Okay so this animation, right? It’s got a premise that’s basically a fever dream you’d have after scrolling too long on a very specific corner of the internet. A grocery shop. That’s the stage. And our leading lady is already on her knees between the turnips and the sweet potatoes, ass up like she’s presenting a platter. The whole thing has this aggressively unpolished look, like a 3D render that escaped from 2006 and never looked back. The textures on the vegetables are somehow more detailed than her skin, which has this weird plastic sheen that reminds me of a cheap raincoat. The animation loops are stiffer than a week old baguette. But you’re not here for Pixar level physics, are you?

The costume, or lack thereof, is a choice. She’s rocking that default character model look, the kind where you just forgot to click the outfit tab. Zero points for style, but maximum points for access. The real fashion critique here is the vegetable selection. A cucumber. A corn cob. A banana. It’s like the world’s most predictable produce aisle gangbang. The black meat bone, which I guess is some kind of charred marrow situation, makes a guest appearance that had me tilting my head like a confused dog. The whole scene is less a coherent fantasy and more a checklist of phallic shaped groceries. The sound design is what you’d expect, a wet slapping noise that’s been copy pasted so many times it becomes hypnotic. Like a broken faucet in a cheap motel.

There’s this one moment where the corn gets involved and the physics just give up entirely. It phases through her like a ghost vegetable, a spectral cob on a mission. I rewound that part like three times. It’s that kind of jank that circles back around to being the main attraction. The whole thing is a messy, horny, low budget fever dream that knows exactly what it is. It’s not trying to be a gourmet meal, it’s a gas station hot dog at 2 AM. You know it’s bad for you, you know the ingredients are questionable, but you’re still gonna eat it. The cucumber scene, though? Genuinely impressive in its single minded dedication. If you need a plot, you’re in the wrong aisle.

The bar fills up so slow at first I thought my mouse was broken. You're just clicking on Yuna, right? Her boobs, her ass, that spot between her legs. Each click gives you this tiny little sliver of progress on the right side of the screen. It's almost annoying. But then you find the rhythm and suddenly you're not thinking about the bar anymore, you're just watching her react.

The art is that old school Final Fantasy parody style where everyone looks slightly off model but in a way that works. Yuna's got these big brown eyes and her summoner outfit is barely hanging on. The tentacles show up in scene three I think? Or maybe four. I lost count. They wrap around her thighs and she makes this face like she's surprised but also not really. Classic hentai logic. The oral scenes are actually the best part, which is weird because usually I skip those. Her tongue does this thing where the animation loops but it's a good loop, you know? Like you don't mind watching it six times.

The anal stuff comes later and honestly I forgot it was tagged until it happened. There's no sound which is a crime. I had to put on some lofi beats in the background just to fill the silence. The whole thing is deliberately unpolished, like someone made it in Flash during their lunch break in 2006. The clicking mechanic gets old but also doesn't? It's weirdly meditative. Just click click click and watch the numbers go up. My wrist hurts now.

You know that feeling when you’re scrolling itch.io during a conference call, pretending to care about Q3 deliverables, and you find something that makes you mute your mic real quick? This is that. It’s not trying to be classy. The whole thing looks like it was coded in a single afternoon by someone who discovered what a jiggle physics slider does and never looked back. The brunette’s tits have their own gravitational pull, I swear.

The dinner setup is just an excuse. You click drinks, she gets hornier, the minigame is basically a memory test that a goldfish could beat. I failed it on purpose once just to see what happens and she just sits there looking disappointed. Brutal. But when you win, the pickup transitions into this undress sequence where her clothes practically explode off. No subtlety. Then you’re just there with your massive pixel cock, and the game is very enthusiastic about showing you exactly where it can go. The anal scene is the main event, clearly. Someone had a vision and that vision was a tight hole and a lot of groaning. The cumshot at the end is absurd, like a firehose of white pixels that gets everywhere. I laughed out loud, then immediately felt weird about laughing.

The dating tag is a lie. There’s no dating. There’s barely conversation. It’s a transaction. Drink, click, fuck. The big tits are the main character, honestly. Sometimes the animation loops get stuck and she vibrates like she’s having a seizure mid-thrust. It’s terrible. I played it three times. Don’t ask me why. The sound design is just stock moaning that cuts off abruptly, which is more jarring than any actual porn I’ve seen. Perfect for a quick break when your Excel sheet is giving you a headache and you need to remember you’re a degenerate mammal. Just don’t expect a sequel with emotional depth.

