It starts messy, in the best possible way. You’re tossed into this warped version of the galaxy far, far away - not the kind that smells like burnt metal and destiny, but one thick with sweat and bad decisions. The whole thing feels like a fever dream that someone spun out after one too many Holonet smut threads. You’re the guy who somehow made it to Jedi Knight while everyone else got distracted by the war or by each other’s asses (and they’re massive here, holy hell). Half the time you forget why you’re supposed to be saving anything because Barriss bends forward mid-dialogue and the robe just... doesn’t hold. Then there’s Aayla, all cool confidence until her mouth opens, breathing hard like she’s half-daring you to break the code. They all do that. Even Padme - who says words about diplomacy but arches her back every time your name drops. It’s ridiculous and hot at once, like watching porn on mute during a political debate.

The turn-based fights almost feel like foreplay. Every encounter teases longer than necessary, camera angles doing that thing where you can’t tell if you’re fighting monsters or auditioning them for something darker. When Bo-Katan shows up, the whole tempo changes - less talk, more bite - and suddenly the lightsaber doesn’t look like a weapon anymore. My favorite stupid detail: in the menu, somebody coded a “meditation” button that just leads to sex scenes. Lazy? Sure. But it fits. Nothing here pretends to be noble; it’s all dirty Jedi business in slow motion. And when the game finally pops one of those creampie endings, you don’t even blink. You just chuckle, fix the screen ratio on your phone, and keep pressing through because apparently defeat can look like victory if the moaning syncs just right.

Weird thing is - somewhere between the teasing and the parody nonsense - it stops feeling like a joke. You catch yourself liking these twisted versions more than the real ones. Maybe that’s the Force talking. Or just the fact that the writing knows exactly how low you’ll sink for another glimpse under a Jedi robe.

HeartProblems looks like one of those games you open just to “check it for five minutes” and then suddenly you’re clicking through scenes like a horny raccoon searching in the trash. On the surface it’s the usual porn VN setup: young guy, dead parents, moves in with uncle, house full of women that absolutely should not be as hot as they are. Milf energy in the kitchen, stacked bodies, tight clothes, that kind of slow-burn teasing where nothing “really” happens at first but your brain is already writing fanfic. Feels a bit like when you open X and see one “harmless” clip, then the algorithm decides you’re never seeing normal content again.

What sells it for me is how dirty it gets while pretending to be wholesome. You start as this awkward dude just walking around the house, talking, doing little choices that look innocent: help with the laundry, watch TV together on the couch, massage a sore back. The game loves to put you in those “accidental” skin contact situations. Hand brushing over that thick ass when you squeeze past in the hallway. Waking up with her on the sofa, your face basically in her tits, and she acts annoyed but does not move away. Corruption here is not some instant switch, it’s death by a thousand horny cuts. One day she slaps your hand for groping, later she just sighs, later she pretends not to notice, and then suddenly her leg is opening a bit more when you sit down. I caught myself saving before every dialogue just to try the slightly more perverted line and see if I can push one step further without getting shut down.

The 3D style is a bit uneven, which somehow fits. Some scenes look like they belong in a premium Patreon post, others feel like they were rendered while the dev was alt-tabbing to Telegram. Tits are huge, unapologetically so, bouncing and squeezed into outfits that clearly lost the fight with gravity. Asses too, like, “there is no way this character can find jeans in her size” big. Sometimes the proportions feel almost too much, but that might be exactly why it works. It reminds me of those cursed TikToks where the filter stretches everything and yet people in comments still type “link?” The humiliation angle hits when the MC gets caught peeking, or when one of them talks to him like he’s still a kid while his dick is obviously reacting in the shot. There’s a really fun scene where you get caught staring at her cleavage at breakfast, and the way she leans forward, half mocking you, half secretly enjoying your discomfort, is actually hotter than the later explicit stuff. And the mobile build is nice; playing this in bed with brightness low like some shameful little goblin feels exactly right. It’s weird, messy, sometimes clunky, and that’s kind of perfect for what it is.

Imagine waking up and realizing every stupid horny joke you made about “yeah I’d totally smash that mon” actually became your new life. That is literally the whole vibe here, and somehow it works way better than it should. You are this reincarnated guy in a world that kind of looks like the usual pocket monster thing, except everyone around you is either stacked like a hentai doujin or has curves that make zero sense biologically. The game just shrugs and says “yeah, you’re here to fuck, not to ask questions,” and throws you at girls and monster girls like you’re some walking breeding item. One moment you’re pretending to be a serious trainer talking with Nemona about battles, next moment she’s grinding on you and asking if your “move” is super effective while she rides you raw and begs for a creampie like it’s part of the gym rules. It’s really dumb. I love it.

