Ori wears the same stupid grin in every scene and I can't decide if it's charming or if I want to slap him. The game calls him a brave warrior but mostly he's just horny in different locations. A forest. A tavern. Some castle corridor that looks suspiciously like the tavern with different lighting. The art is rough, genuinely rough, like someone drew it during a particularly boring meeting and then said yeah, good enough. Lines wobble. Proportions shift between panels. One character's breasts seem to change size three times in a single conversation and I spent way too long trying to figure out if that was intentional or just the artist losing track.

The story takes place twenty years before some other game I haven't played, which means absolutely nothing to me, but Ori keeps mentioning it like I should be impressed. He's searching for sex adventures. That's the quest. That's literally what the description says and the game delivers exactly that with zero pretense. A knight with enormous tits shows up around the third scene and her armor defies every law of physics I remember from school. She bends over to pick up a sword she didn't drop and the dialogue is something like "oh warrior let us combine our strength" and then they do. The translation has that particular quality where you understand every word but the sentences feel assembled by someone who learned English exclusively from old fantasy novels and porn captions.

I wish the magic system mattered at all. There's a whole thing about Ori having some kind of power but it only appears in two scenes and then everyone forgets about it, including me, until I replayed the tavern bit and noticed a glowing hand I'd missed the first time. The game doesn't care if you notice. It's already moved on to the next encounter, another woman with another improbable chest, another fade to black that isn't really black because the scenes just keep going. You click. Things happen. Ori grins.

The intro animation loops once, then just sits there. The witch blinks. Her tits don't move at all, which is weird for a game about a lonely forest witch who wants a cock in her mouth. You click the cauldron, nothing. Click the broom, nothing. Click her, she moans and the scene shifts to a blowjob loop that's maybe six frames. Six. I counted. The brunette's hair clips through her shoulder every third cycle and I cannot unsee it.

The whole thing runs in browser, so no download, which is nice because I was on my phone hiding from family during some holiday thing. Christmas? New Year? Doesn't matter. The forest background is actually pretty, all dark greens and floating magic particles, but the witch herself looks like she was traced from a 2012 Newgrounds flash. Her mouth opens way too wide, like a snake unhinging, and the guy's dick is just a flesh-colored cylinder with no balls. No balls at all. I kept looking for them. Gone. Maybe that's the real magic.

There's a cumshot at the end if you click the right spot, but it's more like a white scribble than a load. I wish the animation had more frames, or at least a second position. You get one blowjob angle and that's it. No riding, no handjob, no forest floor fucking. For a hentai tag, it's pretty tame. I forgot to mention the magic aspect beyond the particles. The witch never casts a spell or anything. She just kneels there. Maybe the spell is making your standards drop.

Honestly, it's fine for five minutes. The loop is hypnotic if you're drunk enough. But I kept waiting for her to do something with her hands and she never does. They just float there like dead fish. Anyway, the cauldron bubble sound is nice.

Tom’s cock is still dripping when the succubus starts laughing. Not the sexy kind, the wheezing snort laugh that makes her wings flutter wrong. The whole summoning went sideways from the jump. He drew the circle with a leaky sharpie from the junk drawer and his offering was a half eaten bag of gummy worms. Now she’s floating three inches off his stained carpet, reading his browser history out loud. Tom, you asked for a demon of carnal knowledge and she’s roasting your searches for “elf maid gets stuck.” The dialogue in this thing is completely unhinged. Every choice leads somewhere so aggressively stupid you have to click it.

That one scene though. Pausing mid roast, she pins him. Her tail, forked and weirdly warm, coils up his thigh. She’s not a shimmering fantasy girl, she’s got that unpolished 3d cg look, textures a bit flat, like a character who glitched out of a mid budget game from 2015. And somehow that’s hotter. She sinks down and the sound effect is just a wet pop, too loud. The whole couch sort of phases through her ass. Her tits have this low poly stiffness but the way her hips snap, no smoothing, it’s raw. Feels like finding a scrambled channel late at night, the good parts flickering through static. The humor keeps it from being pure stroke material, which is a mindfuck in itself. One minute you’re, you know, and the next she’s mispronouncing “pizza” and the moment is dead. Or revived.

Where’s the damn back button? Got stuck in a loop of her calling his soul a “limited time offer” and cackling. Had to refresh the whole browser tab. The map in the corner, some kind of ethereal apartment layout, seems to not connect to anything real. Like its just there. The magic system is just clicking glowing bits of the circle before they fade, and miss one and she just leaves, a little popup of her flipping the bird. Tom’s dialogue choices are all panicked stuttering or bizarre confidence, no normal person would say any of this to a hellspawn. Dare to play it alone, or invite company? The glitches will either kill the vibe or become the whole joke.

