Grand Butt-Sex Hotel feels like the kind of game teenage me always dreamed about finding on some shady Flash site, except now it actually runs smooth on my phone and doesn’t crash when the good part starts. You play this kinda hapless dude who walks into this fancy hotel thinking “oh cool, job, money, normal life maybe” and instead you get thrown into a place where the managers and guests are mostly tall smug futa ladies with thick thighs, huge tits and way too much money, who look at you like you’re a walking stress toy. The whole vibe is luxury mixed with porn parody, like someone mashed a five-star resort with one of those cursed hentai doujins you pretend you “found by accident”. You’re basically staff and chew-toy at the same time. One second you’re talking politely at the front desk, the next a classy futa businesswoman is pushing you against the counter and making you suck her cock while the elevator dings in the background. The game treats that as completely normal, which is honestly kinda funny and hot at same time.

What really hit my nostalgia brain is how the humor and horny stuff are glued together. The dialogue is full of dumb jokes, weird “rich people fetish” lines, and that slightly awkward English that somehow makes the dirty talk work better. There’s this scene where a petite “trap” guest shows up looking cute and shy, then calmly pulls out a suitcase full of toys and asks if you’re “hotel-certified” for anal service, like it’s spa menu item. You get the dating sim vibe, picking how polite or thirsty your responses are, and it actually changes how hard they ride you later. One futa with a giant ass teases you for being “vanilla” if you only go for oral, then drags you to her room, bends you over the bed and you feel like you’re signing a contract with your asshole. Some of the animations are nicely timed with the moans, especially the oral shots where your head is bobbing and her balls tap your chin, but then sometimes a loop will reset at a weird moment and my brain just goes “why did her hips teleport”. And the loading between scenes on mobile Chrome lagged right during a blowjob payoff, which annoyed me more than it should, but I still kept playing, because of course I did.

The hotel setting lets them throw in all kinds of guests: tall dark-skinned futa with big tits who treats you like a room amenity, some smug white CEO type who wants you on your knees under the table during “business calls”, a nerdy girl with glasses who secretly has the thickest cock and uses a vibrating toy in your ass while she scrolls on her phone, barely looking at you. There are races mixed, body types, a lot of big asses pressing you into fancy sheets. Sometimes the female domination goes pretty hard, like humiliating dirty talk while they make you lick their shaft clean after anal, and other times it’s oddly sweet, like a futa patting your head after using you and tipping you like a good bellboy. It’s funny, because the game pretends to be this outrageous fetish buffet, but the thing that stuck with me most was one quiet moment in a hallway, where you’re exhausted, cum probably still dripping somewhere, and a guest just smirks, adjusts her bulge, and tells you she booked you for “wake-up service” tomorrow. That tiny little line hit way harder in my head than half the loud scenes. Also, the hotel lobby music slaps in the weirdest way. I caught myself humming it while opening TikTok, which is completely wrong for this kind of game and now my brain is cursed forever.

Aladdin finally getting to be a horny little creep in Agrabah is honestly something I didn’t know I needed until this game slapped me with it. It looks like a dumb parody at first, like some meme you’d scroll past on Reddit while half awake, but then you click one more line, one more choice, and suddenly you’re basically her royal pervert coach. Everything runs on that trainer style thing: you poke Jasmine’s limits, raise stats, push obedience, wiggle around her attitude, and every scene feels like you’re nudging the story into a slightly dirtier fork. The dev clearly watched the original movie too many times and went “yeah but what if the street rat didn’t fix his morals and instead slowly turned the most stubborn princess into his personal pet.” It’s kind of fucked up and kind of fun and my brain hates that combination.

