at you like some horny science experiment gone wrong and you kinda like it. It’s a card game, yeah, but it feels more like running a lab where every “test subject” is a musclebound anime babe who might grow a huge cock, lose some parts, gain others, and then fuck someone senseless with it on the next turn. You’re not just playing numbers, you’re basically designing porn logic. You tweak your avatar until it stops looking human and starts looking like your brain hosting a fetish convention: big tits, shredded abs, soft traps, thick futas, whatever. Then you throw them into card battles where every power-up looks like someone crossed hentai with a biology textbook written by a pervert. One card buffs attack, another triggers a mid-fight transformation and suddenly the cute flat girl on the art is swinging a monster dick, veins and all, and the flavor text is making fun of you for being into it.

What I really liked, and also kinda hated, is how the humor sneaks up on you. You’re there to jerk off, obviously, but the game keeps roasting the whole genre at the same time. You play a “serious” card that explains some pseudo-scientific hormone cascade, and the next card is a joke about “peer-reviewed cock growth.” I had to pause more than once because I was laughing at how stupid and smart it was at the same time, which is not what my dick wanted at that moment. Sometimes it goes too far into clown mode though. There was a combo where I stacked a bunch of transformation effects on my avatar, expecting some epic climax scene, and the punchline was basically the UI shitting on me for min-maxing horny stats like a spreadsheet nerd. Hot, yes, but also I spent ten turns for a meme. And I’ll never forgive how one card icon is like two pixels off center. Every time it shows up I remember it exists and my soul itches and the game never explains why.

The futa and trans content is not just “optional extra,” it sits right in the center of the deck. You’ll see a “normal” girl on one card, then a later version where she’s mid-change, soft bulge pushing against tight shorts, then the full reveal art with a thick shaft, heavy balls, still with that same cute expression like nothing happened. In one fight I triggered a chain where my tanky muscle girl got transformed into a smug futa scientist who then played her own experiment card on the enemy, and the animation was basically her pinning another girl to the lab table and fucking her into compliance while the stats updated in the corner. No fade to black, no shy camera, just full view: tits bouncing, cock sliding in, fluids everywhere, body shaking when the debuff lands. I opened this in Chrome on my main monitor, forgot Discord overlay was visible, and my friend ping popped up right when a futa climaxed all over someone’s abs. That’s on me, but still. The game loves to show off those cum shots like they’re proof of a theorem. You tweak, you play cards, you transform, and in the end the “result” is literally written on someone’s body. And it somehow feels exactly right for this weird horny Frankenstein card lab.

You start as this demon kid who somehow survives a holy massacre and grows up surrounded by people who were supposed to kill him. Kind of awkward family photos situation. Years later he’s not a scared child anymore, he’s a full-on incubus with a body built for sin and a brain that alternates between “save the world” and “ruin that elf’s throat today”. The whole thing plays like a fantasy adventure where every few steps you’re either in a fight or getting dragged into something horny. One second you’re cutting down bandits, the next you’ve got a priestess on her knees, looking up with that messy ahegao face while she tries to chant a blessing with your cock in her mouth. Plot actually exists, which annoyed me at first because I just wanted to see tits, but then I caught myself caring about who betrays who and which kingdom burns, so yeah, it works.

Sex is very “you are the camera”, a lot of pov angles that feel like someone stole your Pornhub history and turned it into a quest line. There’s this knight milf who acts like your strict teacher, keeps calling you “boy” while she’s choking you with her thighs, and then in the next scene you’ve got her on her back, armor half torn off, huge tits bouncing as she begs for creampie “for the glory of the gods”. Totally not how religion works, but I’m not complaining. Sometimes you are the one in control, slamming some big-ass monster girl into the wall and fucking her brains out while she drools and squirts everywhere. Other times a demoness pins your wrists with one hand, plays with your cock with the other, and edges you until you want to punch your screen. There’s proper lesbian side stuff too, like two busty magic girls going at it with toys, riding each other’s faces while you just watch like a creep, then they “notice” you and suddenly you’re the third toy. And yeah, the horror angle is there in this weird way, like you sneak into corrupted temples where tentacled things whisper inside your head, but instead of eating you, they offer you power in exchange for watching them fuck captured adventurers. It sounds dark, but half the time you’re jerking off while some poor soul is taken apart by a slime girl who really likes anal.

