Cartoon Hearts: School of Desire feels like someone mashed together horny fanfic, a Ren’Py template and a bunch of cartoon crushes from puberty, then just said “yeah whatever, ship it.” You’re this “ordinary” student in a city where nobody cares that half the girls look like they walked out of Saturday morning shows. Nobody comments on it, they just sit in homeroom with you, arguing about homework and then five clicks later they’re asking if you prefer tits or ass. That kind of tone. It shouldn’t work, but somehow your brain just accepts it, like when you binge hentai in a different tab while pretending to answer Slack messages.

What hooked me fast is how they play the school routine. It’s not just click-next porn. You do the usual VN stuff, sure, but they sneak little choices that actually matter for scenes. Like, you’re in art class with the shy girl who always hides behind her sketchbook, and if you pick the “tease her gently” option way early, hours later she’ll remember that and suddenly her “private sketch collection” looks a lot less PG and a lot more “I drew myself getting railed by a faceless guy, totally not you, haha.” I ended up save-scumming like crazy to see all versions. There’s this one locker room scene with the star athlete, where you can play it nice, cocky or just straight perv, and the dialogue flips hard depending on how you treated her the whole route. If you’ve been respectful all the way, she still ends up grinding on your lap in the showers, but it feels like she hates herself a little less for it. If you were an asshole from the start, she kinda leans into it and the dirty talk goes straight degeneracy. Both routes are hot, I still can’t decide which I like more, but I also kinda wish they let you push it even further and they just dont.

Fanservice hits in a really dumb, satisfying way. One moment you’re sitting next to this girl who is clearly a reskinned Violet-type, hair over her face, quiet, all insecure about being “weird.” She invites you to her place “to study,” lights low, superhero posters on the wall that are absolutely not subtle, and if you’ve built enough trust she starts talking about “wanting to disappear during sex” and boom, suddenly you’re fucking her while she tries not to make a sound, blushing like she’ll explode. Then in another route you’re in the library with the more goth, Raven-ish one, and she’s pretending she doesn’t care while literally using her powers to lock the doors so nobody interrupts while she sits on your face between bookcases. Game pretends it’s about “feelings and dreams,” but most of the writing energy clearly went into filthy lines during those sessions. Half the time I was skipping to unlock the CGs, then going back to read because some of the pillow talk is surprisingly sharp, then immediately regretting it when the MC says something cringe like “my passion for you burns like a thousand suns.” Who talks like that.

Little thing that annoyed me: the text box is slightly too transparent. You can see the boobs behind it, but not quite enough, so you keep toggling the UI off with your finger in this stupid rhythm and it breaks the flow. I kept thinking they’ll add a slider for that in options, but no, it just stays like that. Also, the pacing is all over the place. One route takes you from first crush to full anal in what feels like three afternoons at school, while another makes you grind affection points forever before you get a single kiss. But then when it finally pops, it’s a long multi-part scene, with little intermissions where you decide if you want to push further or slow down, and if you’re a completion freak like me you’ll be reloading to catch that one variation where she pulls your head down and whispers this filthy line that only appears if you were nice to her during one tiny hallway talk. It’s messy, horny, and half the time I felt like I was playing a porn version of trying to get 100% in a JRPG, just chasing every last expression in the gallery while pretending my mouse hand isn’t tired.

You know what I miss? That old Newgrounds era where some guy with too much time and a cracked copy of Poser would just throw together a crossover parody and not give a single fuck about polish. This thing, whatever it's called, it's got that energy. Like finding a dusty CD-R behind a monitor in 2006. The whole premise is you just wander a city map, a really basic 2d top-down thing, and you bump into heroines from The Incredibles and Teen Titans. And then you fuck them. That's it. No complex battle system, no grinding for affection points. Just pure, transactional pixel hunting.

The 3DCG models are... well, they're something. Helen Parr's proportions are so aggressively exaggerated she looks like she'd tip over in a stiff breeze. Her waist is a biological impossibility and her chest, look, I've seen a lot of digital tits in my life but these defy physics in a way that's almost art. Violet looks weirdly off-model, like the creator only had a vague description of her. And Raven, oh man, they did Raven dirty. She's just this pale goth blob with a leotard painted on. The oral scenes are particularly janky, the mouth animations don't align with anything, it's just a model clipping into another model's face while a looping slurping sound plays. I couldn't stop laughing during a supposedly "hardcore" *** scene because the male character's pelvis was thrusting into her knee. The voyeurism tag is generous, it's more like the camera gets stuck in a wall sometimes and you see the act from a weird angle.