What I liked is that it feels like one of those old choose your own adventure books I read when I was a kid, only now the page numbers lead to blowjob scenes and weird schemes in the palace instead of dragons. You try this dialogue option, she gets offended, you think you messed up, and ten minutes later that same humiliation pops back as a new kink flag and she’s suddenly blushing when you order her to strip for “training.” The writing jumps between stupid internet humor and surprisingly sharp dirty talk, like one moment the genie cracks some fourth wall crap and the next moment you’re making Jasmine crawl on all fours in her room while she pretends she still has any dignity. I wish the game tracked choices even harder, like really remembered tiny stuff from early scenes and used it to punish you later, but I know that’s never gonna happen and it annoys me every time I replay. Also the gold grind and some of the click-repeat actions feel like when you keep doomscrolling TikTok without wanting to, but here you’re just grinding obedience points while your browser has six other tabs open and Spotify is looping the same playlist for the hundredth time. It’s lazy, but I still did it.

There’s a nice corruption curve where Jasmine starts all proud and “I’m the princess of Agrabah, how dare you” and ends up with her tits out, begging for more “lessons,” and somehow the transition doesn’t feel like just a switch flip. She flinches, argues, bargains, then she starts asking weird questions, then she’s testing you back. Some scenes are surprisingly intimate, like when you train her to dance for you, not the public, and you control how rough or soft you go. Next moment you’re selling her out in some shady scenario and laughing at how this is absolutely not the Disney canon. The game doesn’t care if you’re nice or a total bastard, it just quietly adjusts the flavor of the filth. I also kept noticing small jokes in the background that made me snort, like little digs at other trainer games or fans who only care about “big boobs jasmine now.” And then there is this one little thing that drives me nuts: the way some scenes reuse the same line of reaction text, like copy paste, right when I’m most horny and focused. It’s tiny, but it pulls me out every time and I keep thinking the dev will fix it, and they just never do. Anyway, if your brain likes branching choices and your dick likes watching a spoiled princess slowly break and love it, this scratches that itch in a messy, stupid, pretty satisfying way.

Revenge stories in porn games usually feel like some edgy teenager’s wet dream, but this one actually leans into the petty, ugly side of it instead of pretending it’s some noble crusade. You play a guy who’s been fucked over in the past and never really got over it, stuck in this school environment where everyone pretends to be mature and romantic while doing the same toxic shit all over again. The game doesn’t rush to the sex, it sort of lets the tension rot first. You watch the MILF teacher with the perfect fake smile lean over your desk, tits almost falling out of her blouse, talking about discipline while you both know neither of you is thinking about grades. Then you have the teasing from girls who used to treat you like a nobody, now suddenly flirting, leaning in too close, “accidentally” brushing your cock, acting like they didn’t help break you back then. It all feels a bit too real sometimes, in a cheap way, like reading old chat logs you wish you deleted.

Since it’s a kinetic novel, you’re basically locked on rails, which I actually liked here. There’s no pretending your “choices matter” when they don’t. You just let the story drag you through this messy mix of resentment and lust. One moment you’re getting a slow, almost mocking titfuck from a big tits classmate who once laughed at you, watching her push her slick boobs together while she smirks like she still owns you, and the next moment you’re buried in someone’s big ass, pounding her hard because the game wants you to believe that fucking equals payback. It doesn’t, obviously, but that tension makes it hotter. The oral scenes are written like power plays instead of love scenes. You feel that in the way some woman drops to her knees, keeps eye contact the whole time, tongue working you over while she half insults you. It’s not sweet, it’s not “making love,” it’s closer to mutual blackmail with orgasms. The romance tag is almost funny, because yeah, there are tender lines and soft lights and those cliché “I always cared about you” confessions, but it’s all happening over the wreckage of what they did before. You get a creampie scene where you finally finish inside a woman who used to treat you like you were beneath her, and it should feel like a victory. Instead it feels messy, like both of you lost something and are pretending you won.

