Caligula as porn game sounds like a shitpost idea, but it kinda works here. You play this cocky little psychopath prince who climbs to emperor while his dick basically makes half the decisions. It is not subtle. The game throws you into old Rome where every corridor, bath, balcony feels like someone either just fucked there or is about to. You’re mostly in first person as a male MC, and it leans heavy into voyeur stuff: you watching, you being watched, you pretending you “accidentally” walked in on something even though you clearly followed them. There’s this scene early where you spy on a noble girl getting “examined” by a tutor, she’s still technically virgin so he’s using fingers and tongue, and instead of feeling romantic it’s like you’re watching a lamb get slowly trained for slaughter. That mix of history flavor and really dirty sex is the whole mood.

The game uses real model faces blended with AI art and it’s weirdly hot. Sometimes uncanny, sometimes perfect. One of the slave girls has this expression that looks like an OnlyFans selfie pasted into a Roman villa and I still liked it. It helps with the corruption stuff too, because you see the same girl going from shy, eyes down, clutching her sheet, to later on taking your cock between her tits while also jerking another guy with one hand and trying to keep a straight face for the “public ceremony”. Half the corruption is you pushing them, half is them realizing they like being treated as property. Oral scenes are constant, like the dev just really loves mouths. Short, messy blowjobs in side rooms, drawn out “serve your emperor” worship scenes in public baths, one priestess forced to suck you off on the temple steps while people pretend to not notice. I ranked that one pretty high on my own little spreadsheet, right next to some crazy challenge I did in HuniePop years ago where I tried to unlock every CG before checking Discord for a whole day. Yeah, I lost that challenge. I never learn.

Sex variety is honestly nicer than I expected from a historical setting. Vaginal is everywhere of course, but anal slips in when girls are still “saving” their virginity for some political marriage. There’s one wedding-night scene where you take the bride from behind in a dark side chamber while the official groom is busy drinking in the banquet hall, and the writing goes heavy on the power trip. You plug her ass so she can still technically go to her husband “pure” and she’s half crying, half pushing back. I liked that they didn’t pretend she was totally into it from the start. Same with the forced and male dom scenes: it doesn’t sugarcoat it; sometimes it’s clearly abuse, sometimes it slides into exhibitionism and she starts showing off her body to the crowd because that’s the only way she can feel in control. The game keeps shoving you into public humiliation bits: making girls stroke you under the table in Senate, commanding a handjob in front of a chained rival, walking a naked slave through a garden while senators stare. At one point you jerk off alone after an execution, watching the blood drip while you remember a previous titfuck scene with the victim, and I caught myself thinking “ok, that’s actually fucked” then clicked next anyway. The only thing that really annoyed me was a tiny UI sound on choice buttons, this stupid click that feels like some cheap mobile app from 2014, and now every time it plays I lose the mood for a second and mentally open Twitter. I still keep chasing the filthiest route like it’s a leaderboard and I’m trying to speedrun how fast I can ruin every “good” girl in Rome, but yeah, that little click noise lives rent free in my skull.

KRUZ CITY feels like that dirty daydream you get on a long bus ride when your mind starts drifting and you suddenly remember how much you like soft skin and the sound of someone breathing right in your ear. It starts pretty tame: you come back to your hometown after being basically locked in this brutal sports camp, muscles sore, balls even more sore, pretending you care about training drills when actually you’re just thinking about thighs and lips and the smell of shampoo on a pillow. The moment you arrive, the place looks normal on the surface, but every corner feels loaded with some secret. A door half open, a shower running too long, a bedroom light still on at night where it really shouldn’t be. You walk around thinking you’re just exploring a city, and suddenly you’re peeking through a window and realizing this older woman you kinda remember from childhood is kneeling between some guy’s legs, tits pressed against his thighs, and you feel that hot stab of jealousy and arousal at the same time. It’s not subtle about it, which honestly I liked. The game doesn’t treat you like a kid.