Poke-Con. That’s what they call the big event in Con-Quest, and honestly it’s a name that sounds like a bootleg t-shirt you’d find in a dark corner of a convention hall. The whole game has that energy. Deliberately rough around the edges, like a cosplayer who spent way too long on the cleavage window and forgot to hem the skirt. You play as some guy who just shows up, and the central loop is running quests for girls dressed as Pokemon. The Bulbasaur cosplayer is new in this version, and her story quest has you doing something with vines. I won’t spoil it, but the animation that unlocks later isn’t exactly subtle about where the vines end up.

Combat is where things get weirdly fascinating. It’s a turn based RPG with spells like Lightning Storm and Mothswarm. I spent an embarrassing amount of time abusing Lightning Storm because the stun chance was busted, and I see the patch notes now say they lowered it. Good. I was almost untouchable. But then I got a saved girl as a summon in a fight after finishing her hidden quest. You finish a hidden quest, which by the way are hidden so well I found one by accident while trying to clip through a wall, and suddenly during a random battle a topless character portrait flashes on screen and she casts a spell. It’s jarring in the best way. The shop room used to lag like hell, and I’d just sit there waiting for the gashapon machine to spit out another sticker while some random cutscene triggered. The RNG on that machine is a cruel mistress now, they say it properly reflects rarity, which just means I’m getting even more common stickers. I never did get the animated reward images. I know they’re in there. The patch notes taunt me.

The writing has this strange, almost broken charm. Dialogue skips if you click too fast, they fixed that apparently, but I kind of liked the jumbled text. It felt like the game was as flustered as I was. The whole thing is a parody of something we all know, but it’s too busy shoving its hand down its own pants to care about being clever. And yet, I keep going back to see if the Pikachu cosplayer’s second hidden quest will finally trigger. I think my save file is corrupted. It probably isn’t. This game just makes you doubt everything.

Oh fuck, the pixel art on this thing. It's like someone fed a 90s anime convention through a meat grinder and then sprinkled glitter on the remains. Emily's art, you know, from puddingpack, it's got that sticky, unwashed charm. You're this dude at a con, right, and the whole premise is basically "what if every cosplayer was aggressively, violently horny." It's not subtle. The humor is the kind where a girl in a slime girl costume literally melts into a puddle of goo and you have to, uh, interact with the puddle. I spent ten minutes just clicking on a poster of a sexy witch because the dialogue kept looping and getting more unhinged. The magic tag is there, I guess, because a wizard did it. Or maybe it's the power of boners.

The adventure part is walking left and right on a flat plane, clicking on things until they give up their lewd secrets. It's an RPG in the same way that a hot dog is a sandwich. You get some choices, but they mostly lead to the same sticky end. There's this one scene with a Princess Peach parody who's just... aggressively negotiating a "trade agreement" and the writing suddenly gets weirdly specific about medieval economics. I don't know why. I wish there was a button to just make everyone's clothes fall off instantly, but that's not the game, you have to work for it, sort of. The patreon integration is right there, begging for funbucks, and you can feel the developers winking at you through the screen, asking what depraved shit you want in the next episode. It's a collaborative effort, which explains why it feels like a dozen different fetishes in a trench coat.

Replayability? For the main story, nah. You've seen one slime puddle, you've seen 'em all. But the real game is in the comments section, throwing out your dumbest ideas and seeing if they stick. It's a meme factory that occasionally shows you a tit. The cosplay tag is doing all the heavy lifting, it's just an excuse for recognizable characters to do unrecognizable things. I completely forgot what I was doing halfway through because a tentacle monster started speaking in uwu speak and I had to put my phone down. The whole thing runs in a browser, so no messing with files, just pure, unfiltered degeneracy in a tab you can quickly close. The parody element is strong, but it's like a parody of a parody, a shitpost that gained sentience and decided its purpose was to show you Chun-Li's butthole.

The cauldron bubbles with this weird green sludge and the sorceress just stares at me like I'm the one who fucked up. MrPinku games always have that janky charm, you know? Like someone's first Flash project but they really, really wanted to see some goth tits. The whole thing is mixing three potions in sequence and hoping her clothes fall off instead of turning her into a frog or whatever. First try I got some smoke and she coughed. Second try her robe changed color. Third try, oh shit, a red question mark pops up and suddenly she's in this tight little uniform thing. That's the good stuff.

The customization is deeper than it looks. Different combos unlock costumes, then you gotta match costumes with these background pets, then match both with the right backdrop. Three exclamation marks during a special event means you hit the jackpot. Full scene unlock. The gothic aesthetic is all purple and black, very mid-2000s deviantArt vibes. She's got that resting bitch face even when the sexy rewards trigger, which honestly makes it funnier. The humor lands accidentally half the time. Like when you mix something wrong and her expression doesn't change at all but her outfit completely glitches out. I spent way too long trying to figure out the medal system they added in some 2013 update. Still don't get it.

