This one feels like someone grabbed a bunch of messed up fairy tales from an old Tumblr archive, poured too much horny into them, then stitched them together with tape and spite. You jump from one little “chapter” to another, each about a different princess or monster girl, and it never quite behaves the same way twice. Sometimes you’re clicking through choices like a horny gremlin, sometimes you’re stuck on one screen just staring at a princess in chains while deciding if you go full bastard or pretend to be a gentleman for three lines before ruining everything again. It has that cheap 2D CG look that somehow fits perfectly, like fanart that escaped from DeviantArt and learned how to talk dirty.

The Disney parody angle is not subtle at all. One moment you’re in a desert palace with a very not-licensed princess in transparent harem pants, the next you’re watching her milk drip through the fabric because some “blessing” of a magic artifact turned her into a walking cow fantasy. There’s actual choices around that too: keep her as a humiliated slave, drag her to the shop to buy toys and chains, or pretend to “free” her and then chain her to the bed anyway when she tries to run. When the genie shows up, he’s not doing three wishes, he’s doing “how much anal, how much oral, and which hole gets the creampie first.” It sounds crude but the writing has this weird emotional whiplash. You get moments where she spits insults, calls you a monster, you spank her until she does that stupid ahegao face, tongue out, drool, and then three clicks later she’s asking why you didn’t kiss her after you fucked her. Absolutely romantic. Totally normal.

Then there’s the monster girls and the more… questionable stuff. The game does not care about comfort zones. There is ***, humiliation, bestial stuff, that feeling of “oh shit, I should not be aroused by this, and yet here we are.” A lamia coils around your guy, squeezes until he can’t breathe, then uses him like a living dildo. A corrupted princess rides a centaur while you watch and jerk off like some pathetic court wizard who lost control of his own spell. At some point I spent like five minutes just trying to click the right option so I could see the lactation scene loop again, because the way her breasts bounce when the magic spell forces her to squirt on command is genuinely hot in this stupid, low-budget way. And then, in another branch, that same girl is surrounded by a group of guards, getting used one after another, cum dripping out of every hole, and she still has that princess pride in her face like she’s trying not to break while you decide if you go for a handjob ending or shove toys into her until she cracks.

What I like is how inconsistent it all feels, in a good way and also in a “who wrote this at 4 in the morning on Red Bull” way. Some scenes are pure male domination power trip, where you drag a chained girl by the collar, make her lick your boots, force oral until her eyes roll up. Then suddenly you hit a route where a demoness sits on your chest, slaps your face, makes you cum with just her feet and your own hand, and laughs at you for being her little toy. There is one bit I keep thinking about: that stupid little shop screen where you buy a cheap-looking vibrator, take it back to the dungeon, and the scene changes only by this tiny drawn toy in her hand, but the dialogue completely flips her personality. She goes from sobbing *** victim to desperate, horny mess begging you to push it deeper while your character mocks her for loving it. The game pretends to be a light parody, but some of these stories end like a punch in the gut, with the girl broken, collared, used by monsters and men, covered in cum, and you get this short line of text hinting that, in another path, she could have escaped with a girlfriend instead, living a quiet lesbian fantasy far from the palace. You will probably ignore that and reload for the anal gangbang anyway.

She’s the type of woman who walks into a lecture hall and the air just changes. Not because she’s loud - she doesn’t need to be. Her voice is low, deliberate, the kind that makes you lean in without realizing. Professor Reed doesn’t smile much, but when she does it’s never for you… until you start noticing that tiny hesitation in her tone when she calls your name. The game never rushes that tension; it lets it build and twist. Every talk in her office feels like a test you weren’t told about - intellectual, but charged as hell. The longer you stay in her orbit, the more it’s clear that she’s not as cold as she wants to be. That’s when the corruption starts creeping in, slow and almost polite at first.

There’s something really addictive about how it turns academic power games into foreplay. The writing doesn’t hold your hand - one minute you’re discussing ethics and the next you’re pulling her hair as she moans your name like it’s the only thing left she believes in. It’s not just sex scenes thrown at you (though yeah, there are plenty and they’re filthy). It’s the weird emotional rhythm between dominance and tenderness that makes everything hit harder. Her reactions - when she finally lets go, when the control slips - feel earned. Even the sandbox parts, where you can experiment a bit with how far you push her or yourself, somehow make the story more intimate instead of just checklist porn. You get to decide whether she’s your lover, your toy, or something in between.