What stuck to my brain is how physical everything feels. There’s this scene where you finally get a “private” moment with one of the milfs, and it starts with something simple, like her fingers brushing your hand while she hands you a drink. That tiny touch, just skin on skin, makes the whole screen feel heavier. Then it moves to her sitting too close, your leg pressed against her soft thigh, and when she shifts her weight you can almost feel that warm pressure slide across you. When she wraps her fingers around you for the first time, it’s slow, like she’s testing how far she can go, thumb rubbing the tip, palm squeezing just a bit too tight. You actually notice silly stuff, like the way her tits bounce a little when she changes grip, or how her ass digs into the couch when she leans forward to whisper something filthy, hot breath on your neck. And because the game likes to mess with your head, sometimes you’re watching this from a distance instead, hidden in the dark, seeing her do the exact same teasing moves on another guy. That part hits different. There’s this ugly, horny twist in your chest, like your stomach drops and your cock twitches at the same time, especially when she moans his name in a voice you thought was just for you. I wish I could say I hated it. I didn’t.

Kinda funny how often it plays with that “am I a good guy or just a horny bastard” feeling. One night you’re sneaking into a room, lights low, hearing soft breathing and wondering if you should really be here. The girl is half asleep, big ass barely covered by a thin sheet, one leg bent, panties riding up just enough to show the curve of her pussy. You slide your hand along her thigh, and the game lets you push it, fingertip by fingertip, until you’re rubbing her through the fabric, feeling that damp spot grow. She shifts, murmurs something, and you’re holding your breath, completely still, like if you don’t move she’ll keep pretending she’s asleep. That mixture of guilt and raw need is all over this thing. Same with the foot stuff: one of the women casually puts her bare foot in your lap while she talks about something boring, heel resting right on your crotch, and pretends not to notice as her toes start to curl and press. You try to focus on the dialogue, but all you can think about is how the ball of her foot grinds down just a bit harder every time you answer wrong. Sometimes you end up just jerking off alone after, pants around your ankles, staring at your phone, replaying a clip of her sucking someone else off, spit running down her chin. Honestly, I got stuck way too long in one early masturbation scene because the rhythm of her handjob was just that perfect, fingers twisting, wrist pumping faster while she stares you dead in the eyes like she owns you. And the worst part is you kind of want her to.

Eric thinks he’s just taking his shy little wife Grace out of the city for some quiet countryside air, but the whole thing reeks of “bad idea” from the second you see his dad. Fletcher is that type of older guy your mom warned you about on Facebook fitness groups: silver at the temples, shoulders like he still lifts real weights instead of scrolling TikTok, that easy smile that screams “I fuck around and never get caught.” The game doesn’t waste time pretending he’s a saint. He’s checking out Grace in the first ten minutes, eyes lingering on her ass when she leans over, pretending he’s just “correcting her posture.” You’re sitting there thinking, dude, that’s your son’s wife, but then the camera just stays on those big tits pressed against his chest during a “harmless” stretching session and suddenly you’re not judging shit anymore. And the fun part is, you’re not locked into one point of view; one moment you’re trapped inside Grace’s confused little head, trying to convince yourself Fletcher’s hands on your hips are totally normal family stuff, next moment you’re Eric, watching from the doorway, pretending you don’t see the way your own dad looks at your woman like a new workout machine he wants to test.

The neighbors are the cherry on this fucked up cake. Hailey and Ian are that weird couple that seems too friendly, the type who brings over a pie for no reason and then won’t leave. Hailey is pure trouble: perky, tight top, always “accidentally” bending over in front of Eric, asking him to help fix something while her husband is away. Meanwhile, Ian acts like Fletcher’s lost twin spiritually, throwing horny little hints and talking way too much about “sharing experiences” over beers. It starts slow, just casual hangouts in the backyard, a barbecue where Grace shows up in those yoga pants that hug her thick ass just right, Fletcher’s eyes following every bounce like it’s a religious thing. Then you get that one scene where Grace is helping Fletcher in his private “gym,” he’s standing behind her, guiding her arms for some light exercise, and his hands end up on her tits longer than any normal human needs for “correction.” You can see her breathing change. She doesn’t pull away. The game just sits in that discomfort. Long. And if you want, you push it. Maybe Eric walks in and pretends everything is fine, maybe he watches silently from the top of the stairs while his own father slowly corrupts the woman he promised to protect, or maybe you push Grace herself to go from “this is wrong” to “I just want to feel that thick daddy cock break me in.” There’s this one scene where Fletcher’s hand casually wraps around hers while she’s stroking him and he guides her pace like he’s teaching her some fitness move, and she’s biting her lip, eyes glassy, muttering his name instead of her husband’s. It’s gross and hot and messy and feels exactly like some fucked up Pornhub rabbit hole you swear you’ll never go down again, right before you click the next scene anyway.