The first time Jeeves pulls down his pants I actually laughed. Not because it was funny haha but because the contrast is so jarring. Lara's model is this plastic perfect recreation from the old games, all sharp angles and that iconic braid. Then there's his wrinkly old man dick right in her face. The whole setup is that the butler finally snapped after years of her treating him like furniture and now she's gotta service him. Fair enough, I guess.

The blowjob stuff takes up most of the game and the deepthroat animation is actually smoother than I expected. Her throat bulges a bit when he pushes in and there's this nice gagging sound that loops. The swallow at the end leaves a little trail down her chin. Nice touch. The facial scene after that though, the textures for the... you know... the finish. They look weirdly bright. Almost glowing. Took me right out of it for a second. But then there's this pov angle where she looks up at you while on her knees and that worked for me. Simple but effective.

The actual fucking section unlocks after you make her swallow and it switches to doggystyle. Her ass has this unrealistic bounce physics, like someone set the slider too high. But her tits hang and swing naturally which is a weird detail to get right when the butt is out of control. The anal scene is tucked behind a button I didn't notice for way too long, buried in the corner of the screen. Should have been more obvious because the creampie variant in that scene is the best part. Jeeves mutters something about how long he's waited and honestly, the voice acting is better than it has any right to be. Lara just moans in this generic porn way though. No personality at all. For a game about punishing a "pride girl" she sure gives up fast and starts enjoying it immediately. There's no struggle, no arc. She's on her knees sucking off her grandfather aged butler and acting like it's just another Tuesday. Missed opportunity.

Trying to map the exact probability distribution of anal versus oral scenes across the Futurama parody multiverse. Got a spreadsheet. It's not pretty. The shell game mechanic, right? It's the kind of basic concentration test that makes you feel like a god when you track the coin perfectly, and then the game just... ignores your success? No, it doesn't ignore it. It just shows you a static jpg of Leela getting railed anyway. The "win" condition is a lie. A beautiful, mathematically frustrating lie.

I spent forty minutes logging outcomes. The King of the Hill segment has this weirdly tender threesome setup with Peggy and Nancy, which feels completely out of place next to the aggressively unpolished Futurama stuff where everyone's just... friction. No dialogue. Just the raw, anatomical friction of vector art that's slightly off-model. Amy's head is too big in one frame. It distracted me so much I lost track of the cup with the coin three times in a row. The game doesn't punish you for losing, though. That's the thing. There's no fail state. You just click and get your reward, which makes the whole "concentrate and try" instruction feel like a developer's inside joke. Maybe it is.

The threesome unlock is tied to a specific sequence of wrong guesses, which I only found because I was trying to calculate the RNG seed. Turns out there isn't one. It's just a linear slideshow with a cup shuffle minigame pasted on top. The oral scenes have this weird shading that makes everything look wet in a way that's more medical than erotic. Got a real "textbook diagram" vibe from one of the Fry/Leela images. Still tracked it in my sheet. Category: "Oral, Female Receiver, Questionable Anatomy." The coin is never actually under the cup you think it is.

The hotspot system is basically a choose your own adventure where every path leads to Liara getting railed. Click her tits, get a titjob loop. Click her mouth, she's choking on it with a gagball in some scenes. The animations are rough around the edges, like someone took a Mass Effect model and ran it through a blender with too much lube, but honestly that jank kind of works for the whole "fan mod that got out of hand" energy.

The threesome option is where it gets interesting. Two blue bodies moving in sync, one doing anal while the other handles oral, and the cumshot at the end actually lands where you'd expect based on which hotspot you picked. There's no real game here, just a menu dressed up as foreplay. You click, it loops, you finish, you close the tab. The gagball animation has this weird moment where her eyes roll back but the model's neck bends at an angle that would send a chiropractor into early retirement. I kept replaying that one just to see if it was intentional.

The sound design is basically nonexistent, which is fine because you're probably muting it anyway. What bugs me is the lack of a speed control. Some of these loops would hit different at half speed, especially the anal one where she's doing that thing with her hips. But no, you get one tempo and you'll like it. The blue skin texture has this plastic sheen that makes everything look like a sex toy commercial, which I guess is the point. Not going to pretend I didn't spend twenty minutes clicking every hotspot just to see if there was a hidden scene. There wasn't. But the ones that are there do the job.

The cop's tits are what get me. She's got this uniform straining at the buttons, red hair pulled back tight, and she's writing me a ticket while I'm staring at her chest like an idiot. Sonia, the main girl, she thinks the same way I do apparently because two scenes later she's got her face buried in that cop's pussy. The whole game runs on this logic, every woman in this desert town wants to fuck each other and Sonia's just there to help things along.

