Xsummer feels like that one horny summer you kinda wish you had, but also kinda glad you didn’t, because here everyone actually wants to fuck you and nobody calls the cops. It pretends to be all chill slice-of-life, like “oh yeah, just walking around the neighborhood, making choices, talking about feelings,” then suddenly you’re balls deep in someone’s mom on the couch where they watched cartoons yesterday. The game is this weird mix of silly cartoon parody and straight up “I need to pause for a second and open Incognito on Chrome” energy. It does not take itself serious at all, there is dumb humor everywhere, but the sex scenes are played straight enough that your dick forgets it’s a joke. I clicked through one dialogue with Candace, thinking it’s just more of her usual overreacting, and somehow after a couple of wrong/right answers I had her half naked in her room, hair messy, saying shit like she’s “so tired of not being taken serious” while grinding on my lap. The emotional logic makes zero sense, but my brain absolutely did not complain.

The structure is that Ren’Py comfort zone, you just click, pick stuff, see what happens, sometimes you’re punished because you try to be too nice. I tried to act like a gentleman with Linda the first time, picking all the “respectful” lines, and guess what, no pussy for me, just some flirty talk and a lame fade out. Second run I was more direct, kinda cocky, a bit of a brat, and suddenly I’m in the kitchen with her bent over the table, tits pressed on the cold surface, while she’s whispering how bored she is at home. The way the game teases that “suburban horny MILF who’s done pretending she doesn’t want the neighbor kid” thing is honestly the strongest part. Half the fun is pushing too far just to see if the script lets you get away with it. Sometimes it does, sometimes you get an awkward scene where nothing happens and you feel like an idiot, staring at your own reflection in the monitor like, why am I like this. Also the sound is all over the place, sometimes there’s nice light music that fits the warm summer vibe, then suddenly silence during a sex scene except for wet sound effects that are way too loud, like someone is fucking a jar of mayonnaise right next to your ear. It’s gross and hot and annoying at same time, and I never remembered to lower the volume on time, so thanks for that.

Isabella is probably the one who surprised me the most, because at first she acts like the usual cute neighbor girl with a crush, all sunshine and “oh I just came to hang out,” and then a few choices later she’s straddling you in some random spot, panties already off, asking if she’s doing it right while she slides down slowly and just keeps going until your whole view is her sweaty chest and messy hair. It’s not subtle at all. There’s this one route where she tries to be “romantic” and it still ends up with you finishing inside her while fireworks go off in the background and it’s so corny it loops back around to being amazing. The writing sometimes feels like it was translated twice, but it kinda matches how clumsy and horny the whole thing is, like a teenager’s fantasy written by an adult who never grew out of that mood. I wish there were more variations inside the scenes, like different positions or some more risky choices during the actual sex, not just before it starts, but I doubt they’ll ever touch that. And there’s this tiny text spacing bug in one of Candace’s dialogues that’s driving me insane, the line breaks are just slightly off and my eye keeps catching it in every replay. I still went through her route again anyway, clicked the same options, watched her ride me with that crazy annoyed face like she’s pissed at my dick for existing, and yeah, I can’t even pretend I didn’t enjoy all of it.

Thiago really thinks with his dick, and this whole show is proof. The “plot” is simple in that trashy way I actually like: he signs up for this weird underground TV game where you win by beating girls in little challenges, and whoever wins gets to punish the loser. Not like “go sit in the corner” punishment, more like “get on your knees, you lost, now open your mouth.” The show acts like a cheap game night, but it feels more like a runway where every outfit is just an excuse to take something off. From the first match it’s clear the girls are not there to play fair. They flirt, cheat, flash a little skin, lean too close, push his buttons, drag him around with soft hands and cruel smiles. You win, you get to humiliate them. You lose, they treat you like a toy. And the game really enjoys letting you lose. As a lingerie designer I was lowkey staring more at the underwear than the dialogue. The girls wear exactly the kind of “TV show slutty but pretending to be casual” stuff I sketch in my notebook: panties that are one size too small, bras that look like they were bought for the camera, not for comfort. There’s that half-buttoned shirt that you know is going to “accidentally” pop open, thigh-high socks that don’t even try to be innocent, and one girl in an outfit that honestly looks like a rejected idol costume that someone made hornier on purpose. I’m stealing some strap ideas from this game, not even joking.