Horny trivia brain here, and this thing feels like someone smashed a dating sim into a porno quiz where the right answer is always “yeah, I'll watch that too”. You start out in this school vibe where everyone pretends to be all pure and innocent, but the game is just waiting for you to poke around and catch them doing filthy shit when they think nobody’s watching. One girl acts like the perfect virgin honor student, blushing if you even say “kiss”, and five minutes later she’s on her knees in a deserted classroom, drool on her chin while she tries to deepthroat a guy she swears she “doesn’t like like that”. Another scene, you’re peeking through a half open door at a so-called tutor session and the “lesson” is very clearly a slow, sloppy handjob under the desk while the teacher pretends nothing is happening and keeps writing on the board. Of course the game lets you sit there, watching that hand move faster and faster, like you’re the world’s creepiest proctor.

Strangest part, the sandboxy structure actually works with the horny quizmaster in my head. Your brain goes: “Alright, who’s getting stripped today?” and the game basically goes “correct, here’s the shy girl losing her clothes piece by piece because she lost some stupid bet”. Skirt tossed over the chair, bra hanging from the ceiling fan, panties pulled down to her knees, and she’s still trying to cover her big tits with these tiny shaking hands. Half the fun is that you pick which route to click next and it feels like you’re jumping between channels on Pornhub, but every channel is the same messy group of people fucking up their lives in different ways. One guy’s romantic route looks all sweet at first, hand holding under the table, tender kisses behind the gym, then suddenly you’re watching his girl riding someone else’s huge cock in the locker room while he’s searching the halls for her. Game even lets you decide if you wanna see that kind of betrayal or just pretend she stayed loyal and only sucks your dick in the bathroom stall, trying not to moan too loud because there’s a teacher outside.

It is pretty funny how often the camera lingers on asses though. Big asses everywhere. Bending over to pick up a dropped pencil, to “look for something” in the locker, to pretend they didn’t notice you staring. One black dude shows up and the whole mood changes, like the game is whispering “pop quiz: how much can she take?” and suddenly the petite girl who was scared of just kissing is getting her throat used like it’s some kind of warm toy. He grabs her hips, her ass jiggles, and you can tell she’s way out of her depth, but she keeps going, probably because you pushed her down that path six clicks ago. Sometimes you swap between different protagonists and that actually confused me at first, because I thought I was still the same guy when I walked in on a blowjob scene… then realized I was now the dude getting cheated on, not the one being sucked. That little punch in the gut is kinda hot, kinda annoying. Also the text speed in one scene is weird as hell and I kept trying to click past one line that just refused to go away, like it was taunting me. But hey, the animated thrusting looks good enough when you finally get to full on vaginal, thighs slapping, her tits bouncing all over the place, and she clings to whoever it is like this is the only dick she’ll ever need. Which is obviously bullshit, because three scenes later she’s grinding on someone else while pretending she was “saving herself”. Peak school romance energy right there.

A horny little mess of a game, but in a good way. You start as this very not-heroic guy poking around a warped version of old Greece that looks like someone mashed up a horny mythology book and a Justice League fanfic on Reddit. One minute you’re talking about gods and temples, next minute you’ve got Wonder Woman chained up in what is basically your private sex dungeon, pretending this is all part of some “grand plan.” It pretends to be about strategy and influence, but honestly it’s mostly about how fast you can turn heroines into obedient toys while the game smiles at you like, “yeah, you’re the bad guy, and?” That tone really worked for me. The story acts serious for like three lines, then you’re lining up an anal scene with a legendary amazon and it forgets all about morals.

On phone it actually feels weirdly natural, like a horny text sim that got out of hand. You’re in this loose sandbox where you juggle money, reputation, and girls you’ve broken, and you hop between locations: some temple here, some shady base there, maybe a seedy alley where you catch your next victim in costume. There was this moment where I dragged a certain famous amazon down from her pedestal, literally, by stripping her piece by piece while she still tried to talk about justice. First she’s spitting insults, then your hand is in her hair and she’s on her knees swallowing your cock like she owes you back pay. The transition from proud warrior to cock sleeve feels slow in a good way, but suddenly you’re hitting “titfuck” and “creampie” options and wondering how the hell you got here so fast. And the game doesn’t explain half the mechanics. I just clicked things until she went from “I’ll kill you” to “yes, master” and somehow that felt right for this kind of parody. There’s one tiny UI icon in the corner that keeps wiggling and I still don’t know what it does. I hate it. I will never look it up.

