Guy wakes up in the far future with half his life blown up, quite literally, and still somehow the biggest problem is his dick and his missing partner. Whole galaxy is floating around, planets abandoned, Earth is just some rumor people use in shitty bar stories, but you’re stuck in this shitty apartment ruin with smoke in your lungs and a very clear thought in your head: someone tried to kill you, and probably wanted to fuck up your weekend too. The first ten minutes feel like some drunk cop show in space: alarms, people yelling, some asshole pointing a gun at your face, and then bam, cut to you trying to calm down in a corridor that looks like a mix between a hospital and a sex club. The game hits hard with the mystery vibe at the start, then just goes, “ok, now let’s put your cock in this mess too.” And it works weirdly well. You follow this guy around space stations, shady districts, half-legal clubs where everyone looks like they’ve fucked or stabbed someone recently, sometimes both. One moment you’re doing actual investigation, checking who ordered your assassination, next moment you get a fully voiced scene where some alien-looking chick is groping you while you’re pretending to care about information.

Sex scenes come in like rewards and distractions. A girl you barely trust is on her knees, lips glossed with spit, and you can hear every squelch because the voice stuff is surprisingly on point. There is this one foot scene that way too long, in a good way. She presses her heel against your shaft, toes curling around the tip, slow at first while she teases you and talks shit, and the animation just keeps going. You think it will cut away, but it doesn’t, it goes from lazy teasing to full, sloppy jerking with her soles and you feel like a degenerate for watching the whole thing. And then later you get a handjob that is way shorter and you’re like, why the hell did the dev spend so much time on the toes and not on the grip. Actually I liked that handjob best, so I don’t even know what I’m complaining about. There are also some rougher bits, like when a scene goes from kissing to choking and the camera doesn’t flinch at all, you really see spit, tears, even little red marks where fingers press. Not extreme torture stuff, but definitely not “soft, slow love” bullshit. And suddenly, while your dick is still half hard, the game throws you back into plot: bodies in corridors, blood splattered on white metal, people whispering about what really happened to Earth like it’s some porn version of a conspiracy channel. You chase leads, flirt with suspects, sometimes end up with two girls at once who somehow both think it’s a great idea to share your lap and take turns riding you like it’s a stupid contest, all while they casually joke about murder and stolen data. The funny part is I kind of forgot the original goal in the middle. Was it finding your partner? Solving some giant cosmic secret? Or just trying not to cum too fast while some smug space criminal sits on your face and laughs in your ear. Honestly, the humor hits more than it misses, characters talk like horny assholes instead of poets, and even when the pacing is kinda all over the place, it still feels like this messy, horny adventure where you’re always one scene away from getting shot or getting your dick sucked. I still hate that one sound effect in a certain oral scene that repeats like a fucking metronome, but it’s not going to change and I’m strangely fine with that.

Arabian Nights vibe but horny and kind of dumb in a good way. That is Exiles for me. You start as this broke orphan in Dumat al-Julfar, doing the servant grind, and the game just throws you into this messy mix of “save the world” and “oops I accidentally saw my mistress naked in the bathhouse” energy. It jumps from serious plot to lewd chaos so fast that at first I thought I misclicked a Ren’Py skip or something. One moment you’re getting lectured about loyalty and duty, next moment you’re pinned against a silk curtain while your patron’s spoiled daughter decides she’s tired of using her fingers and wants your tongue instead. It doesn’t ask if you’re ready for that shift, it just does it. And somehow it works. Kind of like the oldschool era when people played CoC on their school laptop during “homework” and pretended it was just text based RPG.

What I really like is how the scale slowly creeps up. You start cleaning floors and carrying trays in this rich merchant’s house and you think “ok harem sim in fake Arabia, I know this drill” and then suddenly the whole thing opens up into sea travel, cold lands, strange gods, and you’re still the same idiot who gets distracted by cleavage during a world ending prophecy. There was a scene on the ship where a storm is going crazy, crew is panicking, and your main love interest is like “if we die I want to feel you inside me at least once” and she drags you behind some cargo. Wind, rain, her trying to keep quiet while riding you, while the captain is shouting orders on the deck above. That one stuck in my brain. Then later, way north, you’re in some snow covered temple with a warrior priestess, and the dev just goes “yeah, sure, blowjob in front of a half frozen altar, why not”. It has that horny teenager energy but written by someone who actually reads books and still remembers how to be stupid.

The game doesn’t polish itself clean, which I respect. Some pacing is all over the place. You get this nice, slow teasing with your patron, all flirting and almost touching, and then the next girl you meet basically climbs you like a tree after two dialog choices and I was like “ok, calm down, at least pretend you know my name”. Some scenes feel like they were written after too much coffee and then never edited. There’s this bit where you’re talking about the fate of the world and it suddenly turns into a long rant about the price of dates in the market, and I still don’t know if that was supposed to be funny or just leftover draft. Also the UI for backtracking certain choices feels slightly annoying. Not broken, just that tiny itch, like the kind where you keep misclicking on mobile Pornhub because the banner jumps. But the characters carry the whole thing. The shy scholar girl who looks like she’d faint if you say “cock” out loud, then ends up riding your face in a dusty library while you’re supposed to study magic. The icy northern warrior who looks like she’ll gut you, then can’t stop shaking when you finally get her out of that armor and she begs you to go rougher. The game plays like a long term relationship with a very chaotic person: lots of fun sex, a few groan moments, sometimes you roll your eyes, and then it hits you with a scene so hot or so sweet you forgive everything without even trying.