Christmas comes early in this weird little horny card circus, and it arrives in the shape of a busted casino table covered in nut-stained decks and smug clowns. Imagine taking one of those mobile duel games where you keep drawing shiny cards, smashing them together, thinking about “strategy” like it is chess, then someone grabs your wrist, shoves your dick between pixel tits and says, “yeah yeah good tactics, now cum on the queen.” That is kind of the feeling here. It is like someone asked, “what if we took a serious deck builder and then completely ruined it with horny jokes, harem chaos, and clown faces that stare right into your soul when you misplay.” And somehow it works. Or maybe it doesn’t. I’m not even sure, but my browser history is not proud of me. You build up a deck, you try to make a nice combo, and in the middle of counting multipliers you suddenly care way more about which girl is going to squeeze your cock between her tits if you win the next round. Strategy meets horny brain rot and horny brain obviously wins.

The harem setup sneaks up on you a bit. At first it is just a couple girls teasing you, those 2D drawings with that cheap-but-hot style, like early Newgrounds had a baby with an old hentai flash site. Then you unlock another one, and she has a different “reward” for when you nail the round perfectly. One is all about titfucks, really leaning into that “let me hold your shaft between my boobs while you try to focus on the next hand” vibe. Another is way more into oral, with these long looping scenes where she drags her tongue up and down like she has all the time in the world and you are supposed to somehow play a smart turn while watching that. Penetration shows up too, standard pussy stuff, but laid over the card game in this almost stupid way that somehow becomes charming. You clear a wave, she rides you. You survive a bad draw, she spreads for you. Lose a big round? Back to the menu, dick sad, brain angry, hand still on the mouse like “one more run, I can fix this.” Sometimes the parody of serious card games hits hard, like seeing a big scary boss that is basically just a joker with cum jokes written all over his skills, and sometimes the humor falls flat, but the game does not really care. It keeps throwing new jokers, new card perks, more reasons to edge instead of think.

The jokers are the real degenerates here. They behave like those wild cards that mess with the whole run, except every one of them looks like the kind of clown that would fuck your harem behind your back, then pretend it is a buff and not a debuff. Some of them boost your scores, some twist your strategy into something completely different, and a few feel almost useless, yet you still pick them “just to see” because they have a filthy little effect tied to a sex scene you have not triggered yet. That is where the replay thing creeps in. Not because the game is super deep, even though some of the strategy moments are surprisingly tight, but because your horny brain keeps saying, “what happens if I stack this joker with that girl and stall one more round before cumming.” That one turn where I saved a losing run by risking a terrible hand, only to be “rewarded” with a long, slow titfuck animation while a smug joker card sat in the corner of the screen like it was judging me, is burned into my memory for no good reason. I still hate that the sound effects on one of the blowjob scenes is slightly out of sync with the animation and it distracts me every single time, and they will absolutely never fix it, but whatever. This whole thing feels like a dirty holiday party where the lights are too bright, the music is a bit off, everyone is half naked, and you keep telling yourself you will leave after one last round, then you draw another hand and forget what you were about to do.

Diamond Memories is one of those messy, horny school VNs where you start thinking “ok, this is just boobs and jokes”, and then somehow you’re three scenes later watching a girl you actually like sucking off some random guy in a filthy alley behind the karaoke bar while her phone lights up with messages from her clueless boyfriend. The tone whiplash is kind of the charm. One minute you get goofy banter about exams and uniforms, next minute you’re staring at an AI-generated CG of a girl with huge tits kneeling between the thighs of a dude twice her size, her mascara running and her hand “accidentally” wrapped around a second cock coming in from the side. The art has that slightly uncanny AI thing going on if you zoom too much, but honestly it works for this. It feels like stolen porn pics mixed into a VN, which is funny and also kinda sleazy in the right way. Text is where it sells the scenes anyway. They actually let the teasing breathe: the slow hand sliding under the desk, the first time a shy girl gets groped on a crowded bus and freezes, then presses her thighs together instead of moving away. It’s not subtle, but the pacing of corruption is better than in half the “serious” NTR games on F95.