What surprised me most is how often the scenes escalate without repeating the same boring porn beats. One time I forced an amazon to do a slow, humiliating strip in a dusty Greek hall, torches on the walls, her armor dropping one piece at a time. You can choose to just watch and jerk off like some lazy god, or you can walk up, grab her wrists, and turn it into a rough handjob against a pillar while she tries not to moan. Another run I focused more on oral stuff, pushing Wonder Woman to “serve” you on command, mouth open, cum dripping down her chin while she keeps her crown on, like a twisted homage to her superhero look. There’s vaginal, anal, the usual menu, but the fun part is when you mix it with the slavery aspect. Order her to clean up your mess with her tongue after a creampie, then send her back out pretending to still be a champion of justice. The game keeps tossing little sandbox hooks at you, like “send this heroine to work” or “keep her in the cell,” and sometimes nothing happens, sometimes you come back and she’s masturbating in her chains because you broke her too far. Also, the sound is almost nothing and I still wish there was just a tiny sloppy blowjob noise, but whatever, it’s not changing. At least it lets you be a complete bastard in this fake Greek parody world and nobody opens a moral speech balloon over your head.

You start as this nobody in a school full of assholes, basically wallpaper that can hold a bag. People bump into you in the corridor and don’t even say sorry, teachers misread your name every single time, and the only time anyone looks at you is when they need a free note from last lesson. Then the game quietly puts this “tool” in your hands. No tutorial, no glowing button, just a weird interface, some profiles, and the feeling that someone is watching you from behind the screen. It looks almost boring at first, like some cheap chat app or a bad school portal, and then you send one message and the story flips from “sad nerd” to “oh shit, I can actually break people.”

The fun part is how much of it lives inside text and your imagination. You are not walking around with WASD or anything, you are sitting in your room, reading and typing, going through chats with classmates, teachers, that weird girl everybody calls a freak, the thot who lives on Instagram, the strict class rep who pretends she hates attention. The game lets you poke inside their heads, first gently, then deeper, then way too deep. You use pressure, little lies, blackmail, secret pics, their own kinks they try to hide. One moment you are just convincing a girl to send a “harmless” selfie after school. Next moment you are telling her exactly how to touch herself while she tries to keep her voice down because her parents are in the next room. The writing is so casual it hurts. No big description of “her luscious curves” bullshit, just things like “her hand shakes near her skirt as she waits for your next message” and your brain fills the rest.

Sometimes you play the big dominant asshole, pushing them to call you “sir” or “master,” making them kneel in the empty classroom they thought they locked, forcing them to write “I am your slave” fifty times instead of homework. And then the game flips and throws a girl at you who is way more broken than you are. She reads your messages like you are the toy, not her, and you realize you walked into her trap. There are scenes where she orders you to describe your own kink in detail, mocks your hard-on through the screen, then uses your own fucked up fantasies to turn you into the obedient one. She’ll tell you to put your phone on speaker, pull your cock out and stroke only when she texts “go,” punish you when you slip, and it feels unfair because you thought you were in control. I loved that. I hated that. No, actually I loved that. The whole “mind control” thing is not just hypnosis magic, it’s the way text can slowly twist someone’s brain, and the game is kind of rude about how easy it actually is. You blackmail a shy girl with stolen screenshots until she agrees to meet in a dark classroom, hands on the desk, ass out, and when you finally slide your hand under her panties and make her jerk you off with those shaking fingers, you realize she isn’t just scared, she is getting addicted to obeying.

There are some nice AI-style images popping up here and there to glue the fantasy to your brain, but they never explain why one girl’s hair suddenly looks slightly different from another angle and it annoys me every single time. Also the phone notification sound is slightly off, like some cheap Android clone, and it drove me crazy, but I never muted it anyway. You go from reading stupid school gossip to ordering a girl to record herself choking on a dildo in the school bathroom, and then later she casually sends you a pic of her wearing her uniform with the shirt open, collar pulled up like a leash, pupils wide like she’s high, waiting for your next command. The game often pretends you have this big “moral choice” but we both know you are here to corrupt everyone, including yourself. And it works: by the time you have one girl calling you “owner,” another one blackmailing you right back, and a third one begging you in private chat to make her your personal pet so she doesn’t have to think anymore, you’re not really sure if you’re the villain, the victim, or just the pervert sitting behind the keyboard, grinning at a bunch of text boxes like it’s the most important thing in your life. Which it kind of becomes, at least while the game is running.