And yeah, it’s graphic as fuck: messy titjobs that turn into handjobs that end in warm creampies on her perfect skin, moments of exhibitionism where she wants to be seen but hates that she wants it, and those rare flashes of romance that mess with your head more than any blowjob could. I found myself half turned on, half curious about how far she’d fall - or maybe how far I’d drag her down. It’s dirty, but not dumb about it. Like watching someone unbutton their soul, one button too late.

You wake up on this cold metal bed in a ship that hums like an old fridge and the first thing you notice is not the headache, not the missing memories, but that you are naked as fuck and someone hooked your body up like a toy. The game lets you decide pretty fast what that body even is, and it is not shy with options. You want a lean guy who gets pushed around and ends up on his knees? Go. You want a stacked futa with thick cock and tits that drip later when the drugs hit right? Also there. Female body with a dick, male body with a pussy, non-binary setup, whatever weird combo your furry brain cooked at 3 different tabs open on xVideos, it kind of lets you live that. Then the ship starts talking, crew starts showing up, and that whole “who am I” plot runs right next to “who the hell can I get to pin me to a console and breed me”. The crew is mostly guys, different vibes, some softer, some with that DILF energy where you just know they’ll pull your hair while telling you they’re doing this for your own good. It has that slow burn of corruption too, where early scenes are just teasing and “accidental” touching, then the choices pile up and suddenly you’re kneeling between two men, one in your mouth and one pressing at your ass, and you kind of know you walked yourself there step by step.

What I like is how it flips from talking about conspiracies and shady experiments into real filthy stuff without pausing to ask permission every time. One minute you are in some dark corridor snooping logs, next minute you got a hand around your throat, someone grinding your face against a bulge, and the text just spells it out. If you turn on the nastier kinks in the menu, the scenes get meaner, which I actually didn’t expect. I thought “oh nice, just more porn”, but then I hit a route where my character basically becomes a half willing slave for this calm older guy who keeps dosing you with some drug that makes you leak milk whenever he squeezes your tits. At first I was like, that’s too much, I’m just here for soft gay space romance, then there I am reading a scene where he fucks your ass on the captain chair, fingers your pussy or dick at the same time, orders you to keep eye contact while you cum and milk runs down your chest. It’s shameless. There’s humiliation edges too, like being made to clean up your own creampie with your tongue, or being passed around a small group while they comment on how tight you still are for “a well used toy”. It still tries to be funny sometimes, throws jokes in the middle of a blowjob, which kinda works and kinda ruins the mood, depends. One scene in the medbay has you strapped up for “exams” and the doctor uses toys first, slowly stretching you, talking about “data” like that explains why he has a vibrating plug with a remote, then he just goes in raw after your walls are gaping and you are begging half from embarrassment, half from need. There is also some interracial stuff later where they play with how “alien” bodies might feel, though right now most of them still look pretty human and I keep angrily waiting for real anthro options that will probably never come. Text based format actually helps here, your brain fills the gaps, so when they stack you for group sex, one cock in your mouth, one pounding your ass, one sliding into your pussy or between your thighs if you picked only one hole, it feels way more intense than some lazy clicker animation. You even get those small details, like fingers digging into your hips, someone groping your chest absentmindedly while talking business, a bored crewman getting a hand job in a storage room because he “caught” you snooping and decides you can pay with your hands instead of alarms. The game pretends it is all about choices and plot, and yes, there are combat bits and dialogs and moral stuff, but honestly the thing that sticks is that moment you realise you turned on almost every kink in the options and now your “lost in space” protagonist is on all fours in a locker room, ass dripping cum, balls or lips swollen, hearing boots stop behind them again and thinking “ok… maybe just one more”.

This thing is messy in a way I kinda respect. You get tossed into this warped fantasy world where reality has given up, and apparently the local wildlife has tits, claws, and a very specific interest in human cock. The story talks in first person, so it feels like your horny inner monologue got kicked out of Earth and landed in a fever dream. One minute you’re getting smacked around in some turn based fight, the next minute you’ve got a monster girl pressed against a tree while you’re deciding if you want her whining from teasing, moaning around your dick, or riding you until she leaks cum everywhere. It flips from “oh no, danger” to “oh yes, fuck me harder” faster than my mood when Grindr crashes.

