Tali's pilgrimage. Remember how that was supposed to be about finding something useful for the Migrant Fleet? Between all the shooting and the Reapers, this game takes a hard left into the gutter. It's a proper sandbox mess, all 3D with animations that kinda jitter, and you're bouncing around as young Tali before she ever had a Shepard. And look, the whole thing is a trap. No big surprise there if you know the tags. A batarian named Jedore, who's basically a walking war crime, has set up some kind of fucked-up experiment, and you walk right into it.

What gets me is the combat. It's there. It's janky and about as polished as a vorcha's backside, but you do shoot things. Gets you from one sex scene to another. Miranda shows up for some reason, her tits are massive, the usual. Ashley too, looking less like a soldier and more like she wandered out of a bad dream. The corruption meter ticks up, and Tali's dialogue gets you know. It's a slow burn from "keelah" to getting on her knees for a monster that's got more tentacles than sense. The whole thing is like watching a fanfic written by a very horny teenager with a grudge against the quarian people.

Forgot to mention EDI! She's there, all chrome and teasing, but half her scenes feel like they were coded by someone who just discovered how boob physics work. You spend a lot of time just clicking, walking through ugly corridors, and somehow, between all that, there's a surprisingly detailed anal scene with the batarian that made me close my browser for a second. Not because it was bad, but because the sound design for the squelching was so aggressive, like someone stirring a bowl of macaroni. The masturbation bits are fine, Tali's model is cute in that early 2000s CGI way but you ever notice how no one in these games knows how hands work? It's just a lot of clipping. A lot. I wish the sandbox felt less like a proof-of-concept, but it won't ever be finished, you can just tell. All that potential with the Flotilla's dirty politics and instead you're watching Tali get spit-roasted by a freak and some corrupted Alliance chick. The whole thing is a glorious, broken disaster.