Tunturico looks like the kind of place where you go in hunting for gold and end up getting your dick worshipped in some forgotten shrine instead. You play this cocky treasure hunter chasing the Sun Treasures, and yeah, there are puzzles and ruins and all that Indiana Jones shit, but the game is very honest about what the real prize is. You wander through this “lost city” that doesn’t feel lost at all, more like it has been waiting just for your horny ass to show up. Every alley feels like someone is watching you from a window, and half the time they actually are, which is where the whole voyeur side kicks in. There is this moment when you’re sneaking through some courtyard at night, pretending to be careful, and then you realize there’s a furry girl on the balcony above, legs spread, just watching you and rubbing herself like it’s her favorite show. You can look away or pretend to be polite, but of course you don’t. You stay. You watch. She knows you watch. The game lets that silence breathe a bit and that actually hits harder than a lot of “in your face” porn stuff.

The furry cast is way hornier than you are, which is honestly kind of nice. You’re the so-called hero, but half the time you’re just being dragged into weird rituals with soft fur on your thighs and a warm tongue around your shaft. One of the early scenes has a fox girl who’s supposed to be guarding some temple gate. She catches you, pushes you against a wall, and starts this slow handjob that keeps getting interrupted by her dumb jokes. She’s cracking up about your “sacred staff” while stroking you way too well, and it’s ridiculous and hot at the same time. When she drops to her knees and starts sucking you off, the game really leans into the sounds and expressions. She pulls away just to laugh at how tense you are, then goes back in deeper. No fake romance speech, just two idiots enjoying each other and it works better than any dramatic love confession. And the thing is, those “romance” bits do creep in, but sideways. You fuck, then you explore the ruins together, then you joke about it, then you accidentally care. The writing plays it casual and stupid, like banter on Discord, then suddenly it hits you with a quiet moment where she’s looking at you a bit too long and you feel something twist in your chest.

The humor is very hit and miss, which is actually part of the charm. There’s one scene where an ancient mural basically looks like badly drawn furry porn, and the main guy comments on it like he’s posting on Twitter, and I laughed way too hard. Then another joke about “sun rods” lands flat, but you’re already getting a blowjob in some dusty archive so you don’t care. The pacing is weird, in a good way. One second you solve a tiny puzzle, pull a lever, expect a hidden door, and instead a secret panel opens and someone inside is masturbating while spying on you. They slam it shut and you can just stand there, imagining what the hell they saw. Later, you actually meet them again, and the game doesn’t make a big deal, it just lets the tension hang while they try to act normal. The adventure vibe stays in the background, reminding you this city has its own rules and everyone here is kind of used to pleasure being part of daily life. Sex is everywhere, but it’s not all dramatic. Sometimes it’s just a quick handjob after a dangerous room, as a “reward” from a companion who pretends it’s no big deal, and sometimes it’s a long, slow oral scene where someone really wants you to remember their tongue. It’s messy, lewd, a little stupid, and very human in that “I came here for treasure and got distracted by hot furry locals” way.

You’re 21, fresh out of uni, brain full of half-broken dreams and porn tabs, alone in a tiny place that looks more like a temporary save file than a real home. No job, no plan, no clue. Just a bed, a phone, and this weird feeling that whatever girl walks through your life next is basically a glitch in the code that will push you in some fucked up direction forever. This game leans hard into that idea. It isn’t trying to be “romantic” in the vanilla Netflix way. It feels more like fate dragging you by the collar through kinks you never admitted out loud, while you keep telling yourself “yeah, I can stop anytime” and then obviously you don’t. You start as this regular, kinda lost guy, but the story quietly puts you in spots where you’re kneeling, begging, turned on, confused, all of it layered, like when you’re scrolling Pornhub and suddenly your recommended list is just one big accusation.