The whole thing is like running a very perverted HR department in hell. You manage your little crew, you juggle resources, you worry about who’s loyal, who’s useful in combat, and who’s just there because they let you grope them whenever you’re stressed. There’s romance, but it’s that fucked up sort, with girls who will absolutely let you creampie them behind a ruined shrine, then ask if you still like them when they’re pregnant with your half-cursed brat. Some scenes are soft and sweet, like slow oral where she’s shy and drooling, or gentle handjobs while she confesses feelings. Then five minutes later you’re shoving her face against a table, spanking her ass red while she tries to keep quiet and completely fails. The writing tries to be poetic sometimes, like it wants to win a prize, and then it goes straight into “her asshole clenched around me” without any shame at all. Honestly I love it. And also I rolled my eyes. Both things true.

Combat is that chill turn based style where you’re half reading the skills, half daydreaming about the next time some exhibitionist demoness gets pinned against a wall. Some fights actually matter and you’ll be min-maxing like a weirdo, other times you just mash buttons because you only care about seeing how much milk that busty priestess can spray when you pull her top down mid-dialogue. The game keeps throwing choices at you too: do you comfort her, or do you grab her tits; do you swear devotion, or fuck her raw in public while the shadows watch. Management and romance and adventure all tangled up in this slightly unhinged, emotional dude-brain that gets way too attached to monster girls he just met. I was reading on my phone in the bathroom, lost in some deep talk about devotion and despair, and two clicks later I had her swallowing my load and begging to carry my child. It should not work. It really should not. But here I am, remembering which route gave me anal, lactation, spanking, and a love confession in the same arc like it’s important info for my taxes.

The hook here is simple and kinda dirty: your sister spoils you rotten for years, builds you up, then vanishes and throws you the keys to an apartment complex full of horny disasters who clearly never heard about boundaries. You pick if you play as a guy or a girl, but either way you’re the one everyone suddenly wants to impress, seduce, dominate, or milk like some perverted space-cow. It sounds like typical harem fantasy, and yeah, it is, but wrapped in this weird mix of romance and power play where one second you’re awkwardly trying to be a responsible landlord, and the next you’re elbow-deep in someone’s cleavage, trying not to think about how soft and warm and oh shit she’s pushing your head down further.

What I really liked is how the “pickup line” thing kind of sneaks up on you. The game doesn’t say “this is the flirting system” with big glowing text. You just start talking to tenants, and the dialogue branches suddenly care a lot about how bold or submissive you act. Pick a cheesy line with the shy lesbian tenant, and she blushes so hard you feel like a bully… then later she surprises you by pinning you to the wall and making you whimper. Try the same line on the confident femdom chick and she laughs like you’re a little toy and makes you prove you deserve to even look at her tits. I had one moment where I thought I was being smooth with a “romantic” reply, and the game answered with: “You say that while staring at her nipples.” That’s when I realized this thing is not interested in staying subtle.

The sex itself swings around a lot. You get soft, cuddly lesbian scenes where two girls just touch and kiss slowly, fingers exploring, hands on hips, careful teasing, and then out of nowhere someone pulls out toys that look like they belong in a sci-fi lab, presses them against swollen breasts and starts talking about how full she wants to feel. There’s a lot of focus on big tits, not just as decoration, but as actual gameplay focus: teasing, groping, titfucking, even milking. I spent way too long on one scene where I was just watching text describe how milk ran down her chest in thin lines and pooled around her nipples while you keep thrusting between them. It sounds stupid when I write it, but in the moment I was just scrolling like “yeah, go on, more detail, don’t stop here.” Then later in a different route the same body is treated totally different, more like a throne you kneel under while she uses your face or your cock without asking. Femdom fans will see the strings immediately. The domination swings between playful and actually kind of mean, especially if you lean into the “serve me” options. You get hand jobs that start as a reward and end as punishment, anal scenes that flip who’s in control mid-thrust, creampies that feel earned, not just “you came, congrats.” I wish the romance side was a bit stronger in some branches, but it also fits this messy tone where everyone is half in love, half horny, half lying to themselves. Yes, that’s three halves. Shut up.