The female domination streak is not full hardcore mistress stuff, more like psychological choking. You get these women who know exactly what they’re doing, guiding the male protagonist by his dick and his grudges. They tease him, drag out the handjobs, sit on his lap with that slow grind that leaves him shaking, give him just enough pleasure so he keeps chasing, keeps dancing to their rhythm. Sometimes they flip it and act soft, almost apologetic, during vaginal sex scenes, riding him slowly, touching his face, whispering all the nice romantic words you wish someone said to you years ago. Then the next scene, they’re cold again, or using him, or reminding him who had the power all along. It’s twisted, but it matches how people actually behave when they mix revenge and romance: they say “I love you” with a knife behind their back. The 3dcg bodies are exaggerated in all the expected ways, huge tits bouncing while she rides you, big ass slapping against your hips when you go rough, but the expressions sell more than the flesh. A smirk at the wrong moment can make a blowjob feel like humiliation instead of comfort. A tiny eye-roll during a kiss can ruin the illusion of romance the script tries to build. That fits the whole mood: sex is hot, yeah, but it never really fixes the past, it just makes it easier to lie about how much it still hurts.

Queens nightlife, shitty subway delays, thumb going numb from swiping left, and suddenly your phone actually vibrates for something that isn’t a spam bot or your bank yelling at you. Three matches. Same day. All real faces, no “follow my OnlyFans” garbage, no stolen Instagram pics. The game drops you right in that moment where your brain goes from “whatever” to “ok, don’t fuck this up” and it stays locked in that feeling the whole time. It’s not some fantasy harem bullshit where girls fall on your dick just because you exist. You’re a guy who’s been losing on the apps, kind of tired, kind of horny, kind of lonely, scrolling at night in Queens while Netflix auto plays crap in the background. Then those three women show up like the algorithm finally felt guilty.

What I really liked is how human the dates feel when they actually start. You sit across from her, she laughs at something you didn’t even think was funny, and you’re already overthinking your next line. The game really milks that small awkward silence before a first kiss, or when you’re not sure if you should move closer on the couch. There’s a bar scene where you’re both half tipsy, and she leans in to tell you some stupid story about an ex, and the camera just lingers too long on her lips while your answers change how flirty things get. You say something a bit bold, her eyes linger on you a second longer, hand brushing your thigh like “oops” but absolutely not an accident. If you play safe, you still feel the tension, like her body is a half step ahead of her words. Third date with each woman is where the clothes finally start to lose the battle. Soft moans, a bra strap sliding down slow, fingers under a skirt while she pretends to keep talking about music. Nothing hardcore, but the game knows exactly how to make “her breath catching when your hand moves higher” feel obscene in the best way. The sex is more about how she looks at you when you unzip her than about angles and fluids, which honestly hits harder than some extreme porn stuff.

The cool thing, or maybe annoying thing, is how much the full motion scenes lock you into her vibe. When she smiles, it’s not a perfect porn star thing, it’s messy, real, like she’s actually into you and maybe a bit nervous herself. One of the dates has that cheap apartment lighting with a lamp too bright in the background, and it feels like every shitty real-life hookup, except here the girl is actually interesting and not checking her phone mid kiss. The choices you make across the three meetings slowly crank the intimacy, like going from “safe small talk at a coffee shop” to “her grinding on your lap in a dark corner where you definitely should get caught but don’t care.” Sometimes the game blue-balls you when you think you’re getting more than softcore, but that denial actually kind of works, like she’s teasing you on purpose and not giving you everything yet. In one route she keeps her panties on during the whole oral scene and you can see that wet spot growing while she bites her lip and pretends she’s still in control, which is honestly hotter than a lot of games that show everything. You’re juggling three women, three different chemistry patterns, trying not to say the same lazy line to all of them, because the writing actually calls you out if you act like a copy paste dude. You feel that little stab of guilt when you’re making out with one on her couch while remembering how another one laughed at your dumb joke the previous night. It’s a slow burn, full of kisses that go on for just a little too long, hands slipping where they shouldn’t, and the heavy question hanging in the air after date nine: who are you going to actually keep fucking, and who are you going to leave on read.