The whole thing runs on flash. That should tell you something right there. Dress My Babe 5, a name so bland it circles back to being almost charming, like finding a dusty VHS with a handwritten label. You get this doll, this blank canvas of a woman, and you just... dress her. Or undress her. That’s the slow burn. You start with the outfits, clicking through these bizarre, cheap looking skirts and tops that feel like a parody of fashion itself. There’s a real thrill in the customization, making her look like someone who fell out of a low budget music video from 2005. You pick a hair color, some garish green, and then you’re hunting. Tab key, people. The description screams about the tab key. I spent five minutes just tapping it, finding hidden hotspots on a grimy looking beach background to unlock a pair of glittery heels. It’s stupid, but my god, it’s ensured I kept clicking.

And then you get to the point. The whole ‘fuck her’ part. It’s not a reward, it’s just... another menu. After you’ve poked around enough, the dress up peel off leads to a stiff, mechanical sex scene. The art is aggressively unpolished, the animation loops are like a broken animatronic, and yet? There’s a specific, trashy magic to it. It feels illicit in a way a polished modern game doesn’t. You’re not supposed to be here. You’re playing a flash game in a browser, and it knows it.

The extras menu gives you clues, but honestly, just look up the walkthrough. The link’s right there, shorter than a sneeze. I wish there was more to the hidden object nonsense. Sometimes you find a bonus item and it’s just... a slightly different bra. The pacing is all wrong, you spend ten minutes trying to find a hidden object on a static image only to get something that doesn’t change the core loop at all. The actual sex scene feels like an afterthought, like the creator got bored after coding the dress up part. The sounds. I forgot to mention the sounds. They exist. They’re awful. I can’t stop thinking about how the hair options clip through every single jacket. It’s a disaster. A beautiful, simple disaster of a dress up game that forgets it’s supposed to be more than just playing with a digital Barbie before the batteries run out.

F-series really said let's take Bulma, stuff her into a bunny suit, and call it a day. I respect that. No bullshit lore dumps, no fake RPG mechanics, just DBZ parody tits and a dildo that appears when you click the right buttons. The green hair is a choice. It's not the right shade, not even close to Toriyama's minty aqua, more like someone left a highlighter in the wash. But whatever, I'm not here to critique color grading when there's a spread shot waiting behind the third arrow.

The clicking. God, the clicking. Left side buttons do one thing, right side do another, and the blue arrows cycle through poses like a flipbook made by a very horny intern. There's this one frame where she's got the playboy bunny ears tilted just so and the orga face hits, pupils rolled back, tongue out, the whole hentai starter pack. It's the cumshot scene obviously. You know the one. Where the posi is just chef's kiss. I spent way too long on that single frame. Like, genuinely forgot the other arrows existed. The dildo toggle is right there on the left panel and I kept clicking it on and off just to watch the animation stutter. It's not smooth. It's janky as hell. But that jank has charm, like a bootleg figure where the paint's a little off but you love it more for that.

I wish there was a Bulma with her classic capsule corp jacket. Just saying. The bunny suit is hot but it's also... expected? Low hanging fruit. Give me scientist Bulma getting railed over a workbench. But that'll never happen because this is F-series and they know their lane. The whole thing runs in browser so no install headaches, just straight to the degenerate clicking. My mouse hand cramped up. Not from that, get your mind out of the gutter. Well, maybe a little from that.

Hitting the wrong button on purpose just to see what happens, that's the real game here. It's one of those browser memory things where you flip cards or click sequences, but the Overwatch parody skin is stretched so thin it's practically see through. The tracer character's face looks like someone described her from a fever dream and the artist just went with it. Not complaining though, because the whole point is failing forward into the lewd stuff. The oral scenes have this weird tracing quality, like they rotoscoped a much better animation and then dropped the frame rate. It's janky but in a way that loops nicely when you're not really paying attention to the "game" part.

The fucking machine shows up for Widowmaker and honestly it's the most detailed thing in the entire package. Someone on the dev team had priorities. The anal sequence is stiff, no pun intended, but the machine's piston movement has this hypnotic rhythm that the rest of the animations lack. Mercy's scene is... there. She exists. The memory game mechanic gets in the way more than it adds anything, just clicking randomly works better than actually trying to match the cards. Which is probably the point but still feels like a missed opportunity to make the gameplay loop satisfying.

Weirdly enough, the hentai style clashes with the parody elements. Like seeing these characters in a completely different art language breaks something in the brain. Not in a bad way, more like bootleg figure territory where the imperfections become the appeal. The whole thing runs in browser, no fuss, and the fucking machine sequence alone is worth the bandwidth. Just don't expect the tracer bits to make anatomical sense. They don't. But the jank has its own charm, the kind where you keep clicking not because it's good but because it's... specific. You know? That specific flavor of internet smut that feels like it was made by one person with a very clear vision and zero budget. The memory game part I already forgot about while writing this sentence.