The girls are not just checklists of tags, they’re like different corrupt routes for your soul. Tangent shows up like a walking red flag, the kind of woman you’d swear you should avoid, and then you end up refreshing Telegram waiting for her next message anyway. She treats you like a toy she already owns, plays with your ego, talks down to you while she has you licking her clean after she uses your face, or makes you hold still while she rides your cock and casually insults how pathetic you look. One moment she gives you a handjob so slow you want to scream, staring right in your eyes like she can read every dirty thought, then next scene she has a plug in your ass and your dick throbbing untouched, calling it “training” like this is some sacred destiny instead of her just having fun. Humiliation here isn’t just chat text, it’s in tiny moments, like her making you thank her for letting you cum, right after she slapped you for asking. And yeah, there’s titjobs and oral and all the classic stuff, but the way she paces it, like she’s tuning your brain, makes it feel less like porn and more like a long, slow hack of your identity.

Then the story swerves. Penny slides in from a totally different angle, all soft colors and weird comfort, like those TikToks that look wholesome until you read the comments. The tone drops into this messed up “innocent” vibe that obviously isn’t innocent, and suddenly sex toys feel more like props in a role you’re not sure you chose. You’re supposed to be the adult, but scenes twist it so you’re the one who needs control taken away, who gets told what to wear, when to touch yourself, when not to. There’s this one part where you finish in a way that should feel normal, just basic vaginal sex, thrusting, her moaning in your ear, your hands on her hips, and then the aftermath turns it sideways with one line of dialogue that makes you realize you’re not the one writing your own story at all. Natalie isn’t any softer. She just attacks your gender, your pride, your whole idea of “what kind of man I am” and pokes it until it bends. She might start with a blowjob that feels like a reward, sloppy, spit running down your shaft, eye contact that burns, then a few scenes later she’s got you dressed up, sitting pretty, dick hard and useless, while she teases you with a vibrator and jokes about how you were never much of a “real guy” anyway. The thing with this game is that every route pretends it’s just a bit of kinky fun, but then you look back and realize each girl quietly edited a part of you, like fate didn’t give you choices, only different flavors of surrender.

Game hits you with a gut punch right in the menu. You’re this 25-year-old guy who already had his “happily ever after” and then it just gets ripped away from him. No heroic bullshit, no magical fix, he’s a wreck. First scenes are him looking like a zombie, barely functioning, and I liked that they don’t sugarcoat it. He’s numb, he’s angry, he drinks too much, he makes bad choices, sometimes you just click through like “yeah, I’ve seen this guy on Discord at 4% battery and 0% will to live.” And then, in the middle of all that, the game suddenly drops this tall blonde girl in a tight sport uniform with a ridiculous ass and you realize, okay, this is not just depression simulator, there is definitely some cock therapy incoming. Her tits look heavy in that jersey, jiggle a bit when she leans forward, and I swear the dev has a personal obsession with thighs, because the way those shorts ride up when she stretches before practice? That’s where 30% of my saves went. I kept quicksaving right before dialogue choices just to see how slutty or tender that same scene could go, like switching between two different timelines where you’re either a broken puppy or a horny asshole who still somehow gets rewarded.

Thing is, the sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum. You can feel the main guy still carrying all that grief into every scene. There’s a moment on the bleachers where she’s straddling him, sport top pushed up just enough to show those big tits bouncing while she jerks him off under the night lights, and he suddenly spaces out, thinking of his dead lover, and you get this ugly mix of hard-on and guilt. It’s hot and uncomfortable at the same time, which I kinda loved, even though at one point the pacing goes to shit because the game keeps stopping the dirty talk to drop another sad monologue. You get animated vaginal scenes where her ass fills the whole screen, cheeks slapping, sweat on her back, that little bounce in her ponytail while she rides him on the locker room bench, and then right after that they’re talking about addiction and suicide like you just didn’t have your dick in your hand twenty seconds earlier. The tonal whiplash is nuts. But the small stuff sticks with me: her fingers tightening on his shoulder when he finally thrusts up with some actual energy, her trying to hide how wet she is after “innocent” training, that one shot where the camera lingers too long on the curve of her hip as she walks away and you notice a tiny bruise from earlier practice. I hated how the text sometimes explains things I already get from the visuals, yet I kept playing, saving, loading, chasing slightly different ways to make this broken guy lose himself between her legs again, just to see if he looks a bit less dead inside when he finally comes.