The funny part is the show pretends to be light and fun, with jokes and meme faces and those stupid reaction zooms like a bad anime, but then it turns around and asks you if you want to make her kiss your feet or ride your face as “punishment.” One moment Thiago is bantering like a goofball, next moment he has his tongue exactly where the viewers want it. There’s a scene where you barely win a game and she smiles sweetly, then tells you to choose how to degrade her, and the options all feel like someone went through horny Twitter and picked the top comments. Very “haha lol” on the outside, very “I’m throbbing in my underwear” inside. Some of the humor actually made me snort, then right after that same character is spitting on him and calling him pathetic. The writing jumps from silly to filthy fast, like changing outfits backstage. It’s messy in places, the pacing stumbles, one mini game felt like a shitpost more than an actual challenge and one of the “rewards” scenes ends right when it was getting interesting and I wanted to scream at my screen. I also still hate that one UI button that sits one pixel too high, I kept tapping the wrong thing on my tablet and now I’m irrationally mad at it forever. But the whole fake-TV-show energy, with the sexy “contestants” acting like they’re here for the prize money while obviously just wanting to ruin this guy, has a weird charm. It feels like watching an unlicensed late night show that someone recorded over a real program, just horny little games, smug girls, and a main guy who either becomes the king of the studio or its plaything. Honestly the punishment scenes look like lingerie ads from a cursed universe, which for me is kind of perfect.

This fox has secrets. Not the cute kind where he hides a crush on the blacksmith. The kind where you’re watching him get railed by a demon lord and suddenly remember oh right, this twink is supposed to save the world. The game doesn’t care about your narrative expectations. It wants to show you what happens when a snow white fox morph fucks up so bad that heroism becomes his only career path, and then immediately tests how many magical creatures he can bed before breakfast.

The bara energy here is strong but inconsistent. One scene you’ve got a hulking wolf demon pressing our boy into the mattress with dialogue so filthy I had to close my blinds. Next scene it’s a rushed handjob behind a tavern that feels like the writer got bored and wanted to move on. I respect that energy actually. Same thing I do with dating apps. The magic system exists purely as foreplay. Spells get cast, clothes disappear, and suddenly there’s tentacles. Nobody explains why there’s tentacles. There just are. This is not a complaint.

What I wish existed but won’t ever happen is a branching path where you just abandon the hero quest entirely and open a brothel. The game teases this energy constantly. Your fox collects more bedroom achievements than actual quest progress and at some point you stop reading the plot text and just wait for the next encounter. The comedy lands best when it’s accidental. A dramatic reveal about dark magic gets interrupted by a poorly timed erection joke and I laughed harder than I should have. Medieval furry degeneracy with zero shame. The visual novel format means you’re just clicking through but honestly my clicking finger got a workout for different reasons.

So I started this thing and immediately the whole missing dad mystery letter setup has me like, okay, sure, whatever, just point me to the girls. And honey, they do not disappoint. First day at this weirdly clean empty house and I'm already peeping through a keyhole at the landlady's daughter changing. The voyeur stuff hits different when it's Honey Select models, you know? The physics on those tits are absurd. Like, comically large. The kind where you just stare and think, how does her spine work? But I'm not complaining.

The blackmail system caught me off guard. You get this phone and suddenly you're taking creepshots in the school hallway, building up leverage. There's this one scene with the class rep in the library, she's wearing this tight cosplay thing for some festival and you can just... angle the camera down. The pov shots are chef's kiss. But then a monster showed up. A legit horror segment with flickering lights and some thing in the school at night. I screamed, not gonna lie. The tone whiplash in this game is insane. One minute you're getting teased by a girl who thinks she's a pirate captain, full on eyepatch and everything, talking about plundering your virginity. The next minute you're in a fever dream sequence that made me question if I'd accidentally dropped something in my drink.

The harem building is there but it's weirdly paced. You're supposed to be investigating your dad's disappearance but I spent two in-game days just unlocking different upskirt angles on the track team. Priorities. The comedy lands more often than it should, especially the pirate girl's dialogue. She threatened to keelhaul me for not complimenting her hat. I wish the horror elements were scarier though, they pull their punches too much. The monster designs are creepy but the jump scares are predictable. Still, when that one scene with the shower peeping turned into a blackmail opportunity that spiraled into a three-way later? That's the good shit. No idea what's actually happening in Dumbarton, something about witches maybe, but honestly I'm just here for the next absurdist sex scene.

The narrator in this thing is a proper cunt. Not the sexy kind, the kind that reads your browser history out loud at a family dinner. You move in with Mia, right, and she's got these massive tits that the game never lets you forget, bouncing around while she teases you about leaving the toilet seat up. Every dialogue choice spirals into some new disaster, like picking "compliment her cooking" somehow ends with you naked in the hallway holding a fire extinguisher. The comedy lands more often than not, mostly because the writing doesn't try to be clever, it just throws shit at the wall and laughs when it sticks.