The whole thing runs in browser, right, so I'm clicking through and suddenly Bayonetta's got these tits that would make a hentai artist blush. The customization sliders are actually decent, not gonna lie. You can tweak her proportions until she looks like she'd tip over, or keep it somewhat reasonable. I spent way too long adjusting the hair length, which is stupid because you're not here for hairstyles.

The parody angle is loose at best. She's got the glasses sometimes, the beehive hairdo, but mostly she's just a sexy witch who fucks. And that's fine. That's what the Porn Bastards series does, they grab a recognizable character design and then it's straight to the action. You can read the story bits if you want, some setup about summoning demons or whatever, but there's a skip button that I abused like a broken vending machine. Just click next, next, next until the clothes come off.

The rough sex tag isn't kidding around. There's this one scene where she's bent over and the animation loops in a way that's almost hypnotic. Almost. Then the sound cuts out for two seconds and comes back and I'm sitting there wondering if my browser crashed. It didn't. The game just does that sometimes. Nobody talks about how janky these things can be, like the cumshot effect that looks more like someone spilled yogurt on the screen. But you know what, I kept clicking. The MILF energy is there, she's got that older woman confidence, the way she looks at the camera like she's already bored of you. That's the good stuff.

I forgot to mention the outfit options. There's the classic bodysuit, some lingerie variants. The customization menu is deeper than it has any right to be for a browser game you'll finish in, well, you know how long. The replayability question is weird because technically you can go back and try different looks, different positions, but are you really replaying it or just edging? The visual design is functional horny, nothing groundbreaking, but the way her thighs squish against the animation rigging is doing something to my brain chemistry.

that camera zoom thing when clothes rip. who thought of that. it's like someone finally understood what we're actually here for. Con-Quest, right, this pokemon parody where everyone's in cosplay and the battle system is turn based but honestly who cares about strategy when the umbreon cosplayer exists. ultra rare my ass, i've been grinding that new beach area for three hours and nothing. the drop rates are criminal.

the writing is surprisingly funny though. like actually funny, not just "haha sex" funny. some of those random shop cutscenes had me wheezing. there's this one where... actually nevermind, spoilers. but the dialogue choices matter more than they should for a porn game. i picked the wrong response once and missed a whole scene. had to reload. which brings me to my complaint, why can't you run from boss fights anymore? i get it, stakes or whatever, but sometimes you just want to see the loss scene without committing to a full battle. the cuebone cosplayer boss wrecked me three times before i figured out the lightning spell scaling with max MP. which is another thing, the spell system is weirdly complex for what this is. fire damage scales with MP but also gets nerfed if you're shocked? grass spells do more damage under healing scissors debuff but less when on fire. i don't know who balanced this but they were definitely thinking with something other than their brain.

speaking of brains, the topless portraits. look, i'm not a patreon subscriber, i'm broke, but i typed "friendzonedagain" into the code input just to see what happens and it reverts everything back to clothed. cruel joke. absolutely cruel. the eevee animation having two parts now is nice though, the second part caught me off guard. and that new rival theme remix slaps harder than it has any right to. i've left the game open just to listen to it while doing other stuff. the stickers by grossgirl are a nice touch too, little details that make the whole thing feel less like a cheap parody and more like someone actually cared about making this weird horny pokemon adventure.

anyway the witch is still out there i guess. i'll get to her eventually. right after i find that damn umbreon cosplayer.

Captain Kurt getting a high pressure enema while a gay Spock watches from the corner, that's the level we're operating at here. This Star Trek parody flash thing, I don't even know what to call it, a fever dream maybe. The art is deliberately shit, like someone drew it with their non-dominant hand while drunk, and honestly that makes the whole thing funnier. Six of Nine, our blonde protagonist with the obvious name, walks around this ship and every single encounter is some new form of unhinged depravity.

The Kingon blowjob scene caught me off guard because the alien's dick is just... a weirdly textured tube. And then there's the "space pussy box" which I won't even try to explain. The Whora character, a black woman who's clearly a play on Troi, has this lesbian scene with Six of Nine that's actually the most competently animated part of the whole mess. Which isn't saying much. The homo deck with Spook, yes they named him Spook, involves a rear rammer machine and the sound effects are just someone making "whirr" noises into a microphone I swear to god.

The dialogue choices are meaningless, every path leads to something absurd, and the whole thing feels like it was coded in a weekend by someone who really hates Rick Berman specifically. There's a doctor scene that's surprisingly vanilla compared to everything else, just regular sex, which almost feels out of place next to the enema fetish content. The game is aggressively not for homophobes, it wears that on its sleeve, and honestly the Spook stuff is so over the top it circles back to being hilarious. I wish the Kingon had more scenes, the one you get is too short and then it's back to whatever the hell else is happening. The whole thing crashes sometimes if you click too fast, but that feels intentional somehow, like the game itself is embarrassed.