The potion mixing mechanic is basically trial and error with no hints. You just click three bottles, click the cauldron, and see what happens. Sometimes it's a costume change. Sometimes it's nothing. Sometimes the pet character does something weird in the background. The exclamation mark system is the only clue you're on the right track. When you finally chain together the perfect recipe, costume plus pet plus background, the payoff is actually decent. The animations are simple but the art style has personality. Not polished at all. Deliberately unpolished, like the description says. But that's the whole vibe. It's a messy little potion fuckery simulator with a goth sorceress who judges you silently no matter what you do.

You ever play something where the collision is so jank it wraps back around to being part of the charm? This is that. It's a platformer, right, you got your arrows, Z to jump, X to shoot a little star. Standard stuff. Except the demons don't so much die as they just... pop. And sometimes your star clips right through a slime thing and you have to jump over it anyway, which I'm pretty sure isn't intended but honestly who cares.

The whole deal is you blast through these stages, dodging spike traps that feel placed by a drunk uncle, to get to a boss. Beat the boss and you get the strip. That's the loop. And the stripping is where it gets genuinely, unironically good. The first boss is this witch with massive, soft-looking tits and the moment her robe dissolves into sparkles, the sprite work suddenly gets way more detailed. Like the artist spent 90% of the budget on the nipples. They're the exact shade of pink that makes you lean forward in your chair. After you beat her, there's this "sex for cash" mechanic where you can replay her striptease, and the animation is a simple, looping bounce. Just... up and down. Hypnotic. I replayed that one stage four times not for the challenge, but because the way her pixel hair sways just above her areola is actual art.

The magic tag is just the star projectile, I guess. Don't expect deep lore. The shooter arcade part is loose, it's more like you're frantically mashing X while trying to not slide off a ledge because the jump physics have this weird floaty momentum. You ever play those old flash games on Newgrounds where the character felt like they were on the moon? Exactly like that. The dialog is nonsense, some anime trope about a demon king, I skipped it all with S immediately. The real game is the rhythm of dying to a badly placed bat, then getting that perfect run where you dodge everything and get your reward. That one boss, the second one I think, has this whole sequence where her armor cracks and falls away piece by piece. The sound effect is just a generic "shing" but in my head I added the glass breaking noise. Worked better.

Today's joke can remind you once again - playing with magic is not gont fetch you anything good in result. Especially if this magic is Voodoo! But in case in case you still don't believe us then check this animted story called"The Voodoo Penis". So this story commences at Jamal's House of weird shot. And a single fellow dare not only to inject this supermarket but even wants to buy something. And Jamal pretty quick finds something for him - a large old box with... voodoo manhood inside! Just say few magic words and make it work... So the customer buys it after all and fate brings him a surprise fairly sooon - on his way home he is stopped by some grumpy policeman. What will happen next? Oh, you might want to see it yourself. For more both hilarious and sexy animation only visit our website.

The princess has tits that would make a succubus jealous. I spent way too long on the first screen just... looking. Not even clicking. The puzzle was right there, some obvious glowing thing I was supposed to interact with, but the artist really went off on her chest and I forgot what I was doing. That happens a lot in this game.

It's all five parts mashed together now, which I didn't play the originals so I can't compare. The point and click stuff is basic. Find the thing, use the thing, watch the scene. Sometimes the logic is that weird adventure game logic where you're rubbing a candle on a statue for no reason. I got stuck in the fairy forest section for like twenty minutes because I missed a tiny sparkle behind a bush. My fault probably. The succubus encounter though. Jesus. The dialogue is surprisingly funny, lots of fourth wall breaking and the princess character has this deadpan thing going on while everything around her gets increasingly ridiculous. There's a bit where she's negotiating with a magic mirror and the mirror is just done with her shit. I laughed. Then there was a sex scene and I stopped laughing.

The new ending they added wraps things up in a harem way that feels earned I guess. Everyone's there. It's messy and over the top and the writing doesn't take itself seriously at all. I wish there was more actual animation during the scenes instead of mostly still images with some jiggle physics slapped on. But the art style is consistent across all the parts which is nice. Some of these compilation games get weird when you can tell different artists worked on different sections. Not here.

The quest structure is whatever. Fetch this, talk to that creature, get distracted by a pair of breasts the size of your head. You know what you're getting into. I will say the humor saves it from being just another click through boobs simulator. There's actual personality here. The princess is kind of a bitch and I respect that.