The 3DCG models are... serviceable. Mia's face sometimes looks like she's smelling something bad, but her body does the heavy lifting. There's this one scene where she's leaning over the couch to grab the remote and the camera just lingers there for like ten seconds while the narrator says "take your time, champ." That's the whole game's energy. It knows you're here for the jiggle and the jokes, not some deep relationship sim. The male protagonist is a blank slate with a permanent deer-in-headlights expression, which honestly works because you'd look like that too if a snarky voice in your head kept rating your flirting attempts out of ten.

Wish there was more actual sex instead of just teases and awkward boner moments. The game builds up these situations and then cuts away right when things get interesting, leaving you with blue balls and a punchline. But the banter between Mia and the narrator is worth sticking around for, even if the payoff feels like edging without the happy ending. The humor's crude, the tits are big, and the whole thing feels like a fever dream written by someone who watched too many sitcoms while horny. Not complaining.

So I'm imagining a routine. Right. The cemetery keeper's daughter, yeah? She's got this whole goth thing going but it's a small town so it's more like... sad girl in a knit sweater who reads too much. I'd start the dance with this big, heavy coat, right, peeling it off slow like I'm uncovering a grave. But the game. The game has you digging actual graves as a minigame. No joke. Click, click, click with a shovel while your phone buzzes with texts from your ex. She sends nudes. Really desperate ones. And you're just there, in the pixelated dirt, getting a stiffy next to a headstone. The contrast is... something.

The sex scenes feel like they're apologizing for existing. There's this one with the bubbly waitress from the diner, the one who calls you "city boy." She takes you back to her place above the laundromat and the whole thing is lit by the neon sign outside, this buzzing pink light. She rides you and the dialogue is all "oh gosh" and "jeepers" which, I don't know, maybe that's hot for some people. I kept waiting for her to say something filthy but she never does. The writing is weirdly prudish for a game where you can literally see everything. Then the mystery part kicks in and you forget about the sex for an hour because you're trying to figure out why there's a locked room in the funeral home. The game forgets it's a porn game for long stretches. I actually got invested in the dead girlfriend plot, which is annoying because I came here to not think.

The art style is... it's like someone traced over photographs but didn't quite get the proportions right. Hands look like little starfish. But the faces during the cumshots, oh my god, the faces are so blank. Like they're thinking about what to buy at the grocery store. I wish there was a scene with the mortician lady, the one with the severe bun, but the game just teases it. A whole route that goes nowhere. The sound design is mostly just... silence. Awkward, wet silence during the blowjob scenes. You hear the wind outside the cemetery more than you hear the moaning. It's atmospheric, I guess, but not the kind of atmosphere that makes my nipples hard. More like the atmosphere of waiting for a bus in November.

So my partner and I, we're always looking for games where you can just be a total degenerate without the game judging you for it, you know? This one, Dual Ascension, it starts with you and your best friend, classic setup, and there's this whole magic world and "progression fantasy" thing. Honestly I zoned out a bit on the lore because the main thing, the absolute core of it, is this "secret technique" you unlock. It's basically a cheat code for getting people naked. The first time it clicked, I actually laughed out loud. You're in this tense standoff with some elf guard who's way too serious, and the dialogue options are all like "try to reason" or "use the technique." You pick the technique and suddenly the whole scene just derails into this absurdly detailed, very explicit encounter. The writing doesn't try to be poetic, it's just... direct. "He pulled down her trousers and she gasped," that kind of thing. It knows what it is.

The art is... a choice. It's got that slightly off model, indie visual novel look where sometimes a hand looks like a bunch of bananas and other times the lighting on a pair of tits is weirdly perfect. My partner kept pointing at the screen going "why is his neck so thick?" during a supposedly sexy scene and we'd just lose it. But then, I don't know, the next scene would have this genuinely hot setup with a catgirl and the jankyness somehow made it hotter? Like finding a dirty magazine in the woods. It feels more transgressive than those super polished 3D games that try too hard. There's a part with a slime monster that I wish had more branching options, but it won't be updated so whatever.

We played it on the browser through that itch.io app, and the save system is a bit of a mess, I lost my progress once after a particularly good scene with the blacksmith's daughter and I almost threw my phone. The fetish stuff is there, it's not shy about it, but it's woven in without a big neon sign. It just... happens. One minute you're talking about mana cores, the next you're reading a very detailed description of something involving a tail that I won't spoil. The comedy lands more often than it should, mostly because the main character is such a horny idiot. There's a running joke about his "mana reserves" that's basically just a stamina bar for sex and it's the dumbest thing I've ever loved.