The only thing that actually annoyed me is tiny: the way some lines repeat when you’re trying different approaches with the same girl, especially the landlord talk when all you want is to get back to the part where she threatens to sit on your face if you don’t answer correctly. It breaks the flow when you’ve already seen that text five times. But then suddenly you get a new variation of a scene where your character, male or female, gets dragged into a bed, toy pressed against them, and the tenant says something like “You’re in charge of this building, but I’m in charge of this body,” and my brain just forgets to be annoyed. There’s something funny about how often the game pretends to care about rent and cleaning schedules while the actual content is full-on groping in stairwells, panties pushed aside for quick vaginal fucks, tenants competing for your attention, and you trying to juggle being in control with being completely dominated. One route has you slowly building a kind of accidental harem, another route has you stuck under one woman’s heel, and in between you still toss out pickup lines like you’re on some cursed Tinder where everyone is horny and too honest. I kept thinking “this is too much” and then clicking the dirtiest option anyway.

Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

Rumors always sound stupid until you are the one they whisper about. This game throws you into one of those sticky school legends, the “there is a satanic cult behind the gym” kind of bullshit, except you actually trip over the damn book they are using. Not a cute grimoire with sparkles, more like something that looks like it smells of old cum and candle smoke. You crack it open for a laugh, and the first thing it gives you is the power to make the class virgin blush so hard she almost creams herself in the middle of an “examination” scene where the teacher leans too close, her tits brushing your arm, and you realize the book is not just edgy goth decor. It lets you push people, twist their lust, nudge their fears, and at first you just use it for small shit: making your best friend text you late at night with “I had this weird dream, why were you watching me in the shower?” while you are literally watching him through some voyeur spell on your phone, zooming in like it is some cursed Pornhub live cam. The game plays like a mix of visual novel and sandbox, you wander around school halls, club rooms, that empty classroom behind the science lab where the “mystery club” girl hides her monster girl hentai doujins, and every choice you poke in the text gets a horny consequence ten minutes later. Sometimes it is just teasing, a milf teacher accidentally pressing her big ass on your desk while bending over the board, sometimes it turns into full on corruption, like you mark a shy futa class rep with a little symbol and next time you see her she is in the bathroom stall, stroking a throbbing cock that looks too heavy for her thin legs, biting her lip and mumbling your name.

The story pretends to be about this “evil power” and responsibility, but half the time I forgot the cult plot and just chased who I could break or save or both. You can go playful, using the book to make girls horny at the worst moments, like forcing a strict nurse to lactate during a routine health check, milk stains spreading on her white top while she clenches her thighs, then suddenly she is grabbing your hand and shoving it under her skirt, muttering how this is “for science.” Or you lean into full NTR stuff, using blackmail photos and the book’s little curse tricks to push a sweet romance into pure cheating. There is one brutal route where your “best friend” tries to confess to his crush under the cherry tree and you quietly tweak her feelings so she accepts, then later you drag her into a storage room and she is on her knees around your cock, choking and crying because she knows she is his, but the spell makes betrayal feel like a delicious punishment. The game loves mixing that hurt with the horny: a loyal girlfriend getting pounded by a big black cock you summoned from some “monster” page, your corrupted class rep in a gangbang bukkake scene with faceless students dripping on her glasses, the principal on her knees in the occult club room giving a sloppy oral exam as if it is normal curriculum. There is futa, femdom, crossdressing sissification stuff where the book flips your own body, giving you a fat futa dick for one route, soft tits in another, forcing you into a skirt while a female domination demon spanks you until you are hard just from the pain. One day you are fingering a shy monster girl by the pool during summer vacation, her tail curling around your wrist as she begs for creampie, the next you are watching a furry club president hump your enchanted sex toy in the empty gym. It is messy, horny, a bit mean, and the book never really feels safe; every time you use it to make someone moan louder in a titfuck or a footjob scene, there is that tiny line of text hinting that maybe the book is also rewriting you, turning a “regular student” into something closer to the cult freaks you laughed at in the first place.

Epifania looks like some luxury fashion week gone rotten in the sexiest way. Neon on wet concrete, everyone pretending to be high class while they’re literally lining up for a hole in the wall. You arrive as this nobody with big hunger and zero connections, just you and this building that looks like an abandoned outlet store someone forgot to bulldoze. Then that Devil Investor shows up, all smug and perfectly dressed, like the kind of client who sits front row at a fetish runway show and buys the entire collection with one bored click. She doesn’t ask if you want in. She just throws you the mission: turn this wreck into the most profitable and depraved brothel in the city. And suddenly you’re balancing spreadsheets and cumshots in the same breath, which, honestly, feels familiar to anyone who tried to run an Etsy store while doomscrolling Pornhub.