Martha Screwfart is what happens when someone watches a cooking show and thinks, what if the host was a total slut and her assistant was Charlie, and neither of them could boil water without setting the kitchen on fire. The whole thing is a parody, obviously, but it leans so hard into the dumb humor that you almost forget you're here for the sex. Almost. The kitchen set looks like a budget TV studio, all bright lights and fake counters, and Martha's blonde hair is bigger than her actual cooking skills. Charlie just stands there with that look, like she's already planning to fuck the mixing bowl.

The choices are where it gets weirdly fun. You pick what they do next, and half the time it's something like "use the whisk" or "bend over the counter" and the game just rolls with it. There's a moment where Martha tries to explain a recipe and Charlie interrupts by grabbing her tits, and the dialogue is so stupid it circles back to being hot. The lesbian stuff is front and center, no dudes, just these two going at it while a pot of something burns in the background. I kept waiting for a health inspector to walk in, but no, it's just nonstop milf energy and bad puns about cocking instead of cooking.

The humor is the real draw, honestly. It's not trying to be high art, it's a dumb TV show parody with explicit scenes stitched in. Some of the choices feel pointless, like they all lead to the same grinding animation, but the writing carries it. I did get annoyed that the kitchen timer never stops beeping in one scene, just a tiny thing that stuck with me. If you like your porn with a side of complete nonsense, this is it. If you want a serious visual novel, go watch actual cooking shows and cry.

Poke-Con. That’s what they call the big event in Con-Quest, and honestly it’s a name that sounds like a bootleg t-shirt you’d find in a dark corner of a convention hall. The whole game has that energy. Deliberately rough around the edges, like a cosplayer who spent way too long on the cleavage window and forgot to hem the skirt. You play as some guy who just shows up, and the central loop is running quests for girls dressed as Pokemon. The Bulbasaur cosplayer is new in this version, and her story quest has you doing something with vines. I won’t spoil it, but the animation that unlocks later isn’t exactly subtle about where the vines end up.

Combat is where things get weirdly fascinating. It’s a turn based RPG with spells like Lightning Storm and Mothswarm. I spent an embarrassing amount of time abusing Lightning Storm because the stun chance was busted, and I see the patch notes now say they lowered it. Good. I was almost untouchable. But then I got a saved girl as a summon in a fight after finishing her hidden quest. You finish a hidden quest, which by the way are hidden so well I found one by accident while trying to clip through a wall, and suddenly during a random battle a topless character portrait flashes on screen and she casts a spell. It’s jarring in the best way. The shop room used to lag like hell, and I’d just sit there waiting for the gashapon machine to spit out another sticker while some random cutscene triggered. The RNG on that machine is a cruel mistress now, they say it properly reflects rarity, which just means I’m getting even more common stickers. I never did get the animated reward images. I know they’re in there. The patch notes taunt me.

The writing has this strange, almost broken charm. Dialogue skips if you click too fast, they fixed that apparently, but I kind of liked the jumbled text. It felt like the game was as flustered as I was. The whole thing is a parody of something we all know, but it’s too busy shoving its hand down its own pants to care about being clever. And yet, I keep going back to see if the Pikachu cosplayer’s second hidden quest will finally trigger. I think my save file is corrupted. It probably isn’t. This game just makes you doubt everything.

God, I remember playing the first one of these back when I actually had a sleep schedule. The world's totally fucked now, like literally Armageddon happened, and Slutty McSlut is still out here with her tits out trying to build a spaceship. Priorities. The redhead is back obviously, and there's some furry character now because why not. It's a parody of everything, including itself at this point.

The quiz mechanics are still there but they feel even more unhinged now. One question asked me about the correct way to seduce a sex kitten during the apocalypse and I just sat there staring at my screen. You pick answers, you get picturs. Simple. Some of the big tits shots are genuinely hot in that deliberately jank hentai way, like someone drew them with their left hand while doing something else with their right. I screenshotted one where she's bent over a console panel and her expression is just... completely checked out. Like "yes, the world ended, whatever, my ass is out." That's the whole vibe. I'm not even mad about it.

The spaceship building stuff is just clicking through dialogue mostly. There's this one furry character who shows up halfway through and I still don't understand if they're supposed to be a crew member or a sex thing or both. The game doesn't explain. It doesn't explain anything really. You just keep clicking and Slutty McSlut keeps slutting and occasionally there's a quiz about something completely unrelated to space travel. I failed three in a row and got the same pictur each time which felt passive aggressive. The humor lands maybe forty percent of the time but when it does it's that specific kind of stupid that gets me. You know the kind where you laugh and immediately question your life choices.

I wish the quest structure had more actual branching instead of just funneling you back to the same outcomes. But then again the whole point is it's a mess. The Armageddon setting is just window dressing for more of what the first game did. No real resolution. No grand finale. Just more questions and more tits and that one furry character who I still think about sometimes. Not in a horny way. More in a "what were they thinking" way.