But here's the thing, there's this one moment where you find Violet as a slave in some grimy room and the text box just says "You use her throat." No buildup, no seduction. The sheer crassness of it, combined with the dead-eyed stare of the model, it looped right back around to being genuinely hot in a very specific, broken way. Or maybe I'm just broken. The prostitution mechanics are as deep as a puddle, you just click and money changes hands. I wish there was more actual Teen Titans stuff, it's mostly just Raven standing there. A Starfire scene would've been chaos. Anyway, my boss is walking by so I gotta minimize this. Don't play this. Or do. I'm not your dad.

So I'm clicking through this Violet Parr thing, right, and the whole setup is basically just her in a room with a box of stuff that makes no sense. Like, who ordered the giant candy cane? Doesn't matter. The animation is that specific kind of 3DCG where the skin shines like a glazed donut and the physics are set to maximum jiggle. Her ass is genuinely ridiculous, takes up half the screen sometimes.

The corruption angle is weird because she starts off looking confused but then like two clicks later she's going at it with this massive toy and the face they gave her is just... vacant. Not in a hot way, more like she's buffering. There's this one moment with nipple penetration that I had to rewind because I couldn't believe the model actually stretched like that. The fisting scene comes out of nowhere too, no buildup, just suddenly her whole hand is gone and the sound effect is this wet squelch that loops badly. I laughed, not gonna lie. The lesbian tag is there but it's just her and the toys, so unless you count her own reflection in the puddle on the floor, it's a solo mission.

Wish there was more of Helen. She's mentioned in the tags but barely shows up, just a picture in the background maybe? The whole thing is a kinetic novel so you're just watching, no choices, which is fine I guess but I kept tapping the screen hoping for a different angle or something. The anal stuff is there, the big toys, all of it just happens at you. It's like someone animated their very specific search history and forgot to add a plot. The loop on the final scene glitched for me and she just kept going, which honestly felt like the intended experience.

Infinity Crisis Island feels like somebody took a horny fanart folder, a Ren’Py project, and a beach wallpaper they found on Google, shook it all together and said “yeah, that’s enough.” You’re this random owner of a beach house stuck on a tropical island where the multiverse apparently went on vacation. DC girls, Marvel girls, some Disney flavor leaking in, this weird sense that you accidentally opened the rule34 tab instead of Chrome’s normal one. And in the middle of that, She-Hulk, green, stacked, and already acting like your place is her private nude resort. The game starts almost too soft: name your character, pick some responses, pretend you’re doing “choices that matter.” Half the time you’re just trying not to pick the option that sounds like a horny Reddit comment. The other half you’re deliberately picking that exact option because, yeah, you want her to sit on your face and not on the couch.

What I liked first is how casual she is with you. She’s not written like some unreachable goddess, more like that gym girl with a huge ass and big tits who jokes about snapping your spine if you say the wrong thing. You flirt, she smirks, you mess up, she still kind of wants your cock anyway. It’s very “you’re not special, but you’re the only dick on the island right now, so fine.” When the game lets you ramp things up, it goes straight into the good stuff: blowjob scenes where she looks like she could bite it off but instead buries her nose in your pubes, titfucks that feel like getting crushed between two green airbags, handjobs that look more like she’s testing how durable you are. There’s a gangbang vibe teased with the whole multiverse island idea, and you can feel they’re building toward a future where you’ve got Harley Quinn cackling on your lap while Poison Ivy rides your face and Catwoman is in the background pretending she’s above it all, but you also know she’s not. The lesbian stuff hits that “they were always one step from fucking anyway” energy, like Harley and Ivy kissing until one of them gets bored and pulls a dick into the scene, green pussy grinding on anything that moves.

I like that it pretends to be a visual novel with choices, but half the time it’s basically “flirty, flirty but dumber, or ‘I wanna cum inside you’” and whichever you pick, your reward is still creampie. You’ll get anal, pussy, cum on tits, cum on face, cum inside, the usual porn hub playlist, only now it’s on a tropical island and sometimes you remember there’s also Mystique somewhere out there probably planning something weird with shapechanging. One moment you’re watching She-Hulk sucking you off by the pool, her lips sloppy, spit running down your shaft, and next moment your brain goes “wait, where the hell is Goliath in all this, was he mentioned or did I just imagine that tag?” The game doesn’t care. It just wants your dick back in the green mouth. There’s one kiss scene that’s way too sweet for how filthy everything else is, and it annoyed me more than the small UI bug where a line of text overlaps the choice box on mobile. And now that I think about it, I was kind of expecting Catwoman to show up earlier, but then I got distracted when She-Hulk sat on my face and the screen just filled with green ass and I forgot what I was complaining about in the first place.