This one feels like someone took all the “casting couch” memes, smashed them right into Star Wars, then decided Ahsoka’s Jedi path should go straight through a sleazy holo-studio instead of a temple. You’re not some faceless camera drone, you’re basically the guy running the casting session, poking at dialogue choices while this cocky, sharp-tongued Togruta girl tries to impress the “order” with… let’s say very non-canon talents. It starts pretty tame, like a weird fanfilm: basic questions about her training, her attitude, why she thinks she’s ready. But the tone slides really fast. One minute you’re picking whether to be the “professional” type or the smug bastard with power issues, next minute she’s on that couch, legs spread, lekku slightly trembling, giving that pissed-off but turned-on glare that only a hentai Ahsoka can pull off.

The visual novel setup is simple, which actually works. No pointless minigames, no grinding for points, just scenes that branch depending on how hard you push her or how much you pretend to care. And the cutscenes are weirdly charming in their own trashy way. You can see where the artist rushed, some angles are stiff, but then you hit a CG where her orange skin is glistening, cum dripping off her face, and the lighting around her montrals is just right, and it suddenly feels like they blew the whole schedule on that single shot. I loved the expressions, by the way. Ahsoka goes from cocky padawan brat, to insulted “I’m not here for that”, to heavy-breathing slut trying not to moan when you make her kneel between your legs. Sometimes her lips look slightly off model, I kept noticing that lower lip, but whatever, I still screenshotted it and threw it into my Hidden folder in Google Photos like a coward.

Choices actually matter a bit more than I expected. If you keep talking down to her like a disposable clone, treat her as just another body in the line, the tone goes really rough: throat-fucking, humiliation, that whole “you want the saber, you work for it” thing. You can even push her to beg for rank while she’s choking on dick, which is hilariously fucked up and horny at the same time. If you’re nicer, she opens up slower, more begrudgingly, and the sex leans into that “teacher testing the student” vibe where she pretends she’s too good for this but her nipples say the opposite. I liked that there’s not one “true” route. Sometimes picking the “right” answer just cuts off a nasty scene you maybe wanted. That annoyed me, but also made it feel less like one of those fake interactive stories that all end in the same watery creampie. Dialog is cheesy, full of slightly broken English that feels like some fan from Telegram wrote it on a caffeine high, yet in a strange way it fits. You’re not here for perfect canon, you’re here for a twisted casting that turns a Jedi hopeful into a used toy on a couch, and on that front, the game doesn’t pretend to be anything else.

Ciri walking into your filthy half broken fortress, already annoyed and already hotter than your browser history, is honestly the perfect mood for this thing. You are not some noble mentor here, more like the horny landlord of Kaer Morhen trying to decide if you want a legendary monster hunter or a legendary cum dumpster, and the game just looks you in the eye and says: “make up your damn mind.” From the first training session it hits that weird mix of parody and actual Witcher nostalgia. One second you are telling her to focus on her stance and sword grip, next second you are noticing they put a lot of effort into her tits bouncing when she screws up the dodge. It’s that kind of energy. You click through what looks like a normal drill, she misses a move, you “punish” her, and the punishment is suddenly way less PG than you expected. In a good way. Or terrible way, depending how pure you lied to yourself you are.

What I liked is that it pretends to be about discipline and routine at the start. Basic fights, alchemy lessons, some spells. Ciri asking legit questions about potions and signs, trying to be serious, you answering like a half competent teacher who is also staring at her ass. Then the options creep in. Say the wrong “encouraging” line? Boom, now she thinks moaning gets her a reward. Make her drink a slightly “experimental” potion? There goes her self control, and suddenly practice swings become grinding on your leg while she tries to explain it is just to “feel the balance of the blade.” The game keeps tossing you choices that feel harmless at first and then five scenes later you realize you built a complete slut and it was absolutely your fault. Or you tried to be nice and strict and it still turned horny, because it is that kind of parody where the universe itself is perverted. Also, the little details are messed up in a fun way. The crack in the wall of her room that you barely notice then ends up in a scene. The empty training yard that somehow turns into the stage for a public “motivation” lesson. Even the money grind to fix bits of the fortress turns out to just unlock new ways to humiliate or empower her, depending which flavor of degenerate you picked that day. It really feels like a long, cursed Tinder date with destiny itself, where every “sure, why not” option bang you in the face three scenes later, and Ciri either stands on the ruins as a badass witcher or kneels in them with her mouth open, because of every tiny horny decision you pretended was “just to see what happens.”

Dark Neighborhood feels like someone mashed together a horny voyeur diary and a cult horror zine they found in a basement, then forgot to proofread, and I mean that in a nice way and also not nice way. The whole thing orbits this hungry god-thing that gets off on watching humans fuck, and the game never even pretends it’s classy. You’re basically dragged into his obsession as he lurks around this quiet little neighborhood that is absolutely not quiet at all. Doors look normal, windows look normal, but once you start clicking, every house hides some filthy little ritual in progress. One scene you’re peeking at the neighbour’s “innocent” afternoon visit that turns into her pinning a guy to the couch with those big soft tits bouncing in his face, next scene you’re with a tired-looking MILF in a bathrobe who clearly gave up on normal life and is just using her son’s friend as a stress toy. The god just watches. You watch. It’s like Pornhub, if Pornhub had a narrator from an old horror book mumbling in the ceiling.

What I liked is how the game never fully decides if you’re supposed to be horny or unsettled. One CG you’re staring at this voluptuous neighbour being railed from behind on the kitchen counter, her breasts smashed against the cold surface, her face pushed into the reflection on the glossy tiles, and the next second the text reminds you that something invisible is floating above, drooling, feeding on their lust like a parasite. You see her eyes roll back from pleasure, but you also know she’s basically a meat candle for some cosmic pervert. It’s hot and really not hot at the same time. I had to pause and go browse Twitter like a normie just to reset my brain. The pacing is weird too. Sometimes you get long teasing scenes with drawn-out conversations, a married neighbour talking about how she “never does this” while her huge boobs are already slipping out of her top, and other times the story just jumps: two lines of dialog, then suddenly she’s riding cock on a squeaky bed, tits slapping against her chest, the god practically moaning in the text box. The thriller angle leaks in around the edges: tiny hints that the residents slowly feel watched, little remarks about shadows that stay too long in the corner of the screen, reflections in glass that don’t match the people fucking in the room. Then the game forgets it wanted to be scary and just zooms in on cum dripping down cleavage.

I keep thinking about one early scene with the “nice” neighbour mom. She’s the classic big-breasted type, soft belly, warm smile, the kind of woman that would bring you cookies in a normal story. Here she basically brings you her body. She’s in this tight top that can barely hold those massive boobs, and the text describes how the fabric digs into her skin, leaving red marks. You sit there reading her pretend to be shy while the CG clearly shows her nipples poking through, and in the background there is this faint description about how the deity savors the heat of her embarrassment, how every drop of her arousal is like a prayer. Later, when she’s on all fours, hair messy, sweat shining between her breasts, the god is practically worshipping her from the ceiling, treating her like some living altar. It’s so blasphemous it loops back to funny. I wish the UI text didn’t keep popping slightly off-center during some transitions, it annoyed the hell out of me once I noticed it, and then I could not unsee it. But anyway, the mix of mystery and filth works in a very wrong way. The neighborhood feels like a maze of little porn scenes stitched together by this invisible pervert deity, and you’re sort of its apprentice, clicking your way through people’s lives while pretending you’re investigating some cosmic horror. My advice: play when you’re already a bit horny, keep one hand free for the mouse, and let the game rot your sense of shame while the god fills up on every moan echoing through those thin suburban walls.

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