What I really liked is the multiple protagonist angle. You bounce around the four girls, and sometimes you realize only later that the guy who was so “nice” in one route is the same asshole lining up a cheap group sex deal with her behind her back in another. There is a school setting, yeah, but the story spends more time outside than I expected: cheap hotels, love hotels, back seats, the usual. One girl’s arc goes from innocent masturbation in her room, trying to copy what she watched on some shitty Pornhub clone, to doing a paid titfuck for an older man she met in a chat app. The shift is believable enough that it stings a bit, especially if you played her “pure” path first. Humor is just dirty and juvenile in a good way. Characters crack jokes about interracial porn tags, the size difference, even the fact that one guy is clearly modeled after those meme stepbro actors. And then that same scene turns halfway serious when she realizes she kind of likes having two cocks fighting for the inside of her mouth. If you came for romantic VN fluff, you picked the wrong door. Cheating is not a side flavor here, it’s practically the main meal. There are moments where the boyfriend is just a text bubble on the screen, sending heart emojis, while the girl is pinned against a locker getting fucked raw, trying not to moan too loud. The game doesn’t pretend it’s “morally complicated”, it just lets shit happen and you sit there with your dick in your hand feeling way more conflicted than the characters. I wish the UI for choosing scenes was less clunky, but whatever, I keep going back to that one classroom blowjob scene where the teacher almost walks in and she pulls off his cock at the last second, cum splashing on her notebook with her math homework. I still laugh at that. And yeah, it stains the page and the next time you see the notebook, it’s still there. Little detail, totally unnecessary, but that’s the kind of thing that makes this whole trashy package stick in your head.

You start as this skinny little elf dude who looks like he should be reading poetry, not swinging a sword, and five minutes later you’re balls-deep in trouble with horny monsters and MILFs who have way more experience than you. The world they drop you in feels kind of harmless at first, like “ok, generic fantasy thing, I’ll kill some slimes, collect whatever,” then suddenly the camera angle shifts and you’re watching a thick orc girl grinding your cock while your HP bar is still up there like this is normal combat. It’s not subtle. The game is basically: fight something, fuck something, get distracted, forget why you even opened the map. I went to one village to buy potions and ended up hiding behind a fence just to watch a busty auntie get railed, because the voyeur scenes are actually animated and not just lazy text. Felt dirty, clicked replay twice.

The sandbox part is where it gets weirdly addictive and also a bit messy. You can wander around, poke your nose into houses you probably shouldn’t, snoop on moms bathing, catch some girl masturbating when you were just trying to steal her loot. Sometimes you trigger a scene by accident, like I opened a door during a quest and suddenly the MC is on his knees, getting his cock sucked by this milf with huge tits who apparently “rewards brave adventurers.” No build up, just throat, spit, animation, creampie option at the end. Really liked how it lets you choose “where” you finish, then hated it because I realized I had to redo half the dialogue just to see the anal variant. The RPG combat itself is funny, because you come in thinking about stats and you end up caring more about which monster has the hottest defeat scene. Got absolutely destroyed by a spider-girl once and instead of being mad I was staring at her big ass bouncing while she rode me unconscious. Also, tiny thing, the inventory sound is annoying as hell. Never gets fixed, always clicky, always a bit too loud.

What I liked most is how the game doesn’t pretend the elf is some pure hero. The guy is a total perv. You can jerk off while spying through windows, get titfucked by some massive-titted warrior chick after you help her in a dungeon, or go for that messy incest route they hide just enough to feel “taboo but not impossible to find.” I took a “wrong” dialogue choice with a relative and suddenly she’s bent over the table, panties aside, and the game lets you slide between vaginal and anal mid-animation while she moans about family staying close. It’s trashy, and I still grinned. Sometimes the pacing is all over the place, like one quest tries to be serious about “saving the kingdom” and two clicks later you’re sucking off a futa guard in a back alley because you wanted to see if the bulge was real. The point and click bits are nice until they aren’t; missed a hotspot in a forest once and wandered around like an idiot instead of getting to the sex scene with the monster girl hiding there. But when it works, it really works: you win a fight, pin the monster, plunge into her dripping pussy, watch your cum overflow in this sloppy creampie close-up, and for a moment you forget any bugs or missing polish or whatever. Then you notice a typo in the dialogue and start laughing.