First thing that caught my designer brain: the girls are not copy-paste dolls. You start “training” them and it feels weirdly like fitting models for a very, very illegal lingerie line. You watch them change from shy little things clinging to basic underwear into total predators who know exactly how to use lace, heels, and a dripping mouth. Some are sweet mom-types with soft tummies and milk-heavy breasts, the kind you’d shoot for an expensive maternity fetish catalog. You push them into public booths where strangers use them like shared accessories. That whole gloryhole section? It’s like designing a collection where the face is irrelevant, only the silhouette of thighs and tits matters. I hated how it turned me on. I loved how it turned me on. It’s messy like that. One night I focused on a single “pure” girl, double-checking her stats on my phone between Instagram stories, trying to keep her first time special then casually booking her into a gangbang room right after because the numbers looked good. The game doesn’t guilt-trip you. It just quietly asks: more clients or more conscience? And you already know the answer, you capitalist slut.

The management part is sneaky. You think it’s just clicking upgrades, then you realize you’re planning who gets which kink like you’re coordinating outfits for a runway lineup: anal queen here, bondage star there, the tall milf with heavy lactation in the VIP lounge that smells like perfume and sweat. There’s this weird thrill watching your building go from dusty warehouse to multi-floor pleasure machine, with private rooms, voyeur windows, and that one office where you handle “contracts” with potential corporate partners who want their own harem branch. I kept pausing, thinking how I’d design actual lingerie sets for them: soft leather harnesses for the submissive accountant type, transparent body stocking for the market manipulator who ruins competitors while taking a footjob on her desk. At one point I was negotiating prices for public use sessions on one screen and sketching a crotchless bodysuit in Procreate on the other, and it all just blended. The game lets you push the girls into pregnancy deals like they’re limited edition drops, fill them up, send them back out, watch clients line up for that. It’s fucked up. It’s hot. I still wish the interface didn’t hide some details in tiny menus like some cheap fast-fashion site, but then I catch myself zooming in on a courtesan getting her ass filled and I forget what I was annoyed about. Anyway, the city doesn’t care. You start with nothing, you end with a building full of moaning, swollen, used bodies and a bank account that keeps climbing every time someone walks through your doors. It feels like running a fashion brand where the models never leave the show, they just keep getting fucked harder behind the curtain.

FSS Lamashtu feels like somebody mashed up a cold war naval thriller with a filthy space brothel and then forgot which part was supposed to be serious. You’re the freshly minted captain of this “experimental cruiser” that is absolutely not built for exploration, unless you count exploring how many holes your crew can take in a single patrol. Officially it’s the proud weapon of the Alliance, last hope in a long-ass war. Unofficially it’s your floating fuck-lab, staffed with officers who look like they came out of a horny AI art generator after you typed “war crime but sexy” too many times. The ship layout screen is almost a character by itself: bridge, medbay, cargo, those little tucked-away compartments you quickly learn are perfect for “private disciplinary sessions.” You jump between menus pretending to care about fleet orders, but the only thing you actually remember is which corridor you cornered that technician in when she kept “accidentally” brushing her giant tits against you.

The story likes to pretend it’s about geopolitics and rebellion, and sometimes it even tricks you. You’ll get this long briefing about the Neo-Terran strategic line, convoy raids, morale of the Alliance, all that stuff. Then two clicks later, you’re watching a proud enemy pilot on her knees, mascara running, mouth full of cum while she tries to spit out her rank and serial number. The tone whiplash is almost funny. There’s a certain charm in how the game refuses to pick a lane: you capture prisoners, you break them in slowly or just slam straight into collar-and-chain slavery, you’re supposed to feel the “moral weight” of it, but the next scene has them begging for anal like they read the script ahead of time. The AI CG does that exaggerated wetness thing, where every hole looks like you dumped a bucket of lube on it, and every creampie is this ridiculous white flood that should qualify as a bio-weapon. Sometimes the faces twist into that extreme, over-the-top ahegao that doesn’t even look human anymore, more like a melted idol poster, and it somehow fits this world where war propaganda and porn have fused into one genre.