The best part for me is how it treats all the famous girls as if they’ve been waiting for you personally. Misty showing up all smug, doing that fake tsundere “I’m only doing this for training” while she’s on her knees, stroking your cock with both hands and licking the tip like she’s taste testing a potion. Marnie being all quiet but then suddenly sitting on your face, thighs trembling, whispering nasty stuff that would break canon so hard. Hilda teasing you nonstop, riding your lap and pushing her tits together for a slow titfuck, with this lazy smile like she knows you’ve memorized every frame already. Sonia pretending she cares about “research” while taking off her coat and letting her big ass bounce on your cock, all animated, soft jiggle, clapping sound in your headphones, you know the drill. The models actually look like twisted versions of their originals, not ugly knockoffs, which is rare in these parody things. And the monster girls… yeah. Gardevoir giving this gentle blowjob like she’s worshiping you, then pulling you deep inside her and asking you not to pull out. Mewscarada acting all smug, rubbing her pussy on your shaft first, like “prove you can handle me,” then moaning like crazy once you slam into her. Lopunny is just straight-up fetish fuel, there is no other way to describe it. The game knows exactly what it’s doing and doesn’t pretend otherwise.

What surprised me is how often I opened this on mobile “just to check something” and ended up stuck watching one animation ten times in a row like some idiot, because there is always one little movement I missed. Jessie’s blowjob scene where her lipstick smears a bit and she strokes you faster with that annoyed Team Rocket face? Peak. Nemona jerking you off while ranting about battle stats, using spit as lube and then suddenly pressing your dick between her tits like she remembered titfucks exist mid-scene. There is some actual voyeur stuff too, where you’re hiding behind bushes watching a milf trainer finger herself while her mon watches, and your stupid horny brain is like “okay but when is my turn,” and yes, of course the game gives you that. Sometimes the pacing is weird, like it jumps from teasing to full vaginal in one click and the dialogue barely catches up, but somehow that chaotic energy kinda fits. I had one moment where I was going through a “serious” talk with a character and I clicked the wrong option and suddenly she was on her knees giving me a handjob, zero lead-up, and I laughed so hard I had to pause the scene. But then I watched it twice anyway. The adventure stuff is just an excuse to move you from one girl or monster girl to the next, and honestly I stopped pretending it was about anything else after the first time I pumped a full load inside Sonia and she smiled like that was the secret objective all along.

Your dad bails to the Caribbean with his side piece and a bag full of stolen cash, the house is basically broke, and the only thing he leaves you is a mess of women, old feelings, and a mortgage-sized headache. That is literally your “welcome home” after college. You roll back into this big family place that used to feel safe and suddenly it has to become a half-legal college dorm full of horny students, stressed milfs, and people who remember you way too well. Some of them remember you as the sweet kid, some as the idiot who left town, some as the virgin who never got to finish what you both started. Now everyone is older, hotter, more desperate, and the walls are thinner than you remember. It starts slow, just little teasing looks, sleepwear that is way too short, “accidental” gropes when you squeeze past in the hallway. Then the game throws you straight into this mix of romance, messed-up family tension, and filthy humor that honestly feels a bit too real sometimes. One minute your stepsis is mocking you for still blushing at a footjob joke, the next she’s planting her heel in your lap under the table while your “aunt” with the huge tits talks about rent and pretends not to see anything.

What I liked is how the game leans into the awkwardness instead of pretending everyone is some perfect porn robot. There is actual teasing. Like, she will jerk you off halfway and then stop just because you picked the wrong dialog line two scenes ago and she still remembers you flaking on her date in high school. The POV stuff really hits when you’re lying in bed and a girl you kind of grew up with quietly slips under the sheets, thinking you’re asleep, grinding against you in the dark. No loud music, just breathing and half-whispered curses. If you play as a good guy you can wake her gently and turn it into this soft, romantic thing. If you lean into corruption, you pretend to be asleep and let her keep going, or grab her hips and push it further than she expected. There are scenes where the twins tag-team you with this fake innocent attitude, one riding your face while the other milks you, and then they start arguing about who gets your “first” creampie like you’re their personal trophy. There is a milf who is stressed about money, leaking milk through her shirt while she tries to stay professional, and the game does not shy away from that. You can help her, comfort her, or push her into this messed up lactation scene on the couch in the living room, with you switching between titfuck and oral while the TV is still on. Some routes will let you slowly turn the house into your own harem, from anal with the cocky college girl in the guest room to raw vaginal sex with the girl who swore she’d never forgive you, and yeah, pregnancy is on the table if you lean into it. The netori angle is also there: you seduce women who technically shouldn’t be yours, some already taken, some kind of “spoken for” by your missing father, and the game knows exactly how dirty that feels. It’s not subtle about incest themes either, but it wraps them in this weird mix of love, guilt, and constant horny tension that fits the whole “dysfunctional family home turned sex dorm” vibe. You get multiple endings depending on who you focus on, who you knock up, who you ignore, and whether you keep pretending you’re the good guy or finally accept that your new life is just one long, fucked up, very hot line you crossed without ever going back.