Pokestars sits in this weird space where it knows exactly what it is but keeps pretending it has gameplay. The point and click stuff, right? You click on a map node, maybe get a battle screen that feels like someone described Pokemon to an alien who only had half the notes, then it’s back to the real reason anyone’s here. May’s route kicked off with her being all competitive about training and five minutes later she’s on her knees in the dorm room. The animated scenes have that slightly stiff 3DCG look where hair doesn’t quite move right but the oral sequences, man, they put effort into the tongue work. Misty’s voice acting caught me off guard. Actually decent. Not hentai-dub levels of checked out, she sounds like she’s having fun with it.

The resort setup is paper thin. You’re some guy who got a free pass to this elite training place and every female character from the Hoenn and Sinnoh era is inexplicably single and forward. Dawn’s introduction scene has her bending over to pick up a pokeball in a way that would throw out a real person’s back. I laughed. Then I kept clicking. The harem management is barely there, you just pick who to visit each day and the other girls get mildly jealous in text boxes but it never locks you out of content. There’s this one scene with May in the hot springs where the steam effects actually look good and the vaginal animation synced up with the sound design in a way that made me forget I was playing a parody game for a solid minute.

The battle system though. Why is it here? It’s rock paper scissors with extra steps and the difficulty spikes randomly. I lost to a trainer with a Rattata because I clicked wrong twice and had to sit through a game over screen that just dumps you back to the menu. No punishment, no scene, just wasted time. The writing during sex scenes leans hard into the girls being “crazy for pleasure” as the description says, which means dialogue like “give me your pokeballs” delivered completely straight. Misty says that. With her whole chest. Voice acted. I respect the commitment even if I had to put my phone down for a second.