What sticks in my mind most is how physical the ship starts to feel. You’re not just choosing sex options, you’re shaping routines. That science officer who starts with stiff posture and carefully zipped uniform? A few “private evaluations” in your quarters, and suddenly she’s walking around with visible bite marks on her neck, trying not to react when you casually grope her in front of others. There’s a scene in the hangar where two captured enemy girls are supposed to be processed for interrogation, and you can decide if that means basic questions or “group demonstration of Alliance hospitality.” The way their bodies are posed, covered in semen from multiple angles, has that bukkake ritual vibe, everyone participating because the war needs “unity.” You get toy usage too, not just as accessories but as tools of control: a vibrator left inside during a formal strategy meeting, the slow dawning horror on your new slave’s face when she realizes the remote is in your pocket while admirals talk about casualties. The game never really resolves whether you’re a genius commander or just a sex-obsessed tyrant who got lucky with experimental hardware. At some point there’s a tender-ish lesbian moment tucked awkwardly between brutal scenes, two crew girls comforting each other after a mission, fingers exploring, tongues slow and hesitant, and for once you’re not in the frame at all. It feels almost like the game forgot its own premise for a second, then remembers, throws you back into forced deepthroat in a dark interrogation room, and moves on like nothing happened.

Feels weird to call Parasite Black a “game” when half the time it feels more like some horny, cursed holiday special I accidentally made into a tradition. I’m doing this goofy calendar-board thing on my stream where each day gets a theme, and this one ended up in the “Evil Santa’s Mistake” slot. Fits too well. You’re this poor bastard who survives a suicide mission and comes back with something inside you that really shouldn’t be there, and from that point on Mirnos basically turns into one huge “how ruined can this guy’s body and morals get” experiment. One second you’re plotting turn order in combat, next second you’re watching a milf sorceress ride you while her lactation literally stains the screen and you forget there was a fight at all. Not even joking, I missed a button prompt because I got distracted by jiggle physics and a smug dialogue line about “needing to relieve the pressure.”

What I liked is how filthy moments sneak in sideways. You open the map thinking “ok, sandbox, explore a bit, maybe loot,” and then some corrupted nun-type offers “blessings” that are basically: blow the holy guy, get tentacle’d behind the altar, then end up in a threesome where you kind of lose track who has a dick and who has a spell. There’s futa in there, but it isn’t thrown at you like a big neon sign. It just shows up in the middle of a foursome and you go “oh, ok, that’s happening now,” and it works. Same with the voyeur stuff: I was just checking a room for loot and accidentally triggered a scene where an older queen-ish gilf is getting railed by her guard, and the game straight up asks if I want to watch or join. Picked watch first, because of course I did. Regretted and didn’t regret at the same time. And the pregnancy angle sneaks up too: after enough raw fucking, some characters start talking about “consequences” and suddenly the netori scene you thought was just you banging a guy’s wife has real fallout showing up later in dialogue. That part actually stung more than I expected.

Combat is turn based but not sleepy. You actually think about who to target, where to burn skills, and there’s this fun tension because you know if you win there’s a decent chance the reward is someone stripping, someone getting their ass used, or some monster using your new “gift” in ways that are definitely not approved by any fantasy church. Sometimes fights drag a bit and I just wanted to skip to the anal or the harem event I knew was sitting behind it, especially when some early mobs feel like HP sponges. And yeah, a few routes are more polished than others. You notice it when one milf gets a full animated riding scene with different speed cycles, but the random village girl just gets a quick blowjob loop and a line that reads like a first draft. Didn’t stop me from reloading to see if I could corrupt her more though. Playing on phone is way too easy, by the way. I was on a fake “bathroom break” at work, thumb-tapping through strategy choices and then suddenly there’s this animated tentacle thing spreading a knight’s ass, and I’m speed-hitting the screen like I’m messaging on Telegram so no one walking by hears the audio. Audio that is a bit uneven, by the way, like moans are hot but some lines feel like they were recorded with different mics. Still, when you end up in a harem pile with a big-tits demon, a pregnant ex-priestess and a snarky futa elf arguing over who gets your cock first while the world is literally being eaten around you, you kind of forget to be picky. I just wish the calendar had a “too horny to function” day, because that’s where this thing belongs.