I wish the bike race at the start mattered more. You get this whole setup with the Harley, wind in your hair, some guy challenging you, then bam, arrested, bike impounded. And that's it for the bike. The rest is Sonia working her way through the local lesbian population to get it back. Which, fine, I'm not complaining about the lesbian population. There's a redhead at a bar who's got these massive tits and a thing for being watched, and the threesome scene with her and another girl is where the game actually gets good. The dildo comes out, there's cunnilingus that's drawn with way more care than anything else in the game, and the cumshot at the end is just... there's a lot of it. Like, a concerning amount.

The art's rough. Not in a charming way, in a "someone discovered digital coloring yesterday" way. But the sex scenes have this energy to them that keeps me clicking. The anal scene caught me off guard, didn't expect Sonia to go there with the mechanic girl but she does and it's the most detailed animation in the whole thing. The dating sim stuff between scenes is whatever, just clicking through dialogue to get to the next encounter. But that one moment where Sonia's going down on the cop and her partner walks in, that's the kind of mess I'm here for. The big boobs physics are absurd, they move like water balloons, and I can't decide if it's terrible or exactly what I wanted.

Right out the gate, the loading screen is just a jpeg of a circus tent that looks like it was saved from a GeoCities page in 2003. No fancy menus, no settings to fiddle with, just three buttons for three different shows. Clicked the first one and bam, a wolf guy in a ringmaster coat is already half undressed. The animation style is that old Flash look, you know the one, where everything moves like a paper cutout being dragged across a felt board. It's janky but somehow that makes it funnier.

The wolf pulls out this absolutely ridiculous cock, like a third leg situation, and the camera just lingers there while some offscreen freak show audience cheers. You can switch between a few fixed camera angles, nothing crazy, just front view, side view, closeup. The closeup is where things get messy. The oral animation is basically the same three frames looping but the sound design, holy shit, whoever did the squelching noises understood the assignment. There's a moment where the wolf grabs the back of some bunny girl's head and just goes to town, and the cumshot animation that follows is genuinely impressive for something this unpolished. Like, actual physics simulation on the ropes of... you know.

Second show is where the anal tag comes in, and it's a full on freak parade. A lizard man with two dicks, I'm not even joking, and a contortionist who bends in ways that made me pause and just stare at my screen for a second. The game doesn't explain anything, you just click and things happen. Sometimes the camera gets stuck on a weird angle and you have to refresh the page, which happened twice during the lizard scene. Annoying but whatever, I wasn't exactly here for a smooth user experience. The cumshot in this one is absurd, like a fire hose situation, and it just keeps going until you click away. No fade out, no cut, just eternal fountain mode until you decide you've seen enough. The furry designs are actually kind of charming in a deviantArt circa 2007 way. That wolf has no business having such expressive eyebrows.

Right, the soundtrack. Or lack of one. That looping synth beat in Meet n Fuck Street Racing drills into your skull like a bad headache, but somehow after the third race you're tapping the wheel, waiting for that blonde with the ridiculous tits to bend over the hood. My neighbor probably thinks I'm having a seizure. The voice acting is non existent, just these weird moans that sound like a cat getting stepped on, but fuck it, you're not here for Shakespeare.

The whole thing is this janky, barely held together drag race where you pick a car that handles like a shopping trolley and hope the other babe crashes first. I spent a good ten minutes just trying to figure out why the nitro button sometimes just doesn't work. That's the kind of polish we're dealing with. Won the first race against the chick in the red dress and the game just cuts to a doggystyle scene so abrupt it's almost art. Her pixelated ass just fills the screen, no warning. The cumshot animation is this one single, sad little frame that repeats three times. I laughed, then I kept playing. The creampie finish for the second girl, some anime looking character with pink hair, glitched out completely. Her face froze mid moan, mouth open like a broken doll, while the game decided if it wanted to show the mess or not.

Then there's this whole dating sim layer that's just... there? You can pick dialogue options that lead to a blowjob in a parking lot, but the choices are like "Nice car" or "Show me your tits". Guess which one I picked. The facial at the end of that scene clipped through her chin. A complete disaster. The anal scene with the final racer is unlocked after some bullshit grind, and it's the same animation loop from the doggystyle scene but with the camera tilted. Pure laziness. Yet, here I am, writing this. The whole thing is a sleazy, broken mess that knows exactly what it is. A quick, dirty shot of pixels and bad decisions. The engine sounds like a lawnmower and the writing is from a 14 year old's fantasy. I hate that I didn't hate it.