Combat is surprisingly not trash. You actually pick skills, trigger superpower stuff, manage cooldowns, all that, while naked demon girls in the bestiary are waiting for you as “rewards”. Some fights end with you splitting skulls, some with you splitting pussies, it just depends on who’s on top that scene. There’s a moment where you punch a guy’s head off, blood everywhere, and two seconds later his witch lover is on your cock, crying and cursing you while riding you like she wants to break your hips. And then boom, romance hits you from nowhere: characters remember what you did, get jealous when you fuck others, tease you with slow handjobs instead of straight sex, even use footjobs as “punishment” if you broke a promise. Group scenes are wild: foursome in a ruined chapel, big tits and big asses all over the screen, your incubus dick going from mouth to pussy to ass to throat like it’s a timed puzzle. There’s a voyeur thing where you peek on a princess finger-fucking herself in the bath, moaning your name, and later you actually get to reenact that scene with her while her maid watches from the door and secretly rubs her feet against your cock. Animations are dirty in a good way, nothing too polished, hips don’t always line up perfect, but that roughness makes it feel more real, like some cursed hentai recording you weren’t meant to see. The only thing that annoyed me is how the text sometimes skips too fast when the sex gets really good and I miss a line where someone promises to let you fill every hole, and there’s no way to scroll that back exactly where I want. I’m still kinda mad about that and I keep forgetting to change the settings. Anyway, the whole thing is like if someone mashed up a dark fantasy RPG with a porn studio that really likes mixing pain, magic, and romance into one big sinful soup.

You start out as this incubus kid that somehow survived a holy massacre, raised by the same warrior chick who was supposed to kill you. By the time the game actually lets you move around, you’re not some crying baby demon, you’re a horny adult with way too much divine “blessing” in your blood and way too much curiosity. The whole world basically hates what you are, but every time someone wants to punish you, it turns into some wild sex scene instead of a sermon. It’s like: “you are a danger to the races” and then two minutes later you’ve got her on her knees, drooling on your cock, trying to keep her pride while you push her head all the way down and watch her mascara die. Most scenes lock you into first-person and you really feel like you’re the one making these women betray their gods, their husbands, their own rules. Sometimes it feels wrong. Then you click the next option and make it worse on purpose.

One of my favorite bits was with this “saint” MILF, all holy voice and fake gentle eyes, who’s supposed to check your purity or something. You can play it respectful, but if you lean into the maledom side, you put her slowly on her back, lift that fancy robe, and just keep pushing until her halo basically falls off. The way her face breaks into full ahegao while she still tries to quote holy lines is ridiculous and hot in a stupid way. And the game doesn’t just jump cut to orgasms, it lets you watch her go from “I’m in control” to “I’m addicted” while you decide if you finish in her mouth, her pussy, her ass, or all of them over several scenes. The creampie angles are extra mean here, because the camera stays close, like it’s trying to make you stare at how deep you’re stuffing these women. Then suddenly you have a foursome in a temple with a dark-skinned warrior, a nervous elf, the saint and your “mom” figure watching from the shadows, and someone is on your cock, someone is riding your face, and someone is licking the other girl’s ass like this is normal religious practice. It’s messy and crowded and kind of confusing to track who’s moaning what, but it hits.

I streamed a censored version of one route on Chaturbate and people in chat kept spamming “this foot scene is criminal” during the part where a proud knight gets forced to kneel and clean you with her tongue. That footjob starts almost as humiliation, like she doesn’t even want to look you in the eyes, and then she begins pressing your shaft between her soles, stroking slow, trying to pretend she isn’t into it. Later, you catch that same girl secretly watching you fuck her squadmate from behind through a half-open door, hand in her panties, and you get a little voyeurism moment where you decide if you drag her inside or keep “performing” for her. There’s also this threesome with your demon side getting tested: one warrior girl, one soft mage, both different races, both on your bed, taking turns sucking you while you finger the other. At some point you just grab the mage’s hair, shove her down, and the other girl sits on your face, grinding so hard you almost forget which one you’re supposed to dominate. The toys show up later, when they try to “rehabilitate” you and end up strapping stuff to you and themselves, trying roleplay scenes that obviously backfire. There’s a ridiculously hot lesbian detour in the barracks too, where two women start “training” each other with a toy, and you decide if you step in or just watch them ride each other raw until they can barely talk. It’s messy, horny, sometimes awkward, sometimes way too much, like someone smashed together a dark fantasy war story and a Pornhub search history, but it sticks in your head for the wrong reasons and the right ones at the same time.